sense and sensibility(理智与情感)-第76章
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above my mother； had been wronged by me。 I； and only I； knew
your heart and its sorrows； yet to what did it influence me？—not
to any compassion that could benefit you or myself。—Your
example was before me； but to what avail？—Was I more
considerate of you and your comfort？ Did I imitate your
forbearance； or lessen your restraints； by taking any part in those
offices of general complaisance or particular gratitude which you
had hitherto been left to discharge alone？—No；—not less when I
knew you to be unhappy； than when I had believed you at ease；
did I turn away from every exertion of duty or friendship； scarcely
allowing sorrow to exist but with me； regretting only that heart
which had deserted and wronged me； and leaving you； for whom I
professed an unbounded affection； to be miserable for my sake。”
Here ceased the rapid flow of her self…reproving spirit； and
Elinor； impatient to soothe； though too honest to flatter； gave her
instantly that praise and support which her frankness and her
contrition so well deserved。 Marianne pressed her hand and
replied；
“You are very good。—The future must be my proof。 I have laid
down my plan； and if I am capable of adhering to it—my feelings
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shall be governed and my temper improved。 They shall no longer
worry others； nor torture myself。 I shall now live solely for my
family。 You； my mother； and Margaret； must henceforth be all the
world to me； you will share my affections entirely between you。
From you； from my home； I shall never again have the smallest
incitement to move； and if I do mix in other society； it will be only
to shew that my spirit is humbled； my heart amended； and that I
can practise the civilities； the lesser duties of life； with gentleness
and forbearance。 As for Willoughby—to say that I shall soon or
that I shall ever forget him； would be idle。 His remembrance can
be overcome by no change of circumstances or opinions。 But it
shall be regulated； it shall be checked by religion； by reason； by
constant employment。”
She paused—and added in a low voice； “If I could but know his
heart； everything would become easy。”
Elinor； who had now been for some time reflecting on the
propriety or impropriety of speedily hazarding her narration；
without feeling at all nearer decision than at first； heard this； and
perceiving that as reflection did nothing； resolution must do all；
soon found herself leading to the fact。
She managed the recital； as she hoped； with address； prepared
her anxious listener with caution； related simply and honestly the
chief points on which Willoughby grounded his apology； did
justice to his repentance； and softened only his protestations of
present regard。 Marianne said not a word。—She trembled； her
eyes were fixed on the ground； and her lips became whiter than
even sickness had left them。 A thousand inquiries sprung up from
her heart； but she dared not urge one。 She caught every syllable
with panting eagerness； her hand； unknowingly to herself； closely
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pressed her sister’s； and tears covered her cheeks。
Elinor； dreading her being tired； led her towards home； and till
they reached the door of the cottage； easily conjecturing what her
curiosity must be though no question was suffered to speak it；
talked of nothing but Willoughby； and their conversation together；
and was carefully minute in every particular of speech and look；
where minuteness could be safely indulged。 As soon as they
entered the house； Marianne with a kiss of gratitude and these two
words just articulate through her tears； “Tell mama；” withdrew
from her sister and walked slowly up stairs。 Elinor would not
attempt to disturb a solitude so reasonable as what she now
sought； and with a mind anxiously pre…arranging its result； and a
resolution of reviving the subject again； should Marianne fail to do
it； she turned into the parlour to fulfil her parting injunction。
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CHAPTER XI
rs。 Dashwood did not hear unmoved the vindication of
her former favourite。 She rejoiced in his being cleared
M
from some part of his imputed guilt；—she was sorry for
him；—she wished him happy。 But the feelings of the past could
not be recalled。—Nothing could restore him with a faith
unbroken—a character unblemished； to Marianne。 Nothing could
do away the knowledge of what the latter had suffered through his
means； nor remove the guilt of his conduct towards Eliza。 Nothing
could replace him； therefore； in her former esteem； nor injure the
interests of Colonel Brandon。
Had Mrs。 Dashwood； like her daughter； heard Willoughby’s
story from himself—had she witnessed his distress； and been
under the influence of his countenance and his manner； it is
probable that her compassion would have been greater。 But it was
neither in Elinor’s power； nor in her wish； to rouse such feelings in
another； by her retailed explanation； as had at first been called
forth in herself。 Reflection had given calmness to her judgment；
and sobered her own opinion of Willoughby’s deserts；—she
wished； therefore； to declare only the simple truth； and lay open
such facts as were really due to his character； without any
embellishment of tenderness to lead the fancy astray。
In the evening； when they were all three together； Marianne
began voluntarily to speak of him again；—but that it was not
without an effort； the restless； unquiet thoughtfulness in which she
had been for some time previously sitting—her rising colour； as
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she spoke；—and her unsteady voice； plainly shewed。
“I wish to assure you both；” said she； “that I see every thing—as
you can desire me to do。”
Mrs。 Dashwood would have interrupted her instantly with
soothing tenderness； had not Elinor； who really wished to hear her
sister’s unbiased opinion； by an eager sign； engaged her silence。
Marianne slowly continued—
“It is a great relief to me—what Elinor told me this morning—I
have now heard exactly what I wished to hear。”—For some
moments her voice was lost； but recovering herself； she added；
and with greater calmness than before—“I am now perfectly
satisfied； I wish for no change。 I never could have been happy with
him； after knowing； as sooner or later I must have known； all
this。—I should have had no confidence； no esteem。 Nothing could
have done it away to my feelings。”
“I know it—I know it；” cried her mother。 “Happy with a man of
libertine practices！—With one who so injured the peace of the
dearest of our friends； and the best of men！—No—my Marianne
has not a heart to be made happy with such a man！—Her
conscience； her sensitive conscience； would have felt all that the
conscience of her husband ought to have felt。”
Marianne sighed； and repeated； “I wish for no change。”
“You consider the matter；” said Elinor； “exactly as a good mind
and a sound understanding must consider it； and I dare say you
perceive； as well as myself； not only in this； but in many other
circumstances； reason enough to be convinced that your marriage
must have involved you in many certain troubles and
disappointments； in which you would have been poorly supported
by an affection； on his side； much less certain。 Had you married；
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you must have been always poor。 His expensiveness is
acknowledged even by himself； and his whole conduct declares
that self…denial is a word hardly understood by him。 His demands
and your inexperience together； on a small； very small income；
must have brought on distresses which would not be the less
grievous to you； from having been entirely unknown and
unthought of before。 Your sense of honour and honesty would
have led you； I know； when aware of your situation； to attempt all
the economy that would appear to you possible； and perhaps； as
long as your frugality retrenched only on your own comfort； you
might have been suffered to practise it； but beyond that—and how
little could the utmost of your single management do to stop the
ruin which had begun before your marriage？—Beyond that； had
you endeavoured； however reasonably； to abridge his enjoyments；
is it not to be feared； that instead of prevailing on feelings so
selfish to consent to it； you would have lessened your own
influence on his heart； and made him regret the connection which
had involved him in such difficulties？”
