屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第19章

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　　　　withthesewordshewentaway；andhisbrother；leftalone；begantocrybitterly。hisfather；whoheardhim；immediatelyrantohim；andtriedtoconsolehimbypromisingtogivehimwhateverhedesired。

　　　　〃canyougivemesight？〃askedthechild。

　　　　〃fatedoesnotpermitit；〃saidthemagician。

　　　　〃then；〃criedtheblindboy；eagerly；〃iaskyoutoputoutthesun！〃

　　　　whoknowswhethermypridehasnotprovokedthesamewishonthepartofsomeoneofmybrotherswhodoesnotsee？

　　　　buthowmuchoftenerhaveierredthroughlevityandwantofthought！

　　　　howmanyresolutionshaveitakenatrandom！howmanyjudgmentshaveipronouncedforthesakeofawitticism！howmanymischiefshaveinotdonewithoutanysenseofmyresponsibility！thegreaterpartofmenharmoneanotherforthesakeofdoingsomething。welaughatthehonorofone；andpromisethereputationofanother；likeanidlemanwhosauntersalongahedgerow；breakingtheyoungbranchesanddestroyingthemostbeautifulflowers。

　　　　and；nevertheless；itisbythisverythoughtlessnessthatthefameofsomemeniscreated。itrisesgradually；likeoneofthosemysteriousmoundsinbarbarouscountries；towhichastoneisaddedbyeverypasserby；eachonebringssomethingatrandom；andaddsitashepasses；withoutbeingablehimselftoseewhetherheisraisingapedestaloragibbet。whowilldarelookbehindhim；toseehisrashjudgmentshelduptheretoview？

　　　　sometimeagoiwaswalkingalongtheedgeofthegreenmoundonwhichthemontmartretelegraphstands。belowme；alongoneofthezigzagpathswhichwindupthehill；amanandagirlwereingup；andarrestedmyattention。themanworeashaggycoat；whichgavehimsomeresemblancetoawildbeast；andheheldathickstickinhishand；withwhichhedescribedvariousstrangefiguresintheair。hespokeveryloud；andinavoicewhichseemedtomeconvulsedwithpassion。heraisedhiseyeseverynowandthenwithanexpressionofsavageharshness；anditappearedtomethathewasreproachingandthreateningthegirl；andthatshewaslisteningtohimwithasubmissivenesswhichtouchedmyheart。

　　　　twoorthreetimessheventuredafewwords；doubtlessintheattempttojustifyherself；butthemaninthegreatcoatbeganagainimmediatelywithhisloudandangryvoice；hissavagelooks；andhisthreateningevolutionsintheair。ifollowedhimwithmyeyes；vainlyendeavoringtocatchawordashepassed；untilhedisappearedbehindthehill。

　　　　ihadevidentlyjustseenoneofthosedomestictyrantswhosesullentempersareexcitedbythepatienceoftheirvictims；andwho；thoughtheyhavethepowertobeethebeneficentgodsofafamily；chooserathertobetheirtormentors。

　　　　icursedtheunknownsavageinmyheart；andifeltindignantthatthesecrimesagainstthesacredpeaceofhomecouldnotbepunishedastheydeserve；wheniheardhisvoiceapproachingnearer。hehadturnedthepath；andsoonappearedbeforemeatthetopoftheslope。

　　　　thefirstglance；andhisfirstwords；explainedeverythingtome：inplaceofwhatihadtakenforthefurioustonesandterriblelooksofanangryman；andtheattitudeofafrightenedvictim；ihadbeforemeonlyanhonestcitizen；whosquintedandstuttered；butwhowasexplainingthemanagementofsilkwormstohisattentivedaughter。

　　　　iturnedhomeward；smilingatmymistake；butbeforeireachedmyfaubourgisawacrowdrunning；iheardcallsforhelp；andeveryfingerpointedinthesamedirectiontoadistantcolumnofflame。

　　　　amanufactoryhadtakenfire；andeverybodywasrushingforwardtoassistinextinguishingit。

　　　　ihesitated。nightwasingon；ifelttired；afavoritebookwasawaitingme；ithoughttherewouldbenowantofhelp；andiwentonmyway。

　　　　justbeforeihaderredfromwantofconsideration；nowitwasfromselfishnessandcowardice。

　　　　butwhat！haveinotonathousandotheroccasionsforgottenthedutieswhichbindustoourfellowmen？isthisthefirsttimeihaveavoidedpayingsocietywhatioweit？haveinotalwaysbehavedtomypanionswithinjustice；andlikethelion？haveinotclaimedsuccessivelyeveryshare？ifanyoneissoill…advisedastoaskmetoreturnsomelittleportion；igetprovoked；iamangry；itrytoescapefromitbyeverymeans。howmanytimes；whenihaveperceivedabeggarsittinghuddledupattheendofthestreet；haveinotgoneoutofmyway；forfearthatpassionwouldimpoverishmebyforcingmetobecharitable！howoftenhaveidoubtedthemisfortunesofothers；thatimightwithjusticehardenmyheartagainstthem。

　　　　withwhatsatisfactionhaveisometimesverifiedthevicesofthepoorman；inordertoshowthathismiseryisthepunishmenthedeserves！

　　　　oh！letusnotgofarther鈥斺�攍etusnotgofarther！iinterruptedthedoctorsexamination；buthowmuchsadderisthisone！wepitythediseasesofthebody；weshudderatthoseofthesoul。

　　　　iwashappilydisturbedinmyreveriebymyneighbor；theoldsoldier。

　　　　nowithinkofit；iseemalwaystohaveseen；duringmyfever；thefigureofthisgoodoldman；sometimesleaningagainstmybed；andsometimessittingathistable；surroundedbyhissheetsofpasteboard。

　　　　hehasjusteinwithhisglue…pot；hisquireofgreenpaper；andhisgreatscissors。icalledhimbyhisname；heutteredajoyfulexclamation；andcamenearme。

　　　　〃well！sothebulletisfoundagain！〃criedhe；takingmytwohandsintothemaimedonewhichwaslefthim；〃ithasnotbeenwithouttrouble；icantellyou；thecampaignhasbeenlongenoughtowintwoclaspsin。

　　　　ihaveseennofewfellowswiththefeverbatterwindmillsduringmyhospitaldays：atleipsic；ihadaneighborwhofanciedachimneywasonfireinhisstomach；andwhowasalwayscallingforthefire…engines；butthethirddayitallwentoutofitself。butwithyouithaslastedtwenty…eightdays鈥斺�攁slongasoneofthelittlecorporalscampaigns。〃

　　　　〃iamnotmistakenthen；youwerenearme？〃

　　　　〃well！ihadonlytocrossthepassage。thislefthandhasnotmadeyouabadnurseforwantoftheright；but；bah！youdidnotknowwhathandgaveyoudrink；anditdidnotpreventthatbeggarofafeverfrombeingdrowned鈥斺�攆oralltheworldlikeponiatowskiintheelster。〃

　　　　theoldsoldierbegantolaugh；andi；feelingtoomuchaffectedtospeak；pressedhishandagainstmybreast。hesawmyemotion；andhastenedtoputanendtoit。

　　　　〃by…the…bye；youknowthatfromto…dayyouhavearighttodrawyourrationsagain；〃resumedhegayly；〃fourmeals；likethegermanmeinherrs鈥斺�攏othingmore！thedoctorisyourhousesteward。〃

　　　　〃wemustfindthecook；too；〃repliedi；withasmile。

　　　　〃sheisfound；〃saidtheveteran。

　　　　〃whoisshe？〃

　　　　〃genevieve。〃

　　　　〃thefruit…woman？〃

　　　　〃whileiamtalkingsheiscookingforyou；neighbor；anddonotfearhersparingeitherbutterortrouble。aslongaslifeanddeathwerefightingforyou；thehonestwomanpassedhertimeingoingupanddownstairstolearnwhichwaythebattlewent。and；stay；iamsurethisisshe。〃

　　　　infactweheardstepsinthepassage；andhewenttoopenthedoor。

　　　　〃oh；well！〃continuedhe；〃itismothermillot；ourportress；anotherofyourgoodfriends；neighbor；andwhosepoulticesiremendtoyou。

　　　　ein；mothermillot鈥斺�攅in；wearequitebonnyboysthismorning；andreadytostepaminuetifwehadourdancing…shoes。〃

　　　　theportresscamein；quitedelighted。shebroughtmylinen；washedandmendedbyherself；withalittlebottleofspanishwine；thegiftofhersailorson；andkeptforgreatoccasions。iwouldhavethankedher；butthegoodwomanimposedsilenceuponme；underthepretextthatthedoctorhadforbiddenmetospeak。isawherarrangeeverythinginmydrawers；theneatappearanceofwhichstruckme；anattentivehandhadevidentlybeenthere；anddaybydayputstraighttheunavoidabledisorderconsequentonsickness。

　　　　asshefinished；genevievearrivedwithmydinner；shewasfollowedbymotherdenis；themilk…womanovertheway；whohadlearned；atthesametime；thedangerihadbeenin；andthatiwasnowbeginningtobeconvalescent。thegoodsavoyardbroughtmeanew…laidegg；whichsheherselfwishedtoseemeeat。

　　　　itwasnecessarytorelateminutelyallmyillnesstoher。ateverydetailsheutteredloudexclamations；then；whentheportresswarnedhertobelessnoisy；sheexcusedherselfinawhisper。theymadeacirclearoundmetoseemeeatmydinner；eachmouthfulitookwasacpaniedbytheirexpressionsofsatisfactionandthankfulness。neverhadthekingoffrance；whenhedinedinpublic；excitedsuchadmirationamongthespectators。

　　　　astheyweretakingthedinneraway；mycolleague；theoldcashier；enteredinhisturn。

　　　　icouldnotpreventmyheartbeatingasirecognizedhim。howwouldtheheadsofthefirmlookuponmyabsence；andwhatdidheetotellme？

　　　　iwaitedwithinexpressibleanxietyforhimtospeak；buthesatdownbyme；tookmyhand；andbeganrejoicingovermyrecovery；withoutsayingawordaboutourmasters。icouldnotendurethisuncertaintyanylonger。

　　　　〃andthemessieursdurmer；〃askedi；hesitatingly；〃howhavetheytaken鈥斺�攖heinterruptiontomywork？〃

　　　　〃therehasbeennointerruption；〃repliedtheoldclerk；quietly。

　　　　〃whatdoyoumean？〃

　　　　〃eachoneintheofficetookashareofyourduty；allhasgoneonasusual；andthemessieursdurmerhaveperceivednodifference。〃

　　　　thiswastoomuch。aftersomanyinstancesofaffection；thisfilledupthemeasure。icouldnotrestrainmytears。

　　　　thusthefewservicesihadbeenabletodoforothershadbeenacknowledgedbythemahundredfold！ihadsownalittleseed；andeverygrainhadfallenongoodground；andbroughtforthawholesheaf。ah！

　　　　thispletesthelessonthedoctorgaveme。ifitistruethatthediseases；whetherofthemindorbody；arethefruitofourfolliesandourvices；sympathyandaffectionarealsotherewardsofourhavingdoneourduty。everyoneofus；withgodshelp；andwithinthenarrowlimitsofhumancapability；himselfmakeshisowndisposition；character；andpermanentcondition。

　　　　everybodyisgone；theoldsoldierhasbroughtmebackmyflowersandmybirds；andtheyaremyonlypanions。thesettingsunreddensmyhalf…closedcurtainswithitslastrays。mybrainisclear；andmyheartlighter。athinmistfloatsbeforemyeyes；andifeelmyselfinthathappystatewhichprecedesarefreshingsleep。

　　　　yonder；oppositethebed；thepalegoddessinherdraperyofathousandchangingcolors；andwithherwitheredgarland；againappearsbeforeme；butthistimeiholdoutmyhandtoherwithagratefulsmile。

　　　　〃adieu；belovedyear！whomibutnowunjustlyaccused。thatwhichihavesufferedmustnotbelaidtothee；forthouwastbutatractthroughwhichgodhadmarkedoutmyroad鈥斺�攁groundwhereihadreapedtheharvestihadsown。iwilllovethee；thouwaysideshelter；forthosehoursofhappinessthouhastseenmeenjoy；iwilllovetheeevenforthesufferingthouhastseenmeendure。neitherhappinessnorsufferingcamefromthee；butthouhastbeenthesceneforthem。descendagainthen；inpeace；intoeternity；andbeblest；thouwhohastleftmeexperienceintheplaceofyouth；sweetmemoriesinsteadofpasttime；andgratitudeaspaymentforgoodoffices。〃

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