lazy tour of two idle apprentices-第13章

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to　stop　at　the　bottom　of　it；　he　holds　now；　and　will　for　the　future

firmly　continue　to　hold；　by　his　new　resolution　never　to　be

industrious　again；　on　any　pretence　whatever；　for　the　rest　of　his

life。　　The　physical　results　of　his　accident　have　been　related　in　a

previous　chapter。　　The　moral　results　now　stand　on　record；　and；　with

the　enumeration　of　these；　that　part　of　the　present　narrative　which

is　occupied　by　the　Episode　of　The　Sprained　Ankle　may　now　perhaps　be

considered；　in　all　its　aspects；　as　finished　and　complete。



'How　do　you　propose　that　we　get　through　this　present　afternoon　and

evening？'　demanded　Thomas　Idle；　after　two　or　three　hours　of　the

foregoing　reflections　at　Allonby。



Mr。　Goodchild　faltered；　looked　out　of　window；　looked　in　again；　and

said；　as　he　had　so　often　said　before；　'There　is　the　sea；　and　here

are　the　shrimps；　…　let　us　eat　'em'！'



But；　the　wise　donkey　was　at　that　moment　in　the　act　of　bolting：　　not

with　the　irresolution　of　his　previous　efforts　which　had　been

wanting　in　sustained　force　of　character；　but　with　real　vigour　of

purpose：　　shaking　the　dust　off　his　mane　and　hind…feet　at　Allonby；

and　tearing　away　from　it；　as　if　he　had　nobly　made　up　his　mind　that

he　never　would　be　taken　alive。　　At　sight　of　this　inspiring

spectacle；　which　was　visible　from　his　sofa；　Thomas　Idle　stretched

his　neck　and　dwelt　upon　it　rapturously。



'Francis　Goodchild；'　he　then　said；　turning　to　his　companion　with　a

solemn　air；　'this　is　a　delightful　little　Inn；　excellently　kept　by

the　most　comfortable　of　landladies　and　the　most　attentive　of

landlords；　but　…　the　donkey's　right！'



The　words；　'There　is　the　sea；　and　here　are　the　…　'　again　trembled

on　the　lips　of　Goodchild；　unaccompanied　however　by　any　sound。



'Let　us　instantly　pack　the　portmanteaus；'　said　Thomas　Idle；　'pay

the　bill；　and　order　a　fly　out；　with　instructions　to　the　driver　to

follow　the　donkey！'



Mr。　Goodchild；　who　had　only　wanted　encouragement　to　disclose　the

real　state　of　his　feelings；　and　who　had　been　pining　beneath　his

weary　secret；　now　burst　into　tears；　and　confessed　that　he　thought

another　day　in　the　place　would　be　the　death　of　him。



So；　the　two　idle　apprentices　followed　the　donkey　until　the　night

was　far　advanced。　　Whether　he　was　recaptured　by　the　town…council；

or　is　bolting　at　this　hour　through　the　United　Kingdom；　they　know

not。　　They　hope　he　may　be　still　bolting；　if　so；　their　best　wishes

are　with　him。



It　entered　Mr。　Idle's　head；　on　the　borders　of　Cumberland；　that

there　could　be　no　idler　place　to　stay　at；　except　by　snatches　of　a

few　minutes　each；　than　a　railway　station。　　'An　intermediate　station

on　a　line　…　a　junction　…　anything　of　that　sort；'　Thomas　suggested。

Mr。　Goodchild　approved　of　the　idea　as　eccentric；　and　they　journeyed

on　and　on；　until　they　came　to　such　a　station　where　there　was　an

Inn。



'Here；'　said　Thomas；　'we　may　be　luxuriously　lazy；　other　people　will

travel　for　us；　as　it　were；　and　we　shall　laugh　at　their　folly。'



It　was　a　Junction…Station；　where　the　wooden　razors　before　mentioned

shaved　the　air　very　often；　and　where　the　sharp　electric…telegraph

bell　was　in　a　very　restless　condition。　　All　manner　of　cross…lines

of　rails　came　zig…zagging　into　it；　like　a　Congress　of　iron　vipers；

and；　a　little　way　out　of　it；　a　pointsman　in　an　elevated　signal…box

was　constantly　going　through　the　motions　of　drawing　immense

quantities　of　beer　at　a　public…house　bar。　　In　one　direction；

confused　perspectives　of　embankments　and　arches　were　to　be　seen

from　the　platform；　in　the　other；　the　rails　soon　disentangled

themselves　into　two　tracks　and　shot　away　under　a　bridge；　and　curved

round　a　corner。　　Sidings　were　there；　in　which　empty　luggage…vans

and　cattle…boxes　often　butted　against　each　other　as　if　they

couldn't　agree；　and　warehouses　were　there；　in　which　great

quantities　of　goods　seemed　to　have　taken　the　veil　（of　the

consistency　of　tarpaulin）；　and　to　have　retired　from　the　world

without　any　hope　of　getting　back　to　it。　　Refreshment…rooms　were

there；　one；　for　the　hungry　and　thirsty　Iron　Locomotives　where　their

coke　and　water　were　ready；　and　of　good　quality；　for　they　were

dangerous　to　play　tricks　with；　the　other；　for　the　hungry　and

thirsty　human　Locomotives；　who　might　take　what　they　could　get；　and

whose　chief　consolation　was　provided　in　the　form　of　three　terrific

urns　or　vases　of　white　metal；　containing　nothing；　each　forming　a

breastwork　for　a　defiant　and　apparently　much…injured　woman。



Established　at　this　Station；　Mr。　Thomas　Idle　and　Mr。　Francis

Goodchild　resolved　to　enjoy　it。　　But；　its　contrasts　were　very

violent；　and　there　was　also　an　infection　in　it。



First；　as　to　its　contrasts。　　They　were　only　two；　but　they　were

Lethargy　and　Madness。　　The　Station　was　either　totally　unconscious；

or　wildly　raving。　　By　day；　in　its　unconscious　state；　it　looked　as

if　no　life　could　come　to　it；　…　as　if　it　were　all　rust；　dust；　and

ashes　…　as　if　the　last　train　for　ever；　had　gone　without　issuing　any

Return…Tickets　…　as　if　the　last　Engine　had　uttered　its　last　shriek

and　burst。　　One　awkward　shave　of　the　air　from　the　wooden　razor；　and

everything　changed。　　Tight　office…doors　flew　open；　panels　yielded；

books；　newspapers；　travelling…caps　and　wrappers　broke　out　of　brick

walls；　money　chinked；　conveyances　oppressed　by　nightmares　of

luggage　came　careering　into　the　yard；　porters　started　up　from

secret　places；　ditto　the　much…injured　women；　the　shining　bell；　who

lived　in　a　little　tray　on　stilts　by　himself；　flew　into　a　man's　hand

and　clamoured　violently。　　The　pointsman　aloft　in　the　signal…box

made　the　motions　of　drawing；　with　some　difficulty；　hogsheads　of

beer。　　Down　Train！　　More　bear！　　Up　Train！　　More　beer。　　Cross

junction　Train！　　More　beer！　　Cattle　Train！　　More　beer。　　Goods

Train！　　Simmering；　whistling；　trembling；　rumbling；　thundering。

Trains　on　the　whole　confusion　of　intersecting　rails；　crossing　one

another；　bumping　one　another；　hissing　one　another；　backing　to　go

forward；　tearing　into　distance　to　come　close。　　People　frantic。

Exiles　seeking　restoration　to　their　native　carriages；　and　banished

to　remoter　climes。　　More　beer　and　more　bell。　　Then；　in　a　minute；

the　Station　relapsed　into　stupor　as　the　stoker　of　the　Cattle　Train；

the　last　to　depart；　went　gliding　out　of　it；　wiping　the　long　nose　of

his　oil…can　with　a　dirty　pocket…handkerchief。



By　night；　in　its　unconscious　state；　the　Station　was　not　so　much　as

visible。　　Something　in　the　air；　like　an　enterprising　chemist's

established　in　business　on　one　of　the　boughs　of　Jack's　beanstalk；

was　all　that　could　be　discerned　of　it　under　the　stars。　　In　a　moment

it　would　break　out；　a　constellation　of　gas。　　In　another　moment；

twenty　rival　chemists；　on　twenty　rival　beanstalks；　came　into

existence。　　Then；　the　Furies　would　be　seen；　waving　their　lurid

torches　up　and　down　the　confused　perspectives　of　embankments　and

arches　…　would　be　heard；　too；　wailing　and　shrieking。　　Then；　the

Station　would　be　full　of　palpitating　trains；　as　in　the　day；　with

the　heightening　difference　that　they　were　not　so　clearly　seen　as　in

the　day；　whereas　the　Station　walls；　starting　forward　under　the　gas；

like　a　hippopotamus's　eyes；　dazzled　the　human　locomotives　with　the

sauce…bottle；　the　cheap　music；　the　bedstead；　the　distorted　range　of

buildings　where　the　patent　safes　are　made；　the　gentleman　in　the

rain　with　the　registered　umbrella；　the　lady　returning　from　the　ball

with　the　registered　respirator；　and　all　their　other　embellishments。

And　now；　the　human　locomotives；　creased　as　to　their　countenances

and　purblind　as　to　their　eyes；　would　swarm　forth　in　a　heap；

addressing　themselves　to　the　mysterious　urns　and　the　much…injured

women；　while　the　iron　locomotives；　dripping　fire　and　water；　shed

their　steam　about　plentifully；　making　the　dull　oxen　in　their　cages；

with　heads　depressed；　and　foam　hanging　from　their　mouths　as　their

red　looks　glanced　fearfully　at　the　surrounding　terrors；　seem　as

though　they　had　been　drinking　at　half…frozen　waters　and　were　hung

with　icicles。　　Through　the　same　steam　would　be　caught　glimpses　of

their　fellow…travellers；　the　sheep；　getting　their　white　kid　faces

together；　away　from　the　bars；　and　stuffing　the　interstices　with

trembling　wool。　　Also；　down　among　the　wheels；　of　the　man　with　the

sledge…hammer；　ringing　the　axles　of　the　fast　night…train；　against

whom　the　oxen　have　a　misgiving　that　he　is　the　man　with　the　pole…axe

who　is　to　come　by…and…by；　and　so　the　nearest　of　them　try　to　get

back；　and　get　a　purchase　for　a　thrust　at　him　through　the　bars。

Suddenly；　the　bell　would　ring；　the　steam　would　stop　with　one　hiss

and　a　yell；　the　chemists　on　the　beanstalks　would　be　busy；　the

avenging　Furies　would　bestir　themselves；　the　fast　night…train　would

melt　from　eye　and　ear；　the　other　trains　going　their　ways　more

slowly　would　be　heard　faintly　rattling　in　the　distance　like　old…

fashioned　watches　running　down；　the　sauce…bottle　and　cheap　music

retired　from　view；　even　the　bedstead　went　to　bed；　and　there　was　no

such　visible　thing　as　the　Station　to　vex　the　cool　wind　in　its

blowing；　or　perhaps　the　autumn　lightning；　as　it　found　out　the　iron

rails。



The　infection　of　the　Station　was　this：…　When　it　was　in　its　raving

state；　the　Apprentices　found　it　impossible　to　be　there；　without

labouring　under　the　delusion　that　they　were　in　a　hurry。　　To　Mr。

Goodchild；　whose　ideas　of　idleness　were　so　imperfect；　this　was　no

unpleasant　hallucination；　and　accordingly　that　gentleman　went

through　great　exertions　in　yielding　to　it；　and　running　up　and　down

the　platform；　jostling　everybody；　under　the　impression　that　he　had

a　highly　important　mission　somewhere；　and　had　not　a　moment　to　lose。

But；　to　Thomas　Idle；　this　contagion　was　so　very　unacceptable　an

incident　of　the　situation；　that　he　struck　on　the　fourth　day；　and

requested　to　be　moved。



'This　place　fills　me　with　a　dreadful　sensation；'　said　Thomas；　'of

having　something　to　do。　　Remove　me；　Francis。'



'Where　would　you　like　to　go　next？'　was　the　question　of　the　ever…

engaging　Goodchild。



'I　have　heard　there　is　a　good　old　Inn　at　Lancaster；　established　in

a　fine　old　house：　　an　Inn　where　they　give　you　Bride…cake　every　day

after　dinner；'　said　Thomas　Idle。　　'Let　us　eat　Bride…cake　without

the　trouble　of　being　married；　or　of　knowing　anybody　in　that

ridiculous　dilemma。'



Mr。　Goodchild；　with　a　lover's　sigh；　assented。　　They　departed　from

the　Station　in　a　violent　hurry　（for　which；　it　is　unnecessary　to

observe；　there　was　not　the　least　occasion）；　and　were　delivered　at

the　fine　old　house　at　Lancaster；　on　the　same　night。



It　is　Mr。　Goodchild's　opinion；　that　if　a　visitor　on　his　arrival　at

Lancaster　could　be　accommodated　with　a　pole　which　would　push　the

opposite　side　of　the　street　some　yards　farther　off；　it　would　be

better　for　all　parties。　　Protesting　against　being　required　to　live

in　a　trench；　and　obliged　to　speculate　all　day　upon　what　the　people

can　possibly　be　doing　within　a　mysterious　opposite　wind