the kentons-第20章

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part　of　his　closeness　not　to　tell；　it　was　part　of　her　pride　not　to　ask。　
She　relented　when　he　asked　if　he　might　get　a　map　of　his　and　prove　the
littleness　of　Holland　from　it；　and　in　his　absence　she　could　not　well
avoid　saying　to　Ellen；　〃He　seems　very　pleasant。〃

〃Yes；　why　not？〃　　the　girl　asked。

〃I　don't　know。　　Lottie　is　so　against　him。〃

〃He　was　very　kind　when　you　were　all　sick。〃

〃Well；　you　ought　to　know　better　than　Lottie；　you've　seen　him　so　much
more。〃　　Ellen　was　silent；　and　her　mother　advanced　cautiously；　〃I　suppose　
he　is　very　cultivated。〃

〃How　can　I　tell？　　I'm　not。〃

〃Why；　Ellen；　I　think　you　are。　　Very　few　girls　have　read　so　much。〃

〃Yes；　but　he　wouldn't　care　if　I　were　cultivated；　Ha　is　like　all　the　rest。　
He　would　like　to　joke　and　laugh。　　Well；　I　think　that　is　nice；　too；　and　I
wish　I　could　do　it。　　But　I　never　could；　and　now　I　can't　try。　　I　suppose
he　wonders　what　makes　me　such　a　dead　weight　on　you　all。〃

〃You　know　you're　not　that；　Ellen！　　You　musn't　let　yourself　be　morbid。　　It
hurts　me　to　have　you　say　such　things。〃

〃Well；　I　should　like　to　tell　him　why；　and　see　what　he　would　say。〃

〃Ellen！〃

〃Why　not？　　If　he　is　a　minister　he　must　have　thought　about　all　kinds　of
things。　　Do　you　suppose　he　ever　knew　of　a　girl　before　who　had　been
through　what　I　have？　　Yes；　I　would　like　to　know　what　he　would　really
say。〃

〃I　know　what　he　ought　to　say！　　If　he　knew；　he　would　say　that　no　girl　had
ever　behaved　more　angelically。〃

〃Do　you　think　he　would？　　Perhaps　he　would　say　that　if　I　hadn't　been　so
proud　and　silly　Here　he　comes！　　Shall　we　ask　him？〃

Breckon　approached　with　his　map；　and　her　mother　gasped；　thinking　how
terrible　such　a　thing　would　be　if　it　could　be；　Ellen　smiled　brightly　up
at　him。　　〃Will　you　take　my　chair？　　And　then　you　can　show　momma　your　map。　
I　am　going　down；〃　and　while　he　was　still　protesting　she　was　gone。

〃Miss　Kenton　seems　so　much　better　than　she　did　the　first　day；〃　he　said；
as　he　spread　the　map　out　on　his　knees；　and　gave　Mrs。　Kenton　one　end　to
hold。

〃Yes；〃　the　mother　assented；　as　she　bent　over　to　look　at　it。

She　followed　his　explanation　with　a　surface　sense；　while　her　nether　mind
was　full　of　the　worry　of　the　question　which　Ellen　had　planted　in　it。　
What　would　such　a　man　think　of　what　she　had　been　through？　　Or；　rather；
how　would　he　say　to　her　the　only　things　that　in　Mrs。　Kenton's　belief　he
could　say？　　How　could　the　poor　child　ever　be　made　to　see　it　in　the　light
of　some　mind　not　colored　with　her　family's　affection　for　her？　　An
immense；　an　impossible　longing　possessed　itself　of　the　mother's　heart；
which　became　the　more　insistent　the　more　frantic　it　appeared。　　She
uttered　〃Yes〃　and　〃No〃　and　〃Indeed〃　to　what　he　was　saying；　but　all　the
time　she　was　rehearsing　Ellen's　story　in　her　inner　sense。　　In　the　end　she
remembered　so　little　what　had　actually　passed　that　her　dramatic　reverie
seemed　the　reality；　and　when　she　left　him　she　got　herself　down　to　her
state…room；　giddy　with　the　shame　and　fear　of　her　imaginary　self…betrayal。　
She　wished　to　test　the　enormity；　and　yet　not　find　it　so　monstrous；　by
submitting　the　case　to　her　husband；　and　she　could　scarcely　keep　back　her
impatience　at　seeing　Ellen　instead　of　her　father。

〃Momma；　what　have　you　been　saying　to　Mr。　Breckon　about　me？〃

〃Nothing；〃　said　Mrs。　Kenton；　aghast　at　first；　and　then　astonished　to
realize　that　she　was　speaking　the　simple　truth。　　〃He　said　how　much　better
you　were　looking；　but　I　don't　believe　I　spoke　a　single　word。　　We　were
looking　at　the　map。〃

〃Very　well；〃　Ellen　resumed。　　〃I　have　been　thinking　it　all　over；　and　now　I
have　made　up　my　mind。〃

She　paused；　and　her　mother　asked；　tremulously；　〃About　what；　Ellen？〃

〃You　know；　momma。　　I　see　all　now。　　You　needn't　be　afraid　that　I　care
anything　about　him　now；〃　and　her　mother　knew　that　she　meant　Bittridge；
〃or　that　I　ever　shall。　　That's　gone　forever。　　But　it's　gone；〃　she　added；
and　her　mother　quaked　inwardly　to　hear　her　reason；　〃because　the　wrong　and
the　shame　was　all　for　mefor　us。　　That's　why　I　can　forgive　it；　and
forget。　　If　we　had　done　anything；　the　least　thing　in　the　world；　to
revenge　ourselves；　or　to　hurt　him；　thenDon't　you　see；　momma？〃

〃I　think　I　see；　Ellen。〃

〃Then　I　should　have　to　keep　thinking　about　it；　and　what　we　had　made　him
suffer；　and　whether　we　hadn't　given　him　some　claim。　　I　don't　wish　ever　to
think　of　him　again。　　You　and　poppa　were　so　patient　and　forbearing；　all
through；　and　I　thank　goodness　now　for　everything　you　put　up　with；　only　I
wish　I　could　have　borne　everything　myself。〃

〃You　had　enough　to　bear；〃　Mrs。　Kenton　said；　in　tender　evasion。

〃I'm　glad　that　I　had　to　bear　so　much；　for　bearing　it　is　what　makes　me
free　now。〃　　She　went　up　to　her　mother　and　kissed　her；　and　gazed　into　her
face　with　joyful；　tearful　looks　that　made　her　heart　sink。




XIV。

Mrs。　　Kenton　did　not　rest　till　she　had　made　sure　from　Lottie　and　Boyne
that　neither　of　them　had　dropped　any　hint　to　Ellen　of　what　happened　to
Bittridge　after　his　return　to　Tuskingum。　　She　did　not　explain　to　them　why
she　was　so　very　anxious　to　know；　but　only　charged　them　the　more　solemnly
not　to　let　the　secret；　which　they　had　all　been　keeping　from　Ellen；　escape
them。

They　promised；　but　Lottie　said；　〃She's　got　to　know　it　some　time；　and　I
should　think　the　sooner　the　better。〃

〃I　will　be　judge　of　that；　Lottie；〃　said　her　mother；　and　Boyne　seized　his
chance　of　inculpating　her　with　his　friend；　Mr。　Pogis。　　He　said　she　was
carrying　on　awfully　with　him　already；　and　an　Englishman　could　not
understand；　and　Boyne　hinted　that　he　would　presume　upon　her　American
freedom。

〃Well；　if　he　does；　I'll　get　you　to　cowhide　him；　Boyne；〃　she　retorted；　and
left　him　fuming　helplessly；　while　she　went　to　give　the　young　Englishman
an　opportunity　of　resuming　the　flirtation　which　her　mother　had
interrupted。

With　her　husband　Mrs。　Kenton　found　it　practicable　to　be　more　explicit。　
〃I　haven't　had　such　a　load　lifted　off　my　heart　since　I　don't　know　when。　
It　shows　me　what　I've　thought　all　along：　that　Ellen　hasn't　really　cared
anything　for　that　miserable　thing　since　he　first　began　going　with　Mrs。
Uphill　a　year　ago。　　When　he　wrote　that　letter　to　her　in　New　York　she
wanted　to　be　sure　she　didn't；　and　when　he　offered　himself　and　misbehaved
so　to　both　of　you；　she　was　afraid　that　she　and　you　were　somehow　to　blame。　
Now　she's　worked　it　out　that　no　one　else　was　wronged；　and　she　is
satisfied。　　It's　made　her　feel　free；　as　she　says。　　But；　oh；　dear　me！〃　
Mrs。　Kenton　broke　off；　〃I　talk　as　if　there　was　nothing　to　bind　her；　and
yet　there　is　what　poor　Richard　did！　　What　would　she　say　if　she　knew　that？　
I　have　been　cautioning　Lottie　and　Boyne；　but　I　know　it　will　come　out
somehow。　　Do　you　think　it's　wise　to　keep　it　from　her？　　Hadn't　we　better
tell　her？　　Or　shall　we　wait　and　see〃

Kenton　would　not　allow　to　her　or　to　himself　that　his　hopes　ran　with　hers；
love　is　not　business　with　a　man　as　it　is　with　a　woman；　he　feels　it
indecorous　and　indelicate　to　count　upon　it　openly；　where　she　thinks　it
simply　a　chance　of　life；　to　be　considered　like　another。　　All　that　Kenton
would　say　was；　〃　I　see　no　reason　for　telling　her　just　yet。　　She　will　have
to　know　in　due　time。　　But　let　her　enjoy　her　freedom　now。〃

〃Yes；〃　Mrs。　Kenton　doubtfully　assented。

The　judge　was　thoughtfully　silent。　　Then　he　said：　〃Few　girls　could　have
worked　out　her　problem　as　Ellen　has。　　Think　how　differently　Lottie　would
have　done　it！〃

〃Lottie　has　her　good　points；　too；〃　said　Mrs。　Kenton。　　〃And；　of　course；　I
don't　blame　Richard。　　There　are　all　kinds　of　girls；　and　Lottie　means　no
more　harm　than　Ellen　does。　　She's　the　kind　that　can't　help　attracting；
but　I　always　knew　that　Ellen　was　attractive；　too；　if　she　would　only　find
it　out。　　And　I　knew　that　as　soon　as　anything　worth　while　took　up　her　mind
she　would　never　give　that　wretch　another　thought。〃

Kenton　followed　her　devious　ratiocinations　to　a　conclusion　which　he　could
not　grasp。　　〃What　do　you　mean；　Sarah？〃

〃If　I　only；〃　she　explained；　in　terms　that　did　not　explain；　〃felt　as　sure
of　him　as　I　do　about　him！〃

Her　husband　looked　densely　at　her。　　〃Bittridge？〃

〃No。　　Mr。　Breckon。　　He　is　very　nice；　Rufus。　　Yes；　he　is！　　He's　been
showing　me　the　map　of　Holland；　and　we've　had　a　long　talk。　　He　isn't　the
way　we　thoughtor　I　did。　　He　is　not　at　all　clerical；　or　worldly。　　And　he
appreciates　Ellen。　　I　don't　suppose　he　cares　so　much　for　her　being
cultivated；　I　suppose　she　doesn't　seem　so　to　him。　　But　he　sees　how　wise
she　ishow　good。　　And　he　couldn't　do　that　without　being　good　himself！　
Rufus！　　If　we　could　only　hope　such　a　thing。　　But；　of　course；　there　are
thousands　after　him！〃

〃There　are　not　thousands　of　Ellens　after　him；〃　said　the　judge；　before　he
could　take　time　to　protest。　　〃And　I　don't　want　him　to　suppose　that　she　is
after　him　at　all。　　If　he　will　only　interest　her　and　help　her　to　keep　her
mind　off　herself；　it's　all　I　will　ask　of　him。　　I　am　not　anxious　to　part
with　her；　now　that　she's　all　ours　again。〃

〃Of　course；〃　Mrs。　Kenton　soothingly　assented。　　〃And　I　don't　say　that　she
dreams　of　him　in　any　such　way。　　She　can't　help　admiring　his　mind。　　But
what　I　mean　is　that　when　you　see　how　he　appreciates　her；　you　can't　help
wishing　he　could　know　just　how　wise；　and　just　how　good　she　is。　　It　did
seem　to　me　as　if　I　would　give　almost　anything　to　have　him　know　what　she
had　been　through　with　thatrapscallion！〃

〃Sarah！〃

〃Oh；　you　may　Sarah　me！　　But　I　can　tell　you　what；　Mr。　Kenton：　I　believe
that　you　could　tell　him　every　word　of　it；　and　only　make　him　appreciate
her　the　more。　　Till　you　know　that　about　Ellen；　you　don't　know　what　a
character　she　is。　　I　just　ached　to　tell　him！〃

〃I　don't　understand　you；　my　dear；〃　said　Kenton。　　〃But　if　you　mean　to　tell
him〃

〃Why；　who　could　imagine　doing　such　a　thing？　　Don't　you　see　that　it　is
impossible？　　Such　a　thing　would　never　have　come　into　my　head　if　it　hadn't
been　for　some　morbid　talk　of　Ellen's。〃

〃Of　Ellen's？〃

〃Oh；　about　wanting　to　disgust　him　by　telling　him　why　she　was　such　a
burden　to　us。〃

〃She　isn't　a　burden！〃

〃I　am　saying　what　she　said。　　And　it　made　me　think　that　if　such　a　person
could　only　know　the　high…minded　way　she　had　found　to　get　out　of　her
trouble！　　I　would　like　somebody　who　is　capable　of　valuing　her　to　value
her　in　all　her　preciousness。　　Wouldn't　you　be　glad　if　such　a　man　as　he　is
could　know　how　and　why　she　feels　free　at　last？〃

〃I　don't　think　it's　necessary；〃　said　Kenton；　haughtily；　〃There's　only　one
thing　that　could　give　him　the　right　to　know　it；　and　we'll　wait　for　that
first。　　I　thought　you　said　that　he　was　frivolous。〃

〃Boyne　said　that；　and　Lottie。　　I　took　it　for　granted；　till　I　talked　with
him　to…day。　　He　is　light…hearted　and　gay；　he　likes　to　laugh　and　joke；　but
he　can　be　very　serious　when　he　wants　to。〃
　　　　　　　　　　
〃According　to　all　precedent；〃　said　the　judge；　glumly；　〃such　a　man　ought
to　be　hanging　round　Lottie。　　Everybody　was　that　amounted　to　anything　in
Tuskingum。〃

〃Oh；　in　Tuskingum！　　And　who　were　the　men　there　that　amounted　to　anything？　
A　lot　of　young　lawyers；　and　two　students　of　medicine；　and　some　railroad
clerks。　　There　wasn't　one　that　would　compare　with　Mr。　Breckon　for　a
moment。〃

〃All　the　more　reason　why　he　can't　really　care　for　Ellen。　　Now　see　here；
Sarah！　　You　know　I　don'