before adam-第2章

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felt　poignantly　the　lack　of　my　own　kind。　　As　a　very

little　child；　even；　I　had　a　feeling；　in　the　midst　of

the　horror　of　my　dreaming；　that　if　I　could　find　but　one

man；　only　one　human；　I　should　be　saved　from　my

dreaming；　that　I　should　be　surrounded　no　more　by

haunting　terrors。　　This　thought　obsessed　me　every　night

of　my　life　for　yearsif　only　I　could　find　that　one

human　and　be　saved！



I　must　iterate　that　I　had　this　thought　in　the　midst　of

my　dreaming；　and　I　take　it　as　an　evidence　of　the

merging　of　my　two　personalities；　as　evidence　of　a　point

of　contact　between　the　two　disassociated　parts　of　me。

My　dream　personality　lived　in　the　long　ago；　before　ever

man；　as　we　know　him；　came　to　be；　and　my　other　and

wake…a…day　personality　projected　itself；　to　the　extent

of　the　knowledge　of　man's　existence；　into　the　substance

of　my　dreams。



Perhaps　the　psychologists　of　the　book　will　find　fault

with　my　way　of　using　the　phrase；　〃disassociation　of

personality。〃　I　know　their　use　of　it；　yet　am　compelled

to　use　it　in　my　own　way　in　default　of　a　better　phrase。

I　take　shelter　behind　the　inadequacy　of　the　English

language。　　And　now　to　the　explanation　of　my　use；　or

misuse；　of　the　phrase。



It　was　not　till　I　was　a　young　man；　at　college；　that　I

got　any　clew　to　the　significance　of　my　dreams；　and　to

the　cause　of　them。　　Up　to　that　time　they　had　been

meaningless　and　without　apparent　causation。　　But　at

college　I　discovered　evolution　and　psychology；　and

learned　the　explanation　of　various　strange　mental

states　and　experiences。　　For　instance；　there　was　the

falling…through…space　dreamthe　commonest　dream

experience；　one　practically　known；　by　first…hand

experience；　to　all　men。



This；　my　professor　told　me；　was　a　racial　memory。　　It

dated　back　to　our　remote　ancestors　who　lived　in　trees。

With　them；　being　tree…dwellers；　the　liability　of

falling　was　an　ever…present　menace。　Many　lost　their

lives　that　way；　all　of　them　experienced　terrible　falls；

saving　themselves　by　clutching　branches　as　they　fell

toward　the　ground。



Now　a　terrible　fall；　averted　in　such　fashion；　was

productive　of　shock。　　Such　shock　was　productive　of

molecular　changes　in　the　cerebral　cells。　　These

molecular　changes　were　transmitted　to　the　cerebral

cells　of　progeny；　became；　in　short；　racial　memories。

Thus；　when　you　and　I；　asleep　or　dozing　off　to　sleep；

fall　through　space　and　awake　to　sickening　consciousness

just　before　we　strike；　we　are　merely　remembering　what

happened　to　our　arboreal　ancestors；　and　which　has　been

stamped　by　cerebral　changes　into　the　heredity　of　the

race。



There　is　nothing　strange　in　this；　any　more　than　there

is　anything　strange　in　an　instinct。　　An　instinct　is

merely　a　habit　that　is　stamped　into　the　stuff　of　our

heredity；　that　is　all。　　It　will　be　noted；　in　passing；

that　in　this　falling　dream　which　is　so　familiar　to　you

and　me　and　all　of　us；　we　never　strike　bottom。　　To

strike　bottom　would　be　destruction。　　Those　of　our

arboreal　ancestors　who　struck　bottom　died　forthwith。

True；　the　shock　of　their　fall　was　communicated　to　the

cerebral　cells；　but　they　died　immediately；　before　they

could　have　progeny。　　You　and　I　are　descended　from　those

that　did　not　strike　bottom；　that　is　why　you　and　I；　in

our　dreams；　never　strike　bottom。



And　now　we　come　to　disassociation　of　personality。　　We

never　have　this　sense　of　falling　when　we　are　wide

awake。　　Our　wake…a…day　personality　has　no　experience　of

it。　　Thenand　here　the　argument　is　irresistibleit

must　be　another　and　distinct　personality　that　falls

when　we　are　asleep；　and　that　has　had　experience　of　such

fallingthat　has；　in　short；　a　memory　of　past…day　race

experiences；　just　as　our　wake…a…day　personality　has　a

memory　of　our　wake…a…day　experiences。



It　was　at　this　stage　in　my　reasoning　that　I　began　to

see　the　light。　　And　quickly　the　light　burst　upon　me

with　dazzling　brightness；　illuminating　and　explaining

all　that　had　been　weird　and　uncanny　and　unnaturally

impossible　in　my　dream　experiences。　In　my　sleep　it　was

not　my　wake…a…day　personality　that　took　charge　of　me；

it　was　another　and　distinct　personality；　possessing　a

new　and　totally　different　fund　of　experiences；　and；　to

the　point　of　my　dreaming；　possessing　memories　of　those

totally　different　experiences。



What　was　this　personality？　When　had　it　itself　lived　a

wake…a…day　life　on　this　planet　in　order　to　collect　this

fund　of　strange　experiences？　These　were　questions　that

my　dreams　themselves　answered。　　He　lived　in　the　long

ago；　when　the　world　was　young；　in　that　period　that　we

call　the　Mid…Pleistocene。　　He　fell　from　the　trees　but

did　not　strike　bottom。　　He　gibbered　with　fear　at　the

roaring　of　the　lions。　　He　was　pursued　by　beasts　of

prey；　struck　at　by　deadly　snakes。　　He　chattered　with

his　kind　in　council；　and　he　received　rough　usage　at　the

hands　of　the　Fire　People　in　the　day　that　he　fled　before

them。



But；　I　hear　you　objecting；　why　is　it　that　these　racial

memories　are　not　ours　as　well；　seeing　that　we　have　a

vague　other…personality　that　falls　through　space　while

we　sleep？



And　I　may　answer　with　another　question。　　Why　is　a

two…headed　calf？　And　my　own　answer　to　this　is　that　it

is　a　freak。　　And　so　I　answer　your　question。　　I　have

this　other…personality　and　these　complete　racial

memories　because　I　am　a　freak。



But　let　me　be　more　explicit。



The　commonest　race　memory　we　have　is　the

falling…through…space　dream。　　This　other…personality　is

very　vague。　　About　the　only　memory　it　has　is　that　of

falling。　　But　many　of　us　have　sharper；　more　distinct

other…personalities。　　Many　of　us　have　the　flying　dream；

the　pursuing…monster　dream；　color　dreams；　suffocation

dreams；　and　the　reptile　and　vermin　dreams。　　In　short；

while　this　other…personality　is　vestigial　in　all　of　us；

in　some　of　us　it　is　almost　obliterated；　while　in　others

of　us　it　is　more　pronounced。　Some　of　us　have　stronger

and　completer　race　memories　than　others。



It　is　all　a　question　of　varying　degree　of　possession　of

the　other…personality。　　In　myself；　the　degree　of

possession　is　enormous。　　My　other…personality　is　almost

equal　in　power　with　my　own　personality。　　And　in　this

matter　I　am；　as　I　said；　a　freaka　freak　of　heredity。



I　do　believe　that　it　is　the　possession　of　this

other…personalitybut　not　so　strong　a　one　as

minethat　has　in　some　few　others　given　rise　to　belief

in　personal　reincarnation　experiences。　　It　is　very

plausible　to　such　people；　a　most　convincing　hypothesis。

When　they　have　visions　of　scenes　they　have　never　seen

in　the　flesh；　memories　of　acts　and　events　dating　back

in　time；　the　simplest　explanation　is　that　they　have

lived　before。



But　they　make　the　mistake　of　ignoring　their　own

duality。　　They　do　not　recognize　their

other…personality。　　They　think　it　is　their　own

personality；　that　they　have　only　one　personality；　and

from　such　a　premise　they　can　conclude　only　that　they

have　lived　previous　lives。



But　they　are　wrong。　　It　is　not　reincarnation。　　I　have

visions　of　myself　roaming　through　the　forests　of　the

Younger　World；　and　yet　it　is　not　myself　that　I　see　but

one　that　is　only　remotely　a　part　of　me；　as　my　father

and　my　grandfather　are　parts　of　me　less　remote。　　This

other…self　of　mine　is　an　ancestor；　a　progenitor　of　my

progenitors　in　the　early　line　of　my　race；　himself　the

progeny　of　a　line　that　long　before　his　time　developed

fingers　and　toes　and　climbed　up　into　the　trees。



I　must　again；　at　the　risk　of　boring；　repeat　that　I　am；

in　this　one　thing；　to　be　considered　a　freak。　　Not　alone

do　I　possess　racial　memory　to　an　enormous　extent；　but　I

possess　the　memories　of　one　particular　and　far…removed

progenitor。　　And　yet；　while　this　is　most　unusual；　there

is　nothing　over…remarkable　about　it。



Follow　my　reasoning。　　An　instinct　is　a　racial　memory。

Very　good。　Then　you　and　I　and　all　of　us　receive　these

memories　from　our　fathers　and　mothers；　as　they　received

them　from　their　fathers　and　mothers。　　Therefore　there

must　be　a　medium　whereby　these　memories　are　transmitted

from　generation　to　generation。　　This　medium　is　what

Weismann　terms　the　〃germplasm。〃　It　carries　the　memories

of　the　whole　evolution　of　the　race。　　These　memories　are

dim　and　confused；　and　many　of　them　are　lost。　　But　some

strains　of　germplasm　carry　an　excessive　freightage　of

memoriesare；　to　be　scientific；　more　atavistic　than

other　strains；　and　such　a　strain　is　mine。　　I　am　a　freak

of　heredity；　an　atavistic　nightmarecall　me　what　you

will；　but　here　I　am；　real　and　alive；　eating　three

hearty　meals　a　day；　and　what　are　you　going　to　do　about

it？



And　now；　before　I　take　up　my　tale；　I　want　to　anticipate

the　doubting　Thomases　of　psychology；　who　are　prone　to

scoff；　and　who　would　otherwise　surely　say　that　the

coherence　of　my　dreams　is　due　to　overstudy　and　the

subconscious　projection　of　my　knowledge　of　evolution

into　my　dreams。　　In　the　first　place；　I　have　never　been

a　zealous　student。　　I　graduated　last　of　my　class。　　I

cared　more　for　athletics；　andthere　is　no　reason　I

should　not　confess　itmore　for　billiards。



Further；　I　had　no　knowledge　of　evolution　until　I　was　at

college；　whereas　in　my　childhood　and　youth　I　had

already　lived　in　my　dreams　all　the　details　of　that

other；　long…ago　life。　　I　will　say；　however；　that　these

details　were　mixed　and　incoherent　until　I　came　to　know

the　science　of　evolution。　　Evolution　was　the　key。　　It

gave　the　explanation；　gave　sanity　to　the　pranks　of　this

atavistic　brain　of　mine　that；　modern　and　normal；　harked

back　to　a　past　so　remote　as　to　be　contemporaneous　with

the　raw　beginnings　of　mankind。



For　in　this　past　I　know　of；　man；　as　we　to…day　know　him；

did　not　exist。　　It　was　in　the　period　of　his　becoming

that　I　must　have　lived　and　had　my　being。







CHAPTER　III





The　commonest　dream　of　my　early　childhood　was　something

like　this：　It　seemed　that　I　was　very　small　and　that　I

lay　curled　up　in　a　sort　of　nest　of　twigs　and　boughs。

Sometimes　I　was　lying　on　my　back。　In　this　position　it

seemed　that　I　spent　many　hours；　watching　the　play　of

sunlight　on　the　foliage　and　the　stirring　of　the　leaves

by　the　wind。　　Often　the　nest　itself　moved　back　and

forth　when　the　wind　was　strong。



But　always；　while　so　lying　in　the　nest；　I　was　mastered

as　of　tremendous　space　beneath　me。　　I　never　saw　it；　I

never　peered　over　the　edge　of　the　nest　to　see；　but　I

KNEW　and　feared　that　space　that　lurked　just　beneath　me

and　that　ever　threatened　me　like　a　maw　of　some

all…devouring　monster。



This　dream；　in　which　I　was　quiescent　and　which　was　more

like　a　condition　than　an　experience　of　action；　I

dreamed　very　often　in　my　early　childhood。　　But

suddenly；　there　would　rush　into　the　very　midst　of　it

strange　forms　and　ferocious　happenings；　the　thunder　and

crashing　of　storm；　or　unfamiliar　landscapes　such　as　in

my　wake…a…day　life　I　had　never　seen。　　The　result　was

confusion　and　nightmare。　　I　could　comprehend　nothi