lazy tour of two idle apprentices-第20章

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enters　hurriedly　and　cries　savagely；　'Hond　us　a　gloss　of　sal

volatile　in　wather；　or　soom　dommed　thing　o'　thot　sart！'　　Faces　at

the　Betting　Rooms　very　long；　and　a　tendency　to　bite　nails

observable。　　Keepers　likewise　given　this　morning　to　standing　about

solitary；　with　their　hands　in　their　pockets；　looking　down　at　their

boots　as　they　fit　them　into　cracks　of　the　pavement；　and　then

looking　up　whistling　and　walking　away。　　Grand　Alliance　Circus　out；

in　procession；　buxom　lady…member　of　Grand　Alliance；　in　crimson

riding…habit；　fresher　to　look　at；　even　in　her　paint　under　the　day

sky；　than　the　cheeks　of　Lunatics　or　Keepers。　　Spanish　Cavalier

appears　to　have　lost　yesterday；　and　jingles　his　bossed　bridle　with

disgust；　as　if　he　were　paying。　　Reaction　also　apparent　at　the

Guildhall　opposite；　whence　certain　pickpockets　come　out　handcuffed

together；　with　that　peculiar　walk　which　is　never　seen　under　any

other　circumstances　…　a　walk　expressive　of　going　to　jail；　game；　but

still　of　jails　being　in　bad　taste　and　arbitrary；　and　how　would　YOU

like　it　if　it　was　you　instead　of　me；　as　it　ought　to　be！　　Mid…day。

Town　filled　as　yesterday；　but　not　so　full；　and　emptied　as

yesterday；　but　not　so　empty。　　In　the　evening；　Angel　ordinary　where

every　Lunatic　and　Keeper　has　his　modest　daily　meal　of　turtle；

venison；　and　wine；　not　so　crowded　as　yesterday；　and　not　so　noisy。

At　night；　the　theatre。　　More　abstracted　faces　in　it　than　one　ever

sees　at　public　assemblies；　such　faces　wearing　an　expression　which

strongly　reminds　Mr。　Goodchild　of　the　boys　at　school　who　were

'going　up　next；'　with　their　arithmetic　or　mathematics。　　These　boys

are；　no　doubt；　going　up　to…morrow　with　THEIR　sums　and　figures。　　Mr。

Palmer　and　Mr。　Thurtell　in　the　boxes　O。　P。　　Mr。　Thurtell　and　Mr。

Palmer　in　the　boxes　P。　S。　　The　firm　of　Thurtell；　Palmer；　and

Thurtell；　in　the　boxes　Centre。　　A　most　odious　tendency　observable

in　these　distinguished　gentlemen　to　put　vile　constructions　on

sufficiently　innocent　phrases　in　the　play；　and　then　to　applaud　them

in　a　Satyr…like　manner。　　Behind　Mr。　Goodchild；　with　a　party　of

other　Lunatics　and　one　Keeper；　the　express　incarnation　of　the　thing

called　a　'gent。'　　A　gentleman　born；　a　gent　manufactured。　　A

something　with　a　scarf　round　its　neck；　and　a　slipshod　speech

issuing　from　behind　the　scarf；　more　depraved；　more　foolish；　more

ignorant；　more　unable　to　believe　in　any　noble　or　good　thing　of　any

kind；　than　the　stupidest　Bosjesman。　　The　thing　is　but　a　boy　in

years；　and　is　addled　with　drink。　　To　do　its　company　justice；　even

its　company　is　ashamed　of　it；　as　it　drawls　its　slang　criticisms　on

the　representation；　and　inflames　Mr。　Goodchild　with　a　burning

ardour　to　fling　it　into　the　pit。　　Its　remarks　are　so　horrible；　that

Mr。　Goodchild；　for　the　moment；　even　doubts　whether　that　IS　a

wholesome　Art；　which　sets　women　apart　on　a　high　floor　before　such　a

thing　as　this；　though　as　good　as　its　own　sisters；　or　its　own　mother

…　whom　Heaven　forgive　for　bringing　it　into　the　world！　　But；　the

consideration　that　a　low　nature　must　make　a　low　world　of　its　own　to

live　in；　whatever　the　real　materials；　or　it　could　no　more　exist

than　any　of　us　could　without　the　sense　of　touch；　brings　Mr。

Goodchild　to　reason：　　the　rather；　because　the　thing　soon　drops　its

downy　chin　upon　its　scarf；　and　slobbers　itself　asleep。



Friday　Morning。　　Early　fights。　　Gong…donkey；　and　correct　cards。

Again；　a　great　set　towards　the　races；　though　not　so　great　a　set　as

on　Wednesday。　　Much　packing　going　on　too；　upstairs　at　the　gun…

smith's；　the　wax…chandler's；　and　the　serious　stationer's；　for　there

will　be　a　heavy　drift　of　Lunatics　and　Keepers　to　London　by　the

afternoon　train。　　The　course　as　pretty　as　ever；　the　great

pincushion　as　like　a　pincushion；　but　not　nearly　so　full　of　pins；

whole　rows　of　pins　wanting。　　On　the　great　event　of　the　day；　both

Lunatics　and　Keepers　become　inspired　with　rage；　and　there　is　a

violent　scuffling；　and　a　rushing　at　the　losing　jockey；　and　an

emergence　of　the　said　jockey　from　a　swaying　and　menacing　crowd；

protected　by　friends；　and　looking　the　worse　for　wear；　which　is　a

rough　proceeding；　though　animating　to　see　from　a　pleasant　distance。

After　the　great　event；　rills　begin　to　flow　from　the　pincushion

towards　the　railroad；　the　rills　swell　into　rivers；　the　rivers　soon

unite　into　a　lake。　　The　lake　floats　Mr。　Goodchild　into　Doncaster；

past　the　Itinerant　personage　in　black；　by　the　way…side　telling　him

from　the　vantage　ground　of　a　legibly　printed　placard　on　a　pole　that

for　all　these　things　the　Lord　will　bring　him　to　judgment。　　No

turtle　and　venison　ordinary　this　evening；　that　is　all　over。　　No

Betting　at　the　rooms；　nothing　there　but　the　plants　in　pots；　which

have；　all　the　week；　been　stood　about　the　entry　to　give　it　an

innocent　appearance；　and　which　have　sorely　sickened　by　this　time。



Saturday。　　Mr。　Idle　wishes　to　know　at　breakfast；　what　were　those

dreadful　groanings　in　his　bedroom　doorway　in　the　night？　　Mr。

Goodchild　answers；　Nightmare。　　Mr。　Idle　repels　the　calumny；　and

calls　the　waiter。　　The　Angel　is　very　sorry　…　had　intended　to

explain；　but　you　see；　gentlemen；　there　was　a　gentleman　dined　down…

stairs　with　two　more；　and　he　had　lost　a　deal　of　money；　and　he　would

drink　a　deal　of　wine；　and　in　the　night　he　'took　the　horrors；'　and

got　up；　and　as　his　friends　could　do　nothing　with　him　he　laid

himself　down　and　groaned　at　Mr。　Idle's　door。　　'And　he　DID　groan

there；'　Mr。　Idle　says；　'and　you　will　please　to　imagine　me　inside；

〃taking　the　horrors〃　too！'





So　far；　the　picture　of　Doncaster　on　the　occasion　of　its　great

sporting　anniversary；　offers　probably　a　general　representation　of

the　social　condition　of　the　town；　in　the　past　as　well　as　in　the

present　time。　　The　sole　local　phenomenon　of　the　current　year；　which

may　be　considered　as　entirely　unprecedented　in　its　way；　and　which

certainly　claims；　on　that　account；　some　slight　share　of　notice；

consists　in　the　actual　existence　of　one　remarkable　individual；　who

is　sojourning　in　Doncaster；　and　who；　neither　directly　nor

indirectly；　has　anything　at　all　to　do；　in　any　capacity　whatever；

with　the　racing　amusements　of　the　week。　　Ranging　throughout　the

entire　crowd　that　fills　the　town；　and　including　the　inhabitants　as

well　as　the　visitors；　nobody　is　to　be　found　altogether　disconnected

with　the　business　of　the　day；　excepting　this　one　unparalleled　man。

He　does　not　bet　on　the　races；　like　the　sporting　men。　　He　does　not

assist　the　races；　like　the　jockeys；　starters；　judges；　and　grooms。

He　does　not　look　on　at　the　races；　like　Mr。　Goodchild　and　his

fellow…spectators。　　He　does　not　profit　by　the　races；　like　the

hotel…keepers　and　the　tradespeople。　　He　does　not　minister　to　the

necessities　of　the　races；　like　the　booth…keepers；　the　postilions；

the　waiters；　and　the　hawkers　of　Lists。　　He　does　not　assist　the

attractions　of　the　races；　like　the　actors　at　the　theatre；　the

riders　at　the　circus；　or　the　posturers　at　the　Poses　Plastiques。

Absolutely　and　literally；　he　is　the　only　individual　in　Doncaster

who　stands　by　the　brink　of　the　full…flowing　race…stream；　and　is　not

swept　away　by　it　in　common　with　all　the　rest　of　his　species。　　Who

is　this　modern　hermit；　this　recluse　of　the　St。　Leger…week；　this

inscrutably　ungregarious　being；　who　lives　apart　from　the　amusements

and　activities　of　his　fellow…creatures？　　Surely；　there　is　little

difficulty　in　guessing　that　clearest　and　easiest　of　all　riddles。

Who　could　he　be；　but　Mr。　Thomas　Idle？



Thomas　had　suffered　himself　to　be　taken　to　Doncaster；　just　as　he

would　have　suffered　himself　to　be　taken　to　any　other　place　in　the

habitable　globe　which　would　guarantee　him　the　temporary　possession

of　a　comfortable　sofa　to　rest　his　ankle　on。　　Once　established　at

the　hotel；　with　his　leg　on　one　cushion　and　his　back　against

another；　he　formally　declined　taking　the　slightest　interest　in　any

circumstance　whatever　connected　with　the　races；　or　with　the　people

who　were　assembled　to　see　them。　　Francis　Goodchild；　anxious　that

the　hours　should　pass　by　his　crippled　travelling…companion　as

lightly　as　possible；　suggested　that　his　sofa　should　be　moved　to　the

window；　and　that　he　should　amuse　himself　by　looking　out　at　the

moving　panorama　of　humanity；　which　the　view　from　it　of　the

principal　street　presented。　　Thomas；　however；　steadily　declined

profiting　by　the　suggestion。



'The　farther　I　am　from　the　window；'　he　said；　'the　better；　Brother

Francis；　I　shall　be　pleased。　　I　have　nothing　in　common　with　the　one

prevalent　idea　of　all　those　people　who　are　passing　in　the　street。

Why　should　I　care　to　look　at　them？'



'I　hope　I　have　nothing　in　common　with　the　prevalent　idea　of　a　great

many　of　them；　either；'　answered　Goodchild；　thinking　of　the　sporting

gentlemen　whom　he　had　met　in　the　course　of　his　wanderings　about

Doncaster。　　'But；　surely；　among　all　the　people　who　are　walking　by

the　house；　at　this　very　moment；　you　may　find　…　'



'Not　one　living　creature；'　interposed　Thomas；　'who　is　not；　in　one

way　or　another；　interested　in　horses；　and　who　is　not；　in　a　greater

or　less　degree；　an　admirer　of　them。　　Now；　I　hold　opinions　in

reference　to　these　particular　members　of　the　quadruped　creation；

which　may　lay　claim　（as　I　believe）　to　the　disastrous　distinction　of

being　unpartaken　by　any　other　human　being；　civilised　or　savage；

over　the　whole　surface　of　the　earth。　　Taking　the　horse　as　an　animal

in　the　abstract；　Francis；　I　cordially　despise　him　from　every　point

of　view。'



'Thomas；'　said　Goodchild；　'confinement　to　the　house　has　begun　to

affect　your　biliary　secretions。　　I　shall　go　to　the　chemist's　and

get　you　some　physic。'



'I　object；'　continued　Thomas；　quietly　possessing　himself　of　his

friend's　hat；　which　stood　on　a　table　near　him；　…　'I　object；　first；

to　the　personal　appearance　of　the　horse。　　I　protest　against　the

conventional　idea　of　beauty；　as　attached　to　that　animal。　　I　think

his　nose　too　long；　his　forehead　too　low；　and　his　legs　（except　in

the　case　of　the　cart…horse）　ridiculously　thin　by　comparison　with

the　size　of　his　body。　　Again；　considering　how　big　an　animal　he　is；

I　object　to　the　contemptible　delicacy　of　his　constitution。　　Is　he

not　the　sickliest　creature　in　creation？　　Does　any　child　catch　cold

as　easily　as　a　horse？　　Does　he　not　sprain　his　fetlock；　for　all　his

appearance　of　superior　strength；　as　easily　as　I　sprained　my　ankle！

Furthermore；　to　take　him　from　another　point　of　view；　what　a

helpless　wretch　he　is！　　No　fine　lady　requires　more　constant

waiting…on　than　a　horse。　　Other　animals　can　make　their　own

toilette：　　he　must　have　a　groom。　　You　will　tell　me　that　this　is

because　we　want　to　make　his　coat　artificially　glossy。　　Glossy！

Come　home　with　me；　and　see　my　cat；　…　my　clever　cat；　who　can　groom

herself！　　Look　at　your　own　dog！　see　how　the　intelligent　creature

curry…combs　himself　with　his　own　honest　teeth！　　Then；　again；　what　a

fool　the　horse　is；　what　a　poor；　nervous　fool！　　He　will　start　at　a

piece　of　white　paper　in　the　road　as　if　it　was