the kentons-第17章

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how　far　he　could　go　with　her　sad　consciousness　before　she　should　be　aware
that　he　was　experimenting　upon　it。　　He　put　this　temptation　from　him；　and
was　in　the　enjoyment　of　a　comfortable　self…righteousness　when　it　returned
in　twofold　power　upon　him　with　the　coming　of　some　cutlets　which
capriciously　varied　the　repast。

〃Ah；　now；　Miss　Kenton；　if　you　were　to　take　pity　on　my　helplessness！〃

〃Why；　certainly！〃　　She　possessed　herself　of　his　plate；　and　began　to　cut
up　the　meat　for　him。　　〃Am　I　making　the　bites　too　small？〃　　she　asked；　with
an　upward　glance　at　him。

〃Well；　I　don't　know。　　Should　you　think　so？〃　　he　returned；　with　a　smile
that　out…measured　the　morsels　on　the　plate　before　her。

She　met　his　laughing　eyes　with　eyes　that　questioned　his　honesty；　at　first
sadly；　and　then　indignantly。　　She　dropped　the　knife　and　fork　upon　the
plate　and　rose。

〃Oh；　Miss　Kenton！〃　he　penitently　entreated。

But　she　was　down　the　slanting　aisle　and　out　of　the　reeling　door　before　he
could　decide　what　to　do。




XI。

It　seemed　to　Breckon　that　he　had　passed　through　one　of　those　accessions
of　temperament；　one　of　those　crises　of　natural　man；　to　put　it　in　the
terms　of　an　older　theology　than　he　professed；　that　might　justify　him　in
recurring　to　his　original　sense　of　his　unfitness　for　his　sacred　calling；
as　he　would　hardly　ham　called　it：　He　had　allowed　his　levity　to　get　the
better　of　his　sympathy；　and　his　love　of　teasing　to　overpower　that　love　of
helping　which　seemed　to　him　his　chief　right　and　reason　for　being　a
minister：　To　play　a　sort　of　poor　practical　joke　upon　that　melancholy　girl
（who　was　also　so　attractive）　was　not　merely　unbecoming　to　him　as　a
minister；　it　was　cruel；　it　was　vulgar；　it　was　ungentlemanly。　　He　could
not　say　less　than　ungentlemanly；　for　that　seemed　to　give　him　the　only
pang　that　did　him　any　good。　　Her　absolute　sincerity　had　made　her　such　an
easy　prey　that　he　ought　to　have　shrunk　from　the　shabby　temptation　in
abhorrence。

It　is　the　privilege　of　a　woman；　whether　she　wills　it　or　not；　to　put　a　man
who　is　in　the　wrong　concerning　her　much　further　in　the　wrong　than　he
could　be　from　his　offence。　　Breckon　did　not　know　whether　he　was　suffering
more　or　less　because　he　was　suffering　quite　hopelessly；　but　he　was　sure
that　he　was　suffering　justly；　and　he　was　rather　glad；　if　anything；　that
he　must　go　on　suffering。　　His　first　impulse　had　been　to　go　at　once　to
Judge　Kenton　and　own　his　wrong；　and　take　the　consequencesin　fact；
invite　them。　　But　Breckon　forbore　for　two　reasons：　one；　that　he　had
already　appeared　before　the　judge　with　the　confession　of　having　possibly
made　an　unclerical　joke　to　his　younger　daughter；　the　other；　that　the
judge　might　not　consider　levity　towards　the　elder　so　venial；　and　though
Breckon　wished　to　be　both　punished　and　pardoned；　in　the　final　analysis；
perhaps；　he　most　wished　to　be　pardoned。　　Without　pardon　he　could　see　no
way　to　repair　the　wrong　he　had　done。　　Perhaps　he　wished　even　to　retrieve
himself　in　the　girl's　eyes；　or　wished　for　the　chance　of　trying。

Ellen　went　away　to　her　state…room　and　sat　down　on　the　sofa　opposite
Lottie；　and　she　lost　herself　in　a　muse　in　which　she　was　found　by　the
voice　of　the　sufferer　in　the　berth。

〃If　you　haven't　got　anything　better　to　do　than　come　in　here　and　stare　at
me；　I　wish　you　would　go　somewhere　else　and　stare。　　I　can　tell　you　it
isn't　any　joke。〃

〃I　didn't　know　I　was　staring　at　you；〃　said　Ellen；　humbly。

〃It　would　be　enough　to　have　you　rising　and　sinking　there；　without　your
staring　at　all：　If　you're　going　to　stay；　I　wish　you'd　lie　down。　　I　don't
see　why　you're　so　well；　anyway；　after　getting　us　all　to　come　on　this
wild…goose　chase。〃

〃I　know；　I　know；〃　Ellen　strickenly　deprecated。　　〃But　I'm　not　going　to
stay。　　I　jest　came　for　my　things。〃

〃Is　that　giggling　simpleton　sick？　　I　hope　he　is！〃

〃Mr。　Breckon？〃　Ellen　asked；　though　she　knew　whom　Lottie　meant。　　〃No；　he
isn't　sick。　　He　was　at　lunch。〃

〃Was　poppa？〃

〃He　was　at　breakfast。〃

〃And　momma？〃

〃She　and　Boyne　are　both　in　bed。　　I　don't　know　whether　they're　very　sick。〃

〃Well；　then；　I'll　just　tell　you　what；　Ellen　Kenton！〃　　Lottie　sat　up　in
accusal。　　〃You　were　staring　at　something　he　said；　and　the　first　thing　we
all　know　it　will　be　another　case　of　Bittridge！〃　　Ellen　winced；　but　Lottie
had　no　pity。　　〃You　don't　know　it；　because　you　don't　know　anything；　and
I'm　not　blaming　you；　but　if　you　let　that　simpletonI　don't　care　if　he　is
a　minister！go　'round　with　you　when　your　family　are　all　sick　abed；
you'll　be　having　the　whole　ship　to　look　after　you。〃

〃Be　still；　Lottie！〃　　cried　Ellen。　　〃You　are　awful；〃　and；　with　a　flaming
face；　she　escaped　from　the　state…room。

She　did　not　know　where　else　to　go；　and　she　beat　along　the　sides　of　the
corridor　as　far　as　the　dining…saloon。　　She　had　a　dim　notion　of　trying　to
go　up　into　the　music…room　above；　but　a　glance　at　the　reeling　steep　of　the
stairs　forbade。　　With　her　wraps　on　her　arm　and　her　sea…cap　in　her　hand；
she　stood　clinging　to　the　rail…post。

Breckon　came　out　of　the　saloon。　　〃Oh；　Miss　Kenton；〃　he　humbly　entreated；
〃don't　try　to　go　on　deck！　　It's　rougher　than　ever。〃

〃I　was　going　to　the　music…room；〃　she　faltered。

〃Let　me　help　you；　then；〃　he　said　again。　　They　mounted　the　gangway…steps；
but　this　time　with　his　hand　under　her　elbow；　and　his　arm　alert　as　before
in　a　suspended　embrace　against　her　falling。

She　had　lost　the　initiative　of　her　earlier　adventure；　she　could　only
submit　herself　to　his　guidance。　　But　he　almost　outdid　her　in　meekness；
when　he　got　her　safely　placed　in　a　corner　whence　she　could　not　be　easily
flung　upon　the　floor。　　〃You　must　have　found　it　very　stuffy　below；　but；
indeed；　you'd　better　not　try　going　out。〃

〃Do　you　think　it　isn't　safe　here？〃　　she　asked。

〃Oh　yes。　　As　long　as　you　keep　quiet。　　May　I　get　you　something　to　read？
They　seem　to　have　a　pretty　good　little　library。〃

They　both　glanced　at　the　case　of　books；　from　which　the　steward…librarian
was　setting　them　the　example　of　reading　a　volume。

〃No；　I　don't　want　to　read。　　You　musn't　let　me　keep　you　from　it。〃

〃Well；　one　can　read　any　time。　　But　one　hasn't　always　the　chance　to　say
that　one　is　ashamed。　　Don't　pretend　you　don't　understand；　Miss　Kenton！
I　didn't　really　mean　anything。　　The　temptation　to　let　you　exaggerate　my
disability　was　too　much　for　me。　　Say　that　you　despise　me！　　It　would　be
such　a　comfort。〃

〃Weren't　you　hurt？〃

〃A　littlea　little　more　than　a　little；　but　not　half　so　much　as　I
deservednot　to　the　point　of　not　being　able　to　cut　up　my　meat。　　Am　I
forgiven？　　I'll　promise　to　cut　up　all　your　meat　for　you　at　dinner！　　Ah；
I'm　making　it　worse！〃

〃Oh　no。　　Please　don't　speak　of　it〃

〃Could　you　forbid　my　thinking　of　it；　too？〃　　He　did　not　wait　for　her　to
answer。　　〃Then　here　goes　！　　One；　two；　three；　and　the　thought　is　banished
forever。　　Now　what　shall　we　speak　of；　or　think　of？　　We　finished　up　the
weather　pretty　thoroughly　this　morning。　　And　if　you　have　not　the　weather
and　the　ship's　run　when　you're　at　sea；　why；　you　are　at　sea。　　Don't　you
think　it　would　be　a　good　plan；　when　they　stick　those　little　flags　into
the　chart；　to　show　how　far　we've　come　in　the　last　twenty…four　hours；　if
they'd　supply　a　topic　for　the　day？　　They　might　have　topics　inscribed　on
the　flags…standard　topics；　that　would　serve　for　any　voyage。　　We　might
leave　port　with　Historysay；　personal　history；　that　would　pave　the　way
to　a　general　acquaintance　among　the　passengers。　　Then　Geography；　and　if
the　world　is　really　round；　and　what　keeps　the　sea　from　spilling。　　Then
Politics；　and　the　comparative　advantages　of　monarchical　and　republican
governments；　for　international　discussion。　　Then　Pathology；　and　whether
you're　usually　sea…sick；　and　if　there　is　any　reliable　remedy。　　Thenfor
those　who　are　still　upPoetry　and　Fiction；　whether　women　really　like
Kipling；　and　what　kind　of　novels　you　prefer。　　There　ought　to　be　about　ten
topics。　　These　boats　are　sometimes　very　slow。　　Can't　you　suggest
something；　Miss　Kenton？　　There　is　no　hurry！　　We've　got　four　to　talk　over；
for　we　must　bring　up　the　arrears；　you　know。　　And　now　we'll　begin　with
personal　history。　　Your　sister　doesn't　approve　of　me；　does　she？〃

〃My　sister？〃　　Ellen　faltered；　and；　between　the　conscience　to　own　the　fact
and　the　kindness　to　deny　it；　she　stopped　altogether。

〃I　needn't　have　asked。　　She　told　me　so　herself；　in　almost　as　many　words。　
She　said　I　was　slippery；　and　as　close　as　a　trap。　　Miss　Kenton！　　I　have
the　greatest　wish　to　know　whether　I　affect　you　as　both　slippery　and
close！〃

〃I　don't　always　know　what　Lottie　means。〃

〃She　means　what　she　says；　and　I　feel　that　I　am　under　condemnation　till　I
reform。　　I　don't　know　how　to　stop　being　slippery；　but　I'm　determined　to
stop　being　close。　　Will　you　tell　her　that　for　me？　　Will　you　tell　her　that
you　never　met　an　opener；　franker　person？of　course；　except　herself！and
that　so　far　from　being　light　I　seemed　to　you　particularly　heavy？　　Say
that　I　did　nothing　but　talk　about　myself；　and　that　when　you　wanted　to
talk　about　yourself　you　couldn't　get　in　a　word　edgewise。　　Do　try；　now；
Miss　Kenton；　and　see　if　you　can！　　I　don't　want　you　to　invent　a　character
for　me；　quite。〃

〃Why；　there's　nothing　to　say　about　me；〃　she　began　in　compliance　with　his
gayety；　and　then　she　fell　helpless　from　it。

〃Well；　then；　about　Tuskingum。　　I　should　like　to　hear　about　Tuskingum；　so
much！〃

〃I　suppose　we　like　it　because　we've　always　lived　there。　　You　haven't　been
much　in　the　West；　have　you？〃

〃Not　as　much　as　I　hope　to　be。〃　　He　had　found　that　Western　people　were
sometimes　sensitive　concerning　their　section　and　were　prepared　to　resent
complacent　ignorance　of　it。　　〃I've　always　thought　it　must　be　very
interesting。〃

〃It　isn't；〃　said　the　girl。　　〃At　least；　not　like　the　East。　　I　used　to　be
provoked　when　the　lecturers　said　anything　like　that；　but　when　you've　been
to　New　York　you　see　what　they　mean。〃

〃The　lecturers？〃　　he　queried。

〃They　always　stayed　at　our　house　when　they　lectured　in　Tuskingum。〃

〃Ah！　　Oh　yes；〃　said　Breckon；　grasping　a　situation　of　which　he　had　heard
something；　chiefly　satirical。　　〃Of　course。　　And　is　your　fatheris　Judge
Kenton　literary？　　Excuse　me！〃

〃Only　in　his　history。　　He's　writing　the　history　of　his　regiment；　or　he
gets　the　soldiers　to　write　down　all　they　can　remember　of　the　war；　and
then　he　puts　their　stories　together。〃

〃How　delightful！〃　　said　Breckon。　　〃And　I　suppose　it's　a　great　pleasure　to
him。〃

〃I　don't　believe　it　is；〃　said　Ellen。　　〃Poppa　doesn't　believe　in　war　any
more。〃

〃Indeed！〃　　said　Breckon。　〃That　is　very　interesting。〃

〃Sometimes　when　I'm　helping　him　with　it〃

〃Ah；　I　knew　you　must　help　him！〃

〃And　he　comes　to　a　place　where　there　has　been　a　dreadful　slaughter；　it
seems　as　if　he　felt　worse　about　it　than　I　did。　　He　isn't　sure　that　it
wasn't　all　wrong。　　He　thinks　all　war　is　wrong　now。〃

〃Is　hehas　he　become　a　follower　of　Tolstoy？〃

〃He's　read　him。　　He　says　he's　the　only　man　that　ever　gave　a　true　account
of　battles；　but　he　had　thought　it　all　out　for　himself　before　he　read
Tolstoy　about　fighting。　　Do　you　think　it　is　right　to　revenge　an　injury？〃

〃Why；　surely　not！〃　　said　Breckon；　rather　startled。

〃That　is　what　we　say；〃　the　girl　pursued。　　〃But　if　some　one　had　injured
youabused　your　confidence；　andinsulted　you；　what