symposium-第10章

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I　hold　my　ears　and　tear　myself　away　from　him。　And　he　is　the　only　person　who　ever　made　me　ashamed；　which　you　might　think　not　to　be　in　my　nature；　and　there　is　no　one　else　who　does　the　same。　For　I　know　that　I　cannot　answer　him　or　say　that　I　ought　not　to　do　as　he　bids；　but　when　I　leave　his　presence　the　love　of　popularity　gets　the　better　of　me。　And　therefore　I　run　away　and　fly　from　him；　and　when　I　see　him　I　am　ashamed　of　what　I　have　confessed　to　him。　Many　a　time　have　I　wished　that　he　were　dead；　and　yet　I　know　that　I　should　be　much　more　sorry　than　glad；　if　he　were　to　die：　so　that　am　at　my　wit's　end。　　　And　this　is　what　I　and　many　others　have　suffered；　from　the　flute…playing　of　this　satyr。　Yet　hear　me　once　more　while　I　show　you　how　exact　the　image　is；　and。　how　marvellous　his　power。　For　let　me　tell　you；　none　of　you　know　him；　but　I　will　reveal　him　to　you；　having　begun；　I　must　go　on。　See　you　how　fond　he　is　of　the　fair？　He　is　always　with　them　and　is　always　being　smitten　by　them；　and　then　again　he　knows　nothing　and　is　ignorant　of　all　thing　such　is　the　appearance　which　he　puts　on。　Is　he　not　like　a　Silenus　in　this？　To　be　sure　he　is：　his　outer　mask　is　the　carved　head　of　the　Silenus；　but；　O　my　companions　in　drink；　when　he　is　opened；　what　temperance　there　is　residing　within！　Know　you　that　beauty　and　wealth　and　honour；　at　which　the　many　wonder；　are　of　no　account　with　him；　and　are　utterly　despised　by　him：　he　regards　not　at　all　the　persons　who　are　gifted　with　them；　mankind　are　nothing　to　him；　all　his　life　is　spent　in　mocking　and　flouting　at　them。　But　when　I　opened　him；　and　looked　within　at　his　serious　purpose；　I　saw　in　him　divine　and　golden　images　of　such　fascinating　beauty　that　I　was　ready　to　do　in　a　moment　whatever　Socrates　commanded：　they　may　have　escaped　the　observation　of　others；　but　I　saw　them。　Now　I　fancied　that　he　was　seriously　enamoured　of　my　beauty；　and　I　thought　that　I　should　therefore　have　a　grand　opportunity　of　hearing　him　tell　what　he　knew；　for　I　had　a　wonderful　opinion　of　the　attractions　of　my　youth。　In　the　prosecution　of　this　design；　when　I　next　went　to　him；　I　sent　away　the　attendant　who　usually　accompanied　me　（I　will　confess　the　whole　truth；　and　beg　you　to　listen；　and　if　I　speak　falsely；　do　you；　Socrates；　expose　the　falsehood）。　Well；　he　and　I　were　alone　together；　and　I　thought　that　when　there　was　nobody　with　us；　I　should　hear　him　speak　the　language　which　lovers　use　to　their　loves　when　they　are　by　themselves；　and　I　was　delighted。　Nothing　of　the　sort；　he　conversed　as　usual；　and　spent　the　day　with　me　and　then　went　away。　Afterwards　I　challenged　him　to　the　palaestra；　and　he　wrestled　and　closed　with　me；　several　times　when　there　was　no　one　present；　I　fancied　that　I　might　succeed　in　this　manner。　Not　a　bit；　I　made　no　way　with　him。　Lastly；　as　I　had　failed　hitherto；　I　thought　that　I　must　take　stronger　measures　and　attack　him　boldly；　and；　as　I　had　begun；　not　give　him　up；　but　see　how　matters　stood　between　him　and　me。　So　I　invited　him　to　sup　with　me；　just　as　if　he　were　a　fair　youth；　and　I　a　designing　lover。　He　was　not　easily　persuaded　to　come；　he　did；　however；　after　a　while　accept　the　invitation；　and　when　he　came　the　first　time；　he　wanted　to　go　away　at　once　as　soon　as　supper　was　over；　and　I　had　not　the　face　to　detain　him。　The　second　time；　still　in　pursuance　of　my　design；　after　we　had　supped；　I　went　on　conversing　far　into　the　night；　and　when　he　wanted　to　go　away；　I　pretended　that　the　hour　was　late　and　that　he　had　much　better　remain。　So　he　lay　down　on　the　couch　next　to　me；　the　same　on　which　he　had　supped；　and　there　was　no　one　but　ourselves　sleeping　in　the　apartment。　All　this　may　be　told　without　shame　to　any　one。　But　what　follows　I　could　hardly　tell　you　if　I　were　sober。　Yet　as　the　proverb　says；　〃In　vino　veritas；〃　whether　with　boys；　or　without　them；　and　therefore　I　must　speak。　Nor；　again；　should　I　be　justified　in　concealing　the　lofty　actions　of　Socrates　when　I　come　to　praise　him。　Moreover　I　have　felt　the　serpent's　sting；　and　he　who　has　suffered；　as　they　say；　is　willing　to　tell　his　fellow…sufferers　only；　as　they　alone　will　be　likely　to　understand　him；　and　will　not　be　extreme　in　judging　of　the　sayings　or　doings　which　have　been　wrung　from　his　agony。　For　I　have　been　bitten　by　a　more　than　viper's　tooth；　I　have　known　in　my　soul；　or　in　my　heart；　or　in　some　other　part；　that　worst　of　pangs；　more　violent　in　ingenuous　youth　than　any　serpent's　tooth；　the　pang　of　philosophy；　which　will　make　a　man　say　or　do　anything。　And　you　whom　I　see　around　me；　Phaedrus　and　Agathon　and　Eryximachus　and　Pausanias　and　Aristodemus　and　Aristophanes；　all　of　you；　and　I　need　not　say　Socrates　himself；　have　had　experience　of　the　same　madness　and　passion　in　your　longing　after　wisdom。　Therefore　listen　and　excuse　my　doings　then　and　my　sayings　now。　But　let　the　attendants　and　other　profane　and　unmannered　persons　close　up　the　doors　of　their　ears。　　　When　the　lamp　was　put　out　and　the　servants　had　gone　away；　I　thought　that　I　must　be　plain　with　him　and　have　no　more　ambiguity。　So　I　gave　him　a　shake；　and　I　said：　〃Socrates；　are　you　asleep？〃　〃No；〃　he　said。　〃Do　you　know　what　I　am　meditating？　〃What　are　you　meditating？〃　he　said。　〃I　think；〃　I　replied；　〃that　of　all　the　lovers　whom　I　have　ever　had　you　are　the　only　one　who　is　worthy　of　me；　and　you　appear　to　be　too　modest　to　speak。　Now　I　feel　that　I　should　be　a　fool　to　refuse　you　this　or　any　other　favour；　and　therefore　I　come　to　lay　at　your　feet　all　that　I　have　and　all　that　my　friends　have；　in　the　hope　that　you　will　assist　me　in　the　way　of　virtue；　which　I　desire　above　all　things；　and　in　which　I　believe　that　you　can　help　me　better　than　any　one　else。　And　I　should　certainly　have　more　reason　to　be　ashamed　of　what　wise　men　would　say　if　I　were　to　refuse　a　favour　to　such　as　you；　than　of　what　the　world　who　are　mostly　fools；　would　say　of　me　if　I　granted　it。〃　To　these　words　he　replied　in　the　ironical　manner　which　is　so　characteristic　of　him：　〃Alcibiades；　my　friend；　you　have　indeed　an　elevated　aim　if　what　you　say　is　true；　and　if　there　really　is　in　me　any　power　by　which　you　may　become　better；　truly　you　must　see　in　me　some　rare　beauty　of　a　kind　infinitely　higher　than　any　which　I　see　in　you。　And　therefore；　if　you　mean　to　share　with　me　and　to　exchange　beauty　for　beauty；　you　will　have　greatly　the　advantage　of　me；　you　will　gain　true　beauty　in　return　for　appearance…like　Diomede；　gold　in　exchange　for　brass。　But　look　again；　sweet　friend；　and　see　whether　you　are　not　deceived　in　me。　The　mind　begins　to　grow　critical　when　the　bodily　eye　fails；　and　it　will　be　a　long　time　before　you　get　old。〃　Hearing　this；　I　said：　〃I　have　told　you　my　purpose；　which　is　quite　serious；　and　do　you　consider　what　you　think　best　for　you　and　me。〃　〃That　is　good；〃　he　said；　〃at　some　other　time　then　we　will　consider　and　act　as　seems　best　about　this　and　about　other　matters。〃　Whereupon；　I　fancied　that　was　smitten；　and　that　the　words　which　I　had　uttered　like　arrows　had　wounded　him；　and　so　without　waiting　to　hear　more　I　got　up；　and　throwing　my　coat　about　him　crept　under　his　threadbare　cloak；　as　the　time　of　year　was　winter；　and　there　I　lay　during　the　whole　night　having　this　wonderful　monster　in　my　arms。　This　again；　Socrates；　will　not　be　denied　by　you。　And　yet；　notwithstanding　all；　he　was　so　superior　to　my　solicitations；　so　contemptuous　and　derisive　and　disdainful　of　my　beauty…which　really；　as　I　fancied；　had　some　attractions…hear；　O　judges；　for　judges　you　shall　be　of　the　haughty　virtue　of　Socrates…nothing　more　happened；　but　in　the　morning　when　I　awoke　（let　all　the　gods　and　goddesses　be　my　witnesses）　I　arose　as　from　the　couch　of　a　father　or　an　elder　brother。　　　What　do　you　suppose　must　have　been　my　feelings；　after　this　rejection；　at　the　thought　of　my　own　dishonour？　And　yet　I　could　not　help　wondering　at　his　natural　temperance　and　self…restraint　and　manliness。　I　never　imagined　that　I　could　have　met　with　a　man　such　as　he　is　in　wisdom　and　endurance。　And　therefore　I　could　not　be　angry　with　him　or　renounce　his　company；　any　more　than　I　could　hope　to　win　him。　For　I　well　knew　that　if　Ajax　could　not　be　wounded　by　steel；　much　less　he　by　money；　and　my　only　chance　of　captivating　him　by　my　personal　attractions　had　faded。　So　I　was　at　my　wit's　end；　no　one　was　ever　more　hopelessly　enslaved　by　another。　All　this　happened　before　he　and　I　went　on　the　expedition　to　Potidaea；　there　we　messed　together；　and　I　had　the　opportunity　of　observing　his　extraordinary　power　of　sustaining　fatigue。　His　endurance　was　simply　marvellous　when；　being　cut　off　from　our　supplies；　we　were　compelled　to　go　without　food…on　such　occasions；　which　often　happen　in　time　of　war；　he　was　superior　not　only　to　me　but　to　everybody；　there　was　no　one　to　be　compared　to　him。　Yet　at　a　festival　he　was　the　only　person　who　had　any　real　powers　of　enjoyment；　though　not　willing　to　drink；　he　could　if　compelled　beat　us　all　at　that；…wonderful　to　relate！　no　human　being　had　ever　seen　Socrates　drunk；　and　his　powers；　if　I　am　not　mistaken；　will　be　tested　before　long。　His　fortitude　in　enduring　cold　was　also　surprising。　There　was　a　severe　frost；　for　the　winter　in　that　region　is　really　tremendous；　and　everybody　else　either　remained　indoors；　or　if　they　went　out　had　on　an　amazing　quantity　of　clothes；　and　were　well　shod；　and　had　their　feet　swathed　in　felt　and　fleeces：　in　the　midst　of　this；　Socrates　with　his　bare　feet　on　the　ice　and　in　his　ordinary　dress　marched　better　than　the　other　soldiers　who　had　shoes；　and　they　looked　daggers　at　him　because　he　seemed　to　despise　them。　　　I　have　told　you　one　tale；　and　now　I　must　tell　you　another；　which　is　worth　hearing；　'Of　the　doings　and　sufferings　of　the　enduring　man'；　while　he　was　on　the　expedition。　One　morning　he　was　thinking　about　something　which　he　could　not　resolve；　he　would　not　give　it　up；　but　continued　thinking　from　early　dawn　until　noon…there　he　stood　fixed　in　thought；　and　at　noon　attention　was　drawn　to　him；　and　the　rumour　ran　through　the　wondering　crowd　that　Socrates　had　been　standing　and　thinking　about　something　ever　since　the　break　of　day。　At　last；　in　the　evening　after　supper；　some　Ionians　out　of　curiosity　（I　should　explain　that　this　was　not　in　winter　but　in　summer）；　brought　out　their　mats　and　slept　in　the　open　air　that　they　might　watch　him　and　see　whether　he　would　stand　all　night。　There　he　stood　until　the　following　morning；　and　with　the　return　of　light　he　offered　up　a　prayer　to　the　sun；　and　went　his　way。　I　will　also　tell；　if　you　please…and　indeed　I　am　bound　to　tell　of　his　courage　in　battle；　for　who　but　he　saved　my　life？　Now　this　was　the　engagement　in　which　I　received　the　prize　of　valour：　for　I　was　wounded　and　he　would　not　leave　me；　but　he　rescued　me　and　my　arms；　and　he　ought　to　have　received　the　prize　of　valour　which　the　generals　wanted　to　confer　on　me　partly　on　account　of　my　rank；　and　I　told　them　so；　（this；　again　Socrates　will　not　impeach　or　deny）；　but　he　was　more　eager　than　the　generals　that　I　and　not　he　should　have　the　prize。　There　was　another　occasion　on　which　his　behaviour　was　very　remarkable…in　the　flight　of　the　army　after　the　battle　of　Delium；　where　he　served　among　the　heavy…armed…I　had　a　better　opportunity　of　seeing　him　than　at　Potidaea；　for　I　was　myself　on　horseback；　and　therefore　comparatively　out　of　danger。　He　and　Laches　were　retreating；　for　the　troops　were　in　flight；　and　I　met　them　and　told　them　not　to　be　discouraged；　and　promised　to　remain　with　them；　and　there