pride and prejudice(傲慢与偏见)-第43章
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stopping in his walk； and turning towards her； ‘these offences
might have been overlooked； had not your pride been hurt by my
honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my
forming any serious design。 These bitter accusations might have
been suppressed； had I with greater policy concealed my
struggles； and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by
unqualified； unalloyed inclination； by reason； by reflection； by
every thing。 But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence。 Nor am I
ashamed of the feelings I related。 They were natural and just。
Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your
connections？ To congratulate myself on the hope of relations；
whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own？’
Elizabeth felt herself growing more angry every moment yet
she tried to the utmost to speak with composure when she said；
‘You are mistaken； Mr。 Darcy； if you suppose that the mode of
your declaration affected me in any other way； than as it spared
me the concern which I might have felt in refusing you； had you
behaved in a more gentleman…like manner。
She saw him start at this； but he said nothing； and she
continued；
‘You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any
possible way that would have tempted me to accept it。’
Again his astonishment was obvious； and he looked at her with
an expression of mingled incredulity and mortification。 She went
on。
‘From the very beginning； from the first moment I may almost
say； of my acquaintance with you； your manners impressing me
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with the fullest belief of your arrogance； your conceit； and your
selfish disdain of the feelings of others； were such as to form that
ground…work of disapprobation； on which succeeding events have
built so immoveable a dislike； and I had not known you a month
before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could
ever be prevailed on to marry。’
‘You have said quite enough； madam。 I perfectly comprehend
your feelings； and have now only to be ashamed of what my own
have been。 Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time；
and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness。’
And with these words he hastily left the room； and Elizabeth
heard him the next moment open the front door and quit the
house。
The tumult of her mind was now painfully great。 She knew not
how to support herself； and from actual weakness sat down and
cried for half an hour。 Her astonishment； as she reflected on what
had passed； was increased by every review of it。 That she should
receive an offer of marriage from Mr。 Darcy！ that he should have
been in love with her for so many months！ so much in love as to
wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made
him prevent his friend’s marrying her sister； and which must
appear at least with equal force in his own case； was almost
incredible！ it was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so
strong an affection。 But his pride； his abominable pride； his
shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane； his
unpardonable assurance in acknowledging； though he could not
justify it； and the unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned
Mr。 Wickham； his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to
deny； soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his
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attachment had for a moment excited。
She continued in very agitating reflections till the sound of
Lady Catherine's carriage made her feel how unequal she was to
encounter Charlotte's observation； and hurried her away to her
room。
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CHAPTER XII
lizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts
and meditations which had at length closed her eyes。 She
E
could not yet recover from the surprise of what had
happened； it was impossible to think of any thing else； and totally
indisposed for employment； she resolved soon after breakfast to
indulge herself in air and exercise。 She was proceeding directly to
her favourite walk； when the recollection of Mr。 Darcy's sometimes
coming there stopped her； and instead of entering the park； she
turned up the lane； which led her farther from the turnpike road。
The park paling was still the boundary on one side； and she soon
passed one of the gates into the ground。
After walking two or three times along that part of the lane； she
was tempted； by the pleasantness of the morning； to stop at the
gates and look into the park。 The five weeks which she had now
passed in Kent； had made a great difference in the country； and
every day was adding to the verdure of the early trees。 She was on
the point of continuing her walk； when she caught a glimpse of a
gentleman within the sort of grove which edged the park； he was
moving that way； and fearful of its being Mr。 Darcy； she was
directly retreating。 But the person who advanced； was now near
enough to see her； and stepping forward with eagerness；
pronounced her name。 She had turned away； but on hearing
herself called； though in a voice which proved it to be Mr。 Darcy；
she moved again towards the gate。 He had by that time reached it
also； and holding out a letter； which she instinctively took； said
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with a look of haughty composure； ‘I have been walking in the
grove some time in the hope of meeting you。 Will you do me the
honour of reading that letter？’—And then； with a slight bow；
turned again into the plantation； and was soon out of sight。
With no expectation of pleasure； but with the strongest
curiosity； Elizabeth opened the letter； and to her still increasing
wonder； perceived an envelope containing two sheets of letter
paper； written quite through； in a very close hand。—The envelope
itself was likewise full。—Pursuing her way along the lane； she then
began it。 It was dated from Rosings； at eight o’clock in the
morning； and was as follows：—
‘Be not alarmed； Madam； on receiving this letter； by the
apprehension of its containing any repetition of those sentiments；
or renewal of those offers； which were last night so disgusting to
you。 I write without any intention of paining you； or humbling
myself； by dwelling on wishes； which； for the happiness of both；
cannot be too soon forgotten； and the effort which the formation；
and the perusal of this letter must occasion； should have been
spared； had not my character required it to be written and read。
You must； therefore； pardon the freedom with which I demand
your attention； your feelings； I know； will bestow it unwillingly；
but I demand it of your justice。
‘Two offences of a very different nature； and by no means of
equal magnitude； you last night laid to my charge。 The first
mentioned was； that； regardless of the sentiments of either； I had
detached Mr。 Bingley from your sister；—and the other； that I had；
in defiance of various claims； in defiance of honour and humanity；
ruined the immediate prosperity； and blasted the prospects of Mr。
Wickham。—Wilfully and wantonly to have thrown off the
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companion of my youth； the acknowledged favourite of my father；
a young man who had scarcely any other dependence than on our
patronage； and who had been brought up to expect its exertion；
would be a depravity； to which the separation of two young
persons； whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks；
could bear no comparison。—But from the severity of that blame
which was last night so liberally bestowed； respecting each
circumstance； I shall hope to be in future secured； when the
following account of my actions and their motives has been
read。—If； in the explanation of them which is due to myself； I am
under the necessity of relating feelings which may be offensive to
your’s； I can only say that I am sorry。—The necessity must be
obeyed—and farther apology would be absurd。—I had not been
long in Hertfordshire； before I saw； in common with others； that
Bingley preferred your eldest sister； to any other young woman in
the country。—But it was not till the evening of the dance at
Netherfield that I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious
attachment。—I had often seen him in love before。—At that ball；
while I had the honour of dancing with you； I was first made
acquainted； by Sir William Lucas’s accidental information；
