the turn of the screw-第7章

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quite　as　queer　as　the　company　I　received；　but　as　I　trace　over

what　we　went　through　I　see　how　much　common　ground　we　must　have

found　in　the　one　idea　that；　by　good　fortune；　COULD　steady　us。

It　was　the　idea；　the　second　movement；　that　led　me　straight　out；

as　I　may　say；　of　the　inner　chamber　of　my　dread。　　I　could　take

the　air　in　the　court；　at　least；　and　there　Mrs。　Grose　could　join　me。

Perfectly　can　I　recall　now　the　particular　way　strength　came　to　me

before　we　separated　for　the　night。　　We　had　gone　over　and　over　every

feature　of　what　I　had　seen。



〃He　was　looking　for　someone　else；　you　saysomeone　who　was　not　you？〃



〃He　was　looking　for　little　Miles。〃　　A　portentous　clearness　now　possessed　me。

〃THAT'S　whom　he　was　looking　for。〃



〃But　how　do　you　know？〃



〃I　know；　I　know；　I　know！〃　　My　exaltation　grew。　　〃And　YOU　know；　my　dear！〃



She　didn't　deny　this；　but　I　required；　I　felt；　not　even　so　much

telling　as　that。　　She　resumed　in　a　moment；　at　any　rate：

〃What　if　HE　should　see　him？〃



〃Little　Miles？　　That's　what　he　wants！〃



She　looked　immensely　scared　again。　　〃The　child？〃



〃Heaven　forbid！　　The　man。　　He　wants　to　appear　to　THEM。〃

That　he　might　was　an　awful　conception；　and　yet；　somehow；　I　could

keep　it　at　bay；　which；　moreover；　as　we　lingered　there；

was　what　I　succeeded　in　practically　proving。　　I　had　an　absolute

certainty　that　I　should　see　again　what　I　had　already　seen；

but　something　within　me　said　that　by　offering　myself　bravely

as　the　sole　subject　of　such　experience；　by　accepting；　by　inviting；

by　surmounting　it　all；　I　should　serve　as　an　expiatory　victim

and　guard　the　tranquility　of　my　companions。　　The　children；

in　especial；　I　should　thus　fence　about　and　absolutely　save。

I　recall　one　of　the　last　things　I　said　that　night　to　Mrs。　Grose。



〃It　does　strike　me　that　my　pupils　have　never　mentioned〃



She　looked　at　me　hard　as　I　musingly　pulled　up。　　〃His　having　been

here　and　the　time　they　were　with　him？〃



〃The　time　they　were　with　him；　and　his　name；　his　presence；　his　history；

in　any　way。〃



〃Oh；　the　little　lady　doesn't　remember。　　She　never　heard　or　knew。〃



〃The　circumstances　of　his　death？〃　　I　thought　with　some　intensity。

〃Perhaps　not。　　But　Miles　would　rememberMiles　would　know。〃



〃Ah；　don't　try　him！〃　broke　from　Mrs。　Grose。



I　returned　her　the　look　she　had　given　me。　　〃Don't　be　afraid。〃

I　continued　to　think。　　〃It　IS　rather　odd。〃



〃That　he　has　never　spoken　of　him？〃



〃Never　by　the　least　allusion。　　And　you　tell　me　they　were　‘great　friends'？〃



〃Oh；　it　wasn't　HIM！〃　Mrs。　Grose　with　emphasis　declared。

〃It　was　Quint's　own　fancy。　　To　play　with　him；　I　mean

to　spoil　him。〃　　She　paused　a　moment；　then　she　added：

〃Quint　was　much　too　free。〃



This　gave　me；　straight　from　my　vision　of　his　faceSUCH　a　face！

a　sudden　sickness　of　disgust。　　〃Too　free　with　MY　boy？〃



〃Too　free　with　everyone！〃



I　forbore；　for　the　moment；　to　analyze　this　description　further　than

by　the　reflection　that　a　part　of　it　applied　to　several　of　the　members

of　the　household；　of　the　half…dozen　maids　and　men　who　were　still

of　our　small　colony。　　But　there　was　everything；　for　our　apprehension；

in　the　lucky　fact　that　no　discomfortable　legend；　no　perturbation

of　scullions；　had　ever；　within　anyone's　memory　attached　to　the　kind

old　place。　　It　had　neither　bad　name　nor　ill　fame；　and　Mrs。　Grose；

most　apparently；　only　desired　to　cling　to　me　and　to　quake　in　silence。

I　even　put　her；　the　very　last　thing　of　all；　to　the　test。　　It　was　when；

at　midnight；　she　had　her　hand　on　the　schoolroom　door　to　take　leave。

〃I　have　it　from　you　thenfor　it's　of　great　importancethat　he　was

definitely　and　admittedly　bad？〃



〃Oh；　not　admittedly。　　_I_　knew　itbut　the　master　didn't。〃



〃And　you　never　told　him？〃



〃Well；　he　didn't　like　tale…bearinghe　hated　complaints。

He　was　terribly　short　with　anything　of　that　kind；　and　if　people

were　all　right　to　HIM〃



〃He　wouldn't　be　bothered　with　more？〃　　This　squared　well　enough

with　my　impressions　of　him：　　he　was　not　a　trouble…loving　gentleman；

nor　so　very　particular　perhaps　about　some　of　the　company　HE　kept。

All　the　same；　I　pressed　my　interlocutress。　　〃I　promise　you　_I_

would　have　told！〃



She　felt　my　discrimination。　　〃I　daresay　I　was　wrong。

But；　really；　I　was　afraid。〃



〃Afraid　of　what？〃



〃Of　things　that　man　could　do。　　Quint　was　so　cleverhe　was　so　deep。〃



I　took　this　in　still　more　than；　probably；　I　showed。

〃You　weren't　afraid　of　anything　else？　　Not　of　his　effect？〃



〃His　effect？〃　she　repeated　with　a　face　of　anguish　and　waiting

while　I　faltered。



〃On　innocent　little　precious　lives。　　They　were　in　your　charge。〃



〃No；　they　were　not　in　mine！〃　she　roundly　and　distressfully　returned。

〃The　master　believed　in　him　and　placed　him　here　because　he　was

supposed　not　to　be　well　and　the　country　air　so　good　for　him。

So　he　had　everything　to　say。　　Yes〃she　let　me　have　it〃even

about　THEM。〃



〃Themthat　creature？〃　　I　had　to　smother　a　kind　of　howl。

〃And　you　could　bear　it！〃



〃No。　I　couldn'tand　I　can't　now！〃　　And　the　poor　woman　burst　into　tears。



A　rigid　control；　from　the　next　day；　was；　as　I　have　said；　to　follow　them；

yet　how　often　and　how　passionately；　for　a　week；　we　came　back　together

to　the　subject！　　Much　as　we　had　discussed　it　that　Sunday　night；　I　was；

in　the　immediate　later　hours　in　especialfor　it　may　be　imagined　whether

I　sleptstill　haunted　with　the　shadow　of　something　she　had　not　told　me。

I　myself　had　kept　back　nothing；　but　there　was　a　word　Mrs。　Grose　had

kept　back。　　I　was　sure；　moreover；　by　morning；　that　this　was　not　from

a　failure　of　frankness；　but　because　on　every　side　there　were　fears。

It　seems　to　me　indeed；　in　retrospect；　that　by　the　time　the　morrow's　sun

was　high　I　had　restlessly　read　into　the　fact　before　us　almost　all　the

meaning　they　were　to　receive　from　subsequent　and　more　cruel　occurrences。

What　they　gave　me　above　all　was　just　the　sinister　figure　of　the　living　man

the　dead　one　would　keep　awhile！and　of　the　months　he　had　continuously

passed　at　Bly；　which；　added　up；　made　a　formidable　stretch。

The　limit　of　this　evil　time　had　arrived　only　when；　on　the　dawn　of　a

winter's　morning；　Peter　Quint　was　found；　by　a　laborer　going　to　early　work；

stone　dead　on　the　road　from　the　village：　　a　catastrophe　explained

superficially　at　leastby　a　visible　wound　to　his　head；　such　a　wound

as　might　have　been　producedand　as；　on　the　final　evidence；　HAD　been

by　a　fatal　slip；　in　the　dark　and　after　leaving　the　public　house；

on　the　steepish　icy　slope；　a　wrong　path　altogether；　at　the　bottom　of

which　he　lay。　　The　icy　slope；　the　turn　mistaken　at　night　and　in　liquor；

accounted　for　muchpractically；　in　the　end　and　after　the　inquest　and

boundless　chatter；　for　everything；　but　there　had　been　matters　in　his　life

strange　passages　and　perils；　secret　disorders；　vices　more　than　suspected

that　would　have　accounted　for　a　good　deal　more。



I　scarce　know　how　to　put　my　story　into　words　that　shall　be

a　credible　picture　of　my　state　of　mind；　but　I　was　in　these　days

literally　able　to　find　a　joy　in　the　extraordinary　flight　of

heroism　the　occasion　demanded　of　me。　　I　now　saw　that　I　had　been

asked　for　a　service　admirable　and　difficult；　and　there　would

be　a　greatness　in　letting　it　be　seenoh；　in　the　right　quarter！

that　I　could　succeed　where　many　another　girl　might　have　failed。

It　was　an　immense　help　to　meI　confess　I　rather　applaud　myself

as　I　look　back！that　I　saw　my　service　so　strongly　and　so　simply。

I　was　there　to　protect　and　defend　the　little　creatures　in

the　world　the　most　bereaved　and　the　most　lovable；　the　appeal

of　whose　helplessness　had　suddenly　become　only　too　explicit；

a　deep；　constant　ache　of　one's　own　committed　heart。

We　were　cut　off；　really；　together；　we　were　united　in　our　danger。

They　had　nothing　but　me；　and　Iwell；　I　had　THEM。　　It

was　in　short　a　magnificent　chance。　　This　chance　presented

itself　to　me　in　an　image　richly　material。　　I　was　a　screen

I　was　to　stand　before　them。　　The　more　I　saw；　the　less　they　would。

I　began　to　watch　them　in　a　stifled　suspense；　a　disguised

excitement　that　might　well；　had　it　continued　too　long；

have　turned　to　something　like　madness。　　What　saved　me；

as　I　now　see；　was　that　it　turned　to　something　else　altogether。

It　didn't　last　as　suspenseit　was　superseded　by　horrible　proofs。

Proofs；　I　say；　yesfrom　the　moment　I　really　took　hold。



This　moment　dated　from　an　afternoon　hour　that　I　happened

to　spend　in　the　grounds　with　the　younger　of　my　pupils　alone。

We　had　left　Miles　indoors；　on　the　red　cushion　of　a　deep

window　seat；　he　had　wished　to　finish　a　book；　and　I　had　been

glad　to　encourage　a　purpose　so　laudable　in　a　young　man　whose

only　defect　was　an　occasional　excess　of　the　restless。

His　sister；　on　the　contrary；　had　been　alert　to　come　out；

and　I　strolled　with　her　half　an　hour；　seeking　the　shade；

for　the　sun　was　still　high　and　the　day　exceptionally　warm。

I　was　aware　afresh；　with　her；　as　we　went；　of　how；

like　her　brother；　she　contrivedit　was　the　charming　thing

in　both　childrento　let　me　alone　without　appearing　to　drop

me　and　to　accompany　me　without　appearing　to　surround。

They　were　never　importunate　and　yet　never　listless。

My　attention　to　them　all　really　went　to　seeing　them　amuse

themselves　immensely　without　me：　　this　was　a　spectacle　they　seemed

actively　to　prepare　and　that　engaged　me　as　an　active　admirer。

I　walked　in　a　world　of　their　inventionthey　had　no　occasion　whatever

to　draw　upon　mine；　so　that　my　time　was　taken　only　with　being；

for　them；　some　remarkable　person　or　thing　that　the　game　of

the　moment　required　and　that　was　merely；　thanks　to　my　superior；

my　exalted　stamp；　a　happy　and　highly　distinguished　sinecure。

I　forget　what　I　was　on　the　present　occasion；　I　only　remember

that　I　was　something　very　important　and　very　quiet　and　that　Flora

was　playing　very　hard。　　We　were　on　the　edge　of　the　lake；　and；　as　we

had　lately　begun　geography；　the　lake　was　the　Sea　of　Azof。



Suddenly；　in　these　circumstances；　I　became　aware　that；　on　the

other　side　of　the　Sea　of　Azof；　we　had　an　interested　spectator。

The　way　this　knowledge　gathered　in　me　was　the　strangest　thing

in　the　worldthe　strangest；　that　is；　except　the　very　much

stranger　in　which　it　quickly　merged　itself。　　I　had　sat　down　with

a　piece　of　workfor　I　was　something　or　other　that　could　sit

on　the　old　stone　bench　which　overlooked　the　pond；　and　in　this

position　I　began　to　take　in　with　certitude；　and　yet　without

direct　vision；　the　presence；　at　a　distance；　of　a　third　person。

The　old　trees；　the　thick　shrubbery；　made　a　great　and　pleasant　shade；

but　it　was　all　suffused　with　the　brightness　of　the　hot；　still　hour。

There　was　no　ambiguity　in　anything；　none　whatever；　at　least；

in　the　conviction　I　from　one　moment　to　another　found　myself

forming　as　to　what　I　should　see　straight　before　me　and　across

the　lake　as　a　consequence　of　raising　my　eyes。　　They　were　attached

at　this　juncture　to　the　stitching　in　which　I　was　engaged；

and　I　can　feel　once　more　th