pride and prejudice(傲慢与偏见)-第45章
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admit his society in town。 In town I believe he chiefly lived； but his
studying the law was a mere pretence； and being now free from all
restraint； his life was a life of idleness and dissipation。 For about
three years I heard little of him； but on the decease of the
incumbent of the living which had been designed for him； he
applied to me again by letter for the presentation。 His
circumstances； he assured me； and I had no difficulty in believing
it； were exceedingly bad。 He had found the law a most
unprofitable study； and was now absolutely resolved on being
ordained； if I would present him to the living in question—of
which he trusted there could be little doubt； as he was well
assured that I had no other person to provide for； and I could not
have forgotten my revered father’s intentions。 You will hardly
blame me for refusing to comply with this entreaty； or for resisting
every repetition of it。 His resentment was in proportion to the
distress of his circumstances—and he was doubtless as violent in
his abuse of me to others； as in his reproaches to myself。 After this
period； every appearance of acquaintance was dropt。 How he lived
I know not。 But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded
on my notice。 I must now mention a circumstance which I would
wish to forget myself； and which no obligation less than the
present should induce me to unfold to any human being。 Having
said thus much； I feel no doubt of your secrecy。 My sister； who is
more than ten years my junior； was left to the guardianship of my
mother’s nephew； Colonel Fitzwilliam； and myself。 About a year
ago； she was taken from school； and an establishment formed for
her in London； and last summer she went with the lady who
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presided over it； to Ramsgate； and thither also went Mr。 Wickham；
undoubtedly by design； for there proved to have been a prior
acquaintance between him and Mrs。 Younge； in whose character
we were most unhappily deceived； and by her connivance and aid；
he so far recommended himself to Georgiana； whose affectionate
heart retained a strong impression of his kindness to her as a
child； that she was persuaded to believe herself in love； and to
consent to an elopement。 She was then but fifteen； which must be
her excuse； and after stating her imprudence； I am happy to add；
that I owed the knowledge of it to herself。 I joined them
unexpectedly a day or two before the intended elopement； and
then Georgiana； unable to support the idea of grieving and
offending a brother whom she almost looked up to as a father；
acknowledged the whole to me。 You may imagine what I felt and
how I acted。 Regard for my sister’s credit and feelings prevented
any public exposure； but I wrote to Mr。 Wickham； who left the
place immediately； and Mrs。 Younge was of course removed from
her charge。 Mr。 Wickham’s chief object was unquestionably my
sister’s fortune； which is thirty thousand pounds； but I cannot help
supposing that the hope of revenging himself on me； was a strong
inducement。 His revenge would have been complete indeed。 This；
madam； is a faithful narrative of every event in which we have
been concerned together； and if you do not absolutely reject it as
false； you will； I hope； acquit me henceforth of cruelty towards Mr。
Wickham。 I know not in what manner； under what form of
falsehood he has imposed on you； but his success is not perhaps to
be wondered at。 Ignorant as you previously were of every thing
concerning either； detection could not be in your power； and
suspicion certainly not in your inclination。 You may possibly
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wonder why all this was not told you last night。 But I was not then
master enough of myself to know what could or ought to be
revealed。 For the truth of every thing here related； I can appeal
more particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam； who
from our near relationship and constant intimacy； and still more
as one of the executors of my father’s will； has been unavoidably
acquainted with every particular of these transactions。 If your
abhorrence of me should make my assertions valueless； you cannot
be prevented by the same cause from confiding in my cousin； and
that there may be the possibility of consulting him； I shall
endeavour to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your
hands in the course of the morning。 I will only add； God bless you。
‘Fitzwilliam Darcy。’
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CHAPTER XIII
f Elizabeth； when Mr。 Darcy gave her the letter； did not
expect it to contain a renewal of his offers； she had formed no
I
expectation at all of its contents。 But such as they were； it
may be well supposed how eagerly she went through them； and
what a contrariety of emotion they excited。 Her feelings as she
read were scarcely to be defined。 With amazement did she first
understand that he believed any apology to be in his power； and
steadfastly was she persuaded that he could have no explanation
to give； which a just sense of shame would not conceal。 With a
strong prejudice against every thing he might say； she began his
account of what had happened at Netherfield。 She read； with an
eagerness which hardly left her power of comprehension； and
from impatience of knowing what the next sentence might bring；
was incapable of attending to the sense of the one before her eyes。
His belief of her sister’s insensibility； she instantly resolved to be
false； and his account of the real； the worst objections to the
match； made her too angry to have any wish of doing him justice。
He expressed no regret for what he had done which satisfied her；
his style was not penitent； but haughty。 It was all pride and
insolence。
But when this subject was succeeded by his account of Mr。
Wickham； when she read with somewhat clearer attention； a
relation of events； which； if true； must overthrow every cherished
opinion of his worth； and which bore so alarming an affinity to his
own history of himself； her feelings were yet more acutely painful
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and more difficult of definition。 Astonishment； apprehension； and
even horror； oppressed her。 She wished to discredit it entirely；
repeatedly exclaiming； ‘This must be false！ This cannot be！ This
must be the grossest falsehood！’—and when she had gone through
the whole letter； though scarcely knowing any thing of the last
page or two； put it hastily away； protesting that she would not
regard it； that she would never look in it again。
In this perturbed state of mind； with thoughts that could rest on
nothing； she walked on； but it would not do； in half a minute the
letter was unfolded again； and collecting herself as well as she
could； she again began the mortifying perusal of all that related to
Wickham； and commanded herself so far as to examine the
meaning of every sentence。 The account of his connection with the
Pemberley family； was exactly what he had related himself； and
the kindness of the late Mr。 Darcy； though she had not before
known its extent； agreed equally well with his own words。 So far
each recital confirmed the other： but when she came to the will；
the difference was great。 What Wickham had said of the living was
fresh in her memory； and as she recalled his very words； it was
impossible not to feel that there was gross duplicity on one side or
the other； and； for a few moments； she flattered herself that her
wishes did not err。 But when she read； and re…read with the
closest attention； the particulars immediately following of
Wickham’s resigning all pretensions to the living； of his receiving
in lieu； so considerable a sum as three thousand pounds； again
was she forced to hesitate。 She put down the letter； weighed every
circumstance with what she meant to be impartiality—deliberated
on the probability of each statement—but with little success。 On
both sides it was only assertion。 Again she read on。 But every line
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proved more clearly that the affair； which she had believed it
impossible that any contrivance could so represent； as to render
Mr。 Darcy’s conduct in it less than infamous； was capable of a turn
which must make him entirely blameless throughout the whole。
The extravagance and general profligacy which he scrupled not
to lay to Mr。 Wickham’s charge； exceedingly shocked her； the
more so； as she could bring no proof of its injustice。 She had n
