还乡The Return Of The Native-第15章

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ifted　his　position　even　further　from　hers　than　it　had　originally　been；　by　adopting　the　reddle　trade；　though　he　was　really　in　very　good　circumstances　still。　　Indeed；　seeing　that　his　expenditure　was　only　one…fourth　of　his　ine；　he　might　have　been　called　a　prosperous　man。　
Rejected　suitors　take　to　roaming　as　naturally　as　unhived　bees；　and　the　business　to　which　he　had　cynically　devoted　himself　was　in　many　ways　congenial　to　Venn。　　But　his　wanderings；　by　mere　stress　of　old　emotions；　had　frequently　taken　an　Egdon　direction；　though　he　never　intruded　upon　her　who　attracted　him　thither。　　To　be　in　Thomasin’s　heath；　and　near　her；　yet　unseen；　was　the　one　ewe…lamb　of　pleasure　left　to　him。
Then　came　the　incident　of　that　day；　and　the　reddleman；　still　loving　her　well；　was　excited　by　this　accidental　service　to　her　at　a　critical　juncture　to　vow　an　active　devotion　to　her　cause；　instead　of；　as　hitherto；　sighing　and　holding　aloof。　　After　what　had　happened　it　was　impossible　that　he　should　not　doubt　the　honesty　of　Wildeve’s　intentions。　　But　her　hope　was　apparently　centred　upon　him；　and　dismissing　his　regrets　Venn　determined　to　aid　her　to　be　happy　in　her　own　chosen　way。　　That　this　way　was；　of　all　others；　the　most　distressing　to　himself；　was　awkward　enough；　but　the　reddleman’s　love　was　generous。　
His　first　active　step　in　watching　over　Thomasin’s　interests　was　taken　about　seven　o’clock　the　next　evening　and　was　dictated　by　the　news　which　he　had　learnt　from　the　sad　boy。　　That　Eustacia　was　somehow　the　cause　of　Wildeve’s　carelessness　in　relation　to　the　marriage　had　at　once　been　Venn’s　conclusion　on　hearing　of　the　secret　meeting　between　them。　　It　did　not　occur　to　his　mind　that　Eustacia’s　love　signal　to　Wildeve　was　the　tender　effect　upon　the　deserted　beauty　of　the　intelligence　which　her　grandfather　had　brought　home。　　His　instinct　was　to　regard　her　as　a　conspirator　against　rather　than　as　an　antecedent　obstacle　to　Thomasin’s　happiness。　
During　the　day　he　had　been　exceedingly　anxious　to　learn　the　condition　of　Thomasin；　but　he　did　not　venture　to　intrude　upon　a　threshold　to　which　he　was　a　stranger；　particularly　at　such　an　unpleasant　moment　as　this。　　He　had　occupied　his　time　in　moving　with　his　ponies　and　load　to　a　new　point　in　the　heath；　eastward　to　his　previous　station；　and　here　he　selected　a　nook　with　a　careful　eye　to　shelter　from　wind　and　rain；　which　seemed　to　mean　that　his　stay　there　was　to　be　a　paratively　extended　one。　　After　this　he　returned　on　foot　some　part　of　the　way　that　he　had　e；　and；　it　being　now　dark；　he　diverged　to　the　left　till　he　stood　behind　a　holly　bush　on　the　edge　of　a　pit　not　twenty　yards　from　Rainbarrow。　
He　watched　for　a　meeting　there；　but　he　watched　in　vain。　
Nobody　except　himself　came　near　the　spot　that　night。　
But　the　loss　of　his　labour　produced　little　effect　upon　the　reddleman。　　He　had　stood　in　the　shoes　of　Tantalus；　and　seemed　to　look　upon　a　certain　mass　of　disappointment　as　the　natural　preface　to　all　realizations；　without　which　preface　they　would　give　cause　for　alarm。　
The　same　hour　the　next　evening　found　him　again　at　the　same　place；　but　Eustacia　and　Wildeve；　the　expected　trysters；　did　not　appear。　
He　pursued　precisely　the　same　course　yet　four　nights　longer；　and　without　success。　　But　on　the　next；　being　the　day…week　of　their　previous　meeting；　he　saw　a　female　shape　floating　along　the　ridge　and　the　outline　of　a　young　man　ascending　from　the　valley。　　They　met　in　the　little　ditch　encircling　the　tumulus—the　original　excavation　from　which　it　had　been　thrown　up　by　the　ancient　British　people。　
The　reddleman；　stung　with　suspicion　of　wrong　to　Thomasin；　was　aroused　to　strategy　in　a　moment。　　He　instantly　left　the　bush　and　crept　forward　on　his　hands　and　knees。　　When　he　had　got　as　close　as　he　might　safely　venture　without　discovery　he　found　that；　owing　to　a　cross…wind；　the　conversation　of　the　trysting　pair　could　not　be　overheard。　
Near　him；　as　in　divers　places　about　the　heath；　were　areas　strewn　with　large　turves；　which　lay　edgeways　and　upside　down　awaiting　removal　by　Timothy　Fairway；　previous　to　the　winter　weather。　　He　took　two　of　these　as　he　lay；　and　dragged　them　over　him　till　one　covered　his　head　and　shoulders；　the　other　his　back　and　legs。　　The　reddleman　would　now　have　been　quite　invisible；　even　by　daylight；　the　turves；　standing　upon　him　with　the　heather　upwards；　looked　precisely　as　if　they　were　growing。　　He　crept　along　again；　and　the　turves　upon　his　back　crept　with　him。　　Had　he　approached　without　any　covering　the　chances　are　that　he　would　not　have　been　perceived　in　the　dusk；　approaching　thus；　it　was　as　though　he　burrowed　underground。　　In　this　manner　he　came　quite　close　to　where　the　two　were　standing。　
“Wish　to　consult　me　on　the　matter？”　reached　his　ears　in　the　rich；　impetuous　accents　of　Eustacia　Vye。　　“Consult　me？　　It　is　an　indignity　to　me　to　talk　so—I　won’t　bear　it　any　longer！”　She　began　weeping。　　“I　have　loved　you；　and　have　shown　you　that　I　loved　you；　much　to　my　regret；　and　yet　you　can　e　and　say　in　that　frigid　way　that　you　wish　to　consult　with　me　whether　it　would　not　be　better　to　marry　Thomasin。　　Better—of　course　it　would　be。　　Marry　her—she　is　nearer　to　your　own　position　in　life　than　I　am！”
“Yes；　yes；　that’s　very　well；”　said　Wildeve　peremptorily。　　“But　we　must　look　at　things　as　they　are。　　Whatever　blame　may　attach　to　me　for　having　brought　it　about；　Thomasin’s　position　is　at　present　much　worse　than　yours。　　I　simply　tell　you　that　I　am　in　a　strait。”
“But　you　shall　not　tell　me！　You　must　see　that　it　is　only　harassing　me。　　Damon；　you　have　not　acted　well；　you　have　sunk　in　my　opinion。　　You　have　not　valued　my　courtesy—the　courtesy　of　a　lady　in　loving　you—who　used　to　think　of　far　more　ambitious　things。　　But　it　was　Thomasin’s　fault。
She　won　you　away　from　me；　and　she　deserves　to　suffer　for　it。　　Where　is　she　staying　now？　　Not　that　I　care；　nor　where　I　am　myself。　　Ah；　if　I　were　dead　and　gone　how　glad　she　would　be！　Where　is　she；　I　ask？”
“Thomasin　is　now　staying　at　her　aunt’s　shut　up　in　a　bedroom；　and　keeping　out　of　everybody’s　sight；”　he　said　indifferently。
“I　don’t　think　you　care　much　about　her　even　now；”　said　Eustacia　with　sudden　joyousness；　“for　if　you　did　you　wouldn’t　talk　so　coolly　about　her。　　Do　you　talk　so　coolly　to　her　about　me？　　Ah；　I　expect　you　do！　Why　did　you　originally　go　away　from　me？　　I　don’t　think　I　can　ever　forgive　you；　except　on　one　condition；　that　whenever　you　desert　me；　you　e　back　again；　sorry　that　you　served　me　so。”
“I　never　wish　to　desert　you。”
“I　do　not　thank　you　for　that。　　I　should　hate　it　to　be　all　smooth。　　Indeed；　I　think　I　like　you　to　desert　me　a　little　once　now　and　then。　　Love　is　the　dismallest　thing　where　the　lover　is　quite　honest。　　O；　it　is　a　shame　to　say　so；　but　it　is　true！”　She　indulged　in　a　little　laugh。　　“My　low　spirits　begin　at　the　very　idea。　　Don’t　you　offer　me　tame　love；　or　away　you　go！”
“I　wish　Tamsie　were　not　such　a　confoundedly　good　little　woman；”　said　Wildeve；　“so　that　I　could　be　faithful　to　you　without　injuring　a　worthy　person。　　It　is　I　who　am　the　sinner　after　all；　I　am　not　worth　the　little　finger　of　either　of　you。”
“But　you　must　not　sacrifice　yourself　to　her　from　any　sense　of　justice；”　replied　Eustacia　quickly。　　“If　you　do　not　love　her　it　is　the　most　merciful　thing　in　the　long　run　to　leave　her　as　she　is。　　That’s　always　the　best　way。　　There；　now　I　have　been　unwomanly；　I　suppose。　　When　you　have　left　me　I　am　always　angry　with　myself　for　things　that　I　have　said　to　you。”
Wildeve　walked　a　pace　or　two　among　the　heather　without　replying。　　The　pause　was　filled　up　by　the　intonation　of　a　pollard　thorn　a　little　way　to　windward；　the　breezes　filtering　through　its　unyielding　twigs　as　through　a　strainer。　　It　was　as　if　the　night　sang　dirges　with　clenched　teeth。　
She　continued；　half　sorrowfully；　“Since　meeting　you　last；　it　has　occurred　to　me　once　or　twice　that　perhaps　it　was　not　for　love　of　me　you　did　not　marry　her。　　Tell　me；　Damon—I’ll　try　to　bear　it。　　Had　I　nothing　whatever　to　do　with　the　matter？”
“Do　you　press　me　to　tell？”
“Yes；　I　must　know。　　I　see　I　have　been　too　ready　to　believe　in　my　own　power。”
“Well；　the　immediate　reason　was　that　the　license　would　not　do　for　the　place；　and　before　I　could　get　another　she　ran　away。　　Up　to　that　point　you　had　nothing　to　do　with　it。　　Since　then　her　aunt　has　spoken　to　me　in　a　tone　which　I　don’t　at　all　like。”
“Yes；　yes！　I　am　nothing　in　it—I　am　nothing　in　it。　　You　only　trifle　with　me。　　Heaven；　what　can　I；　Eustacia　Vye；　be　made　of　to　think　so　much　of　you！”
“Nonsense；　do　not　be　so　passionate。。。。Eustacia；　how　we　roved　among　these　bushes　last　year；　when　the　hot　days　had　got　cool；　and　the　shades　of　the　hills　kept　us　almost　invisible　in　the　hollows！”
She　remained　in　moody　silence　till　she　said；　“Yes；　and　how　I　used　to　laugh　at　you　for　daring　to　look　up　to　me！　　But　you　have　well　made　me　suffer　for　that　since。”
“Yes；　you　served　me　cruelly　enough　until　I　thought　I　had　found　someone　fairer　than　you。　　A　blessed　find　for　me；　Eustacia。”
“Do　you　still　think　you　found　somebody　fairer？”
“Sometimes　I　do；　sometimes　I　don’t。　The　scales　are　balanced　so　nicely　that　a　feather　would　turn　them。”
“But　don’t　you　really　care　whether　I　meet　you　or　whether　I　don’t？”　she　said　slowly。　
“I　care　a　little；　but　not　enough　to　break　my　rest；”　replied　the　young　man　languidly。　　“No；　all　that’s　past。　　I　find　there　are　two　flowers　where　I　thought　there　was　only　one。　　Perhaps　there　are　three；　or　four；　or　any　number　as　good　as　the　first。。。。Mine　is　a　curious　fate。　　Who　would　have　thought　that　all　this　could　happen　to　me？”
She　interrupted　with　a　suppressed　fire　of　which　either　love　or　anger　seemed　an　equally　possible　issue；　“Do　you　love　me　now？”
“Who　can　say？”
“Tell　me；　I　will　know　it！”
“I　do；　and　I　do　not；”　said　he　mischievously。　　“That　is；　I　have　my　times　and　my　seasons。　　One　moment　you　are　too　tall；　another　moment　you　are　too　do…nothing；　another　too　melancholy；　another　too　dark；　another　I　don’t　know　what；　except—that　you　are　not　the　whole　world　to　me　that　you　used　to　be；　my　dear。　　But　you　are　a　pleasant　lady　to　know　and　nice　to　meet；　and　I　dare　say　as　sweet　as　ever—almost。”
Eustacia　was　silent；　and　she　turned　from　him；　till　she　said；　in　a　voice　of　suspended　mightiness；　“I　am　for　a　walk；　and　this　is　my　way。”
“Well；　I　can　do　worse　than　follow　you。”
“You　know　you　can’t　do　otherwise；　for　all　your　moods　and　changes！”　she　answered　defiantly。　　“Say　what　you　will；　try　as　you　may；　keep　away　from　me　all　that　you　can—you　will　never　forget　me。　　You　will　love　me　all　your　life　long。　　You　would　jump　to　marry　me！”
“So　I　would！”　said　Wildeve。　　“Such　strange　thoughts　as　I’ve　had　from　time　to　time；　Eustacia；　and　they　e　to　me　this　moment。　　You　hate　the　heath　as　much　as　ever；　that　I　know。”
“I　do；”　she　murmured　deeply。　　“’Tis　my　cross；　my　shame；　and　will　be　my　death！”
“I　abhor　it　too；”　said　he。　　“How　mournfully　the　wind　blows　round　us　now！”
She　did　not　answer。　　Its　tone　was　indeed　solemn　and　pervasive。　　pound　utterances　addressed　themselves　to　their　senses；　and　it　was　possible　to　view　by　ear　the　features　of　the　neighbourhood。　　Acoustic　pictures　were　returned　from　the　darkened　scenery；　they　could　hear　where　the　tracts　of　heather　began　and　ended；　where　the　furze　was　growing　stalky　and　tall；　where　it　had　been　recently　cut；