before adam-第1章

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Before　Adam



by　Jack　London







〃These　are　our　ancestors；　and　their　history　is　our

history。　Remember　that　as　surely　as　we　one　day　swung

down　out　of　the　trees　and　walked　upright；　just　as

surely；　on　a　far　earlier　day；　did　we　crawl　up　out　of

the　sea　and　achieve　our　first　adventure　on　land。〃







CHAPTER　I





Pictures！　Pictures！　Pictures！　Often；　before　I　learned；

did　I　wonder　whence　came　the　multitudes　of　pictures

that　thronged　my　dreams；　for　they　were　pictures　the

like　of　which　I　had　never　seen　in　real　wake…a…day　life。

They　tormented　my　childhood；　making　of　my　dreams　a

procession　of　nightmares　and　a　little　later　convincing

me　that　I　was　different　from　my　kind；　a　creature

unnatural　and　accursed。



In　my　days　only　did　I　attain　any　measure　of　happiness。

My　nights　marked　the　reign　of　fearand　such　fear！　I

make　bold　to　state　that　no　man　of　all　the　men　who　walk

the　earth　with　me　ever　suffer　fear　of　like　kind　and

degree。　　For　my　fear　is　the　fear　of　long　ago；　the　fear

that　was　rampant　in　the　Younger　World；　and　in　the　youth

of　the　Younger　World。　　In　short；　the　fear　that　reigned

supreme　in　that　period　known　as　the　Mid…Pleistocene。



What　do　I　mean？　I　see　explanation　is　necessary　before　I

can　tell　you　of　the　substance　of　my　dreams。　　Otherwise；

little　could　you　know　of　the　meaning　of　the　things　I

know　so　well。　　As　I　write　this；　all　the　beings　and

happenings　of　that　other　world　rise　up　before　me　in

vast　phantasmagoria；　and　I　know　that　to　you　they　would

be　rhymeless　and　reasonless。



What　to　you　the　friendship　of　Lop…Ear；　the　warm　lure　of

the　Swift　One；　the　lust　and　the　atavism　of　Red…Eye？　A

screaming　incoherence　and　no　more。　　And　a　screaming

incoherence；　likewise；　the　doings　of　the　Fire　People

and　the　Tree　People；　and　the　gibbering　councils　of　the

horde。　　For　you　know　not　the　peace　of　the　cool　caves　in

the　cliffs；　the　circus　of　the　drinking…places　at　the

end　of　the　day。　You　have　never　felt　the　bite　of　the

morning　wind　in　the　tree…tops；　nor　is　the　taste　of

young　bark　sweet　in　your　mouth。



It　would　be　better；　I　dare　say；　for　you　to　make　your

approach；　as　I　made　mine；　through　my　childhood。　　As　a

boy　I　was　very　like　other　boysin　my　waking　hours。　　It

was　in　my　sleep　that　I　was　different。　　From　my　earliest

recollection　my　sleep　was　a　period　of　terror。　　Rarely

were　my　dreams　tinctured　with　happiness。　　As　a　rule；

they　were　stuffed　with　fearand　with　a　fear　so　strange

and　alien　that　it　had　no　ponderable　quality。　　No　fear

that　I　experienced　in　my　waking　life　resembled　the　fear

that　possessed　me　in　my　sleep。　　It　was　of　a　quality　and

kind　that　transcended　all　my　experiences。



For　instance；　I　was　a　city　boy；　a　city　child；　rather；

to　whom　the　country　was　an　unexplored　domain。　　Yet　I

never　dreamed　of　cities；　nor　did　a　house　ever　occur　in

any　of　my　dreams。　　Nor；　for　that　matter；　did　any　of　my

human　kind　ever　break　through　the　wall　of　my　sleep。　　I；

who　had　seen　trees　only　in　parks　and　illustrated　books；

wandered　in　my　sleep　through　interminable　forests。　　And

further；　these　dream　trees　were　not　a　mere　blur　on　my

vision。　　They　were　sharp　and　distinct。　　I　was　on　terms

of　practised　intimacy　with　them。　　I　saw　every　branch

and　twig；　I　saw　and　knew　every　different　leaf。



Well　do　I　remember　the　first　time　in　my　waking　life

that　I　saw　an　oak　tree。　　As　I　looked　at　the　leaves　and

branches　and　gnarls；　it　came　to　me　with　distressing

vividness　that　I　had　seen　that　same　kind　of　tree　many

and　countless　times　n　my　sleep。　　So　I　was　not

surprised；　still　later　on　in　my　life；　to　recognize

instantly；　the　first　time　I　saw　them；　trees　such　as　the

spruce；　the　yew；　the　birch；　and　the　laurel。　　I　had　seen

them　all　before；　and　was　seeing　them　even　then；　every

night；　in　my　sleep。



This；　as　you　have　already　discerned；　violates　the　first

law　of　dreaming；　namely；　that　in　one's　dreams　one　sees

only　what　he　has　seen　in　his　waking　life；　or

combinations　of　the　things　he　has　seen　in　his　waking

life。　　But　all　my　dreams　violated　this　law。　　In　my

dreams　I　never　saw　ANYTHING　of　which　I　had　knowledge　in

my　waking　life。　　My　dream　life　and　my　waking　life　were

lives　apart；　with　not　one　thing　in　common　save　myself。

I　was　the　connecting　link　that　somehow　lived　both

lives。



Early　in　my　childhood　I　learned　that　nuts　came　from　the

grocer；　berries　from　the　fruit　man；　but　before　ever

that　knowledge　was　mine；　in　my　dreams　I　picked　nuts

from　trees；　or　gathered　them　and　ate　them　from　the

ground　underneath　trees；　and　in　the　same　way　I　ate

berries　from　vines　and　bushes。　　This　was　beyond　any

experience　of　mine。



I　shall　never　forget　the　first　time　I　saw　blueberries

served　on　the　table。　　I　had　never　seen　blueberries

before；　and　yet；　at　the　sight　of　them；　there　leaped　up

in　my　mind　memories　of　dreams　wherein　I　had　wandered

through　swampy　land　eating　my　fill　of　them。　My　mother

set　before　me　a　dish　of　the　berries。　　I　filled　my

spoon；　but　before　I　raised　it　to　my　mouth　I　knew　just

how　they　would　taste。　　Nor　was　I　disappointed。　　It　was

the　same　tang　that　I　had　tasted　a　thousand　times　in　my

sleep。



Snakes？　Long　before　I　had　heard　of　the　existence　of

snakes；　I　was　tormented　by　them　in　my　sleep。　　They

lurked　for　me　in　the　forest　glades；　leaped　up；

striking；　under　my　feet；　squirmed　off　through　the　dry

grass　or　across　naked　patches　of　rock；　or　pursued　me

into　the　tree…tops；　encircling　the　trunks　with　their

great　shining　bodies；　driving　me　higher　and　higher　or

farther　and　farther　out　on　swaying　and　crackling

branches；　the　ground　a　dizzy　distance　beneath　me。

Snakes！with　their　forked　tongues；　their　beady　eyes

and　glittering　scales；　their　hissing　and　their

rattlingdid　I　not　already　know　them　far　too　well　on

that　day　of　my　first　circus　when　I　saw　the

snake…charmer　lift　them　up？



They　were　old　friends　of　mine；　enemies　rather；　that

peopled　my　nights　with　fear。



Ah；　those　endless　forests；　and　their　horror…haunted

gloom！　For　what　eternities　have　I　wandered　through

them；　a　timid；　hunted　creature；　starting　at　the　least

sound；　frightened　of　my　own　shadow；　keyed…up；　ever

alert　and　vigilant；　ready　on　the　instant　to　dash　away

in　mad　flight　for　my　life。　　For　I　was　the　prey　of　all

manner　of　fierce　life　that　dwelt　in　the　forest；　and　it

was　in　ecstasies　of　fear　that　I　fled　before　the　hunting

monsters。



When　I　was　five　years　old　I　went　to　my　first　circus。　　I

came　home　from　it　sickbut　not　from　peanuts　and　pink

lemonade。　　Let　me　tell　you。　　As　we　entered　the　animal

tent；　a　hoarse　roaring　shook　the　air。　　I　tore　my　hand

loose　from　my　father's　and　dashed　wildly　back　through

the　entrance。　　I　collided　with　people；　fell　down；　and

all　the　time　I　was　screaming　with　terror。　　My　father

caught　me　and　soothed　me。　　He　pointed　to　the　crowd　of

people；　all　careless　of　the　roaring；　and　cheered　me

with　assurances　of　safety。



Nevertheless；　it　was　in　fear　and　trembling；　and　with

much　encouragement　on　his　part；　that　I　at　last

approached　the　lion's　cage。　　Ah；　I　knew　him　on　the

instant。　　The　beast！　The　terrible　one！　And　on　my　inner

vision　flashed　the　memories　of　my　dreams；the　midday

sun　shining　on　tall　grass；　the　wild　bull　grazing

quietly；　the　sudden　parting　of　the　grass　before　the

swift　rush　of　the　tawny　one；　his　leap　to　the　bull's

back；　the　crashing　and　the　bellowing；　and　the　crunch

crunch　of　bones；　or　again；　the　cool　quiet　of　the

water…hole；　the　wild　horse　up　to　his　knees　and　drinking

softly；　and　then　the　tawny　onealways　the　tawny　one！

the　leap；　the　screaming　and　the　splashing　of　the　horse；

and　the　crunch　crunch　of　bones；　and　yet　again；　the

sombre　twilight　and　the　sad　silence　of　the　end　of　day；

and　then　the　great　full…throated　roar；　sudden；　like　a

trump　of　doom；　and　swift　upon　it　the　insane　shrieking

and　chattering　among　the　trees；　and　I；　too；　am

trembling　with　fear　and　am　one　of　the　many　shrieking

and　chattering　among　the　trees。



At　the　sight　of　him；　helpless；　within　the　bars　of　his

cage；　I　became　enraged。　　I　gritted　my　teeth　at　him；

danced　up　and　down；　screaming　an　incoherent　mockery　and

making　antic　faces。　　He　responded；　rushing　against　the

bars　and　roaring　back　at　me　his　impotent　wrath。　　Ah；　he

knew　me；　too；　and　the　sounds　I　made　were　the　sounds　of

old　time　and　intelligible　to　him。



My　parents　were　frightened。　　〃The　child　is　ill；〃　said

my　mother。　〃He　is　hysterical；〃　said　my　father。　　I　never

told　them；　and　they　never　knew。　　Already　had　I

developed　reticence　concerning　this　quality　of　mine；

this　semi…disassociation　of　personality　as　I　think　I　am

justified　in　calling　it。



I　saw　the　snake…charmer；　and　no　more　of　the　circus　did

I　see　that　night。　　I　was　taken　home；　nervous　and

overwrought；　sick　with　the　invasion　of　my　real　life　by

that　other　life　of　my　dreams。



I　have　mentioned　my　reticence。　　Only　once　did　I　confide

the　strangeness　of　it　all　to　another。　　He　was　a　boymy

chum；　and　we　were　eight　years　old。　　From　my　dreams　I

reconstructed　for　him　pictures　of　that　vanished　world

in　which　I　do　believe　I　once　lived。　　I　told　him　of　the

terrors　of　that　early　time；　of　Lop…Ear　and　the　pranks

we　played；　of　the　gibbering　councils；　and　of　the　Fire

People　and　their　squatting　places。



He　laughed　at　me；　and　jeered；　and　told　me　tales　of

ghosts　and　of　the　dead　that　walk　at　night。　　But　mostly

did　he　laugh　at　my　feeble　fancy。　　I　told　him　more；　and

he　laughed　the　harder。　　I　swore　in　all　earnestness　that

these　things　were　so；　and　he　began　to　look　upon　me

queerly。　　Also；　he　gave　amazing　garblings　of　my　tales

to　our　playmates；　until　all　began　to　look　upon　me

queerly。



It　was　a　bitter　experience；　but　I　learned　my　lesson。　　I

was　different　from　my　kind。　　I　was　abnormal　with

something　they　could　not　understand；　and　the　telling　of

which　would　cause　only　misunderstanding。　　When　the

stories　of　ghosts　and　goblins　went　around；　I　kept

quiet。　　I　smiled　grimly　to　myself。　　I　thought　of　my

nights　of　fear；　and　knew　that　mine　were　the　real

thingsreal　as　life　itself；　not　attenuated　vapors　and

surmised　shadows。



For　me　no　terrors　resided　in　the　thought　of　bugaboos

and　wicked　ogres。　　The　fall　through　leafy　branches　and

the　dizzy　heights；　the　snakes　that　struck　at　me　as　I

dodged　and　leaped　away　in　chattering　flight；　the　wild

dogs　that　hunted　　me　across　the　open　spaces　to　the

timberthese　were　terrors　concrete　and　actual；

happenings　and　not　imaginings；　things　of　the　living

flesh　and　of　sweat　and　blood。　Ogres　and　bugaboos　and　I

had　been　happy　bed…fellows；　compared　with　these　terrors

that　made　their　bed　with　me　throughout　my　childhood；

and　that　still　bed　with　me；　now；　as　I　write　this；　full

of　years。







CHAPTER　II





I　have　said　that　in　my　dreams　I　never　saw　a　human

being。　　Of　this　fact　I　became　aware　very　early；　and

felt　poignantly　the　lack　of　my　own　kind。　　As　a　very

little　child；　even；　I　had　a　feeling；　in　th