屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第19章
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withthesewordshewentaway;andhisbrother;leftalone;begantocrybitterly。hisfather;whoheardhim;immediatelyrantohim;andtriedtoconsolehimbypromisingtogivehimwhateverhedesired。
〃canyougivemesight?〃askedthechild。
〃fatedoesnotpermitit;〃saidthemagician。
〃then;〃criedtheblindboy;eagerly;〃iaskyoutoputoutthesun!〃
whoknowswhethermypridehasnotprovokedthesamewishonthepartofsomeoneofmybrotherswhodoesnotsee?
buthowmuchoftenerhaveierredthroughlevityandwantofthought!
howmanyresolutionshaveitakenatrandom!howmanyjudgmentshaveipronouncedforthesakeofawitticism!howmanymischiefshaveinotdonewithoutanysenseofmyresponsibility!thegreaterpartofmenharmoneanotherforthesakeofdoingsomething。welaughatthehonorofone;andpromisethereputationofanother;likeanidlemanwhosauntersalongahedgerow;breakingtheyoungbranchesanddestroyingthemostbeautifulflowers。
and;nevertheless;itisbythisverythoughtlessnessthatthefameofsomemeniscreated。itrisesgradually;likeoneofthosemysteriousmoundsinbarbarouscountries;towhichastoneisaddedbyeverypasserby;eachonebringssomethingatrandom;andaddsitashepasses;withoutbeingablehimselftoseewhetherheisraisingapedestaloragibbet。whowilldarelookbehindhim;toseehisrashjudgmentshelduptheretoview?
sometimeagoiwaswalkingalongtheedgeofthegreenmoundonwhichthemontmartretelegraphstands。belowme;alongoneofthezigzagpathswhichwindupthehill;amanandagirlwereingup;andarrestedmyattention。themanworeashaggycoat;whichgavehimsomeresemblancetoawildbeast;andheheldathickstickinhishand;withwhichhedescribedvariousstrangefiguresintheair。hespokeveryloud;andinavoicewhichseemedtomeconvulsedwithpassion。heraisedhiseyeseverynowandthenwithanexpressionofsavageharshness;anditappearedtomethathewasreproachingandthreateningthegirl;andthatshewaslisteningtohimwithasubmissivenesswhichtouchedmyheart。
twoorthreetimessheventuredafewwords;doubtlessintheattempttojustifyherself;butthemaninthegreatcoatbeganagainimmediatelywithhisloudandangryvoice;hissavagelooks;andhisthreateningevolutionsintheair。ifollowedhimwithmyeyes;vainlyendeavoringtocatchawordashepassed;untilhedisappearedbehindthehill。
ihadevidentlyjustseenoneofthosedomestictyrantswhosesullentempersareexcitedbythepatienceoftheirvictims;andwho;thoughtheyhavethepowertobeethebeneficentgodsofafamily;chooserathertobetheirtormentors。
icursedtheunknownsavageinmyheart;andifeltindignantthatthesecrimesagainstthesacredpeaceofhomecouldnotbepunishedastheydeserve;wheniheardhisvoiceapproachingnearer。hehadturnedthepath;andsoonappearedbeforemeatthetopoftheslope。
thefirstglance;andhisfirstwords;explainedeverythingtome:inplaceofwhatihadtakenforthefurioustonesandterriblelooksofanangryman;andtheattitudeofafrightenedvictim;ihadbeforemeonlyanhonestcitizen;whosquintedandstuttered;butwhowasexplainingthemanagementofsilkwormstohisattentivedaughter。
iturnedhomeward;smilingatmymistake;butbeforeireachedmyfaubourgisawacrowdrunning;iheardcallsforhelp;andeveryfingerpointedinthesamedirectiontoadistantcolumnofflame。
amanufactoryhadtakenfire;andeverybodywasrushingforwardtoassistinextinguishingit。
ihesitated。nightwasingon;ifelttired;afavoritebookwasawaitingme;ithoughttherewouldbenowantofhelp;andiwentonmyway。
justbeforeihaderredfromwantofconsideration;nowitwasfromselfishnessandcowardice。
butwhat!haveinotonathousandotheroccasionsforgottenthedutieswhichbindustoourfellowmen?isthisthefirsttimeihaveavoidedpayingsocietywhatioweit?haveinotalwaysbehavedtomypanionswithinjustice;andlikethelion?haveinotclaimedsuccessivelyeveryshare?ifanyoneissoill…advisedastoaskmetoreturnsomelittleportion;igetprovoked;iamangry;itrytoescapefromitbyeverymeans。howmanytimes;whenihaveperceivedabeggarsittinghuddledupattheendofthestreet;haveinotgoneoutofmyway;forfearthatpassionwouldimpoverishmebyforcingmetobecharitable!howoftenhaveidoubtedthemisfortunesofothers;thatimightwithjusticehardenmyheartagainstthem。
withwhatsatisfactionhaveisometimesverifiedthevicesofthepoorman;inordertoshowthathismiseryisthepunishmenthedeserves!
oh!letusnotgofarther鈥斺攍etusnotgofarther!iinterruptedthedoctorsexamination;buthowmuchsadderisthisone!wepitythediseasesofthebody;weshudderatthoseofthesoul。
iwashappilydisturbedinmyreveriebymyneighbor;theoldsoldier。
nowithinkofit;iseemalwaystohaveseen;duringmyfever;thefigureofthisgoodoldman;sometimesleaningagainstmybed;andsometimessittingathistable;surroundedbyhissheetsofpasteboard。
hehasjusteinwithhisglue…pot;hisquireofgreenpaper;andhisgreatscissors。icalledhimbyhisname;heutteredajoyfulexclamation;andcamenearme。
〃well!sothebulletisfoundagain!〃criedhe;takingmytwohandsintothemaimedonewhichwaslefthim;〃ithasnotbeenwithouttrouble;icantellyou;thecampaignhasbeenlongenoughtowintwoclaspsin。
ihaveseennofewfellowswiththefeverbatterwindmillsduringmyhospitaldays:atleipsic;ihadaneighborwhofanciedachimneywasonfireinhisstomach;andwhowasalwayscallingforthefire…engines;butthethirddayitallwentoutofitself。butwithyouithaslastedtwenty…eightdays鈥斺攁slongasoneofthelittlecorporalscampaigns。〃
〃iamnotmistakenthen;youwerenearme?〃
〃well!ihadonlytocrossthepassage。thislefthandhasnotmadeyouabadnurseforwantoftheright;but;bah!youdidnotknowwhathandgaveyoudrink;anditdidnotpreventthatbeggarofafeverfrombeingdrowned鈥斺攆oralltheworldlikeponiatowskiintheelster。〃
theoldsoldierbegantolaugh;andi;feelingtoomuchaffectedtospeak;pressedhishandagainstmybreast。hesawmyemotion;andhastenedtoputanendtoit。
〃by…the…bye;youknowthatfromto…dayyouhavearighttodrawyourrationsagain;〃resumedhegayly;〃fourmeals;likethegermanmeinherrs鈥斺攏othingmore!thedoctorisyourhousesteward。〃
〃wemustfindthecook;too;〃repliedi;withasmile。
〃sheisfound;〃saidtheveteran。
〃whoisshe?〃
〃genevieve。〃
〃thefruit…woman?〃
〃whileiamtalkingsheiscookingforyou;neighbor;anddonotfearhersparingeitherbutterortrouble。aslongaslifeanddeathwerefightingforyou;thehonestwomanpassedhertimeingoingupanddownstairstolearnwhichwaythebattlewent。and;stay;iamsurethisisshe。〃
infactweheardstepsinthepassage;andhewenttoopenthedoor。
〃oh;well!〃continuedhe;〃itismothermillot;ourportress;anotherofyourgoodfriends;neighbor;andwhosepoulticesiremendtoyou。
ein;mothermillot鈥斺攅in;wearequitebonnyboysthismorning;andreadytostepaminuetifwehadourdancing…shoes。〃
theportresscamein;quitedelighted。shebroughtmylinen;washedandmendedbyherself;withalittlebottleofspanishwine;thegiftofhersailorson;andkeptforgreatoccasions。iwouldhavethankedher;butthegoodwomanimposedsilenceuponme;underthepretextthatthedoctorhadforbiddenmetospeak。isawherarrangeeverythinginmydrawers;theneatappearanceofwhichstruckme;anattentivehandhadevidentlybeenthere;anddaybydayputstraighttheunavoidabledisorderconsequentonsickness。
asshefinished;genevievearrivedwithmydinner;shewasfollowedbymotherdenis;themilk…womanovertheway;whohadlearned;atthesametime;thedangerihadbeenin;andthatiwasnowbeginningtobeconvalescent。thegoodsavoyardbroughtmeanew…laidegg;whichsheherselfwishedtoseemeeat。
itwasnecessarytorelateminutelyallmyillnesstoher。ateverydetailsheutteredloudexclamations;then;whentheportresswarnedhertobelessnoisy;sheexcusedherselfinawhisper。theymadeacirclearoundmetoseemeeatmydinner;eachmouthfulitookwasacpaniedbytheirexpressionsofsatisfactionandthankfulness。neverhadthekingoffrance;whenhedinedinpublic;excitedsuchadmirationamongthespectators。
astheyweretakingthedinneraway;mycolleague;theoldcashier;enteredinhisturn。
icouldnotpreventmyheartbeatingasirecognizedhim。howwouldtheheadsofthefirmlookuponmyabsence;andwhatdidheetotellme?
iwaitedwithinexpressibleanxietyforhimtospeak;buthesatdownbyme;tookmyhand;andbeganrejoicingovermyrecovery;withoutsayingawordaboutourmasters。icouldnotendurethisuncertaintyanylonger。
〃andthemessieursdurmer;〃askedi;hesitatingly;〃howhavetheytaken鈥斺攖heinterruptiontomywork?〃
〃therehasbeennointerruption;〃repliedtheoldclerk;quietly。
〃whatdoyoumean?〃
〃eachoneintheofficetookashareofyourduty;allhasgoneonasusual;andthemessieursdurmerhaveperceivednodifference。〃
thiswastoomuch。aftersomanyinstancesofaffection;thisfilledupthemeasure。icouldnotrestrainmytears。
thusthefewservicesihadbeenabletodoforothershadbeenacknowledgedbythemahundredfold!ihadsownalittleseed;andeverygrainhadfallenongoodground;andbroughtforthawholesheaf。ah!
thispletesthelessonthedoctorgaveme。ifitistruethatthediseases;whetherofthemindorbody;arethefruitofourfolliesandourvices;sympathyandaffectionarealsotherewardsofourhavingdoneourduty。everyoneofus;withgodshelp;andwithinthenarrowlimitsofhumancapability;himselfmakeshisowndisposition;character;andpermanentcondition。
everybodyisgone;theoldsoldierhasbroughtmebackmyflowersandmybirds;andtheyaremyonlypanions。thesettingsunreddensmyhalf…closedcurtainswithitslastrays。mybrainisclear;andmyheartlighter。athinmistfloatsbeforemyeyes;andifeelmyselfinthathappystatewhichprecedesarefreshingsleep。
yonder;oppositethebed;thepalegoddessinherdraperyofathousandchangingcolors;andwithherwitheredgarland;againappearsbeforeme;butthistimeiholdoutmyhandtoherwithagratefulsmile。
〃adieu;belovedyear!whomibutnowunjustlyaccused。thatwhichihavesufferedmustnotbelaidtothee;forthouwastbutatractthroughwhichgodhadmarkedoutmyroad鈥斺攁groundwhereihadreapedtheharvestihadsown。iwilllovethee;thouwaysideshelter;forthosehoursofhappinessthouhastseenmeenjoy;iwilllovetheeevenforthesufferingthouhastseenmeendure。neitherhappinessnorsufferingcamefromthee;butthouhastbeenthesceneforthem。descendagainthen;inpeace;intoeternity;andbeblest;thouwhohastleftmeexperienceintheplaceofyouth;sweetmemoriesinsteadofpasttime;andgratitudeaspaymentforgoodoffices。〃
锛屾渶鏈夋枃鑹烘皵鎭殑鏂囧缃戠珯锛屾墜鏈虹洿鎺ラ槄璇讳笅杞借鐧婚檰m。锛屾墍鏈塗XT鐢靛瓙涔︽墜鏈哄厤璐逛笅杞介槄璇伙紝鎴戜滑鎻愪緵缁欐偍鐨勫皬璇翠笉姹傛渶澶氾紝浣嗘眰鏈缁忓吀鏈瀹屾暣