lazy tour of two idle apprentices-第21章

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fool　the　horse　is；　what　a　poor；　nervous　fool！　　He　will　start　at　a

piece　of　white　paper　in　the　road　as　if　it　was　a　lion。　　His　one

idea；　when　he　hears　a　noise　that　he　is　not　accustomed　to；　is　to　run

away　from　it。　　What　do　you　say　to　those　two　common　instances　of　the

sense　and　courage　of　this　absurdly　overpraised　animal？　　I　might

multiply　them　to　two　hundred；　if　I　chose　to　exert　my　mind　and　waste

my　breath；　which　I　never　do。　　I　prefer　coming　at　once　to　my　last

charge　against　the　horse；　which　is　the　most　serious　of　all；　because

it　affects　his　moral　character。　　I　accuse　him　boldly；　in　his

capacity　of　servant　to　man；　of　slyness　and　treachery。　　I　brand　him

publicly；　no　matter　how　mild　he　may　look　about　the　eyes；　or　how

sleek　he　may　be　about　the　coat；　as　a　systematic　betrayer；　whenever

he　can　get　the　chance；　of　the　confidence　reposed　in　him。　　What　do

you　mean　by　laughing　and　shaking　your　head　at　me？'



'Oh；　Thomas；　Thomas！'　said　Goodchild。　　'You　had　better　give　me　my

hat；　you　had　better　let　me　get　you　that　physic。'



'I　will　let　you　get　anything　you　like；　including　a　composing

draught　for　yourself；'　said　Thomas；　irritably　alluding　to　his

fellow…apprentice's　inexhaustible　activity；　'if　you　will　only　sit

quiet　for　five　minutes　longer；　and　hear　me　out。　　I　say　again　the

horse　is　a　betrayer　of　the　confidence　reposed　in　him；　and　that

opinion；　let　me　add；　is　drawn　from　my　own　personal　experience；　and

is　not　based　on　any　fanciful　theory　whatever。　　You　shall　have　two

instances；　two　overwhelming　instances。　　Let　me　start　the　first　of

these　by　asking；　what　is　the　distinguishing　quality　which　the

Shetland　Pony　has　arrogated　to　himself；　and　is　still　perpetually

trumpeting　through　the　world　by　means　of　popular　report　and　books

on　Natural　History？　　I　see　the　answer　in　your　face：　　it　is　the

quality　of　being　Sure…Footed。　　He　professes　to　have　other　virtues；

such　as　hardiness　and　strength；　which　you　may　discover　on　trial；

but　the　one　thing　which　he　insists　on　your　believing；　when　you　get

on　his　back；　is　that　he　may　be　safely　depended　on　not　to　tumble

down　with　you。　　Very　good。　　Some　years　ago；　I　was　in　Shetland　with

a　party　of　friends。　　They　insisted　on　taking　me　with　them　to　the

top　of　a　precipice　that　overhung　the　sea。　　It　was　a　great　distance

off；　but　they　all　determined　to　walk　to　it　except　me。　　I　was　wiser

then　than　I　was　with　you　at　Carrock；　and　I　determined　to　be　carried

to　the　precipice。　　There　was　no　carriage…road　in　the　island；　and

nobody　offered　（in　consequence；　as　I　suppose；　of　the　imperfectly…

civilised　state　of　the　country）　to　bring　me　a　sedan…chair；　which　is

naturally　what　I　should　have　liked　best。　　A　Shetland　pony　was

produced　instead。　　I　remembered　my　Natural　History；　I　recalled

popular　report；　and　I　got　on　the　little　beast's　back；　as　any　other

man　would　have　done　in　my　position；　placing　implicit　confidence　in

the　sureness　of　his　feet。　　And　how　did　he　repay　that　confidence？

Brother　Francis；　carry　your　mind　on　from　morning　to　noon。　　Picture

to　yourself　a　howling　wilderness　of　grass　and　bog；　bounded　by　low

stony　hills。　　Pick　out　one　particular　spot　in　that　imaginary　scene；

and　sketch　me　in　it；　with　outstretched　arms；　curved　back；　and　heels

in　the　air；　plunging　headforemost　into　a　black　patch　of　water　and

mud。　　Place　just　behind　me　the　legs；　the　body；　and　the　head　of　a

sure…footed　Shetland　pony；　all　stretched　flat　on　the　ground；　and

you　will　have　produced　an　accurate　representation　of　a　very

lamentable　fact。　　And　the　moral　device；　Francis；　of　this　picture

will　be　to　testify　that　when　gentlemen　put　confidence　in　the　legs

of　Shetland　ponies；　they　will　find　to　their　cost　that　they　are

leaning　on　nothing　but　broken　reeds。　　There　is　my　first　instance　…

and　what　have　you　got　to　say　to　that？'



'Nothing；　but　that　I　want　my　hat；'　answered　Goodchild；　starting　up

and　walking　restlessly　about　the　room。



'You　shall　have　it　in　a　minute；'　rejoined　Thomas。　　'My　second

instance'　…　（Goodchild　groaned；　and　sat　down　again）　…　'My　second

instance　is　more　appropriate　to　the　present　time　and　place；　for　it

refers　to　a　race…horse。　　Two　years　ago　an　excellent　friend　of　mine；

who　was　desirous　of　prevailing　on　me　to　take　regular　exercise；　and

who　was　well　enough　acquainted　with　the　weakness　of　my　legs　to

expect　no　very　active　compliance　with　his　wishes　on　their　part；

offered　to　make　me　a　present　of　one　of　his　horses。　　Hearing　that

the　animal　in　question　had　started　in　life　on　the　turf；　I　declined

accepting　the　gift　with　many　thanks；　adding；　by　way　of　explanation；

that　I　looked　on　a　race…horse　as　a　kind　of　embodied　hurricane；　upon

which　no　sane　man　of　my　character　and　habits　could　be　expected　to

seat　himself。　　My　friend　replied　that；　however　appropriate　my

metaphor　might　be　as　applied　to　race…horses　in　general；　it　was

singularly　unsuitable　as　applied　to　the　particular　horse　which　he

proposed　to　give　me。　　From　a　foal　upwards　this　remarkable　animal

had　been　the　idlest　and　most　sluggish　of　his　race。　　Whatever

capacities　for　speed　he　might　possess　he　had　kept　so　strictly　to

himself；　that　no　amount　of　training　had　ever　brought　them　out。　　He

had　been　found　hopelessly　slow　as　a　racer；　and　hopelessly　lazy　as　a

hunter；　and　was　fit　for　nothing　but　a　quiet；　easy　life　of　it　with

an　old　gentleman　or　an　invalid。　　When　I　heard　this　account　of　the

horse；　I　don't　mind　confessing　that　my　heart　warmed　to　him。

Visions　of　Thomas　Idle　ambling　serenely　on　the　back　of　a　steed　as

lazy　as　himself；　presenting　to　a　restless　world　the　soothing　and

composite　spectacle　of　a　kind　of　sluggardly　Centaur；　too　peaceable

in　his　habits　to　alarm　anybody；　swam　attractively　before　my　eyes。

I　went　to　look　at　the　horse　in　the　stable。　　Nice　fellow！　he　was

fast　asleep　with　a　kitten　on　his　back。　　I　saw　him　taken　out　for　an

airing　by　the　groom。　　If　he　had　had　trousers　on　his　legs　I　should

not　have　known　them　from　my　own；　so　deliberately　were　they　lifted

up；　so　gently　were　they　put　down；　so　slowly　did　they　get　over　the

ground。　　From　that　moment　I　gratefully　accepted　my　friend's　offer。

I　went　home；　the　horse　followed　me　…　by　a　slow　train。　　Oh；　Francis；

how　devoutly　I　believed　in　that　horse　I　how　carefully　I　looked

after　all　his　little　comforts！　　I　had　never　gone　the　length　of

hiring　a　man…servant　to　wait　on　myself；　but　I　went　to　the　expense

of　hiring　one　to　wait　upon　him。　　If　I　thought　a　little　of　myself

when　I　bought　the　softest　saddle　that　could　be　had　for　money；　I

thought　also　of　my　horse。　　When　the　man　at　the　shop　afterwards

offered　me　spurs　and　a　whip；　I　turned　from　him　with　horror。　　When　I

sallied　out　for　my　first　ride；　I　went　purposely　unarmed　with　the

means　of　hurrying　my　steed。　　He　proceeded　at　his　own　pace　every

step　of　the　way；　and　when　he　stopped；　at　last；　and　blew　out　both

his　sides　with　a　heavy　sigh；　and　turned　his　sleepy　head　and　looked

behind　him；　I　took　him　home　again；　as　I　might　take　home　an　artless

child　who　said　to　me；　〃If　you　please；　sir；　I　am　tired。〃　　For　a　week

this　complete　harmony　between　me　and　my　horse　lasted　undisturbed。

At　the　end　of　that　time；　when　he　had　made　quite　sure　of　my　friendly

confidence　in　his　laziness；　when　he　had　thoroughly　acquainted

himself　with　all　the　little　weaknesses　of　my　seat　（and　their　name

is　Legion）；　the　smouldering　treachery　and　ingratitude　of　the　equine

nature　blazed　out　in　an　instant。　　Without　the　slightest　provocation

from　me；　with　nothing　passing　him　at　the　time　but　a　pony…chaise

driven　by　an　old　lady；　he　started　in　one　instant　from　a　state　of

sluggish　depression　to　a　state　of　frantic　high　spirits。　　He　kicked；

he　plunged；　he　shied；　he　pranced；　he　capered　fearfully。　　I　sat　on

him　as　long　as　I　could；　and　when　I　could　sit　no　longer；　I　fell　off。

No；　Francis！　this　is　not　a　circumstance　to　be　laughed　at；　but　to　be

wept　over。　　What　would　be　said　of　a　Man　who　had　requited　my

kindness　in　that　way？　　Range　over　all　the　rest　of　the　animal

creation；　and　where　will　you　find　me　an　instance　of　treachery　so

black　as　this？　　The　cow　that　kicks　down　the　milking…pail　may　have

some　reason　for　it；　she　may　think　herself　taxed　too　heavily　to

contribute　to　the　dilution　of　human　tea　and　the　greasing　of　human

bread。　　The　tiger　who　springs　out　on　me　unawares　has　the　excuse　of

being　hungry　at　the　time；　to　say　nothing　of　the　further

justification　of　being　a　total　stranger　to　me。　　The　very　flea　who

surprises　me　in　my　sleep　may　defend　his　act　of　assassination　on　the

ground　that　I；　in　my　turn；　am　always　ready　to　murder　him　when　I　am

awake。　　I　defy　the　whole　body　of　Natural　Historians　to　move　me；

logically；　off　the　ground　that　I　have　taken　in　regard　to　the　horse。

Receive　back　your　hat；　Brother　Francis；　and　go　to　the　chemist's；　if

you　please；　for　I　have　now　done。　　Ask　me　to　take　anything　you　like；

except　an　interest　in　the　Doncaster　races。　　Ask　me　to　look　at

anything　you　like；　except　an　assemblage　of　people　all　animated　by

feelings　of　a　friendly　and　admiring　nature　towards　the　horse。　　You

are　a　remarkably　well…informed　man；　and　you　have　heard　of　hermits。

Look　upon　me　as　a　member　of　that　ancient　fraternity；　and　you　will

sensibly　add　to　the　many　obligations　which　Thomas　Idle　is　proud　to

owe　to　Francis　Goodchild。'



Here；　fatigued　by　the　effort　of　excessive　talking；　disputatious

Thomas　waved　one　hand　languidly；　laid　his　head　back　on　the　sofa…

pillow；　and　calmly　closed　his　eyes。



At　a　later　period；　Mr。　Goodchild　assailed　his　travelling　companion

boldly　from　the　impregnable　fortress　of　common　sense。　　But　Thomas；

though　tamed　in　body　by　drastic　discipline；　was　still　as　mentally

unapproachable　as　ever　on　the　subject　of　his　favourite　delusion。





The　view　from　the　window　after　Saturday's　breakfast　is　altogether

changed。　　The　tradesmen's　families　have　all　come　back　again。　　The

serious　stationer's　young　woman　of　all　work　is　shaking　a　duster　out

of　the　window　of　the　combination　breakfast…room；　a　child　is　playing

with　a　doll；　where　Mr。　Thurtell's　hair　was　brushed；　a　sanitary

scrubbing　is　in　progress　on　the　spot　where　Mr。　Palmer's　braces　were

put　on。　　No　signs　of　the　Races　are　in　the　streets；　but　the　tramps

and　the　tumble…down…carts　and　trucks　laden　with　drinking…forms　and

tables　and　remnants　of　booths；　that　are　making　their　way　out　of　the

town　as　fast　as　they　can。　　The　Angel；　which　has　been　cleared　for

action　all　the　week；　already　begins　restoring　every　neat　and

comfortable　article　of　furniture　to　its　own　neat　and　comfortable

place。　　The　Angel's　daughters　（pleasanter　angels　Mr。　Idle　and　Mr。

Goodchild　never　saw；　nor　more　quietly　expert　in　their　business；　nor

more　superior　to　the　common　vice　of　being　above　it）；　have　a　little

time　to　rest；　and　to　air　their　cheerful　faces　among　the　flowers　in

the　yard。　　It　is　market…day。　　The　market　looks　unusually　natural；

comfortable；　and　wholesome；　the　market…people　too。　　The　town　seems

quite　restored；　when；　hark！　a　metallic　bray　…　The　Gong…donkey！



The　wretched　animal　has　not　c