面纱 英文原本-第9章
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from each other。 The rich find it easy to live married and apart。
That course of our life which I have indicated in a few sentences filled
the space of years。 So much miseryso slow and hideous a growth of
hatred and sin； may be pressed into a sentence！ And men judge of
each other's lives through this summary medium。 They epitomize the
experience of their fellow…mortal； and pronounce judgment on him in neat
syntax； and feel themselves wise and virtuousconquerors over the
temptations they define in well… selected predicates。 Seven years of
wretchedness glide glibly over the lips of the man who has never counted
them out in moments of chill disappointment； of head and heart throbbings；
of dread and vain wrestling； of remorse and despair。 We learn WORDS
by rote； but not their meaning； THAT must be paid for with our life…blood；
and printed in the subtle fibres of our nerves。
But I will hasten to finish my story。 Brevity is justified at once to
those who readily understand； and to those who will never understand。
Some years after my father's death； I was sitting by the dim firelight in
my library one January eveningsitting in the leather chair that used to be
my father'swhen Bertha appeared at the door； with a candle in her hand；
and advanced towards me。 I knew the ball…dress she had onthe white
ball…dress； with the green jewels； shone upon by the light of the wax
candle which lit up the medallion of the dying Cleopatra on the
mantelpiece。 Why did she e to me before going out？ I had not seen
her in the library； which was my habitual place for months。 Why did she
stand before me with the candle in her hand； with her cruel contemptuous
eyes fixed on me； and the glittering serpent； like a familiar demon； on her
breast？ For a moment I thought this fulfilment of my vision at Vienna
marked some dreadful crisis in my fate； but I saw nothing in Bertha's mind；
as she stood before me； except scorn for the look of overwhelming misery
with which I sat before her 。 。 。 〃Fool； idiot； why don't you kill yourself；
then？〃that was her thought。 But at length her thoughts reverted to her
errand； and she spoke aloud。 The apparently indifferent nature of the
errand seemed to make a ridiculous anticlimax to my prevision and my
agitation。
〃I have had to hire a new maid。 Fletcher is going to be married； and
she wants me to ask you to let her husband have the public… house and
farm at Molton。 I wish him to have it。 You must give the promise now；
because Fletcher is going to…morrow morningand quickly； because I'm in
a hurry。〃
〃Very well； you may promise her；〃 I said； indifferently； and Bertha
swept out of the library again。
I always shrank from the sight of a new person； and all the more when
it was a person whose mental life was likely to weary my reluctant insight
with worldly ignorant trivialities。 But I shrank especially from the sight
of this new maid； because her advent had been announced to me at a
moment to which I could not cease to attach some fatality： I had a vague
dread that I should find her mixed up with the dreary drama of my life
that some new sickening vision would reveal her to me as an evil genius。
When at last I did unavoidably meet her； the vague dread was changed
into definite disgust。 She was a tall； wiry； dark…eyed woman； this Mrs。
Archer； with a face handsome enough to give her coarse hard nature the
odious finish of bold； self…confident coquetry。 That was enough to make
me avoid her； quite apart from the contemptuous feeling with which she
contemplated me。 I seldom saw her； but I perceived that she rapidly
became a favourite with her mistress； and； after the lapse of eight or nine
months； I began to be aware that there had arisen in Bertha's mind towards
this woman a mingled feeling of fear and dependence； and that this feeling
was associated with ill… defined images of candle…light scenes in her
dressing…room； and the locking…up of something in Bertha's cabinet。 My
interviews with my wife had bee so brief and so rarely solitary； that I
had no opportunity of perceiving these images in her mind with more
definiteness。 The recollections of the past bee contracted in the
rapidity of thought till they sometimes bear hardly a more distinct
resemblance to the external reality than the forms of an oriental alphabet
to the objects that suggested them。
Besides； for the last year or more a modification had been going
forward in my mental condition； and was growing more and more marked。
My insight into the minds of those around me was being dimmer and
more fitful； and the ideas that crowded my double consciousness became
less and less dependent on any personal contact。 All that was personal in
me seemed to be suffering a gradual death； so that I was losing the organ
through which the personal agitations and projects of others could affect
me。 But along with this relief from wearisome insight； there was a new
development of what I concludedas I have since found rightlyto be a
provision of external scenes。 It was as if the relation between me and my
fellow…men was more and more deadened； and my relation to what we call
the inanimate was quickened into new life。 The more I lived apart from
society； and in proportion as my wretchedness subsided from the violent
throb of agonized passion into the dulness of habitual pain； the more
frequent and vivid became such visions as that I had had of Pragueof
strange cities； of sandy plains； of gigantic ruins； of midnight skies with
strange bright constellations； of mountain…passes； of grassy nooks flecked
with the afternoon sunshine through the boughs： I was in the midst of
such scenes； and in all of them one presence seemed to weigh on me in all
these mighty shapesthe presence of something unknown and pitiless。
For continual suffering had annihilated religious faith within me： to the
utterly miserablethe unloving and the unlovedthere is no religion
possible； no worship but a worship of devils。 And beyond all these； and
continually recurring； was the vision of my deaththe pangs； the
suffocation； the last struggle； when life would be grasped at in vain。
Things were in this state near the end of the seventh year。 I had
bee entirely free from insight； from my abnormal cognizance of any
other consciousness than my own； and instead of intruding involuntarily
into the world of other minds； was living continually in my own solitary
future。 Bertha was aware that I was greatly changed。 To my surprise
she had of late seemed to seek opportunities of remaining in my society；
and had cultivated that kind of distant yet familiar talk which is customary
between a husband and wife who live in polite and irrevocable alienation。
I bore this with languid submission； and without feeling enough interest in
her motives to be roused into keen observation； yet I could not help
perceiving something triumphant and excited in her carriage and the
expression of her facesomething too subtle to express itself in words or
tones； but giving one the idea that she lived in a state of expectation or
hopeful suspense。 My chief feeling was satisfaction that her inner self
was once more shut out from me； and I almost revelled for the moment in
the absent melancholy that made me answer her at cross purposes； and
betray utter ignorance of what she had been saying。 I remember well the
look and the smile with which she one day said； after a mistake of this
kind on my part： 〃I used to think you were a clairvoyant； and that was
the reason why you were so bitter against other clairvoyants； wanting to
keep your monopoly； but I see now you have bee rather duller than
the rest of the world。〃
I said nothing in reply。 It occurred to me that her recent obtrusion of
herself upon me might have been prompted by the wish to test my power
of detecting some of her secrets； but I let the thought drop again at once：
her motives and her deeds had no interest for me； and whatever pleasures
she might be seeking； I had no wish to baulk her。 There was still pity in
my soul for every living thing； and Bertha was livingwas surrounded
with possibilities of misery。
Just at this time there occurred an event which roused me somewhat
from my inertia； and gave me an interest in the passing moment that I had
thought impossible for me。 It was a visit from Charles Meunier； who had
written me word that he was ing to England for relaxation from too
strenuous labour； and would like too see me。 Meunier had now a European
reputation； but his letter to me expressed that keen remembrance of an
early regard； an early debt of sympathy； which is inseparable from nobility
of character： and I too felt as if his presence would be to me like a
transient resurrection into a happier pre…existence。
He came； and as far as possible； I renewed our old pleasure of making
tete…a…tete excursions； though； instead of mountains and glacers and the
wide blue lake； we had to content ourselves with mere slopes and ponds
and artificial plantations。 The years had changed us both； but with what
different result！ Meunier was now a brilliant figure in society； to whom
elegant women pretended to listen； and whose acquaintance was boasted
of by noblemen ambitious of brains。 He repressed with the utmost
delicacy all betrayal of the shock which I am sure he must have received
from our meeting； or of a desire to penetrate into my condition and
circumstances； and sought by the utmost exertion of his charming social
powers to make our reunion agreeable。 Bertha was much struck by the
unexpected fascinations of a visitor whom she had expected to find
presentable only on the score of his celebrity； and put forth all her
coquetries and acpl
