the professor at the breakfast table-第20章

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know；　but　mark　this：　when　the　common　people　of　New　England　stop

talking　politics　and　theology；　it　will　be　because　they　have　got　an

Emperor　to　teach　them　the　one；　and　a　Pope　to　teach　them　the　other！



That　was　the　end　of　my　long　conference　with　the　divinity…student。

The　next　morning　we　got　talking　a　little　on　the　same　subject；　very

good…naturedly；　as　people　return　to　a　matter　they　have　talked　out。



You　must　look　to　yourself；said　the　divinity…student；if　your

democratic　notions　get　into　print。　　You　will　be　fired　into　from　all

quarters。



If　it　were　only　a　bullet；　with　the　marksman's　name　on　it！　I　said。

I　can't　stop　to　pick　out　the　peep…shot　of　the　anonymous　scribblers。



Right；　Sir！　　right！said　the　Little　Gentleman。　　The　scamps！　　I　know

the　fellows。　　They　can't　give　fifty　cents　to　one　of　the　Antipodes；

but　they　must　have　it　jingled　along　through　everybody's　palms　all　the

way；　till　it　reaches　him；and　forty　cents　of　it　gets　spilt；　like　the

water　out　of　the　fire…buckets　passed　along　a　〃lane〃　at　a　fire；but

when　it　comes　to　anonymous　defamation；　putting　lies　into　people's

mouths；　and　then　advertising　those　people　through　the　country　as　the

authors　of　them；oh；　then　it　is　that　they　let　not　their　left　hand

know　what　their　right　hand　doeth！



I　don't　like　Ehud's　style　of　doing　business；　Sir。　　He　comes　along

with　a　very　sanctimonious　look；　Sir；　with　his　〃secret　errand　unto

thee；〃　and　his　〃message　from　God　unto　thee；〃　and　then　pulls　out　his

hidden　knife　with　that　unsuspected　hand　of　his；…（the　Little

Gentleman　lifted　his　clenched　left　hand　with　the　blood…red　jewel　on

the　ring…finger；）and　runs　it；　blade　and　haft；　into　a　man's　stomach！

Don't　meddle　with　these　fellows；　Sir。　　They　are　read　mostly　by

persons　whom　you　would　not　reach；　if　you　were　to　write　ever　so　much。

Let　'em　alone。　　A　man　whose　opinions　are　not　attacked　is　beneath

contempt。



I　hope　so；I　said。　I　got　three　pamphlets　and　innumerable　squibs

flung　at　my　head　for　attacking　one　of　the　pseudo…sciences；　in　former

years。　　When；　by　the　permission　of　Providence；　I　held　up　to　the

professional　public　the　damnable　facts　connected　with　the　conveyance

of　poison　from　one　young　mother's　chamber　to　another's；for　doing

which　humble　office　I　desire　to　be　thankful　that　I　have　lived；　though

nothing　else　good　should　ever　come　of　my　life；I　had　to　bear　the

sneers　of　those　whose　position　I　had　assailed；　and；　as　I　believe；

have　at　last　demolished；　so　that　nothing　but　the　ghosts　of　dead　women

stir　among　the　ruins。　What　would　you　do；　if　the　folks　without　names

kept　at　you；　trying　to　get　a　San　Benito　on　to　your　shoulders　that

would　fit　you？Would　you　stand　still　in　fly…time；　or　would　you　give

a　kick　now　and　then？



Let　'em　bite！　said　the　Little　Gentleman；let　'em　bite！　　It　makes

'em　hungry　to　shake　'em　off；　and　they　settle　down　again　as　thick　as

ever　and　twice　as　savage。　　Do　you　know　what　meddling　with　the　folks

without　names；　as　you　call　'em；　is　like？It　is　like　riding　at　the

quintaan。　　You　run　full　tilt　at　the　board；　but　the　board　is　on　a

pivot；　with　a　bag　of　sand　on　an　arm　that　balances　it。　　The　board

gives　way　as　soon　as　you　touch　it；　and　before　you　have　got　by；　the

bag　of　sand　comes　round　whack　on　the　back　of　your　neck。　　〃Ananias；〃

for　instance；　pitches　into　your　lecture；　we　will　say；　in　some　paper

taken　by　the　people　in　your　kitchen。　　Your　servants　get　saucy　and

negligent。　　If　their　newspaper　calls　you　names；　they　need　not　be　so

particular　about　shutting　doors　softly　or　boiling　potatoes。　　So　you

lose　your　temper；　and　come　out　in　an　article　which　you　think　is　going

to　finish　〃Ananias；〃　proving　him　a　booby　who　doesn't　know　enough　to

understand　even　a　lyceum…lecture；　or　else　a　person　that　tells　lies。

Now　you　think　you　've　got　him！　　Not　so　fast。　　〃Ananias　〃　keeps　still

and　winks　to　〃Shimei；〃　and　〃Shimei〃　comes　out　in　the　paper　which　they

take　in　your　neighbor's　kitchen；　ten　times　worse　than　t'other　fellow。

If　you　meddle　with　〃Shimei；〃　he　steps　out；　and　next　week　appears

〃Rab…shakeh；〃　an　unsavory　wretch；　and　now；　at　any　rate；　you　find　out

what　good　sense　there　was　in　Hezekiah's　〃Answer　him　not。〃No；　no；

keep　your　temper。　So　saying；　the　Little　Gentleman　doubled　his　left

fist　and　looked　at　it　as　if　he　should　like　to　hit　something　or

somebody　a　most　pernicious　punch　with　it。



Good！said　I。　Now　let　me　give　you　some　axioms　I　have　arrived　at；

after　seeing　something　of　a　great　many　kinds　of　good　folks。



Of　a　hundred　people　of　each　of　the　different　leading　religious

sects；　about　the　same　proportion　will　be　safe　and　pleasant　persons　to

deal　and　to　live　with。



There　are；　at　least；　three　real　saints　among　the　women　to　one　among

the　men；　in　every　denomination。



The　spiritual　standard　of　different　classes　I　would　reckon　thus：



1。　　The　comfortably　rich。

2。　　The　decently　comfortable。

3。　　The　very　rich；　who　are　apt　to　be　irreligious。

4。　　The　very　poor；　who　are　apt　to　be　immoral。



The　cut　nails　of　machine…divinity　may　be　driven　in；　but　they　won't

clinch。



The　arguments　which　the　greatest　of　our　schoolmen　could　not　refute

were　two：　the　blood　in　men's　veins；　and　the　milk　in　women's　breasts。



Humility　is　the　first　of　the　virtuesfor　other　people。



Faith　always　implies　the　disbelief　of　a　lesser　fact　in　favor　of　a

greater。　　A　little　mind　often　sees　the　unbelief；　without　seeing　the

belief　of　a　large　one。



The　Poor　Relation　had　been　fidgeting　about　and　working　her　mouth

while　all　this　was　going　on。　　She　broke　out　in　speech　at　this　point。



I　hate　to　hear　folks　talk　so。　　I　don't　see　that　you　are　any　better

than　a　heathen。



I　wish　I　were　half　as　good　as　many　heathens　have　been；I　said。

Dying　for　a　principle　seems　to　me　a　higher　degree　of　virtue　than

scolding　for　it；　and　the　history　of　heathen　races　is　full　of

instances　where　men　have　laid　down　their　lives　for　the　love　of　their

kind；　of　their　country；　of　truth；　nay；　even　for　simple　manhood's

sake；　or　to　show　their　obedience　or　fidelity。　　What　would　not　such

beings　have　done　for　the　souls　of　men；　for　the　Christian

commonwealth；　for　the　King　of　Kings；　if　they　had　lived　in　days　of

larger　light？　　Which　seems　to　you　nearest　heaven；　Socrates　drinking

his　hemlock；　Regulus　going　back　to　the　enemy's　camp；　or　that　old　New

England　divine　sitting　comfortably　in　his　study　and　chuckling　over

his　conceit　of　certain　poor　women；　who　had　been　burned　to　death　in

his　own　town；　going　〃roaring　out　of　one　fire　into　another〃？



I　don't　believe　he　said　any　such　thing；replied　the　Poor　Relation。



It　is　hard　to　believe；said　I；but　it　is　true　for　all　that。　　In

another　hundred　years　it　will　be　as　incredible　that　men　talked　as　we

sometimes　hear　them　now。



Pectus　est　quod　facit　theologum。　　The　heart　makes　the　theologian。

Every　race；　every　civilization；　either　has　a　new　revelation　of　its

own　or　a　new　interpretation　of　an　old　one。　　Democratic　America；　has　a

different　humanity　from　feudal　Europe；　and　so　must　have　a　new

divinity。　　See；　for　one　moment；　how　intelligence　reacts　on　our

faiths。　　The　Bible　was　a　divining…book　to　our　ancestors；　and　is　so

still　in　the　hands　of　some　of　the　vulgar。　　The　Puritans　went　to　the

Old　Testament　for　their　laws；　the　Mormons　go　to　it　for　their

patriarchal　institution。　　Every　generation　dissolves　something　new

and　precipitates　something　once　held　in　solution　from　that　great

storehouse　of　temporary　and　permanent　truths。



You　may　observe　this：　that　the　conversation　of　intelligent　men　of　the

stricter　sects　is　strangely　in　advance　of　the　formula　that　belong　to

their　organizations。　　So　true　is　this；　that　I　have　doubts　whether　a

large　proportion　of　them　would　not　have　been　rather　pleased　than

offended；　if　they　could　have　overheard　our；　talk。　　For；　look　you；　I

think　there　is　hardly　a　professional　teacher　who　will　not　in　private

conversation　allow　a　large　part　of　what　we　have　said；　though　it　may

frighten　him　in　print；　and　I　know　well　what　an　under…current　of

secret　sympathy　gives　vitality　to　those　poor　words　of　mine　which

sometimes　get　a　hearing。



I　don't　mind　the　exclamation　of　any　old　stager　who　drinks　Madeira

worth　from　two　to　six　Bibles　a　bottle；　and　burns；　according　to　his

own　premises；　a　dozen　souls　a　year　in　the　cigars　with　which　he

muddles　his　brains。　　But　as　for　the　good　and　true　and　intelligent　men

whom　we　see　all　around　us；　laborious；　self…denying；　hopeful；

helpful；men　who　know　that　the　active　mind　of　the　century　is　tending

more　and　more　to　the　two　poles；　Rome　and　Reason；　the　sovereign　church

or　the　free　soul；　authority　or　personality；　God　in　us　or　God　in　our

masters；　and　that；　though　a　man　may　by　accident　stand　half…way

between　these　two　points；　he　must　look　one　way　or　the　other；I　don't

believe　they　would　take　offence　at　anything　I　have　reported　of　our

late　conversation。



But　supposing　any　one　do　take　offence　at　first　sight；　let　him　look

over　these　notes　again；　and　see　whether　he　is　quite　sure　he　does　not

agree　with　most　of　these　things　that　were　said　amongst　us。　　If　he

agrees　with　most　of　them；　let　him　be　patient　with　an　opinion　he　does

not　accept；　or　an　expression　or　illustration　a　little　too　vivacious。

I　don't　know　that　I　shall　report　any　more　conversations　on　these

topics；　but　I　do　insist　on　the　right　to　express　a　civil　opinion　on

this　class　of　subjects　without　giving　offence；　just　when　and　where　I

please；…unless；　as　in　the　lecture…room；　there　is　an　implied

contract　to　keep　clear　of　doubtful　matters。　　You　did　n't　think　a　man

could　sit　at　a　breakfast…table　doing　nothing　but　making　puns　every

morning　for　a　year　or　two；　and　never　give　a　thought　to　the　two

thousand　of　his　fellow…creatures　who　are　passing　into　another　state

during　every　hour　that　he　sits　talking　and　laughing。　　Of　course；　the

one　matter　that　a　real　human　being　cares　for　is　what　is　going　to

become　of　them　and　of　him。　　And　the　plain　truth　is；　that　a　good　many

people　are　saying　one　thing　about　it　and　believing　another。



How　do　I　know　that？　　Why；　I　have　known　and　loved　to　talk　with　good

people；　all　the　way　from　Rome　to　Geneva　in　doctrine；　as　long　as　I　can

remember。　　Besides；　the　real　religion　of　the　world　comes　from　women

much　more　than　from　men；from　mothers　most　of　all；　who　carry　the　key

of　our　souls　in　their　bosoms。　　It　is　in　their　hearts　that　the

〃sentimental〃　religion　some　people　are　so　fond　of　sneering　at　has　its

source。　　The　sentiment　of　love；　the　sentiment　of　maternity；　the

sentiment　of　the　paramount　obligation　of　the　parent　to　the　child　as

having　called　it　into　existence；　enhanced　just　in　proportion　to　the

power　and　knowledge　of　the　one　and　the　weakness　and　ignorance　of　the

other；these　are　the　〃sentiments〃　that　have　kept　our　soulless

systems　from　driving　men　off　to　die　in　holes　like　those　that　riddle

the　sides　of　the　hill　opposite　the　Monastery　of　St。　Saba；　where　the

miserable　victims　of　a　falsely…interpreted　religion　starved　and

withered　in　their　delusion。



I　ha