eben holden-第22章

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I　stooped　to　pick　a　rose　and　handed　itto　her。

'Well；'　she　remarked　soberly；　but　smiling　a　little；　as　she　lifted　the　rose　to　her　lips；　'is　it　anyone　I　know。'

I　felt　it　was　going　badly　with　me；　but　caught　a　sudden　inspiration。

'You　have　never　seen　her；'　I　said。

If　she　had　suspected　the　truth　I　had　turned　the　tables　on　her；　and　now　she　was　guessing。　A　quick　change　came　into　her　face；　and；　for　a　moment；　it　gave　me　confidence。

'Is　she　pretty？'　she　asked　very　seriously　as　she　dropped　the　flower　and　looked　down　crushing　it　beneath　her　foot。

'She　is　very　beautifial　…　it　is　you　I　love；　Hope。'

A　flood　of　colour　came　into　her　cheeks　then；　as　she　stood　a　moment　looking　down　at　the　flower　in　silence。

'I　shall　keep　your　secret；'　she　said　tenderly；　and　hesitating　as　she　spoke；　'and　when　you　are　through　college　…　and　you　are　older　…　and　I　am　older　…　and　you　love　me　as　you　do　now　…　I　hope　…　I　shall　love　you；　too　…　as　…　I　do　now。'

Her　lips　were　trembling　as　she　gave　me　that　sweet　assurance　…　dearer　to　me　…　far　dearer　than　all　else　I　remember　of　that　golden　time　…　and　tears　were　coursing　down　her　cheeks。　For　myself　I　was　in　a　worse　plight　of　emotion。　I　dare　say　she　remembered　also　the　look　of　my　face　in　that　moment。

'Do　not　speak　of　it　again；'　she　said；　as　we　walked　away　together　on　the　shorn　sod　of　the　orchard　meadow；　now　sown　with　apple　blossoms；　'until　we　are　older；　and；　if　you　never　speak　again；　I　shall　know　you　…　you　do　not　love　me　any　longer。'

The　dinner　horn　sounded。　We　turned　and　walked　slowly　back

'Do　I　look　all　right？'　she　asked；　turing　her　face　to　me　and　smiling　sweetly。

'All　right；'　I　said。　'Nobody　would　know　that　anyone　loved　you　…　except　for　your　beauty　and　that　one　tear　track　on　your　cheek。'

She　wiped　it　away　as　she　laughed。

'Mother　knows　anyway；'　she　said；　'and　she　has　given　me　good　advice。　Wait！'　she　added；　stopping　and　turning　to　me。　'Your　eyes　are　wet！'

I　felt　for　my　handkerchief。

'Take　mine；'　she　said。

Elder　Whitmarsh　was　at　the　house　and　they　were　all　suring　downto　dinner　as　we　came　in。

'Hello！'　said　Uncle　Eb。　'Here's　a　good…lookin'　couple。　We've　got　a　chicken　pie　an'　a　Baptis'　minister　fer　dinner　an'　both　good。　Take　yer　pew　nex'　t'　the　minister；'　he　added　as　he　held　the　chair　for　me。

Then　we　all　bowed　our　heads　and　I　felt　a　hearty　amen　for　the　elder's　words：

'O　Lord；　may　all　our　doing　and　saying　and　eating　and　driniiing　of　this　day　be　done；　as　in　Thy　sight；　for　our　eternal　happiness　…　and　for　Thy　glory。　Amen。'

Chapter　2　I

We　have　our　secrets；　but；　guard　them　as　we　may；　it　is　not　long　before　others　have　them　also。　We　do　much　taling　without　words。　I　once　knew　a　man　who　did　his　drinking　secretly　and　his　reeling　in　public；　and　thought　he　was　fooling　everybody。　That　shows　how　much　easier　it　is　for　one　to　fool　himself　than　to　fool　another。　What　is　in　a　man's　heart　is　on　his　face；　and　is　shortly　written　all　over　him。　Therein　is　a　mighty　lesson。

Of　all　people　I　ever　knew　Elizabeth　Brower　had　the　surest　eye　for　looking　into　one's　soul；　and　I；　myself；　have　some　gift　of　penetration。　I　knew　shortly　that　Mrs　Brower　…　wise　and　prudent　woman　that　she　was　…　had　suspected　my　love　for　Hope　and　her　love　for　me；　and　had　told　her　what　she　ought　to　say　if　I　spoke　of　it

The　maturity　of　judgement　in　Hope's　answer　must　have　been　the　result　of　much　thought　and　counsel；　it　seemed　to　me。

'If　you　do　not　speak　again　I　shall　know　you　do　not　love　me　any　longer；'　she　had　said。　They　were　brave　words　that　stood　for　something　very　deep　in　the　character　of　those　people　…　a　self…repression　that　was　sublime；　often；　in　their　women。　As　I　said　them　to　myself；　those　lonely　summer　days　in　Faraway；　I　saw　in　their　sweet　significance　no　hint　of　the　bitterness　they　were　to　bring。　But　God　knows　I　have　had　my　share　of　pleasure　and　no　more　bitterness　than　I　deserved。

It　was　a　lonely　summer　for　me。　I　had　letters　from　Hope　…　ten　of　them　…　which　I　still　keep　and　read；　often　with　something　of　the　old　pleasure　…　girlish　letters　that　told　of　her　work　and　friends；　and　gave　me　some　sweet　counsel　and　much　assurance　between　the　lines。

I　travelled　in　new　roads　that　vacation　time。　Politics　and　religion；　as　well　as　love；　began　to　interest　me。　Slavery　was　looming　into　the

proportion　of　a　great　issue；　and　the　stories　of　cruelty　and　outrage　on　the　plantations　of　the　South　stirred　my　young　blood　and　made　it　ready　for　the　letting　of　battle；　in　God's　time。　The　speeches　in　the　Senate　were　read　aloud　in　our　sitting…room　after　supper　…　the　day　the　Tnbune　came　…　and　all　lent　a　tongue　to　their　discussion。　Jed　Feary　was　with　us　one　evening；　I　remember；　when　our　talk　turned　into　long　ways；　the　end　of　which　I　have　never　found　to　this　day。　Elizabeth　had　been　reading　of　a　slave；　who；　according　to　the　paper；　had　been　whipped　to　death。

'If　God　knows　'at　such　things　are　bein'　done；　why　don't　he　stop　'em？'　David　asked。

'Can't　very　well；'　said　Jed　Feary。

'Can；　if　he's　omnipotent；'　said　David。

'That's　a　bad　word　…　a　dangerous　one；'　said　the　old　poet；　dropping　his　dialect　as　he　spoke。　'It　makes　God　responsible　for　evil　as　well　as　good。　The　word　carries　us　beyond　our　depth。　It's　too　big　for　our　boots。　I'd　ruther　think　He　can　do　what's　doable　an'　know　what's　knowable。　In　the　beginning　he　gave　laws　to　the　world　an'　these　laws　are　unchangeable；　or　they　are　not　wise　an'　perfect。　If　God　were　to　change　them　He　would　thereby　acknowledge　their　imperfection。　By　this　law　men　and　races　suffer　as　they　struggle　upward。　But　if　the　law　is　unchangeable；　can　it　be　changed　for　a　better　cause　even　than　the　relief　of　a　whipped　slave？　In　good　time。　the　law　shall　punish　and　relieve。　The　groans　of　them　that　suffer　shall　hasten　it；　but　there　shall　be　no　change　in　the　law。　There　can　be　no　change　in　the　law。'

'Leetle　hard　t'　tell　jest　how　powerfiil　God　is；'　said　Uncle　Eb。　'Good　deal　like　tryin'　t'　weigh　Lake　Champlain　with　a　quart　pail　and　a　pair　o'　steelyards。'

'If　God's　laws　are　unchangeable；　what　is　the　use　of　praying？'　I　asked。

'He　can　give　us　the　strength　to　bear；　the　will　to　obey　him　an'　light　to　guide　us；'　said　the　poet。　'I've　written　out　a　few　lines　t'　read　t'　Bill　here　'fore　he　goes　off　t'　college。　They　have　suanthin'　t'　say　on　this　subject。　The　poem　hints　at　things　he'd　ought　'o　learn　purty　soon　…　if　he　don't　know　'em　now。'

The　old　poet　felt　in　his　pockets　as　he　spoke；　and　withdrew　a　folded　sheet　of　straw…coloured　wrapping　paper　and　opened　it。　I　was　'Bill'　…plain　'Bill'　…　to　everybody　in　that　country；　where；　as　you　increased　your　love　of　a　man；　you　diminished　his　name。　I　had　been　called　Willie；　William　and　Billy；　and　finally；　when　I　threw　the　strong　man　of　the　township　in　a　wrestling　match　they　gave　me　this　fail　token　of　confidence。　I　bent　over　the　shoulder　of　Jed　Feary　for　a　view　of　the　manuscript；　closely　written　witha　lead　pencil；　and　marked　with　many　erasures。

'Le's　hear　it；'　said　David　Brower。

Then　I　moved　the　lamp　to　his　elbow　and　he　began　reading：

'A　talk　with　William　Brower　on　the　occasion　of　his　going　away　to　colkge　and　writ　oat　in　rhyme　for　him　by　his　friend　Jedediah　Feary　to　be　a　token　of　respect。

The　man　that　loses　faith　in　God；　ye'll　find　out　every　time；　Has　found　a　faith　in　his　own　self　that's　mighty　nigh　sublime。　He　knows　as　much　as　all　the　saints　an'　calls　religion　flighty；　An'　in　his　narrow　world　assumes　the　place　o'　God　Almighty。

But　don't　expect　too　much　o'　God；　it　wouldn't　be　quite　fair　If　fer　everything　ye　wanted　ye　could　only　swap　a　prayer；　I'd　pray　fer　yours　an'　you　fer　mine　an'　Deacon　Henry　Hospur　He　wouldn't　hev　a　thing　t'　do　but　lay　a…bed　an'　prosper。

If　all　things　come　so　easy；　Bill；　they'd　hev　but　little　worth；　　An'　someone　with　a　gift　O'　prayer　'ud　mebbe　own　the　earth。　　It's　the　toil　ye　give　t'　git　a　thing　…　the　sweat　an'　blood　an；　trouble　We　reckon　by　…　an'　every　tear'll　make　its　value　double。

There's　a　money　O'　the　soul；　my　boy；　ye'll　find　in　after　years；　　Its　pennies　are　the　sweat　drops　an'　its　dollars　are　the　tears；　　An'　love　is　the　redeemin'　gold　that　measures　what　they're　worth；　An'　ye'll　git　as　much　in　Heaven　as　ye've　given　out　on　earth。

Fer　the　record　o'　yer　doin'　…　I　believe　the　soul　is　planned　With　an　automatic　register　t；　tell　jest　how　ye　stand；　An'　it　won't　take　any　cipherin'　t'　show　that　fearful　day；　If　ye've　multiplied　yer　talents　well；　er　thrown　'em　all　away。

When　yer　feet　are　on　the　summit；　an'　the　wide　horizon　clears；　　An'　ye　look　back　on　yer　pathway　windin'　thro'　the　vale　o'　tears；　When　ye　see　how　much　ye've　trespassed　an'　how　fur　ye've　gone　astray；　Ye'll　know　the　way　o'　Providence　ain't　apt　t'　be　your　way。

God　knows　as　much　as　can　be　known；　but　I　don't　think　it's　true　He　knows　of　all　the　dangers　in　the　path　o'　me　an'　you。　If　I　shet　my　eyes　an'　hurl　a　stone　that　kills　the　King　o'　Siam；　　The　chances　are　that　God'll　be　as　much　surprised　as　I　am。

If　ye　pray　with　faith　believin'；　why；　ye'll　certnly　receive；　But　that　God　does　what's　impossible　is　more　than　I'll　believe。　If　it　grieves　Him　when　a　sparrow　falls；　it's　sure　as　anything；　He'd　hev　turned　the　arrow　if　He　could；　that　broke　the　sparrow's　wing。

Ye　can　read　old　Nature's　history　thet's　writ　in　rocks　an'　stones；　Ye　can　see　her　throbbin'　vitals　an'　her　mighty　rack　o'　hones。　But　the　soul　o'　her　…　the　livin'　God；　a　little　child　may　know　No　lens　er　rule　o'　cipherin'　can　ever　hope　t'　show。

There's　a　part　o'　Cod's　creation　very　handy　t'　yer　view；　Al'　the　truth　o'　life　is　in　it　an'　remember；　Bill；　it's　you。　An'　after　all　yer　science　ye　must　look　up　in　yer　mind；　An'　leam　its　own　astronomy　the　star　o'　peace　t'　find。

There's　good　old　Aunt　Samanthy　Jane　thet　all　her　journey　long　Has　led　her　heart　to　labour　with　a　reveille　of　song。　　Her　folks　hev　robbed　an'　left　her　but　her　faith　in　goodness　grows；　She　hasn't　any　larnin'；　but　I　tell　ye　Bill；　she　knows！

She's　hed　her　share　o'　troubles；　I　remember　well　the　day　We　took　her　t'　the　poorhouse　…　she　was　singin'　all　the　way；　Ye　needn't　be　afraid　t'　come　where　stormy　Jordan　flows；　If　all　the　larnin'　ye　can　git　has　taught　ye　halfshe　knows。'

I　give　this　crude　example　of　rustic　philosophy；　not　because　it　has　my　endorsement　…　God　knows　I　have　ever　felt　it　far　beyond　me　…　but　because　it　is　useful　to　those　who　may　care　to　know　the　man　who　wrote　it。　I　give　it　the　poor　fame　of　these　pages　with　keen　regret　that　my　friend　is　now　long　passed　the　praise　or　blame　of　this　world。

Chapter　22

The　horse　played　a　part　of　no　small　importance　in　that　country。　He　was　the　coin　of　the　realin；　a　medium　of　exchange；　a　standard　of　value；　an　exponent　of　moral　character。　The　man　that　travelled　without　a　horse　was　on　his　way　to　the　poorhouse。　Uncle　Eb　or　David　Brower　could　tell　a　good　horse　by　the　sound　of　his　footsteps；　and　they　brought　into　St　Lawrence　County　the　haughty　Morgans　from　Vermont。　There　was　more　pride　in　their　high　heads　than　in　any　of　the　good　people。　A　Northern　Yankee　who　was　not　carried　away　with　a　fine　horse　had　excellent　self…control。　Politics　and　the　steed　were　the　only　things　that　ever　woke　him　to　enthusiasm；　and　there　a　man　was　known　as　he　traded。　Uncle　Eb　used　to　say　that　one　ought　always　to　underestimate　his　horse　'a　leetle　fer　the　sake　of　a　reputation'。

We　needed　another　horse　to　help　with　the　haying；　and　Bob　Dean；　a　tricky　trader；　who　had　heard　of　it；　drove　i