[科幻]宿主-第74章

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the　ribs。

　Don’t　be　petty；she　grumbled。

　That’s　rich；　ing　from　you。

　I　know。She　hesitated；　then　caved。Okay；　sorry。　I　am。　Look；　I’m　human。　It’s　hard　to　be　fair　
sometimes。　Wedon’t　always　feel　the　right　thing；　do　the　right　thing。　The　resentment　was　still　there；　
but　she　was　trying　to　forgive　and　forget　that　I’d　just　made　out　with　her　true　love—that’s　the　way　she　
thought　of　it；　at　least。

　I　hooked　my　foot　around　the　edge　and　yanked。　My　knee　hit　the　floor；　and　I　used　that　leverage　to　lift　my　
ribs　off　the　point。　It　was　easier　then　to　get　my　other　foot　out　and　yank　again。　Finally；　my　hands　found　the　
floor　and　I　shoved　my　way　through；　a　breech　birth；　falling　onto　the　dark　green　mat。　I　lay　there　for　a　
moment；　facedown；　breathing。　I　was　sure　at　this　point　that　Jared　was　long　gone；　but　I　didn’t　make　certain　
of　that　right　away。　I　just　breathed　in　and　out　until　I　felt　prepared　to　lift　my　head。

　I　was　alone。　I　tried　to　hold　on　to　the　relief　and　forget　the　sorrow　this　fact　engendered。　It　was　better　to　be　
alone。　Less　humiliating。

　I　curled　up　on　the　mat；　pressing　my　face　against　the　musty　fabric。　I　wasn’t　sleepy；　but　I　was　tired。　The　
crushing　weight　of　Jared’s　rejection　was　so　heavy　it　exhausted　me。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　tried　to　think　
about　things　that　wouldn’t　make　my　stinging　eyes　tear　again。　Anything　but　the　appalled　look　on　Jared’s　
face　when　he’d　broken　away　from　me…

　What　was　Jamie　doing　now？　Did　he　know　I　was　here；　or　was　he　looking　for　me？　Ian　would　be　asleep　
for　a　long　time；　he’d　looked　so　exhausted。　Would　Kyle　wake　soon？　Would　he　e　in　search？　Where　
was　Jeb？　I　hadn’t　seen　him　all　day。　Was　Doc　really　drinking　himself　unconscious？　That　seemed　so　unlike　
him…

　I　woke　slowly；　roused　by　my　growling　stomach。　I　lay　quietly　for　a　few　minutes；　trying　to　orient　myself。　

　

　My　stomach　wouldn’t　be　ignored　for　long；　though；　and　I　rolled　up　onto　my　knees。　I　must　have　slept　for　a　
while　to　be　this　hungry—missed　a　meal　or　two。　
I　considered　eating　something　from　the　supply　pile　in　the　hole—after　all；　I’d　already　damaged　pretty　

much　everything；　maybe　destroyed　some。　But　that　only　made　me　feel　guiltier　about　the　idea　of　taking　

more。　I’d　go　scavenge　some　rolls　from　the　kitchen。　
I　was　feeling　a　little　hurt；　on　top　of　all　the　big　hurt；　that　I’d　been　down　here　so　long　without　anyone　
ing　to　look　for　me—what　a　vain　attitude；　why　should　anyone　care　what　happened　to　me？—so　I　was　
relieved　and　appeased　to　find　Jamie　sitting　in　the　doorway　to　the　big　garden；　his　back　turned　on　the　
human　world　behind　him；　unmistakably　waiting　for　me。

　My　eyes　brightened；　and　so　did　his。　He　scrambled　to　his　feet；　relief　washing　over　his　features。　
“You’re　okay；”　he　said；　I　wished　he　were　right。　He　began　to　ramble。　“I　mean；　I　didn’t　think　Jared　was　
lying；　but　he　said　he　thought　you　wanted　to　be　alone；　and　Jeb　said　I　couldn’t　go　check　on　you　and　that　I　

had　to　stay　right　here　where　he　could　see　that　I　wasn’t　sneaking　back　there；　but　even　though　I　didn’t　
think　you　were　hurt　or　anything；　it　was　hard　to　not　know　for　sure；　you　know？”　
“I’m　fine；”　I　told　him。　But　I　held　my　arms　out；　seeking　fort。　He　threw　his　arms　around　my　waist；　and　

I　was　shocked　to　find　that　his　head　could　rest　on　my　shoulder　while　we　stood。　
“Your　eyes　are　red；”　he　whispered。　“Was　he　mean　to　you？”　
“No。”　After　all；　people　weren’t　intentionally　cruel　to　lab　rats—they　were　just　trying　to　get　information。　
“Whatever　you　said　to　him；　I　think　he　believes　us　now。　About　Mel；　I　mean。　How　does　she　feel？”　
“She’s　glad　about　that。”　
He　nodded；　pleased。　“How　about　you？”　
I　hesitated；　looking　for　a　factual　response。　“Telling　the　truth　is　easier　for　me　than　trying　to　hide　it。”　
My　evasion　seemed　to　answer　the　question　enough　to　satisfy　him。　
Behind　him；　the　light　in　the　garden　was　red　and　fading。　The　sun　had　already　set　on　the　desert。　
“I’m　hungry；”　I　told　him；　and　I　pulled　away　from　our　hug。　
“I　knew　you　would　be。　I　saved　you　something　good。”　
I　sighed。　“Bread’s　fine。”　
“Let　it　go；　Wanda。　Ian　says　you’re　too　self…sacrificing　for　your　own　good。”　
I　made　a　face。　
“I　think　he’s　got　a　point；”　Jamie　muttered。　“Even　if　we　all　want　you　here；　you　don’t　belong　until　you　

　

　“I　can’t　ever　belong。　And　nobody　really　wants　me　here；　Jamie。”

　“I　do。”

　I　didn’t　fight　with　him；　but　he　was　wrong。　Not　lying；　because　he　believed　what　he　was　saying。　But　what　

he　really　wanted　was　Melanie。　He　didn’t　separate　us　the　way　he　should。

　Trudy　and　Heidi　were　baking　rolls　in　the　kitchen　and　sharing　a　bright　green；　juicy　apple。　They　took　turns　
taking　bites。

　“It’s　good　to　see　you；　Wanda；”　Trudy　said　sincerely；　covering　her　mouth　while　she　spoke　because　she　
was　still　chewing　her　last　bite。　Heidi　nodded　in　greeting；　her　teeth　sunk　in　the　apple。　Jamie　nudged　me；　
trying　to　be　inconspicuous　about　it—pointing　out　that　people　wanted　me。　He　wasn’t　making　allowances　

for　mon　courtesy。

　“Did　you　save　her　dinner？”　he　asked　eagerly。

　“Yep；”　Trudy　said。　She　bent　down　beside　the　oven　and　came　back　with　a　metal　tray　in　her　hand。　“Kept　

it　warm。　It’s　probably　nasty　and　tough　now；　but　it’s　better　than　the　usual。”

　On　the　tray　was　a　rather　large　piece　of　red　meat。　My　mouth　started　to　water；　even　as　I　rejected　the　
portion　I’d　been　allotted。

　“It’s　too　much。”

　“We　have　to　eat　all　the　perishables　the　first　day；”　Jamie　encouraged　me。　“Everyone　eats　themselves　

sick—it’s　a　tradition。”

　“You　need　the　protein；”　Trudy　added。　“We　were　on　cave　rations　too　long。　I’m　surprised　no　one’s　in　
worse　shape。”

　I　ate　my　protein　while　Jamie　watched　with　hawk…like　attention　as　each　bite　traveled　from　the　tray　to　my　

mouth。　I　ate　it　all　to　please　him；　though　it　made　my　stomach　ache　to　eat　so　much。

　The　kitchen　started　to　fill　up　again　as　I　was　finishing。　A　few　had　apples　in　their　hands—all　sharing　with　
someone　else。　Curious　eyes　examined　the　sore　side　of　my　face。

　“Why’s　everyone　ing　here　now？”　I　muttered　to　Jamie。　It　was　black　outside；　the　dinner　hour　long　

over。

　Jamie　looked　at　me　blankly　for　a　second。　“To　hear　you　teach。”　His　tone　added　the　wordsof　course。

　“Are　you　kidding　me？”

　“I　told　you　nothing’s　changed。”

　I　stared　around　the　narrow　room。　It　wasn’t　a　full　house。　No　Doc　tonight；　and　none　of　the　returned　
raiders；　which　meant　no　Paige；　either。　No　Jeb；　no　Ian；　no　Walter。　A　few　others　missing：　Travis；　Carol；　
Ruth　Ann。　But　more　than　I　would　have　thought；　if　I’d　thought　anyone　would　consider　following　the　

　

　“Can　we　go　back　to　the　Dolphins；　where　we　left　off？”　Wes　asked；　interrupting　my　evaluation　of　the　
room。　I　could　see　that　he’d　taken　it　upon　himself　to　start　the　ball　rolling；　rather　than　that　he　was　vitally　
interested　in　the　kinship　circles　of　an　alien　planet。

　Everyone　looked　at　me　expectantly。　Apparently；　life　was　not　changing　as　much　as　I’d　thought。

　I　took　a　tray　of　rolls　from　Heidi’s　hands　and　turned　to　shove　it　into　the　stone　oven。　I　started　talking　with　
my　back　still　turned。

　“So…　um…　hmm…　the；　uh；　third　set　of　grandparents…　They　traditionally　serve　the　munity；　as　they　
see　it。　On　Earth；　they　would　be　the　breadwinners；　the　ones　who　leave　the　home　and　bring　back　
sustenance。　They　are　farmers；　for　the　most　part。　They　cultivate　a　plant…like　growth　that　they　milk　for　its　
sap。…”

　And　life　went　on。

　Jamie　tried　to　talk　me　out　of　sleeping　in　the　supply　corridor；　but　his　attempt　was　halfhearted。　There　just　
wasn’t　another　place　for　me。　Stubborn　as　usual；　he　insisted　on　sharing　my　quarters。　I　imagined　Jared　
didn’t　like　that；　but　as　I　didn’t　see　him　that　night　or　the　next　day；　I　couldn’t　verify　my　theory。

　It　was　awkward　again；　going　about　my　usual　chores；　with　the　six　raiders　home—just　like　when　Jeb　had　
first　forced　me　to　join　the　munity。　Hostile　stares；　angry　silences。　It　was　harder　for　them　than　it　was　for　
me；　though—Iwas　used　to　it。　They；　on　the　other　hand；　were　entirely　unaccustomed　to　the　way　everyone　
else　treated　me。　When　I　was　helping　with　the　corn　harvest；　for　example；　and　Lily　thanked　me　for　a　fresh　
basket　with　a　smile；　Andy’s　eyes　bulged　in　their　sockets　at　the　exchange。　Or　when　I　was　waiting　for　the　
bathing　pool　with　Trudy　and　Heidi；　and　Heidi　began　playing　with　my　hair。　It　was　growing；　always　
swinging　in　my　eyes　these　days；　and　I　was　planning　to　shear　it　off　again。　Heidi　was　trying　to　find　a　style　
for　me；　flipping　the　strands　this　way　and　that。　Brandt　and　Aaron—Aaron　was　the　oldest　man　who’d　gone　
on　the　long　raid；　someone　I　couldn’t　remember　having　seen　before　at　all—came　out　and　found　us　there；　
Trudy　laughing　at　some　silly　atrocity　Heidi　was　attempting　to　create　atop　my　head；　and　both　men　turned　a　
little　green　and　stalked　silently　past　us。

　Of　course；　little　things　like　that　were　nothing。　Kyle　roamed　the　caves　now；　and　though　he　was　obviously　
under　orders　to　leave　me　in　peace；　his　expression　made　it　clear　that　this　restriction　was　repugnant　to　him。　
I　was　always　with　others　when　I　crossed　his　path；　and　I　wondered　if　that　was　the　only　reason　he　did　
nothing　more　than　glower　at　me　and　unconsciously　curl　his　thick　fingers　into　claws。　This　brought　back　all　
the　panic　from　my　first　weeks　here；　and　I　might　have　succumbed　to　it—begun　hiding　again；　avoiding　the　
mon　areas—but　something　more　important　than　Kyle’s　murderous　glares　came　to　my　attention　that　
second　night。

　The　kitchen　filled　up　again—I’m　not　sure　how　much　was　interest　in　my　stories　and　how　much　was　
interest　in　the　chocolate　bars　Jeb　handed　out。　I　declined　mine；　explaining　to　a　disgruntled　Jamie　that　I　
couldn’t　talk　and　chew　at　the　same　time；　I　suspected　that　he　would　save　one　for　me；　obstinate　as　ever。　
Ian　was　back　in　his　usual　hot　seat　by　the　fire；　and　Andy　was　there—eyes　wary—beside　Paige。　None　of　
the　other　raiders；　including　Jared；　of　course；　was　in　attendance。　Doc　was　not　there；　and　I　wondered　if　he　
was　still　drunk　or　perhaps　hung…over。　And　again；　Walter　was　absent。

　Geoffrey；　Trudy’s　husband；　questioned　me　for　the　first　time　tonight。　I　was　pleased；　though　I　tried　not　to　
show　it；　that　he　seemed　to　have　joined　the　ranks　of　the　humans　who　tolerated　me。　But　I　couldn’t　answer　

　

spoke；　and　I　didn’t　recognize　the　voice。　
“Yes；　that’s　true；”　I　agreed　evenly。　
“So　you　don’t　know　what　they　use　to　cure　diseases；　then？”　Geoffrey　pressed。　“What’s　in　their　

medications？”　
I　shook　my　head。　“I’m　sorry；　I　don’t。　It　wasn’t　something　I　was　interested　in；　back　when　I　had　access　to　
the　information。　I’m　afraid　I　took　it　for　granted。　Good　health　is　simply　a　given　on　every　planet　I’ve　lived　
on。”　
Geoffrey’s　red　cheeks　flushed　brighter　than　usual。　He　looked　down；　an　angry　set　to　his　mouth。　What　had　

I　said　to　offend　him？　
Heath；　sitting　beside　Geoffrey；　patted　his　arm。　There　was　a　pregnant　silence　in　the　room。　
“Uh—about　the　Vultures…”　Ian　said—the　words　were　forced；　a　deliberate　subject　change。　“I　don’t　

know　if　I　missed　this　part　sometime；　but　I　don’t　remember　you　ever　explaining　about　them　being　

‘unkind’…　？”　
It　wasn’t　something　Ihad　explained；　but　I　was　pretty　sure　he　wasn’t