[科幻]宿主-第121章

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　There　was　more　to　this　easy　treatment　than　just　my　physical　weakness；　though。　I　was　used　to　a　pretty　
face；　but　one　that　people　were　able　to　look　at　with　fear；　mistrust；　even　hatred。　My　new　face　defied　such　
emotions。

　People　touched　my　cheeks　often；　or　put　their　fingers　under　my　chin；　holding　my　face　up　to　see　it　better。　I　
was　frequently　patted　on　my　head　（which　was　in　easy　reach；　since　I　was　shorter　than　everyone　but　the　
children）；　and　my　hair　was　stroked　so　regularly　that　I　stopped　noticing　when　it　happened。　Those　who　had　
never　accepted　me　before　did　this　as　often　as　my　friends。　Even　Lucina　put　up　only　a　token　resistance　
when　her　children　began　following　me　like　two　adoring　puppies。　Freedom；　in　particular；　crawled　onto　my　
lap　at　every　opportunity；　burrowing　his　face　in　my　hair。　Isaiah　was　too　big　for　such　displays　of　affection；　
but　he　liked　to　hold　my　hand—just　the　same　size　as　his—while　chattering　excitedly　with　me　about　
Spiders　and　Dragons；　soccer　and　raids。　The　children　still　wouldn’t　go　anywhere　near　Melanie；　their　
mother　had　frightened　them　too　thoroughly　before　for　her　reassurances　to　change　things　now。

　Even　Maggie　and　Sharon；　though　they　still　tried　not　to　look　at　me；　could　not　maintain　their　former　rigidity　
in　my　presence。

　My　body　was　not　the　only　change。　The　monsoons　came　late　to　the　desert；　and　I　was　glad。

　For　one　thing；　I’d　never　smelled　the　rain　on　the　creosotes　before—I　could　only　vaguely　remember　it　
from　my　memories　of　Melanie’s　memories；　a　very　dim　trail　of　recall　indeed—and　now　the　scent　washed　
out　the　musty　caves；　left　them　smelling　fresh　and　almost　spicy。　The　scent　clung　to　my　hair　and　followed　
me　everywhere。　I　smelled　it　in　my　dreams。

　Also；　Petals　Open　to　the　Moon　had　lived　in　Seattle　all　her　life；　and　the　unbroken　streak　of　blue　skies　and　
blistering　heat　was　as　bewildering—almostnumbing　—to　my　system　as　the　dark　press　of　heavy　overcast　
skies　would　have　been　to　any　of　these　desert　dwellers。　The　clouds　were　exciting；　a　change　from　the　
bland；　featureless　pale　blue。　They　had　depth　and　movement。　They　made　pictures　in　the　sky。

　There　was　a　great　deal　of　reshuffling　to　be　done　in　Jeb’s　caves；　and　the　move　to　the　big　game　
room—now　the　munal　sleeping　quarters—was　good　preparation　for　more　permanent　arrangements　
to　follow。　

　

　When　the　rains　ended；　Jamie　would　move　into　a　free　corner　in　Brandt　and　Aaron’s　cave。　Melanie　and　
Jared　had　kicked　Jamie　out　of　their　room　and　into　Ian’s　before　I’d　been　reborn　in　Pet’s　body；　Jamie　
wasn’t　so　young　that　they’d　needed　to　give　him　any　excuse。

　Kyle　was　working　on　widening　the　small　crevice　that　had　been　Walter’s　sleeping　space　so　that　it　would　
be　ready　when　the　desert　was　dry　again。　It　really　wasn’t　big　enough　for　more　than　one；　and　Kyle　would　
not　be　staying　there　alone。

　At　night　in　the　game　room；　Sunny　slept　curled　into　a　ball　against　Kyle’s　chest；　like　a　kitten　who　was　
friends　with　a　big　dog—a　rottweiler　whom　she　trusted　implicitly。　Sunny　wasalways　with　Kyle。　I　couldn’t　
remember　ever　seeing　them　unattached　since　I’d　opened　these　silver　gray　eyes　for　the　first　time。

　Kyle　seemed　constantly　bemused；　too　distracted　by　this　impossible　relationship　he　couldn’t　quite　wrap　
his　head　around　to　pay　attention　to　much　else。　He　wasn’t　giving　up　on　Jodi；　but　as　Sunny　clung　to　him；　he　
held　her　to　his　side　with　gentle　hands。

　Before　the　rain；　every　space　was　taken；　so　I　stayed　with　Doc　in　the　hospital　that　no　longer　frightened　
me。　The　cots　were　not　fortable；　but　it　was　a　very　interesting　place　to　be。　Candy　remembered　the　
details　of　Summer　Song’s　life　better　than　her　own；　the　hospital　was　a　place　of　miracles　now。

　After　the　rain；　Doc　would　not　be　sleeping　in　the　hospital　anymore。　The　first　night　in　the　game　room；　
Sharon　had　dragged　her　mattress　right　next　to　Doc’s　without　a　word　of　explanation。　Perhaps　it　was　
Doc’s　fascination　with　the　Healer　that　motivated　Sharon；　though　I　doubted　Doc　had　even　noticed　how　
pretty　the　older　woman　was；　his　fascination　was　with　her　phenomenal　knowledge。　Or　maybe　it　was　just　
that　Sharon　was　ready　to　forgive　and　forget。　I　hoped　that　was　the　case。　It　would　be　nice　to　think　that　
even　Sharon　and　Maggie　might　be　softened　over　time。

　I　would　not　stay　in　the　hospital　anymore；　either。

　The　crucial　conversation　with　Ian　might　never　have　taken　place　if　not　for　Jamie。　My　mouth　would　go　all　
dry　and　my　palms　would　sweat　whenever　I　so　much　as　thought　of　bringing　it　up。　What　if　those　feelings　in　
the　hospital；　those　few　perfect　moments　of　certainty　right　after　I’d　awoken　in　this　body；　had　been　illusion？　
What　if　I　remembered　them　wrong？　I　knew　that　nothing　had　changed　for　me；　but　how　could　I　be　certain　
Ian　felt　the　same？　The　body　he’d　fallen　in　love　with　was　still　right　here！

　I　expected　him　to　be　unsettled—we　all　were。　If　it　was　difficult　for　me；　a　soul　used　to　such　changes；　how　
hard　must　it　be　for　the　humans？

　I　was　working　to　put　the　last　of　the　jealousy　and　the　perplexing　echoes　of　the　love　I　still　felt　for　Jared　
behind　me。　I　didn’t　need　or　want　them。　Ian　was　the　right　partner　for　me。　But　sometimes　I　would　catch　
myself　staring　at　Jared　and　feel　confused。　I’d　seen　Melanie　touch　Ian’s　arm　or　hand　and　then　jerk　away　
as　if　she’d　suddenly　remembered　who　she　was。　Even　Jared；　who　had　the　least　reason　for　uncertainty；　
would　occasionally　meet　my　confused　gaze　with　a　searching　one　of　his　own。　And　Ian…　Of　course　it　must　
have　been　hardest　for　him。　I　understood　that。

　We　were　together　nearly　as　much　as　Kyle　and　Sunny。　Ian　constantly　touched　my　face　and　hair；　was　

　

everyone　else？　Why　didn’t　he　kiss　me　again；　the　way　he　had　that　first　day？　
Maybe　he　could　never　love　me　inside　this　body；　as　appealing　as　it　seemed　to　be　to　all　the　other　humans　
here。

　That　worry　was　heavy　in　my　heart　the　night　Ian　had　carried　my　cot—because　it　was　too　heavy　for　

me—to　the　big；　dark　game　room。　
It　was　raining　for　the　first　time　in　more　than　six　months。　There　were　both　laughter　and　plaints　as　
people　shook　out　their　damp　bedding　and　arranged　their　places。　I　saw　Sharon　with　Doc　and　smiled。

　“Over　here；　Wanda；”　Jamie　called；　waving　me　toward　where　he’d　just　set　his　mattress　next　to　Ian’s。　

“There’s　room　for　all　three　of　us　now。”　
Jamie　was　the　one　person　who　treated　me　almost　exactly　the　same　as　before。　He　did　make　allowances　
for　my　puny　physique；　but　he　never　seemed　surprised　to　see　me　enter　a　room　or　shocked　when　
Wanderer’s　words　came　through　these　lips。

　“You　don’t　really　want　that　cot；　do　you；　Wanda？　I’ll　bet　we　could　all　fit　okay　on　the　mattresses　if　we　
shoved　them　together。”　Jamie　grinned　at　me　while　he　kicked　one　mattress　into　the　other　without　waiting　
for　agreement。　“You　don’t　take　up　much　space。”

　He　took　the　cot　from　Ian　and　set　it　on　its　side；　out　of　the　way。　Then　Jamie　stretched　out　on　the　very　

edge　of　the　far　mattress　and　turned　his　back　to　us。　
“Oh；　hey；　Ian；”　he　added　without　turning。　“I　talked　to　Brandt　and　Aaron；　and　I　think　I’m　going　to　move　
in　with　them。　Well；　I’m　beat。　Night；　guys。”

　I　stared　at　Jamie’s　unmoving　form　for　a　long　moment。　Ian　was　just　as　motionless。　He　couldn’t　have　been　
having　a　panic　attack；　too；　though。　Was　he　thinking　of　some　way　to　extricate　himself　from　the　situation？

　“Lights　out；”　Jeb　bellowed　from　across　the　room。　“Everybody　shut　yer　trap　so　I　can　get　some　shut…eye。”　
People　laughed；　but　took　him　seriously　as　always。　One　by　one；　the　four　lamps　were　dimmed　until　the　
room　was　black。


　Ian’s　hand　found　mine；　it　was　warm。　Did　he　notice　how　cold　and　sweaty　my　skin　was？　
He　sank　to　his　knees　on　the　mattress；　tugging　me　gently　along。　I　followed　and　lay　down　on　the　seam　
between　the　beds。　He　kept　my　hand。　
“Is　this　okay？”　Ian　whispered。　There　were　other　hushed　conversations　going　on　around　us；　made　


indistinct　by　the　rush　of　the　sulfur　spring。　
“Yes；　thank　you；”　I　answered。　
Jamie　rolled　over；　shaking　the　mattress　and　knocking　into　me。　“Oops；　sorry；　Wanda；”　he　murmured；　and　


then　I　heard　him　yawn。　
Automatically；　I　shifted　out　of　his　way。　Ian　was　closer　than　I’d　thought。　I　gasped　quietly　when　I　ran　into　


　

of　my　first　experience　with　No　Pain。　Like　I’d　been　in　agony　without　realizing　it；　and　his　touch　had　taken　
all　the　hurt　away。

　That　feeling　erased　my　shyness。　I　rolled　so　that　I　was　facing　him；　and　he　tightened　his　arm　around　me。

　“Is　this　okay？”　I　whispered；　repeating　his　question。

　He　kissed　my　forehead。　“Better　than　okay。”

　We　were　silent　for　a　few　minutes。　Most　of　the　other　conversations　had　died　out。

　He　bent　down　so　that　his　lips　were　at　my　ear　and　whispered；　quieter　than　before；　“Wanda；　do　you　

think…　？”　He　fell　silent。

　“Yes？”

　“Well；　it　looks　like　I　have　a　room　all　to　myself　now。　That’s　not　right。”

　“No。　There’s　not　enough　space　for　you　to　be　alone。”

　“I　don’t　want　to　be　alone。　But…”

　Why　wouldn’t　he　ask？　“But　what？”

　“Have　you　had　enough　time　to　sort　things　out　yet？　I　don’t　want　to　rush　you。　I　know　it’s　confusing…　with　

Jared…”　
It　took　me　a　moment　to　process　what　he　was　saying；　but　then　I　giggled　quietly。　Melanie　wasn’t　much　

given　to　giggling；　but　Pet　had　been；　and　her　body　betrayed　me　at　this　most　inopportune　moment。

　“What？”　he　demanded。

　“I　was　givingyou　time　to　sort　things　out；”　I　explained　in　a　whisper。　“I　didn’t　want　to　rushyou　—because　I　

know　it’s　confusing。　With　Melanie。”

　He　jumped　just　a　little　in　surprise。　“You　thought…　？　But　Melanie　isn’t　you。　I　was　never　confused。”

　I　was　smiling　in　the　dark　now。　“And　Jared　isn’t　you。”

　His　voice　was　tighter　when　he　answered。　“But　he’s　still　Jared。　And　you　love　him。”

　Ian　was　jealous　again？　I　shouldn’t　have　been　pleased　by　negative　emotions；　but　I　had　to　admit　this　was　

encouraging。

　“Jared　is　my　past；　another　life。　You　are　my　present。”

　He　was　quiet　for　a　moment。　When　he　spoke　again；　his　voice　was　rough　with　emotion。　“And　your　future；　

if　you　want　that。”　

　

　And　then　he　kissed　me　in　the　most　unplatonic　way　possible　under　the　crowded　circumstances；　and　I　was　
thrilled　to　remember　that　I’d　been　smart　enough　to　lie　about　my　age。

　The　rains　would　end；　and　when　they　did；　Ian　and　I　would　be　together；　partners　in　the　truest　sense。　This　
was　a　promise　and　an　obligation　I　had　never　had　in　all　my　lives。　Thinking　of　it　made　me　feel　joyful　and　
anxious　and　shy　and　desperately　impatient　all　at　the　same　time—made　me　feelhuman　。

　After　all　this　had　been　settled；　Ian　and　I　were　more　inseparable　than　ever。　So　when　it　came　time　for　me　
to　test　my　new　face　on　the　other　souls；　of　course　he　went　with　me。

　This　raid　was　a　relief　for　me　after　long　weeks　of　frustration。　It　was　bad　enough　that　my　new　body　was　
weak　and　nearly　useless　in　the　caves；　I　couldn’t　believe　it　when　the　others　didn’t　want　to　let　me　use　my　
body　for　the　one　thing　it　was　perfect　for。

　Jared　had　specifically　approved　of　Jamie’s　choice　because　of　this　guileless；　vulnerable　face　that　no　one　
could　ever　doubt；　this　delicate　build　that　anyone　would　be　motivated　to　protect；　but　even　he　had　a　hard　
time　putting　his　theory　into　practice