sense and sensibility(理智与情感)-第29章
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calmness of manner； which tolerably well concealed her surprise
and solicitude—“May I ask if your engagement is of long
standing？”
“We have been engaged these four years。”
“Four years！”
“Yes。”
Elinor； though greatly shocked； still felt unable to believe it。
“I did not know；” said she； “that you were even acquainted till
the other day。”
“Our acquaintance； however； is of many years date。 He was
under my uncle’s care； you know； a considerable while。”
“Your uncle！”
“Yes； Mr。 Pratt。 Did you never hear him talk of Mr。 Pratt？”
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“I think I have；” replied Elinor； with an exertion of spirits；
which increased with her increase of emotion。
“He was four years with my uncle； who lives at Longstaple；
near Plymouth。 It was there our acquaintance begun； for my sister
and me was often staying with my uncle； and it was there our
engagement was formed； though not till a year after he had
quitted as a pupil； but he was almost always with us afterwards。 I
was very unwilling to enter into it； as you may imagine； without
the knowledge and approbation of his mother； but I was too
young； and loved him too well； to be so prudent as I ought to have
been。—Though you do not know him so well as me； Miss
Dashwood； you must have seen enough of him to be sensible he is
very capable of making a woman sincerely attached to him。”
“Certainly；” answered Elinor； without knowing what she said；
but after a moment’s reflection； she added； with revived security of
Edward’s honour and love； and her companion’s falsehood—
“Engaged to Mr。 Edward Ferrars！—I confess myself so totally
surprised at what you tell me； that really—I beg your pardon； but
surely there must be some mistake of person or name。 We cannot
mean the same Mr。 Ferrars。”
“We can mean no other；” cried Lucy； smiling。 “Mr。 Edward
Ferrars； the eldest son of Mrs。 Ferrars； of Park…street； and brother
of your sister…in…law； Mrs。 John Dashwood； is the person I mean；
you must allow that I am not likely to be deceived as to the name
of the man on who all my happiness depends。”
“It is strange；” replied Elinor； in a most painful perplexity； “that
I should never have heard him even mention your name。”
“No； considering our situation； it was not strange。 Our first care
has been to keep the matter secret。—You knew nothing of me； or
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my family； and； therefore； there could be no occasion for ever
mentioning my name to you； and as he was always particularly
afraid of his sister’s suspecting any thing； that was reason enough
for his not mentioning it。”
She was silent。—Elinor’s security sunk； but her self…command
did not sink with it。
“Four years you have been engaged；” said she with a firm voice。
“Yes； and heaven knows how much longer we may have to wait。
Poor Edward！ It puts him quite out of heart。” Then taking a small
miniature from her pocket； she added； “To prevent the possibility
of mistake； be so good as to look at this face。 It does not do him
justice； to be sure； but yet I think you cannot be deceived as to the
person it was drew for。—I have had it above these three years。”
She put it into her hands as she spoke； and when Elinor saw the
painting； whatever other doubts her fear of a too hasty decision； or
her wish of detecting falsehood might suffer to linger in her mind；
she could have none of its being Edward’s face。 She returned it
almost instantly； acknowledging the likeness。
“I have never been able；” continued Lucy； “to give him my
picture in return； which I am very much vexed at； for he has been
always so anxious to get it！ But I am determined to set for it the
very first opportunity。”
“You are quite in the right；” replied Elinor calmly。 They then
proceeded a few paces in silence。 Lucy spoke first。
“I am sure；” said she； “I have no doubt in the world of your
faithfully keeping this secret； because you must know of what
importance it is to us； not to have it reach his mother； for she
would never approve of it； I dare say。 I shall have no fortune； and I
fancy she is an exceeding proud woman。”
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“I certainly did not seek your confidence；” said Elinor； “but you
do me no more than justice in imagining that I may be depended
on。 Your secret is safe with me； but pardon me if I express some
surprise at so unnecessary a communication。 You must at least
have felt that my being acquainted with it could not add to its
safety。”
As she said this； she looked earnestly at Lucy； hoping to
discover something in her countenance； perhaps the falsehood of
the greatest part of what she had been saying； but Lucy’s
countenance suffered no change。
“I was afraid you would think I was taking a great liberty with
you；” said she； “in telling you all this。 I have not known you long to
be sure； personally at least； but I have known you and all your
family by description a great while； and as soon as I saw you； I felt
almost as if you was an old acquaintance。 Besides in the present
case； I really thought some explanation was due to you after my
making such particular inquiries about Edward’s mother； and I
am so unfortunate； that I have not a creature whose advice I can
ask。 Anne is the only person that knows of it； and she has no
judgment at all； indeed； she does me a great deal more harm than
good； for I am in constant fear of her betraying me。 She does not
know how to hold her tongue； as you must perceive； and I am sure
I was in the greatest fright in the world t’other day； when
Edward’s name was mentioned by Sir John； lest she should out
with it all。 You can’t think how much I go through in my mind
from it altogether。 I only wonder that I am alive after what I have
suffered for Edward’s sake these last four years。 Every thing in
such suspense and uncertainty； and seeing him so seldom—we
can hardly meet above twice a…year。 I am sure I wonder my heart
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is not quite broke。”
Here she took out her handkerchief； but Elinor did not feel very
compassionate。
“Sometimes。” continued Lucy； after wiping her eyes； “I think
whether it would not be better for us both to break off the matter
entirely。” As she said this； she looked directly at her companion。
“But then at other times I have not resolution enough for it。—I
cannot bear the thoughts of making him so miserable； as I know
the very mention of such a thing would do。 And on my own
account too—so dear as he is to me—I don’t think I could be equal
to it。 What would you advise me to do in such a case； Miss
Dashwood？ What would you do yourself？”
“Pardon me；” replied Elinor； startled by the question； “but I
can give you no advice under such circumstances。 Your own
judgment must direct you。”
“To be sure；” continued Lucy； after a few minutes silence on
both sides； “his mother must provide for him sometime or other；
but poor Edward is so cast down by it！ Did you not think him
dreadful low…spirited when he was at Barton？ He was so miserable
when he left us at Longstaple； to go to you； that I was afraid you
would think him quite ill。”
“Did he come from your uncle’s； then； when he visited us？”
“Oh； yes； he had been staying a fortnight with us。 Did you think
he came directly from town？”
“No；” replied Elinor； most feelingly sensible of every fresh
circumstance in favour of Lucy’s veracity； “I remember he told us；
that he had been staying a fortnight with some friends near
Plymouth。” She remembered too； her own surprise at the time； at
his mentioning nothing farther of those friends； at his total silence
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with respect even to their names。
“Did not you think him sadly out of spirits？” repeated Lucy。
“We did； indeed； particularly so when he first arrived。”
“I begged him to exert himself for fear you should suspect what
was the matter； but it made him so melancholy； not being able to
stay more than a fortnight with us； and seeing me so much
affected。—Poor fellow！—I am afraid it is just the same with him
now； for he writes in wretched spirits。 I heard from him just before
I left Exeter；” taking a letter from her pocket and carelessly
showing the direction to Elinor。 “You know his hand； I dare say； a
charming one it is； but that is not written so well as usual。—He
was tired； I dare say； for he had just filled the sheet to me as full as
possible。”
Elinor saw that it was his hand； and she could doubt no longer。
This picture； she had allowed herself to believe； might have been
accidentally obtained； it might not have been Edward’s gift； but a
correspondence between them by letter； could
