还乡The Return Of The Native-第35章

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“You　said　ten　minutes　after　the　first　mark　of　shade　on　the　edge　of　the　moon；　and　that’s　what　it　is　now。”
“Well；　let　us　only　think　that　here　we　are。”
Then；　holding　each　other’s　hand；　they　were　again　silent；　and　the　shadow　on　the　moon’s　disc　grew　a　little　larger。　
“Has　it　seemed　long　since　you　last　saw　me？”　she　asked。　
“It　has　seemed　sad。”
“And　not　long？　　That’s　because　you　occupy　yourself；　and　so　blind　yourself　to　my　absence。　　To　me；　who　can　do　nothing；　it　has　been　like　living　under　stagnant　water。”
“I　would　rather　bear　tediousness；　dear；　than　have　time　made　short　by　such　means　as　have　shortened　mine。”
“In　what　way　is　that？　　You　have　been　thinking　you　wished　you　did　not　love　me。”
“How　can　a　man　wish　that；　and　yet　love　on？　　No；　Eustacia。”
“Men　can；　women　cannot。”
“Well；　whatever　I　may　have　thought；　one　thing　is　certain—I　do　love　you—past　all　pass　and　description。　　I　love　you　to　oppressiveness—I；　who　have　never　before　felt　more　than　a　pleasant　passing　fancy　for　any　woman　I　have　ever　seen。　　Let　me　look　right　into　your　moonlit　face　and　dwell　on　every　line　and　curve　in　it！　Only　a　few　hairbreadths　make　the　difference　between　this　face　and　faces　I　have　seen　many　times　before　I　knew　you；　yet　what　a　difference—the　difference　between　everything　and　nothing　at　all。　　One　touch　on　that　mouth　again！　there；　and　there；　and　there。
Your　eyes　seem　heavy；　Eustacia。”
“No；　it　is　my　general　way　of　looking。　　I　think　it　arises　from　my　feeling　sometimes　an　agonizing　pity　for　myself　that　I　ever　was　born。”
“You　don’t　feel　it　now？”
“No。　Yet　I　know　that　we　shall　not　love　like　this　always。　　Nothing　can　ensure　the　continuance　of　love。　　It　will　evaporate　like　a　spirit；　and　so　I　feel　full　of　fears。”
“You　need　not。”
“Ah；　you　don’t　know。　　You　have　seen　more　than　I；　and　have　been　into　cities　and　among　people　that　I　have　only　heard　of；　and　have　lived　more　years　than　I；　but　yet　I　am　older　at　this　than　you。　　I　loved　another　man　once；　and　now　I　love　you。”
“In　God’s　mercy　don’t　talk　so；　Eustacia！”
“But　I　do　not　think　I　shall　be　the　one　who　wearies　first。　　It　will；　I　fear；　end　in　this　way：　your　mother　will　find　out　that　you　meet　me；　and　she　will　influence　you　against　me！”
“That　can　never　be。　　She　knows　of　these　meetings　already。”
“And　she　speaks　against　me？”
“I　will　not　say。”
“There；　go　away！　Obey　her。　　I　shall　ruin　you。　　It　is　foolish　of　you　to　meet　me　like　this。　　Kiss　me；　and　go　away　forever。　　Forever—do　you　hear？forever！”
“Not　I。”
“It　is　your　only　chance。　　Many　a　man’s　love　has　been　a　curse　to　him。”
“You　are　desperate；　full　of　fancies；　and　wilful；　and　you　misunderstand。　　I　have　an　additional　reason　for　seeing　you　tonight　besides　love　of　you。　　For　though；　unlike　you；　I　feel　our　affection　may　be　eternal。　　I　feel　with　you　in　this；　that　our　present　mode　of　existence　cannot　last。”
“Oh！　‘tis　your　mother。　　Yes；　that’s　it！　I　knew　it。”
“Never　mind　what　it　is。　　Believe　this；　I　cannot　let　myself　lose　you。　　I　must　have　you　always　with　me。　　This　very　evening　I　do　not　like　to　let　you　go。　　There　is　only　one　cure　for　this　anxiety；　dearest—you　must　be　my　wife。”
She　started—then　endeavoured　to　say　calmly；　“Cynics　say　that　cures　the　anxiety　by　curing　the　love。”
“But　you　must　answer　me。　　Shall　I　claim　you　some　day—I　don’t　mean　at　once？”
“I　must　think；”　Eustacia　murmured。　　“At　present　speak　of　Paris　to　me。　　Is　there　any　place　like　it　on　earth？”
“It　is　very　beautiful。　　But　will　you　be　mine？”
“I　will　be　nobody　else’s　in　the　world—does　that　satisfy　you？”
“Yes；　for　the　present。”
“Now　tell　me　of　the　Tuileries；　and　the　Louvre；”　she　continued　evasively。　
“I　hate　talking　of　Paris！　Well；　I　remember　one　sunny　room　in　the　Louvre　which　would　make　a　fitting　place　for　you　to　live　in—the　Galerie　d’Apollon。　Its　windows　are　mainly　east；　and　in　the　early　morning；　when　the　sun　is　bright；　the　whole　apartment　is　in　a　perfect　blaze　of　splendour。　　The　rays　bristle　and　dart　from　the　encrustations　of　gilding　to　the　magnificent　inlaid　coffers；　from　the　coffers　to　the　gold　and　silver　plate；　from　the　plate　to　the　jewels　and　precious　stones；　from　these　to　the　enamels；　till　there　is　a　perfect　network　of　light　which　quite　dazzles　the　eye。
But　now；　about　our　marriage“
“And　Versailles—the　King’s　Gallery　is　some　such　gorgeous　room；　is　it　not？”
“Yes。　But　what’s　the　use　of　talking　of　gorgeous　rooms？　　By　the　way；　the　Little　Trianon　would　suit　us　beautifully　to　live　in；　and　you　might　walk　in　the　gardens　in　the　moonlight　and　think　you　were　in　some　English　shrubbery；
It　is　laid　out　in　English　fashion。”
“I　should　hate　to　think　that！”
“Then　you　could　keep　to　the　lawn　in　front　of　the　Grand　Palace。　　All　about　there　you　would　doubtless　feel　in　a　world　of　historical　romance。”
He　went　on；　since　it　was　all　new　to　her；　and　described　Fontainebleau；　St。　Cloud；　the　Bois；　and　many　other　familiar　haunts　of　the　Parisians；　till　she　said—
“When　used　you　to　go　to　these　places？”
“On　Sundays。”
“Ah；　yes。　　I　dislike　English　Sundays。　　How　I　should　chime　in　with　their　manners　over　there！　Dear　Clym；　you’ll　go　back　again？”
Clym　shook　his　head；　and　looked　at　the　eclipse。　
“If　you’ll　go　back　again　I’ll—be　something；”　she　said　tenderly；　putting　her　head　near　his　breast。　　“If　you’ll　agree　I’ll　give　my　promise；　without　making　you　wait　a　minute　longer。”
“How　extraordinary　that　you　and　my　mother　should　be　of　one　mind　about　this！”　said　Yeobright。　　“I　have　vowed　not　to　go　back；　Eustacia。　　It　is　not　the　place　I　dislike；　it　is　the　occupation。”
“But　you　can　go　in　some　other　capacity。”
“No。　Besides；　it　would　interfere　with　my　scheme。　
Don’t　press　that；　Eustacia。　　Will　you　marry　me？”
“I　cannot　tell。”
“Now—never　mind　Paris；　it　is　no　better　than　other　spots。　
Promise；　sweet！”
“You　will　never　adhere　to　your　education　plan；　I　am　quite　sure；　and　then　it　will　be　all　right　for　me；　and　so　I　promise　to　be　yours　for　ever　and　ever。”
Clym　brought　her　face　towards　his　by　a　gentle　pressure　of　the　hand；　and　kissed　her。　
“Ah！　but　you　don’t　know　what　you　have　got　in　me；”　she　said。　　“Sometimes　I　think　there　is　not　that　in　Eustacia　Vye　which　will　make　a　good　homespun　wife。　　Well；　let　it　go—see　how　our　time　is　slipping；　slipping；　slipping！”　She　pointed　towards　the　half…eclipsed　moon。
“You　are　too　mournful。”
“No。　Only　I　dread　to　think　of　anything　beyond　the　present。　　What　is；　we　know。　　We　are　together　now；　and　it　is　unknown　how　long　we　shall　be　so；　the　unknown　always　fills　my　mind　with　terrible　possibilities；　even　when　I　may　reasonably　expect　it　to　be　cheerful。。。。Clym；　the　eclipsed　moonlight　shines　upon　your　face　with　a　strange　foreign　colour；　and　shows　its　shape　as　if　it　were　cut　out　in　gold。　　That　means　that　you　should　be　doing　better　things　than　this。”
“You　are　ambitious；　Eustacia—no；　not　exactly　ambitious；　luxurious。　　I　ought　to　be　of　the　same　vein；　to　make　you　happy；　I　suppose。　　And　yet；　far　from　that；　I　could　live　and　die　in　a　hermitage　here；　with　proper　work　to　do。”
There　was　that　in　his　tone　which　implied　distrust　of　his　position　as　a　solicitous　lover；　a　doubt　if　he　were　acting　fairly　towards　one　whose　tastes　touched　his　own　only　at　rare　and　infrequent　points。　　She　saw　his　meaning；　and　whispered；　in　a　low；　full　accent　of　eager　assurance　“Don’t　mistake　me；　Clym—though　I　should　like　Paris；　I　love　you　for　yourself　alone。　　To　be　your　wife　and　live　in　Paris　would　be　heaven　to　me；　but　I　would　rather　live　with　you　in　a　hermitage　here　than　not　be　yours　at　all。　　It　is　gain　to　me　either　way；　and　very　great　gain。　
There’s　my　too　candid　confession。”
“Spoken　like　a　woman。　　And　now　I　must　soon　leave　you。　
I’ll　walk　with　you　towards　your　house。”
“But　must　you　go　home　yet？”　she　asked。　　“Yes；　the　sand　has　nearly　slipped　away；　I　see；　and　the　eclipse　is　creeping　on　more　and　more。　　Don’t　go　yet！　Stop　till　the　hour　has　run　itself　out；　then　I　will　not　press　you　any　more。　　You　will　go　home　and　sleep　well；　I　keep　sighing　in　my　sleep！　Do　you　ever　dream　of　me？”
“I　cannot　recollect　a　clear　dream　of　you。”
“I　see　your　face　in　every　scene　of　my　dreams；　and　hear　your　voice　in　every　sound。　　I　wish　I　did　not。　　It　is　too　much　what　I　feel。　　They　say　such　love　never　lasts。　　But　it　must！　And　yet　once；　I　remember；　I　saw　an　officer　of　the　Hussars　ride　down　the　street　at　Budmouth；　and　though　he　was　a　total　stranger　and　never　spoke　to　me；　I　loved　him　till　I　thought　I　should　really　die　of　love—　but　I　didn’t　die；　and　at　last　I　left　off　caring　for　him。　　How　terrible　it　would　be　if　a　time　should　e　when　I　could　not　love　you；　my　Clym！”
“Please　don’t　say　such　reckless　things。　　When　we　see　such　a　time　at　hand　we　will　say；　‘I　have　outlived　my　faith　and　purpose；’　and　die。　　There；　the　hour　has　expired—now　let　us　walk　on。”
Hand　in　hand　they　went　along　the　path　towards　Mistover。　　When　they　were　near　the　house　he　said；　“It　is　too　late　for　me　to　see　your　grandfather　tonight。　　Do　you　think　he　will　object　to　it？”
“I　will　speak　to　him。　　I　am　so　accustomed　to　be　my　own　mistress　that　it　did　not　occur　to　me　that　we　should　have　to　ask　him。”
Then　they　lingeringly　separated；　and　Clym　descended　towards　Blooms…End。
And　as　he　walked　further　and　further　from　the　charmed　atmosphere　of　his　Olympian　girl　his　face　grew　sad　with　a　new　sort　of　sadness。　　A　perception　of　the　dilemma　in　which　his　love　had　placed　him　came　back　in　full　force。　　In　spite　of　Eustacia’s　apparent　willingness　to　wait　through　the　period　of　an　unpromising　engagement；　till　he　should　be　established　in　his　new　pursuit；　he　could　not　but　perceive　at　moments　that　she　loved　him　rather　as　a　visitant　from　a　gay　world　to　which　she　rightly　belonged　than　as　a　man　with　a　purpose　opposed　to　that　recent　past　of　his　which　so　interested　her。　　It　meant　that；　though　she　made　no　conditions　as　to　his　return　to　the　French　capital；　this　was　what　she　secretly　longed　for　in　the　event　of　marriage；　and　it　robbed　him　of　many　an　otherwise　pleasant　hour。　　Along　with　that　came　the　widening　breach　between　himself　and　his　mother。　　Whenever　any　little　occurrence　had　brought　into　more　prominence　than　usual　the　disappointment　that　he　was　causing　her　it　had　sent　him　on　lone　and　moody　walks；　or　he　was　kept　awake　a　great　part　of　the　night　by　the　turmoil　of　spirit　which　such　a　recognition　created。　　If　Mrs。　Yeobright　could　only　have　been　led　to　see　what　a　sound　and　worthy　purpose　this　purpose　of　his　was　and　how　little　it　was　being　affected　by　his　devotions　to　Eustacia；　how　differently　would　she　regard　him！
Thus　as　his　sight　grew　accustomed　to　the　first　blinding　halo　kindled　about　him　by　love　and　beauty；　Yeobright　began　to　perceive　what　a　strait　he　was　in。　　Sometimes　he　wished　that　he　had　never　known　Eustacia；　immediately　to　retract　the　wish　as　brutal。　　Three　antagonistic　growths　had　to　be　kept　alive：　his　mother’s　trust　in　him；　his　plan　for　being　a　teacher；　and　Eustacia’s　happiness。　　His　fervid　nature　could　not　afford　to　relinquish　one　of　these；　though　two　of　the　three　were　as　many　as　he　could　hope　to　preserve。　　Though　his　love　was　as　chaste　as　that　of　Petrarch　for　his　Laura；　it　had　made　fetters　of　what　previously　was　only　a　difficulty。　　A　position　which　was　not　too　simple　when　he　stood　whole…hearted　had　bee　indescribably　plicated　by　the　addition　of　Eustacia。　　Just　when　his　mother　was　beginn