latter-day pamphlets-第19章

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ch　needs　no　beer…barrels　or　hustings；　and　is　_cheaper_　in　expense　of　money　and　of　falsity　a　thousand　and　a　million　fold；　have　an　economical　red…tape　drilling　establishment　（it　were　easier　to　devise　such　a　thing　than　a　right　_Modern　University_）；and　fling　out　your　orange…skin　among　the　graduates；　when　you　want　a　new　Premier。

A　mighty　question　indeed！　　Who　shall　be　Premier；　and　take　in　hand　the　〃rudder　of　government；〃　otherwise　called　the　〃spigot　of　taxation；〃　shall　it　be　the　Honorable　Felix　Parvulus；　or　the　Right　Honorable　Felicissimus　Zero？　By　our　electioneerings　and　Hansard　Debatings；　and　ever…enduring　tempest　of　jargon　that　goes　on　everywhere；　we　manage　to　settle　that；　to　have　it　declared；　with　no　bloodshed　except　insignificant　blood　from　the　nose　in　hustings…time；　but　with　immense　beershed　and　inkshed　and　explosion　of　nonsense；　which　darkens　all　the　air；　that　the　Right　Honorable　Zero　is　to　be　the　man。　　That　we　firmly　settle；　Zero；　all　shivering　with　rapture　and　with　terror；　mounts　into　the　high　saddle；　cramps　himself　on；　with　knees；　heels；　hands　and　feet；　and　the　horse　gallopswhither　it　lists。　　That　the　Right　Honorable　Zero　should　attempt　controlling　the　horseAlas；　alas；　he；　sticking　on　with　beak　and　claws；　is　too　happy　if　the　horse　will　only　gallop　any…whither；　and　not　throw　him。　　Measure；　polity；　plan　or　scheme　of　public　good　or　evil；　is　not　in　the　head　of　Felicissimus；　except；　if　he　could　but　devise　it；　some　measure　that　would　please　his　horse　for　the　moment；　and　encourage　him　to　go　with　softer　paces；　godward　or　devilward　as　it　might　be；　and　save　Felicissimus's　leather；　which　is　fast　wearing。　　This　is　what　we　call　a　Government　in　England；　for　nearly　two　centuries　now。

I　wish　Felicissimus　were　saddle…sick　forever　and　a　day！　　He　is　a　dreadful　object；　however　much　we　are　used　to　him。　　If　the　horse　had　not　been　bred　and　broken　in；　for　a　thousand　years；　by　real　riders　and　horse…subduers；　perhaps　the　best　and　bravest　the　world　ever　saw；　what　would　have　become　of　Felicissimus　and　him　long　since？　　This　horse；　by　second…nature；　religiously　respects　all　fences；　gallops；　if　never　so　madly；　on　the　highways　alone；seems　to　me；　of　late；　like　a　desperate　Sleswick　thunder…horse　who　had　lost　his　way；　galloping　in　the　labyrinthic　lanes　of　a　woody　flat　country；　passionate　to　reach　his　goal；　unable　to　reach　it；　because　in　the　flat　leafy　lanes　there　is　no　outlook　whatever；　and　in　the　bridle　there　is　no　guidance　whatever。　　So　he　gallops　stormfully　along；　thinking　it　is　forward　and　forward；　and　alas；　it　is　only　round　and　round；　out　of　one　old　lane　into　the　other；nay　（according　to　some）　〃he　mistakes　_his　own　footprints_；　which　of　course　grow　ever　more　numerous；　for　the　sign　of　a　more　and　more　frequented　road；〃　and　his　despair　is　hourly　increasing。　　My　impression　is；　he　is　certain　soon；　such　is　the　growth　of　his　necessity　and　his　despair；　toplunge　_across_　the　fence；　into　an　opener　survey　of　the　country；　and　to　sweep　Felicissimus　off　his　back；　and　comb　him　away　very　tragically　in　the　process！　　Poor　Sleswicker；　I　wish　you　were　better　ridden。　I　perceive　it　lies　in　the　Fates　you　must　now　either　be　better　ridden；　or　else　not　long　at　all。　　This　plunging　in　the　heavy　labyrinth　of　over…shaded　lanes；　with　one's　stomach　getting　empty；　one's　Ireland　falling　into　cannibalism；　and　no　vestige　of　a　goal　either　visible　or　possible；　cannot　last。


Colonial　Offices；　Foreign；　Home　and　other　Offices；　got　together　under　these　strange　circumstances；　cannot　well　be　expected　to　be　the　best　that　human　ingenuity　could　devise；　the　wonder　rather　is　to　see　them　so　good　as　they　are。　　Who　made　them；　ask　me　not。　　Made　they　clearly　were；　for　we　see　them　here　in　a　concrete　condition；　writing　despatches；　and　drawing　salary　with　a　view　to　buy　pudding。　　But　how　those　Offices　in　Downing　Street　were　made；　who　made　them；　or　for　what　kind　of　objects　they　were　made；　would　be　hard　to　say　at　present。　　Dim　visions　and　phantasmagories　gathered　from　the　Books　of　Horace　Walpole；　Memoirs　of　Bubb　Doddington；　Memoirs　of　my　Lady　Sundon；　Lord　Fanny　Hervey；　and　innumerable　others；　rise　on　us；　beckoning　fantastically　towards；　not　an　answer；　but　some　conceivable　intimations　of　an　answer；　and　proclaiming　very　legibly　the　old　text；　〃_Quam　parva　sapientia_；〃　in　respect　of　this　hard…working　much…subduing　British　Nation；　giving　rise　to　endless　reflections　in　a　thinking　Englishman　of　this　day。　　Alas；　it　is　ever　so：　each　generation　has　its　task；　and　does　it　better　or　worse；　greatly　neglecting　what　is　not　immediately　its　task。　　Our　poor　grandfathers；　so　busy　conquering　Indias；　founding　Colonies；　inventing　spinning…jennies；　kindling　Lancashires　and　Bromwichams；　took　no　thought　about　the　government　of　all　that；　left　it　all　to　be　governed　by　Lord　Fanny　and　the　Hanover　Succession；　or　how　the　gods　pleased。　　And　now　we　the　poor　grandchildren　find　that　it　will　not　stick　together　on　these　terms　any　longer；　that　our　sad；　dangerous　and　sore　task　is　to　discover　some　government　for　this　big　world　which　has　been　conquered　to　us；　that　the　red…tape　Offices　in　Downing　Street　are　near　the　end　of　their　rope；　that　if　we　can　get　nothing　better；　in　the　way　of　government；　it　is　all　over　with　our　world　and　us。　　How　the　Downing…Street　Offices　originated；　and　what　the　meaning　of　them　was　or　is；　let　Dryasdust；　when　in　some　lucid　moment　the　whim　takes　him；　instruct　us。　Enough　for　us　to　know　and　see　clearly；　with　urgent　practical　inference　derived　from　such　insight；　That　they　were　not　made　for　us　or　for　our　objects　at　all；　that　the　devouring　Irish　Giant　is　here；　and　that　he　cannot　be　fed　with　red…tape；　and　will　eat　us　if　we　cannot　feed　him。

On　the　whole；　let　us　say　Felicissimus　made　them；or　rather　it　was　the　predecessors　of　Felicissimus；　who　were　not　so　dreadfully　hunted；　sticking　to　the　wild　and　ever　more　desperate　Sleswicker　in　the　leafy　labyrinth　of　lanes；　as　he　now　is。　　He；　I　think；　will　never　make　anything；　but　be　combed　off　by　the　elm…boughs；　and　left　sprawling　in　the　ditch。　　But　in　past　time；　this　and　the　other　heavy…laden　red…tape　soul　had　withal　a　glow　of　patriotism　in　him；　now　and　then；　in　his　whirling　element；　a　gleam　of　human　ingenuity；　some　eye　towards　business　that　must　be　done。　　At　all　events；　for　him　and　every　one；　Parliament　needed　to　be　persuaded　that　business　was　done。　　By　the　contributions　of　many　such　heavy…laden　souls；　driven　on　by　necessity　outward　and　inward；　these　singular　Establishments　are　here。　Contributionswho　knows　how　far　back　they　go；　far　beyond　the　reign　of　George　the　Second；　or　perhaps　the　reign　of　William　Conqueror。　　Noble　and　genuine　some　of　them　were；　many　of　them　were；　I　need　not　doubt：　　for　there　is　no　human　edifice　that　stands　long　but　has　got　itself　planted；　here　and　there；　upon　the　basis　of　fact；　and　being　built；　in　many　respects；　according　to　the　laws　of　statics：　　no　standing　edifice；　especially　no　edifice　of　State；　but　has　had　the　wise　and　brave　at　work　in　it；　contributing　their　lives　to　it；　and　is　〃cemented；〃　whether　it　know　the　fact　or　not；　〃by　the　blood　of　heroes！〃　　None；　not　even　the　Foreign　Office；　Home　Office；　still　less　the　National　Palaver　itself。　　William　Conqueror；　I　find；　must　have　had　a　first…rate　Home　Office；　for　his　share。　　The　_Domesday　Book_；　done　in　four　years；　and　done　as　it　is；　with　such　an　admirable　brevity；　explicitness　and　completeness；　testifies　emphatically　what　kind　of　under…secretaries　and　officials　William　had。　　Silent　officials　and　secretaries；　I　suppose；　not　wasting　themselves　in　parliamentary　talk；　reserving　all　their　intelligence　for　silent　survey　of　the　huge　dumb　fact；　silent　consideration　how　they　might　compass　the　mastery　of　that。　　Happy　secretaries；　happy　William！

But　indeed　nobody　knows　what　inarticulate　traditions；　remnants　of　old　wisdom；　priceless　though　quite　anonymous；　survive　in　many　modern　things　that　still　have　life　in　them。　　Ben　Brace；　with　his　taciturnities；　and　rugged　stoical　ways；　with　his　tarry　breeches；　stiff　as　plank…breeches；　I　perceive　is　still　a　kind　of　_Lod…brog_　（Loaded…breeks）　in　more　senses　than　one；　and　derives；　little　conscious　of　it；　many　of　his　excellences　from　the　old　Sea…kings　and　Saxon　Pirates　themselves；　and　how　many　Blakes　and　Nelsons　since　have　contributed　to　Ben！　　〃Things　are　not　so　false　always　as　they　seem；〃　said　a　certain　Professor　to　me　once：　　〃of　this　you　will　find　instances　in　every　country；　and　in　your　England　more　than　anyand　I　hope　will　draw　lessons　from　them。　　An　English　Seventy…four；　if　you　look　merely　at　the　articulate　law　and　methods　of　it；　is　one　of　the　impossiblest　entities。　　The　captain　is　appointed　not　by　preeminent　merit　in　sailorship；　but　by　parliamentary　connection；　the　men　＇this　was　spoken　some　years　ago＇　are　got　by　impressment；　a　press…gang　goes　out；　knocks　men　down。　　on　the　streets　of　sea…towns；　and　drags　them　on　board；if　the　ship　were　to　be　stranded；　I　have　heard　they　would　nearly　all　run　ashore　and　desert。　　Can　anything　be　more　unreasonable　than　a　Seventy…four？　　Articulately　almost　nothing。　　But　it　has　inarticulate　traditions；　ancient　methods　and　habitudes　in　it；　stoicisms；　noblenesses；　_true_　rules　both　of　sailing　and　of　conduct；　enough　to　keep　it　afloat　on　Nature's　veridical　bosom；　after　all。　　See；　if　you　bid　it　sail　to　the　end　of　the　world；　it　will　lift　anchor；　go；　and　arrive。　　The　raging　oceans　do　not　beat　it　back；　it　too；　as　well　as　the　raging　oceans；　has　a　relationship　to　Nature；　and　it　does　not　sink；　but　under　the　due　conditions　is　borne　along。　　If　it　meet　with　hurricanes；　it　rides　them　out；　if　it　meet　an　Enemy's　ship；　it　shivers　it　to　powder；　and　in　short；　it　holds　on　its　way；　and　to　a　wonderful　extent　_does_　what　it　means　and　pretends　to　do。　　Assure　yourself；　my　friend；　there　is　an　immense　fund　of　truth　somewhere　or　other　stowed　in　that　Seventy…four。〃


More　important　than　the　past　history　of　these　Offices　in　Downing　Street；　is　the　question　of　their　future　history；　the　question；　How　they　are　to　be　got　mended！　　Truly　an　immense　problem；　inclusive　of　all　others　whatsoever；　which　demands　to　be　attacked；　and　incessantly　persisted　in；　by　all　good　citizens；　as　the　grand　problem　of　Society；　and　the　one　thing　needful　for　the　Commonwealth！　　A　problem　in　which　all　men；　with　all　their　wisdoms　and　all　their　virtues；　faithfully　and　continually　co…operating　at　it；　will　never　have　done　_enough_；　and　will　still　only　be　struggling　_towards_　perfection　in　it。　　In　which　some　men　can　do　much；in　which　every　man　can　do　something。　　Every　man；　and　thou　my　present　Reader　canst　do　this：　　_Be_　thyself　a　man　abler　to　be　governed；　more　reverencing　the　divine　faculty　of　governing；　more　sacredly　detesting　the　diabolical　semblance　of　said　faculty　in　self　and　others；　so　shalt　thou；　if　not　govern；　yet　actually　according　to　thy　strength　assist　in　real　governing。　　And　know　always；　and　even　lay　to　heart　with　a　quite　unusual　solemnity；　with　a　seriousness　altogether　of　a　religious　nature；　that　as　〃Human　Stupidity〃　is　verily　the　accursed　parent　of　all　this　mischief；　so　Human　Intelligence　alone；　to　which　and　to　which　only　is　victory　and　blessedness　appointed　here　below；　will　or　can　cure　it。　If　we　knew　this　as　devoutly　as　we　ought　to　do；　the　evil；　and　all　other　evils　were　curable；alas；　if　we　had　from　of　old　known　this；　as　all　men　made　in　God's　image　ought　to　do；　the　evil　never　would　have　been！　　Perhaps　few　Nations　have　ever　known　it　le