lazy tour of two idle apprentices-第12章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



some　pernicious　example　of　activity　and　industry　that　had　been　set

him　by　others。　　The　trials　to　which　he　here　alludes　were　three　in

number；　and　may　be　thus　reckoned　up：　　First；　the　disaster　of　being

an　unpopular　and　a　thrashed　boy　at　school；　secondly；　the　disaster

of　falling　seriously　ill；　thirdly；　the　disaster　of　becoming

acquainted　with　a　great　bore。



The　first　disaster　occurred　after　Thomas　had　been　an　idle　and　a

popular　boy　at　school；　for　some　happy　years。　　One　Christmas…time；

he　was　stimulated　by　the　evil　example　of　a　companion；　whom　he　had

always　trusted　and　liked；　to　be　untrue　to　himself；　and　to　try　for　a

prize　at　the　ensuing　half…yearly　examination。　　He　did　try；　and　he

got　a　prize　…　how；　he　did　not　distinctly　know　at　the　moment；　and

cannot　remember　now。　　No　sooner；　however；　had　the　book　…　Moral

Hints　to　the　Young　on　the　Value　of　Time　…　been　placed　in　his　hands；

than　the　first　troubles　of　his　life　began。　　The　idle　boys　deserted

him；　as　a　traitor　to　their　cause。　　The　industrious　boys　avoided

him；　as　a　dangerous　interloper；　one　of　their　number；　who　had　always

won　the　prize　on　previous　occasions；　expressing　just　resentment　at

the　invasion　of　his　privileges　by　calling　Thomas　into　the　play…

ground；　and　then　and　there　administering　to　him　the　first　sound　and

genuine　thrashing　that　he　had　ever　received　in　his　life。　　Unpopular

from　that　moment；　as　a　beaten　boy；　who　belonged　to　no　side　and　was

rejected　by　all　parties；　young　Idle　soon　lost　caste　with　his

masters；　as　he　had　previously　lost　caste　with　his　schoolfellows。

He　had　forfeited　the　comfortable　reputation　of　being　the　one　lazy

member　of　the　youthful　community　whom　it　was　quite　hopeless　to

punish。　　Never　again　did　he　hear　the　headmaster　say　reproachfully

to　an　industrious　boy　who　had　committed　a　fault；　'I　might　have

expected　this　in　Thomas　Idle；　but　it　is　inexcusable；　sir；　in　you；

who　know　better。'　　Never　more；　after　winning　that　fatal　prize；　did

he　escape　the　retributive　imposition；　or　the　avenging　birch。　　From

that　time；　the　masters　made　him　work；　and　the　boys　would　not　let

him　play。　　From　that　time　his　social　position　steadily　declined；

and　his　life　at　school　became　a　perpetual　burden　to　him。



So；　again；　with　the　second　disaster。　　While　Thomas　was　lazy；　he　was

a　model　of　health。　　His　first　attempt　at　active　exertion　and　his

first　suffering　from　severe　illness　are　connected　together　by　the

intimate　relations　of　cause　and　effect。　　Shortly　after　leaving

school；　he　accompanied　a　party　of　friends　to　a　cricket…field；　in

his　natural　and　appropriate　character　of　spectator　only。　　On　the

ground　it　was　discovered　that　the　players　fell　short　of　the

required　number；　and　facile　Thomas　was　persuaded　to　assist　in

making　up　the　complement。　　At　a　certain　appointed　time；　he　was

roused　from　peaceful　slumber　in　a　dry　ditch；　and　placed　before

three　wickets　with　a　bat　in　his　hand。　　Opposite　to　him；　behind

three　more　wickets；　stood　one　of　his　bosom　friends；　filling　the

situation　（as　he　was　informed）　of　bowler。　　No　words　can　describe

Mr。　Idle's　horror　and　amazement；　when　he　saw　this　young　man　…　on

ordinary　occasions；　the　meekest　and　mildest　of　human　beings　…

suddenly　contract　his　eye…brows；　compress　his　lips；　assume　the

aspect　of　an　infuriated　savage；　run　back　a　few　steps；　then　run

forward；　and；　without　the　slightest　previous　provocation；　hurl　a

detestably　hard　ball　with　all　his　might　straight　at　Thomas's　legs。

Stimulated　to　preternatural　activity　of　body　and　sharpness　of　eye

by　the　instinct　of　self…preservation；　Mr。　Idle　contrived；　by

jumping　deftly　aside　at　the　right　moment；　and　by　using　his　bat

（ridiculously　narrow　as　it　was　for　the　purpose）　as　a　shield；　to

preserve　his　life　and　limbs　from　the　dastardly　attack　that　had　been

made　on　both；　to　leave　the　full　force　of　the　deadly　missile　to

strike　his　wicket　instead　of　his　leg；　and　to　end　the　innings；　so

far　as　his　side　was　concerned；　by　being　immediately　bowled　out。

Grateful　for　his　escape；　he　was　about　to　return　to　the　dry　ditch；

when　he　was　peremptorily　stopped；　and　told　that　the　other　side　was

'going　in；'　and　that　he　was　expected　to　'field。'　　His　conception　of

the　whole　art　and　mystery　of　'fielding；'　may　be　summed　up　in　the

three　words　of　serious　advice　which　he　privately　administered　to

himself　on　that　trying　occasion　…　avoid　the　ball。　　Fortified　by

this　sound　and　salutary　principle；　he　took　his　own　course；

impervious　alike　to　ridicule　and　abuse。　　Whenever　the　ball　came

near　him；　he　thought　of　his　shins；　and　got　out　of　the　way

immediately。　　'Catch　it！'　　'Stop　it！'　　'Pitch　it　up！'　were　cries

that　passed　by　him　like　the　idle　wind　that　he　regarded　not。　　He

ducked　under　it；　he　jumped　over　it；　he　whisked　himself　away　from　it

on　either　side。　　Never　once；　through　the　whole　innings　did　he　and

the　ball　come　together　on　anything　approaching　to　intimate　terms。

The　unnatural　activity　of　body　which　was　necessarily　called　forth

for　the　accomplishment　of　this　result　threw　Thomas　Idle；　for　the

first　time　in　his　life；　into　a　perspiration。　　The　perspiration；　in

consequence　of　his　want　of　practice　in　the　management　of　that

particular　result　of　bodily　activity；　was　suddenly　checked；　the

inevitable　chill　succeeded；　and　that；　in　its　turn；　was　followed　by

a　fever。　　For　the　first　time　since　his　birth；　Mr。　Idle　found

himself　confined　to　his　bed　for　many　weeks　together；　wasted　and

worn　by　a　long　illness；　of　which　his　own　disastrous　muscular

exertion　had　been　the　sole　first　cause。



The　third　occasion　on　which　Thomas　found　reason　to　reproach　himself

bitterly　for　the　mistake　of　having　attempted　to　be　industrious；　was

connected　with　his　choice　of　a　calling　in　life。　　Having　no　interest

in　the　Church；　he　appropriately　selected　the　next　best　profession

for　a　lazy　man　in　England　…　the　Bar。　　Although　the　Benchers　of　the

Inns　of　Court　have　lately　abandoned　their　good　old　principles；　and

oblige　their　students　to　make　some　show　of　studying；　in　Mr。　Idle's

time　no　such　innovation　as　this　existed。　　Young　men　who　aspired　to

the　honourable　title　of　barrister　were；　very　properly；　not　asked　to

learn　anything　of　the　law；　but　were　merely　required　to　eat　a

certain　number　of　dinners　at　the　table　of　their　Hall；　and　to　pay　a

certain　sum　of　money；　and　were　called　to　the　Bar　as　soon　as　they

could　prove　that　they　had　sufficiently　complied　with　these

extremely　sensible　regulations。　　Never　did　Thomas　move　more

harmoniously　in　concert　with　his　elders　and　betters　than　when　he

was　qualifying　himself　for　admission　among　the　barristers　of　his

native　country。　　Never　did　he　feel　more　deeply　what　real　laziness

was　in　all　the　serene　majesty　of　its　nature；　than　on　the　memorable

day　when　he　was　called　to　the　Bar；　after　having　carefully　abstained

from　opening　his　law…books　during　his　period　of　probation；　except

to　fall　asleep　over　them。　　How　he　could　ever　again　have　become

industrious；　even　for　the　shortest　period；　after　that　great　reward

conferred　upon　his　idleness；　quite　passes　his　comprehension。　　The

kind　Benchers　did　everything　they　could　to　show　him　the　folly　of

exerting　himself。　　They　wrote　out　his　probationary　exercise　for

him；　and　never　expected　him　even　to　take　the　trouble　of　reading　it

through　when　it　was　written。　　They　invited　him；　with　seven　other

choice　spirits　as　lazy　as　himself；　to　come　and　be　called　to　the

Bar；　while　they　were　sitting　over　their　wine　and　fruit　after

dinner。　　They　put　his　oaths　of　allegiance；　and　his　dreadful

official　denunciations　of　the　Pope　and　the　Pretender；　so　gently

into　his　mouth；　that　he　hardly　knew　how　the　words　got　there。　　They

wheeled　all　their　chairs　softly　round　from　the　table；　and　sat

surveying　the　young　barristers　with　their　backs　to　their　bottles；

rather　than　stand　up；　or　adjourn　to　hear　the　exercises　read。　　And

when　Mr。　Idle　and　the　seven　unlabouring　neophytes；　ranged　in　order；

as　a　class；　with　their　backs　considerately　placed　against　a　screen；

had　begun；　in　rotation；　to　read　the　exercises　which　they　had　not

written；　even　then；　each　Bencher；　true　to　the　great　lazy　principle

of　the　whole　proceeding；　stopped　each　neophyte　before　he　had

stammered　through　his　first　line；　and　bowed　to　him；　and　told　him

politely　that　he　was　a　barrister　from　that　moment。　　This　was　all

the　ceremony。　　It　was　followed　by　a　social　supper；　and　by　the

presentation；　in　accordance　with　ancient　custom；　of　a　pound　of

sweetmeats　and　a　bottle　of　Madeira；　offered　in　the　way　of　needful

refreshment；　by　each　grateful　neophyte　to　each　beneficent　Bencher。

It　may　seem　inconceivable　that　Thomas　should　ever　have　forgotten

the　great　do…nothing　principle　instilled　by　such　a　ceremony　as

this；　but　it　is；　nevertheless；　true；　that　certain　designing

students　of　industrious　habits　found　him　out；　took　advantage　of　his

easy　humour；　persuaded　him　that　it　was　discreditable　to　be　a

barrister　and　to　know　nothing　whatever　about　the　law；　and　lured

him；　by　the　force　of　their　own　evil　example；　into　a　conveyancer's

chambers；　to　make　up　for　lost　time；　and　to　qualify　himself　for

practice　at　the　Bar。　　After　a　fortnight　of　self…delusion；　the

curtain　fell　from　his　eyes；　he　resumed　his　natural　character；　and

shut　up　his　books。　　But　the　retribution　which　had　hitherto　always

followed　his　little　casual　errors　of　industry　followed　them　still。

He　could　get　away　from　the　conveyancer's　chambers；　but　he　could　not

get　away　from　one　of　the　pupils；　who　had　taken　a　fancy　to　him；　…　a

tall；　serious；　raw…boned；　hard…working；　disputatious　pupil；　with

ideas　of　his　own　about　reforming　the　Law　of　Real　Property；　who　has

been　the　scourge　of　Mr。　Idle's　existence　ever　since　the　fatal　day

when　he　fell　into　the　mistake　of　attempting　to　study　the　law。

Before　that　time　his　friends　were　all　sociable　idlers　like　himself。

Since　that　time　the　burden　of　bearing　with　a　hard…working　young　man

has　become　part　of　his　lot　in　life。　　Go　where　he　will　now；　he　can

never　feel　certain　that　the　raw…boned　pupil　is　not　affectionately

waiting　for　him　round　a　corner；　to　tell　him　a　little　more　about　the

Law　of　Real　Property。　　Suffer　as　he　may　under　the　infliction；　he

can　never　complain；　for　he　must　always　remember；　with　unavailing

regret；　that　he　has　his　own　thoughtless　industry　to　thank　for　first

exposing　him　to　the　great　social　calamity　of　knowing　a　bore。



These　events　of　his　past　life；　with　the　significant　results　that

they　brought　about；　pass　drowsily　through　Thomas　Idle's　memory；

while　he　lies　alone　on　the　sofa　at　Allonby　and　elsewhere；　dreaming

away　the　time　which　his　fellow…apprentice　gets　through　so　actively

out　of　doors。　　Remembering　the　lesson　of　laziness　which　his　past

disasters　teach；　and　bearing　in　mind　also　the　fact　that　he　is

crippled　in　one　leg　because　he　exerted　himself　to　go　up　a　mountain；

when　he　ought　to　have　known　that　his　proper　course　of　conduct　was

to　stop　at　the　bottom　of　it；　he　holds　now；　and　will　for　the　future

firmly　continue　to　hold；　by　his　new　resolution　never　to