for the term of his natural life-第72章

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　whaling　captain；　and　had　married　one　of　her　assigned　servants；　who　had　deserted　her　five　years　ago；　as　soon　as　he　obtained　his　freedom。　A　word　or　two　at　dinner　set　me　thinking。　　She　had　received　some　English　papers；　and；　accounting　for　her　pre…occupied　manner；　grimly　said；　〃I　think　I　have　news　of　my　husband。〃　I　should　not　like　to　be　in　Carr's　shoes　if　she　has　news　of　him！　I　don't　think　she　would　suffer　indignity　calmly。　After　all；　what　business　is　it　of　mine？　　I　was　beguiled　into　taking　more　wine　at　dinner　than　I　needed。　　Confessor；　do　you　hear　me？　But　I　will　not　allow　myself　to　be　carried　away。　　You　grin；　you　fat　Familiar！　So　may　I；　but　I　shall　be　eaten　with　remorse　tomorrow。

March　3rd。A　place　called　Jerrilang；　where　I　have　a　head　and　heartache。　〃One　that　hath　let　go　himself　from　the　hold　and　stay　of　reason；　and　lies　open　to　the　mercy　of　all　temptations。〃

March　20th。Sydney。　　At　Captain　Frere's。Seventeen　days　since　I　have　opened　you；　beloved　and　detested　companion　of　mine。　　I　have　more　than　half　a　mind　to　never　open　you　again！　　To　read　you　is　to　recall　to　myself　all　I　would　most　willingly　forget；　yet　not　to　read　you　would　be　to　forget　all　that　which　I　should　for　my　sins　remember。

The　last　week　has　made　a　new　man　of　me。　　I　am　no　longer　morose；　despairing；　and　bitter；　but　genial；　and　on　good　terms　with　fortune。　It　is　strange　that　accident　should　have　induced　me　to　stay　a　week　under　the　same　roof　with　that　vision　of　brightness　which　has　haunted　me　so　long。　　A　meeting　in　the　street；　an　introduction；　an　invitation　the　thing　is　done。

The　circumstances　which　form　our　fortunes　are　certainly　curious　things。　I　had　thought　never　again　to　meet　the　bright　young　face　to　which　I　felt　so　strange　an　attractionand　lo！　here　it　is　smiling　on　me　daily。　Captain　Frere　should　be　a　happy　man。　　Yet　there　is　a　skeleton　in　this　house　also。　　That　young　wife；　by　nature　so　lovable　and　so　mirthful；　ought　not　to　have　the　sadness　on　her　face　that　twice　to…day　has　clouded　it。　He　seems　a　passionate　and　boorish　creature；　this　wonderful　convict　disciplinarian。　　His　convictspoor　devilsare　doubtless　disciplined　enough。　Charming　little　Sylvia；　with　your　quaint　wit　and　weird　beauty；　he　is　not　good　enough　for　youand　yet　it　was　a　love　match。

March　21st。I　have　read　family　prayers　every　night　since　I　have　been　here　my　black　coat　and　white　tie　gave　me　the　natural　pre…eminence　in　such　matters　and　I　feel　guilty　every　time　I　read。　　I　wonder　what　the　little　lady　of　the　devotional　eyes　would　say　if　she　knew　that　I　am　a　miserable　hypocrite；　preaching　that　which　I　do　not　practise；　exhorting　others　to　believe　those　marvels　which　I　do　not　believe？　　I　am　a　coward　not　to　throw　off　the　saintly　mask；　and　appear　as　a　Freethinker。　　Yet；　am　I　a　coward？　I　urge　upon　myself　that　it　is　for　the　glory　of　God　I　hold　my　peace。　The　scandal　of　a　priest　turned　infidel　would　do　more　harm　than　the　reign　of　reason　would　do　good。　　Imagine　this　trustful　woman　for　instance　she　would　suffer　anguish　at　the　thoughts　of　such　a　sin；　though　another　were　the　sinner。　　〃If　anyone　offend　one　of　these　little　ones　it　were　better　for　him　that　a　millstone　be　hanged　about　his　neck　and　that　he　be　cast　into　the　sea。〃　Yet　truth　is　truth；　and　should　be　spokenshould　it　not；　malignant　monitor；　who　remindest　me　how　often　I　fail　to　speak　it？　Surely　among　all　his　army　of　black…coats　our　worthy　Bishop　must　have　some　men　like　me；　who　cannot　bring　their　reason　to　believe　in　things　contrary　to　the　experience　of　mankind　and　the　laws　of　nature。

March　22nd。This　unromantic　Captain　Frere　had　had　some　romantic　incidents　in　his　life；　and　he　is　fond　of　dilating　upon　them。　　It　seems　that　in　early　life　he　expected　to　have　been　left　a　large　fortune　by　an　uncle　who　had　quarrelled　with　his　heir。　　But　the　uncle　dies　on　the　day　fixed　for　the　altering　of　the　will；　the　son　disappears；　and　is　thought　to　be　drowned。　The　widow；　however；　steadfastly　refuses　to　believe　in　any　report　of　the　young　man's　death；　and　having　a　life…interest　in　the　property；　holds　it　against　all　comers。　　My　poor　host　in　consequence　comes　out　here　on　his　pay；　and；　three　years　ago；　just　as　he　is　hoping　that　the　death　of　his　aunt　may　give　him　opportunity　to　enforce　a　claim　as　next　of　kin　to　some　portion　of　the　property；　the　long…lost　son　returns；　is　recognized　by　his　mother　and　the　trustees；　and　installed　in　due　heirship！　The　other　romantic　story　is　connected　with　Frere's　marriage。　He　told　me　after　dinner　to…night　how　his　wife　had　been　wrecked　when　a　child；　and　how　he　had　saved　her　life；　and　defended　her　from　the　rude　hands　of　an　escaped　convictone　of　the　monsters　our　monstrous　system　breeds。　〃That　was　how　we　fell　in　love；〃　said　he；　tossing　off　his　wine　complacently。

〃An　auspicious　opportunity；〃　said　I。　　To　which　he　nodded。　　He　is　not　overburdened　with　brains；　I　fancy。　　Let　me　see　if　I　can　set　down　some　account　of　this　lovely　place　and　its　people。

A　long　low　white　house；　surrounded　by　a　blooming　garden。　　Wide　windows　opening　on　a　lawn。　　The　ever　glorious；　ever　changing　sea　beneath。　It　is　evening。　　I　am　talking　with　Mrs。　Frere；　of　theories　of　social　reform；　of　picture　galleries；　of　sunsets；　and　new　books。　　There　comes　a　sound　of　wheels　on　the　gravel。　　It　is　the　magistrate　returned　from　his　convict…discipline。　　We　hear　him　come　briskly　up　the　steps；　but　we　go　on　talking。　　（I　fancy　there　was　a　time　when　the　lady　would　have　run　to　meet　him。）　He　enters；　coldly　kisses　his　wife；　and　disturbs　at　once　the　current　of　our　thoughts。　　〃It　has　been　hot　to…day。　What；　still　no　letter　from　head…quarters；　Mr。　North！　I　saw　Mrs。　Golightly　in　town；　Sylvia；　and　she　asked　for　you。　　There　is　to　be　a　ball　at　Government　House。　　We　must　go。〃　Then　he　departs；　and　is　heard　in　the　distance　indistinctly　cursing　because　the　water　is　not　hot　enough；　or　because　Dawkins；　his　convict　servant；　has　not　brushed　his　trousers　sufficiently。　　We　resume　our　chat；　but　he　returns　all　hungry；　and　bluff；　and　whisker…brushed。　　〃Dinner。　　Ha…ha！　I'm　ready　for　it。　　North；　take　Mrs。　Frere。〃　By　and　by　it　is；　〃North；　some　sherry？　　Sylvia；　the　soup　is　spoilt　again。　　Did　you　go　out　to…day？　No？〃　　His　eyebrows　contract　here；　and　I　know　he　says　inwardly；　〃Reading　some　trashy　novel；　I　suppose。〃　However；　he　grins；　and　obligingly　relates　how　the　police　have　captured　Cockatoo　Bill；　the　noted　bushranger。

After　dinner　the　disciplinarian　and　I　converseof　dogs　and　horses；　gamecocks；　convicts；　and　moving　accidents　by　flood　and　field。　I　remember　old　college　feats；　and　strive　to　keep　pace　with　him　in　the　relation　of　athletics。　　What　hypocrites　we　are！for　all　the　time　I　am　longing　to　get　to　the　drawing…room；　and　finish　my　criticism　of　the　new　poet；　Mr。　Tennyson；　to　Mrs。　Frere。　　Frere　does　not　read　Tennyson　nor　anybody　else。　　Adjourned　to　the　drawing…room；　we　chatMrs。　Frere　and　I　until　supper。　　（He　eats　supper。）　She　is　a　charming　companion；　and　when　I　talk　my　bestI　can　talk；　you　must　admit；　O　Familiar　her　face　lightens　up　with　an　interest　I　rarely　see　upon　it　at　other　times。　I　feel　cooled　and　soothed　by　this　companionship。　　The　quiet　refinement　of　this　house；　after　bullocks　and　Bathurst；　is　like　the　shadow　of　a　great　rock　in　a　weary　land。

Mrs。　Frere　is　about　five…and…twenty。　　She　is　rather　beneath　the　middle　height；　with　a　slight；　girlish　figure。　　This　girlish　appearance　is　enhanced　by　the　fact　that　she　has　bright　fair　hair　and　blue　eyes。　　Upon　conversation　with　her；　however；　one　sees　that　her　face　has　lost　much　of　the　delicate　plumpness　which　it　probably　owned　in　youth。　　She　has　had　one　child；　born　only　to　die。　　Her　cheeks　are　thin；　and　her　eyes　have　a　tinge　of　sadness；　which　speak　of　physical　pain　or　mental　grief。　　This　thinness　of　face　makes　the　eyes　appear　larger　and　the　brow　broader　than　they　really　are。　Her　hands　are　white　and　painfully　thin。　　They　must　have　been　plump　and　pretty　once。　　Her　lips　are　red　with　perpetual　fever。

Captain　Frere　seems　to　have　absorbed　all　his　wife's　vitality。　（Who　quotes　the　story　of　Lucius　Claudius　Hermippus；　who　lived　to　a　great　age　by　being　constantly　breathed　on　by　young　girls？　　I　suppose　Burton　who　quotes　everything。）　In　proportion　as　she　has　lost　her　vigour　and　youth；　he　has　gained　strength　and　heartiness。　　Though　he　is　at　least　forty　years　of　age；　he　does　not　look　more　than　thirty。　　His　face　is　ruddy；　his　eyes　bright；　his　voice　firm　and　ringing。　　He　must　be　a　man　of　considerable　strength　andI　should　sayof　more　than　ordinary　animal　courage　and　animal　appetite。　　There　is　not　a　nerve　in　his　body　which　does　not　twang　like　a　piano　wire。　　In　appearance；　he　is　tall；　broad；　and　bluff；　with　red　whiskers　and　reddish　hair　slightly　touched　with　grey。　His　manner　is　loud；　coarse；　and　imperious；　his　talk　of　dogs；　horses；　and　convicts。　　What　a　strangely…mated　pair！

March　30th。A　letter　from　Van　Diemen's　Land。　　〃There　is　a　row　in　the　pantry；〃　said　Frere；　with　his　accustomed　slang。　　It　seems　that　the　Comptroller…General　of　Convicts　has　appointed　a　Mr。　Pounce　to　go　down　and　make　a　report　on　the　state　of　Norfolk　Island。　　I　am　to　go　down　with　him；　and　shall　receive　instructions　to　that　effect　from　the　Comptroller…General。　I　have　informed　Frere　of　this；　and　he　has　written　to　Pounce　to　come　and　stay　on　his　way　down。　　There　has　been　nothing　but　convict　discipline　talked　since。　　Frere　is　great　upon　this　point；　and　wearies　me　with　his　explanations　of　convict　tricks　and　wickedness。　　He　is　celebrated　for　his　knowledge　of　such　matters。　　Detestable　wisdom！　　His　servants　hate　him；　but　they　obey　him　without　a　murmur。　　I　have　observed　that　habitual　criminalslike　all　savage　beastscower　before　the　man　who　has　once　mastered　them。　　I　should　not　be　surprised　if　the　Van　Diemen's　Land　Government　selected　Frere　as　their　〃disciplinarian〃。　I　hope　they　won't　and　yet　I　hope　they　will。

April　4th。Nothing　worth　recording　until　to…day。　　Eating；　drinking；　and　sleeping。　　Despite　my　forty…seven　years；　I　begin　to　feel　almost　like　the　James　North　who　fought　the　bargee　and　took　the　gold　medal。　What　a　drink　water　is！　The　fons　Bandusiae　splendidior　vitreo　was　better　than　all　the　Massic；　Master　Horace！　I　doubt　if　your　celebrated　liquor；　bottled　when　Manlius　was　consul；　could　compare　with　it。

But　to　my　notable　facts。　　I　have　found　out　to…night　two　things　which　surprise　me。　　One　is　that　the　convict　who　attempted　the　life　of　Mrs。　Frere　is　none　other　than　the　unhappy　man　whom　my　fatal　weakness　caused　to　be　flogged　at　Port　Arthur；　and　whose　face　comes　before　me　to　reproach　me　even　now。　　The　other　that　Mrs。　Carr　is　an　old　acquaintance　of　Frere's。　　The　latter　piece　of　information　I　obtained　in　a　curious　way。　One　night；　while　Mrs。　Frere　was　not　there；　we　were　talking　of　clever　women。　I　broached　my　theory；　that　strong　intellect　in　women　went　far　to　destroy　their　womanly　nature。

〃Desire　in　man；〃　said　I；　〃should　be　Volition　in　women：　Reason；　Intuition；　Reverence；　Devotion；　Passion；　Love。　　The　woman　should　strike　a　lower　key…note；　but　a　sharper　sound。　　Man　has　vigour　of　reason；　woman　quickness　of　feeling。　The　woman　who　possesses　masculine　force　of　intellect　is　abnormal。〃　He　did　not　half　comprehend　me；　I　could　see；　but　he　agreed　with　the　broad　view　of　the　case。　　〃I　only　knew　one　woman　who　was　really　'strong…minded'；　as　they　call　it；〃　he　said；　〃and　she　was　a　regular　bad　one。〃

〃It　does　not　follow　that　she　should　be　bad；〃　said　I。

〃This　one　was；　thoughstoc