白噪音(White Noise) (英文版)作者:唐·德里罗(Don DeLillo)-第43章

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　　〃It　is　all　a　corporate　tie…in；〃　Babette　said　in　summary。　'The　sunscreen；　the　marketing；　the　fear；　the　disease。　You　can't　have　one　without　the　other。〃
　　I　took　Heinrich　and　his　snake…handling　buddy；　Orest　Mercator；　out　to　the　mercial　strip　for　dinner。　It　was　four　in　the　afternoon；　the　time　of　day　when　Orest's　training　schedule　called　for　his　main　meal。　At　his　request　we　went　to　Vincent's　Casa　Mario；　a　blockhouse　structure　with　slit　windows　that　seemed　part　of　some　coastal　defense　system。
　　I'd　found　myself　thinking　of　Orest　and　his　snakes　and　wanted　a　chance　to　talk　to　him　further。
　　We　sat　in　a　blood…red　booth。　Orest　gripped　the　tasseled　menu　with　his　chunky　hands。　His　shoulders　seemed　broader　than　ever；　the　serious　head　partly　submerged　between　them。
　　〃How's　the　training　going？〃　I　said。
　　〃I'm　slowing　it　down　a　little。　I　don't　want　to　peak　too　soon。　I　know　how　to　take　care　of　my　body。〃
　　〃Heinrich　told　me　you　sleep　sitting　up；　to　prepare　for　the　cage。〃
　　〃I　perfected　that。　I'm　doing　different　stuff　now。〃
　　〃Like　what？〃
　　〃Loading　up　on　carbohydrates。〃
　　〃That's　why　we　came　here；〃　Heinrich　said。
　　〃I　load　up　a　little　more　each　day。〃
　　〃It's　because　of　the　huge　energy　he'll　be　burning　up　in　the　cage；　being　alert；　tensing　himself　when　a　mamba　approaches；　whatever。〃
　　We　ordered　pasta　and　water。
　　'Tell　me；　Orest。　As　you　get　closer　and　closer　to　the　time；　are　you　beginning　to　feel　anxious？〃
　　〃What　anxious？　I　just　want　to　get　in　the　cage。　Sooner　the　better。　This　is　what　Orest　Mercator　is　all　about。〃
　　〃You're　not　nervous？　You　don't　think　about　what　might　happen？〃
　　〃He　likes　to　be　positive；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃This　is　the　thing　today　with　athletes。　You　don't　dwell　on　the　negative。〃
　　〃Tell　me　this；　then。　What　is　the　negative？　What　do　you　think　of　when　you　think　of　the　negative？〃
　　〃Here's　what　I　think。　I'm　nothing　without　the　snakes。　That's　the　only　negative。　The　negative　is　if　it　doesn't　e　off；　if　the　humane　society　doesn't　let　me　in　the　cage。　How　can　I　be　the　best　at　what　I　do　if　they　don't　let　me　do　it？〃
　　I　liked　to　watch　Orest　eat。　He　inhaled　food　according　to　aerodynamic　principles。　Pressure　differences；　intake　velocities。　He　went　at　it　silently　and　purposefully；　loading　up；　centering　himself；　appearing　to　grow　more　self…important　with　each　clump　of　starch　that　slid　over　his　tongue。
　　〃You　know　you　can　get　bitten。　We　talked　about　it　last　time。　Do　you　think　about　what　happens　after　the　fangs　close　on　your　wrist？　Do　you　think　about　dying？　This　is　what　I　want　to　know。　Does　death　scare　you？　Does　it　haunt　your　thoughts？　Let　me　put　my　cards　on　the　table；　Orest。　Are　you　afraid　to　die？　Do　you　experience　fear？　Does　fear　make　you　tremble　or　sweat？　Do　you　feel　a　shadow　fall　across　the　room　when　you　think　of　the　cage；　the　snakes；　the　fangs？〃
　　〃What　did　I　read　just　the　other　day？　There　are　more　people　dead　today　than　in　the　rest　of　world　history　put　together。　What's　one　extra？　I'd　just　as　soon　die　while　I'm　trying　to　put　Orest　Mercator's　name　in　the　record　book。〃
　　I　looked　at　my　son。　I　said；　〃Is　he　trying　to　tell　us　there　are　more　people　dying　in　this　twenty…four…hour　period　than　in　the　rest　of　human　history　up　to　now？〃
　　〃He's　saying　the　dead　are　greater　today　than　ever　before；　bined。〃
　　〃What　dead？　Define　the　dead。〃
　　〃He's　saying　people　now　dead。〃
　　〃What　do　you　mean；　now　dead？　Everybody　who's　dead　is　now　dead。〃
　　〃He's　saying　people　in　graves。　The　known　dead。　Those　you　can　count。〃
　　I　was　listening　intently；　trying　to　grasp　what　they　meant。　A　second　plate　of　food　came　for　Orest。
　　〃But　people　sometimes　stay　in　graves　for　hundreds　of　years。　Is　he　saying　there　are　more　dead　people　in　graves　than　anywhere　else？〃
　　〃It　depends　on　what　you　mean　by　anywhere　else。〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　I　mean。　The　drowned。　The　blown…to…bits。〃
　　〃There　are　more　dead　now　than　ever　before。　That's　all　he's　saying。〃
　　I　looked　at　him　a　while　longer。　Then　I　turned　to　Orest。
　　〃You　are　intentionally　facing　death。　You　are　setting　out　to　do　exactly　what　people　spend　their　lives　trying　not　to　do。　Die。　I　want　to　know　why。〃
　　〃My　trainer　says；　'Breathe；　don't　think。'　He　says；　'Be　a　snake　and　you'll　know　the　stillness　of　a　snake。'〃
　　〃He　has　a　trainer　now；〃　Heinrich　said。
　　〃He's　a　Sunny　Moslem；〃　Orest　said。
　　〃Iron　City　has　some　Sunnies　out　near　the　airport。〃
　　〃The　Sunnies　are　mostly　Korean。　Except　mine's　an　Arab；　I　think。〃
　　I　said；　〃Don't　you　mean　the　Moonies　are　mostly　Korean？〃
　　〃He's　a　Sunny；〃　Orest　said。
　　〃But　it's　the　Moonies　who　are　mostly　Korean。　Except　they're　not；　of　course。　It's　only　the　leadership。〃
　　They　thought　about　this。　I　watched　Orest　eat。　I　watched　him　pitchfork　the　spaghetti　down　his　gullet。　The　serious　head　sat　motionless；　an　entryway　for　the　food。　that　flew　off　the　mechanical　fork。　What　purpose　he　conveyed；　what　sense　of　a　fixed　course　of　action　pursued　absolutely。　If　each　of　us　is　the　center　of　his　or　her　existence；　Orest　seemed　intent　on　enlarging　the　center；　making　it　everything。　Is　this　what　athletes　do；　occupy　the　self　more　fully？　It's　possible　we　envy　them　for　a　prowess　that　has　little　to　do　with　sport。　In　building　toward　a　danger；　they　escape　it　in　some　deeper　sense；　they　dwell　in　some　angelic　scan；　able　to　leap　free　of　everyday　dying。　But　was　Orest　an　athlete？　He　would　do　nothing　but　sit—　sit　for　sixty…seven　days　in　a　glass　cage；　waiting　to　be　publicly　bitten。
　　〃You　will　not　be　able　to　defend　yourself；〃　I　said。　〃Not　only　that　but　you　will　be　in　a　cage　with　the　most　slimy；　feared　and　repulsive　creatures　on　earth。　Snakes。　People　have　nightmares　about　snakes。　Crawling　slithering　cold…blooded　egg…laying　vertebrates。　People　go　to　psychiatrists。　Snakes　have　a　special　slimy　place　in　our　collective　unconscious。　And　you　are　voluntarily　getting　into　an　enclosed　space　with　thirty　or　forty　of　the　most　venomous　snakes　in　the　world。〃
　　〃What　slimy？　They're　not　slimy。〃
　　〃The　famous　sliminess　is　a　myth；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃He's　getting　into　a　cage　with　Gaboon　vipers　with　two…inch　fangs。　Maybe　a　dozen　mambas。　The　mamba　happens　to　be　the　fastest…moving　land　snake　in　the　world。　Isn't　sliminess　a　little　besides　the　point？〃
　　〃That's　my　argument　exactly。　Fangs。　Snakebite。　Fifty　thousand　people　a　year　die　of　snakebite。　It　was　on　television　last　night。〃
　　〃Everything　was　on　television　last　night；〃　Orest　said。
　　I　admired　the　reply。　I　guess　I　admired　him　too。　He　was　creating　an　imperial　self　out　of　some　tabloid　aspiration。　He　would　train　relentlessly；　speak　of　himself　in　the　third　person；　load　up　on　carbohydrates。　His　trainer　was　always　there；　his　friends　drawn　to　the　aura　of　inspired　risk。　He　would　grow　in　life…strength　as　he　neared　the　time。
　　〃His　trainer　is　teaching　him　how　to　breathe　in　the　old　way；　the　Sunny　Moslem　way。　A　snake　is　one　thing。　A　person　can　be　a　thousand　things。〃
　　〃Be　a　snake；〃　Orest　said。
　　〃People　are　getting　interested；〃　Heinrich　said。　〃It's　like　it's　starting　to　build。　Like　he's　really　going　to　do　it。　Like　they　believe　him　now。　The　total　package。〃
　　If　the　self　is　death；　how　can　it　also　be　stronger　than　death？
　　I　called　for　the　check。　Extraneous　flashes　of　Mr。　Gray。　A　drizzling　image　in　gray　shorts　and　socks。　I　lifted　several　bills　from　my　wallet；　rubbing　hard　with　my　fingers　to　make　sure　there　weren't　others　stuck　to　them。　In　the　motel　mirror　was　my　full…length　wife；　white…bodied；　full…bosomed；　pink…kneed；　stub…toed；　wearing　only　peppermint　legwarmers；　like　a　sophomore　leading　cheers　at　an　orgy。
　　When　we　got　home；　I　found　her　ironing　in　the　bedroom。
　　〃What　are　you　doing？〃　I　said。
　　〃Listening　to　the　radio。　Except　it　just　went　off。〃
　　〃If　you　thought　we　were　finished　with　Mr。　Gray；　it's　time　to　bring　you　up　to　date。〃
　　〃Are　we　talking　about　Mr。　Gray　the　posite　or　Mr。　Gray　the　individual？　It　makes　all　the　difference。〃
　　〃It　certainly　does。　Denise　pacted　the　pills。〃
　　〃Does　that　mean　we're　all　through　with　the　posite？〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　it　means。〃
　　〃Does　it　mean　you've　turned　your　male　attention　to　the　individual　in　the　motel？〃
　　〃I　didn't　say　that。〃
　　〃You　don't　have　to　say　it。　You're　a　male。　A　male　follows　the　path　of　homicidal　rage。　It　is　the　biological　path。　The　path　of　plain　dumb　blind　male　biology。〃
　　〃How　smug；　ironing　handkerchiefs。〃
　　〃Jack；　when　you　die；　I　will　just　fall　to　the　floor　and　stay　there。　Eventually；　maybe；　after　a　very　long　time；　they　will　find　me　crouching　in　the　dark；　a　woman　without　speech　or　gesture。　But　in　the　meantime　I　will　not　help　you　find　this　man　or　his　medication。〃
　　'The　eternal　wisdom　of　those　who　iron　and　sew。〃
　　〃Ask　yourself　what　it　is　you　want　more；　to　ease　your　ancient　fear　or　to　revenge　your　childish　dopey　injured　male　pride。〃
　　I　went　down　the　hall　to　help　Steffie　finish　packing。　A　sports　announcer　said：　〃They're　not　booing—they're　saying；　'Bruce；　Bruce。'〃　Denise　and　Wilder　were　in　there　with　her。　I　gathered　from　the　veiled　atmosphere　that　Denise　had　been　giving　confidential　advice　on　visits　to　distant　parents。　Steffie's　flight　would　originate　in　Boston　and　make　two　stops　between　Iron　City　and　Mexico　City　but　she　wouldn't　have　to　change　planes；　so　the　situation　seemed　manageable。
　　〃How　do　I　know　I'll　recognize　my　mother？〃
　　〃You　saw　her　last　year；〃　I　said。　〃You　liked　her。〃
　　〃What　if　she　refuses　to　send　me　back？〃
　　〃We　have　Denise　to　thank　for　that　idea；　don't　we？　Thank　you；　Denise。　Don't　worry。　She'll　send　you　back。〃
　　〃What　if　she　doesn't？〃　Denise　said。　〃It　happens；　you　know。〃
　　〃It　won't　happen　this　time。〃
　　〃You'll　have　to　kidnap　her　back。〃
　　〃That　won't　be　necessary。〃
　　〃What　if　it　is？〃　Steffie　said。
　　〃Would　you　do　it？〃　Denise　said。
　　〃It　won't　happen　in　a　million　years。〃
　　〃It　happens　all　the　time；〃　she　said。　〃One　parent　takes　the　child；　the　other　parent　hires　kidnappers　to　get　her　back。〃
　　〃What　if　she　keeps　me？〃　Steffie　said。　〃What　will　you　do？〃
　　〃He'll　have　to　send　people　to　Mexico。　That's　the　only　thing　he　can　do。〃
　　〃But　will　he　do　it？〃　she　said。
　　〃Your　mother　knows　she　can't　keep　you；〃　I　said。　〃She　travels　all　the　time。　It's　out　of　the　question。〃
　　〃Don't　worry；〃　Denise　told　her。　〃No　matter　what　he　says　now；　he'll　get　you　back　when　the　time　es。〃
　　Steffie　looked　at　me　with　deep　interest　and　curiosity。　I　told　her　I　would　travel　to　Mexico　myself　and　do　whatever　had　to　be　done　to　get　her　back　here。　She　looked　at　Denise。
　　〃It's　better　to　hire　people；〃　the　older　girl　said　helpfully。　〃That　way　you　have　someone　who's　done　it　before。〃
　　Babette　came　in　and　picked　up　Wilder。
　　'There　you　are；〃　she　said。　〃We're　going　to　the　airport　with　Steffie。　Yes　we　are。　Yes　yes。〃
　　〃Bruce；　Bruce。〃
　　The　next　day　there　was　an　evacuation　for　noxious　odor。　SIMUVAC　vehicles　were　everywhere。　Men　in　Mylex　suits　patrolled　the　streets；　many　of　them　carrying　instruments　to　measure　harm。　The　consulting　firm　that　conceived　the　evacuation　gathered　a　small　group　of　puter…screened　volunteers　in　a　police　van　in　the　supermarket　parking　lot。　There　was　half　an　hour　of　self…induced　gagging　and　vomiting。　The　episode　was　recorded　on　videotape　and　sent　somewhere　for　analysis。
　　Three　days　later　an　actual　noxious　odor　drifted　across　the　river。　A　paus