stories by english authors-orient (英国作家故事集)-第2章
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a memento of a rather curious affair。 But the consciousness of having done
my duty was my only reward。
Later on I reflected that two gentlemen like my friends could not do
any good if they foregathered and personated correspondents of
newspapers； and might； if they blackmailed one of the little rat…trap States
of Central India or Southern Rajputana； get themselves into serious
difficulties。 I therefore took some trouble to describe them as accurately as
I could remember to people who would be interested in deporting them；
and succeeded； so I was later informed； in having them headed back from
the Degumber borders。
Then I became respectable； and returned to an office where there were
no Kings and no incidents outside the daily manufacture of a newspaper。 A
newspaper office seems to attract every conceivable sort of person； to the
prejudice of discipline。 Zenana…mission ladies arrive； and beg that the
Editor will instantly abandon all his duties to describe a Christian prize…
giving in a back slum of a perfectly inaccessible village； Colonels who
have been overpassed for command sit down and sketch the outline of a
series of ten； twelve； or twenty… four leading articles on Seniority /versus/
Selection； missionaries wish to know why they have not been permitted to
escape from their regular vehicles of abuse； and swear at a brother
missionary under special patronage of the editorial We； stranded theatrical
companies troop up to explain that they cannot pay for their
advertisements； but on their return from New Zealand or Tahiti will do so
with interest； inventors of patent punka…pulling machines； carriage
couplings； and unbreakable swords and axletrees call with specifications
in their pockets and hours at their disposal； tea companies enter and
elaborate their prospectuses with the office pens； secretaries of ball
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committees clamour to have the glories of their last dance more fully
described； strange ladies rustle in and say； 〃I want a hundred lady's cards
printed /at once/； please；〃 which is manifestly part of an Editor's duty； and
every dissolute ruffian that ever tramped the Grand Trunk Road makes it
his business to ask for employment as a proof… reader。 And； all the time；
the telephone…bell is ringing madly； and Kings are being killed on the
Continent； and Empires are saying； 〃You're another；〃 and Mister
Gladstone is calling down brimstone upon the British Dominions； and the
little black copyboys are whining； 〃/kaa…pi chay…ha…yeh/〃 （〃Copy wanted〃）；
like tired bees； and most of the paper is as blank as Modred's shield。
But that is the amusing part of the year。 There are six other months
when none ever come to call； and the thermometer walks inch by inch up
to the top of the glass； and the office is darkened to just above reading…
light； and the press…machines are red…hot to touch； and nobody writes
anything but accounts of amusements in the Hill…stations or obituary
notices。 Then the telephone becomes a tinkling terror； because it tells you
of the sudden deaths of men and women that you knew intimately； and the
prickly heat covers you with a garment； and you sit down and write： 〃A
slight increase of sickness is reported from the Khuda Janta Khan District。
The outbreak is purely sporadic in its nature； and； thanks to the energetic
efforts of the District authorities； is now almost at an end。 It is； however；
with deep regret we record the death；〃 etc。
Then the sickness really breaks out； and the less recording and
reporting the better for the peace of the subscribers。 But the Empires and
the Kings continue to divert themselves as selfishly as before； and the
Foreman thinks that a daily paper really ought to come out once in twenty…
four hours； and all the people at the Hill…stations in the middle of their
amusements say； 〃Good gracious！ why can't the paper be sparkling？ I'm
sure there's plenty going on up here。〃
That is the dark half of the moon； and； as the advertisements say；
〃must be experienced to be appreciated。〃
It was in that season； and a remarkably evil season； that the paper
began running the last issue of the week on Saturday night； which is to say
Sunday morning； after the custom of a London paper。 This was a great
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convenience； for immediately after the paper was put to bed the dawn
would lower the thermometer from 96 degrees to almost 84 degrees for
half an hour； and in that chillyou have no idea how cold is 84 degrees on
the grass until you begin to pray for ita very tired man could get off to
sleep ere the heat roused him。
One Saturday night it was my pleasant duty to put the paper to bed
alone。 A King or courtier or a courtesan or a Community was going to die
or get a new Constitution； or do something that was important on the other
side of the world； and the paper was to be held open till the latest possible
minute in order to catch the telegram。
It was a pitchy…black night； as stifling as a June night can be； and the
/loo/； the red…hot wind from the westward； was booming among the tinder…
dry trees and pretending that the rain was on its heels。 Now and again a
spot of almost boiling water would fall on the dust with the flop of a frog；
but all our weary world knew that was only pretence。 It was a shade cooler
in the press…room than the office； so I sat there； while the type ticked and
clicked； and the night…jars hooted at the windows； and the all but naked
compositors wiped the sweat from their foreheads and called for water。
The thing that was keeping us back； whatever it was； would not come off；
though the loo dropped and the last type was set； and the whole round
earth stood still in the choking heat； with its finger on its lip； to wait the
event。 I drowsed； and wondered whether the telegraph was a blessing； and
whether this dying man； or struggling people； might be aware of the
inconvenience the delay was causing。 There was no special reason beyond
the heat and worry to make tension； but； as the clock…hands crept up to
three o…clock and the machines spun their fly…wheels two and three times
to see that all was in order； before I said the word that would set them off；
I could have shrieked aloud。
Then the roar and rattle of the wheels shivered the quiet into little bits。
I rose to go away； but two men in white clothes stood in front of me。 The
first one said； 〃It's him！〃 The second said； 〃So it is！〃 And they both
laughed almost as loudly as the machinery roared； and mopped their
foreheads。 〃We seed there was a light burning across the road； and we
were sleeping in that ditch there for coolness； and I said to my friend here；
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'The office is open。 Let's come along and speak to him as turned us back
from Degumber State；' 〃 said the smaller of the two。 He was the man I had
met in the Mhow train； and his fellow was the red…bearded man of Marwar
Junction。 There was no mistaking the eyebrows of the one or the beard of
the other。
I was not pleased； because I wished to go to sleep； not to squabble
with loafers。 〃What do you want？〃 I asked。
〃Half an hour's talk with you； cool and comfortable； in the office；〃 said
the red…bearded man。 〃We'd /like/ some drink；the Contrack doesn't begin
yet； Peachey； so you needn't look；but what we really want is advice。 We
don't want money。 We ask you as a favour； because we found out you did
us a bad turn about Degumber State。〃
I led from the press…room to the stifling office with the maps on the
walls； and the red…haired man rubbed his hands。 〃That's something like；〃
said he。 〃This was the proper shop to come to。 Now； Sir； let me introduce
you to Brother Peachey Carnehan； that's him； and Brother Daniel Dravot；
that is /me/； and the less said about our professions the better； for we have
been most things in our timesoldier； sailor； compositor； photographer；
proof…reader； street…preacher； and correspondents of the 'Backwoodsman'
when we thought the paper wanted one。 Carnehan is sober； and so am I。
Look at us first； and see that's sure。 It will save you cutting into my talk。
We'll take one of your cigars apiece； and you shall see us light up。〃
I watched the test。 The men were absolutely sober； so I gave them each
a tepid whisky…and…soda。
〃Well /and/ good；〃 said Carnehan of the eyebrows； wiping the froth
from his moustache。 〃Let me talk now； Dan。 We have been all over India；
mostly on foot。 We have been boiler…fitters； engine…drivers； petty
contractors； and all that； and we have decided that India isn't big enough
for such as us。〃
They certainly were too big for the office。 Dravot's beard seemed to
fill half the room and Carnehan's shoulders the other half； as they sat on
the big table。 Carnehan continued： 〃The country isn't half worked out
because they that governs it won't let you touch it。 They spend all their
blessed time in governing it； and you can't lift a spade； nor chip a rock； nor
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look for oil； nor anything like that； without all the Government saying；
'Leave it alone； and let us govern。' Therefore； such /as/ it is； we will let it
alone； and go away to some other place where a man isn't crowded and
can come to his own。 We are not little men； and there is nothing that we
are afraid of except Drink； and we have signed a Contrack on that。
/Therefore/ we are going away to be Kings。〃
〃Kings in our own right；〃 mu
