the turn of the screw-第20章

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Your　letter　never　went。〃



〃What　then　became　of　it？〃



〃Goodness　knows！　　Master　Miles〃



〃Do　you　mean　HE　took　it？〃　　I　gasped。



She　hung　fire；　but　she　overcame　her　reluctance。　　〃I　mean　that　I　saw　yesterday；

when　I　came　back　with　Miss　Flora；　that　it　wasn't　where　you　had　put　it。

Later　in　the　evening　I　had　the　chance　to　question　Luke；　and　he　declared

that　he　had　neither　noticed　nor　touched　it。〃　　We　could　only　exchange；　on　this；

one　of　our　deeper　mutual　soundings；　and　it　was　Mrs。　Grose　who　first　brought

up　the　plumb　with　an　almost　elated　〃You　see！〃



〃Yes；　I　see　that　if　Miles　took　it　instead　he　probably　will　have　read　it

and　destroyed　it。〃



〃And　don't　you　see　anything　else？〃



I　faced　her　a　moment　with　a　sad　smile。　　〃It　strikes　me　that　by　this

time　your　eyes　are　open　even　wider　than　mine。〃



They　proved　to　be　so　indeed；　but　she　could　still　blush；　almost；　to　show　it。

〃I　make　out　now　what　he　must　have　done　at　school。〃　　And　she　gave；

in　her　simple　sharpness；　an　almost　droll　disillusioned　nod。　　〃He　stole！〃



I　turned　it　overI　tried　to　be　more　judicial。　　〃Wellperhaps。〃



She　looked　as　if　she　found　me　unexpectedly　calm。

〃He　stole　LETTERS！〃



She　couldn't　know　my　reasons　for　a　calmness　after　all

pretty　shallow；　so　I　showed　them　off　as　I　might。

〃I　hope　then　it　was　to　more　purpose　than　in　this　case！

The　note；　at　any　rate；　that　I　put　on　the　table　yesterday；〃

I　pursued；　〃will　have　given　him　so　scant　an　advantage

for　it　contained　only　the　bare　demand　for　an　interview

that　he　is　already　much　ashamed　of　having　gone　so　far

for　so　little；　and　that　what　he　had　on　his　mind　last　evening

was　precisely　the　need　of　confession。〃　　I　seemed　to　myself；

for　the　instant；　to　have　mastered　it；　to　see　it　all。

〃Leave　us；　leave　us〃I　was　already；　at　the　door；　hurrying　her　off。

〃I'll　get　it　out　of　him。　　He'll　meet　mehe'll　confess。

If　he　confesses；　he's　saved。　　And　if　he's　saved〃



〃Then　YOU　are？〃　　The　dear　woman　kissed　me　on　this；

and　I　took　her　farewell。　　〃I'll　save　you　without　him！〃

she　cried　as　she　went。







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XXII





Yet　it　was　when　she　had　got　offand　I　missed　her　on　the　spot

that　the　great　pinch　really　came。　　If　I　had　counted　on

what　it　would　give　me　to　find　myself　alone　with　Miles；

I　speedily　perceived；　at　least；　that　it　would　give　me　a　measure。

No　hour　of　my　stay　in　fact　was　so　assailed　with　apprehensions

as　that　of　my　coming　down　to　learn　that　the　carriage　containing

Mrs。　Grose　and　my　younger　pupil　had　already　rolled　out　of　the　gates。

Now　I　WAS；　I　said　to　myself；　face　to　face　with　the　elements；

and　for　much　of　the　rest　of　the　day；　while　I　fought

my　weakness；　I　could　consider　that　I　had　been　supremely　rash。

It　was　a　tighter　place　still　than　I　had　yet　turned　round　in；

all　the　more　that；　for　the　first　time；　I　could　see　in

the　aspect　of　others　a　confused　reflection　of　the　crisis。

What　had　happened　naturally　caused　them　all　to　stare；

there　was　too　little　of　the　explained；　throw　out　whatever　we　might；

in　the　suddenness　of　my　colleague's　act。　　The　maids　and　the　men

looked　blank；　the　effect　of　which　on　my　nerves　was　an　aggravation

until　I　saw　the　necessity　of　making　it　a　positive　aid。

It　was　precisely；　in　short；　by　just　clutching　the　helm

that　I　avoided　total　wreck；　and　I　dare　say　that；　to　bear　up

at　all；　I　became；　that　morning；　very　grand　and　very　dry。

I　welcomed　the　consciousness　that　I　was　charged　with　much　to　do；

and　I　caused　it　to　be　known　as　well　that；　left　thus　to　myself；

I　was　quite　remarkably　firm。　　I　wandered　with　that　manner；

for　the　next　hour　or　two；　all　over　the　place　and　looked；

I　have　no　doubt；　as　if　I　were　ready　for　any　onset。

So；　for　the　benefit　of　whom　it　might　concern；　I　paraded

with　a　sick　heart。



The　person　it　appeared　least　to　concern　proved　to　be；

till　dinner；　little　Miles　himself。　　My　perambulations　had

given　me；　meanwhile；　no　glimpse　of　him；　but　they　had　tended

to　make　more　public　the　change　taking　place　in　our　relation

as　a　consequence　of　his　having　at　the　piano；　the　day　before；

kept　me；　in　Flora's　interest；　so　beguiled　and　befooled。

The　stamp　of　publicity　had　of　course　been　fully　given　by　her

confinement　and　departure；　and　the　change　itself　was　now　ushered

in　by　our　nonobservance　of　the　regular　custom　of　the　schoolroom。

He　had　already　disappeared　when；　on　my　way　down；　I　pushed

open　his　door；　and　I　learned　below　that　he　had　breakfasted

in　the　presence　of　a　couple　of　the　maidswith　Mrs。　Grose

and　his　sister。　　He　had　then　gone　out；　as　he　said；　for　a　stroll；

than　which　nothing；　I　reflected；　could　better　have　expressed

his　frank　view　of　the　abrupt　transformation　of　my　office。

What　he　would　not　permit　this　office　to　consist　of　was　yet

to　be　settled：　　there　was　a　queer　relief；　at　all　eventsI　mean

for　myself　in　especialin　the　renouncement　of　one　pretension。

If　so　much　had　sprung　to　the　surface；　I　scarce　put　it　too

strongly　in　saying　that　what　had　perhaps　sprung　highest

was　the　absurdity　of　our　prolonging　the　fiction　that　I　had

anything　more　to　teach　him。　　It　sufficiently　stuck　out　that；

by　tacit　little　tricks　in　which　even　more　than　myself　he　carried

out　the　care　for　my　dignity；　I　had　had　to　appeal　to　him　to　let　me

off　straining　to　meet　him　on　the　ground　of　his　true　capacity。

He　had　at　any　rate　his　freedom　now；　I　was　never　to　touch　it　again；

as　I　had　amply　shown；　moreover；　when；　on　his　joining　me　in

the　schoolroom　the　previous　night；　I　had　uttered；　on　the　subject

of　the　interval　just　concluded；　neither　challenge　nor　hint。

I　had　too　much；　from　this　moment；　my　other　ideas。

Yet　when　he　at　last　arrived；　the　difficulty　of　applying　them；

the　accumulations　of　my　problem；　were　brought　straight　home　to　me

by　the　beautiful　little　presence　on　which　what　had　occurred

had　as　yet；　for　the　eye；　dropped　neither　stain　nor　shadow。



To　mark；　for　the　house；　the　high　state　I　cultivated　I

decreed　that　my　meals　with　the　boy　should　be　served；

as　we　called　it；　downstairs；　so　that　I　had　been　awaiting

him　in　the　ponderous　pomp　of　the　room　outside　of　the　window

of　which　I　had　had　from　Mrs。　Grose；　that　first　scared　Sunday；

my　flash　of　something　it　would　scarce　have　done　to　call　light。

Here　at　present　I　felt　afreshfor　I　had　felt　it　again　and　again

how　my　equilibrium　depended　on　the　success　of　my　rigid　will；

the　will　to　shut　my　eyes　as　tight　as　possible　to　the　truth

that　what　I　had　to　deal　with　was；　revoltingly；　against　nature。

I　could　only　get　on　at　all　by　taking　〃nature〃　into　my

confidence　and　my　account；　by　treating　my　monstrous

ordeal　as　a　push　in　a　direction　unusual；　of　course；

and　unpleasant；　but　demanding；　after　all；　for　a　fair　front；

only　another　turn　of　the　screw　of　ordinary　human　virtue。

No　attempt；　nonetheless；　could　well　require　more　tact　than

just　this　attempt　to　supply；　one's　self；　ALL　the　nature。

How　could　I　put　even　a　little　of　that　article　into　a　suppression

of　reference　to　what　had　occurred？　　How；　on　the　other　hand；　could　I

make　reference　without　a　new　plunge　into　the　hideous　obscure？

Well；　a　sort　of　answer；　after　a　time；　had　come　to　me；　and　it

was　so　far　confirmed　as　that　I　was　met；　incontestably；　by　the

quickened　vision　of　what　was　rare　in　my　little　companion。

It　was　indeed　as　if　he　had　found　even　nowas　he　had　so　often

found　at　lessonsstill　some　other　delicate　way　to　ease　me　off。

Wasn't　there　light　in　the　fact　which；　as　we　shared　our　solitude；

broke　out　with　a　specious　glitter　it　had　never　yet　quite　worn？

the　fact　that　（opportunity　aiding；　precious　opportunity　which　had

now　come）　it　would　be　preposterous；　with　a　child　so　endowed；

to　forego　the　help　one　might　wrest　from　absolute　intelligence？

What　had　his　intelligence　been　given　him　for　but　to　save　him？

Mightn't　one；　to　reach　his　mind；　risk　the　stretch　of　an　angular

arm　over　his　character？　　It　was　as　if；　when　we　were　face

to　face　in　the　dining　room；　he　had　literally　shown　me　the　way。

The　roast　mutton　was　on　the　table；　and　I　had　dispensed

with　attendance。　　Miles；　before　he　sat　down；　stood　a　moment

with　his　hands　in　his　pockets　and　looked　at　the　joint；

on　which　he　seemed　on　the　point　of　passing　some　humorous　judgment。

But　what　he　presently　produced　was：　　〃I　say；　my　dear；　is　she

really　very　awfully　ill？〃



〃Little　Flora？　　Not　so　bad　but　that　she'll　presently　be　better。

London　will　set　her　up。　　Bly　had　ceased　to　agree　with　her。

Come　here　and　take　your　mutton。〃



He　alertly　obeyed　me；　carried　the　plate　carefully

to　his　seat；　and；　when　he　was　established；　went　on。

〃Did　Bly　disagree　with　her　so　terribly　suddenly？〃



〃Not　so　suddenly　as　you　might　think。　　One　had　seen　it　coming　on。〃



〃Then　why　didn't　you　get　her　off　before？〃



〃Before　what？〃



〃Before　she　became　too　ill　to　travel。〃



I　found　myself　prompt。　　〃She's　NOT　too　ill　to　travel：

she　only　might　have　become　so　if　she　had　stayed。

This　was　just　the　moment　to　seize。　　The　journey　will　dissipate

the　influence〃oh；　I　was　grand！〃and　carry　it　off。〃



〃I　see；　I　see〃Miles；　for　that　matter；　was　grand；　too。　　He　settled

to　his　repast　with　the　charming　little　〃table　manner〃　that；　from　the　day

of　his　arrival；　had　relieved　me　of　all　grossness　of　admonition。

Whatever　he　had　been　driven　from　school　for；　it　was　not　for　ugly　feeding。

He　was　irreproachable；　as　always；　today；　but　he　was　unmistakably

more　conscious。　　He　was　discernibly　trying　to　take　for　granted

more　things　than　he　found；　without　assistance；　quite　easy；

and　he　dropped　into　peaceful　silence　while　he　felt　his　situation。

Our　meal　was　of　the　briefestmine　a　vain　pretense；　and　I　had　the　things

immediately　removed。　　While　this　was　done　Miles　stood　again　with　his

hands　in　his　little　pockets　and　his　back　to　mestood　and　looked

out　of　the　wide　window　through　which；　that　other　day；　I　had　seen

what　pulled　me　up。　　We　continued　silent　while　the　maid　was　with　us

as　silent；　it　whimsically　occurred　to　me；　as　some　young　couple　who；

on　their　wedding　journey；　at　the　inn；　feel　shy　in　the　presence

of　the　waiter。　　He　turned　round　only　when　the　waiter　had　left　us。

〃Wellso　we're　alone！〃







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　XXIII





〃Oh；　more　or　less。〃　　I　fancy　my　smile　was　pale。　　〃Not　absolutely。

We　shouldn't　like　that！〃　　I　went　on。



〃NoI　suppose　we　shouldn't。　Of　course　we　have　the　others。〃



〃We　have　the　otherswe　have　indeed　the　others；〃　I　concurred。



〃Yet　even　though　we　have　them；〃　he　returned；　still　with　his

hands　in　his　pockets　and　planted　there　in　front　of　me；

〃they　don't　much　count；　do　they？〃



I　made　the　best　of　it；　but　I　felt　wan。

〃It　depends　on　what　you　call　‘much'！〃



〃Yes〃with　all　accommodation〃everything　depends！〃

On　this；　however；　he　faced　to　the　window　again　and　presently

reached　it　with　his　vague；　restless；　cogitating　step。

He　remained　there　awhile；　with　his　forehead　against　the　glass；

in　contemplation　of　the　stupid　shrubs　I　knew　and　the　dull

things　of　November。　　I　had　always　my　hypocrisy　of　〃work；〃