eben holden-第31章

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'No　…　with　my　hands；'and　that　was　all　he　would　say　of　it。

He　lay　facing　a　black　curtain　that　covered　a　corner。　Now　and　then　I　heard　a　singular　sound　in　the　room　…　like　some　faint；　far；　night　cry　such　as　I　have　heard　often　in　the　deep　woods。　It　was　so　weird　I　felt　some　wonder　of　it。　Presently　I　could　tell　it　came　from　behind　the　curtain　where；　also；　I　heard　an　odd　rustle　like　that　of　wings。

I　sat　in　a　reverie；　looking　at　the　silent　man　before　me；　and　in　the　midst　of　it　he　pulled　a　cord　that　hung　near　him　and　a　bell　rang。

'Luncheon！'he　said　to　the　old　butler　who　entered　immediately。

Then　he　rose　and　showed　me　odd　things；　carved　out　of　wood；　by　his　own　hand　as　he　told　me；　and　with　a　delicate　art。　He　looked　at　one　tiny　thing　and　laid　it　aside　quickly。

'Can't　bear　to　look　at　it　now；'he　said。

'Gibbet？'I　enquired。

'Gibbet；'he　answered。

It　was　a　little　figure　bound　hand　and　foot　and　hanging　from　the　gallows　tree。

'Burn　it！'he　said；　turning　to　the　old　servant　and　putting　it　in　his　hands。　Luncheon　had　been　set　between　us；　the　while；　and　as　we　were　eating　it　the　butler　opened　a　big　couch　and　threw　snowy　sheets　of　linen　over　it　and　silken　covers　that　rustled　as　they　fell。

'You　will　sleep　there；'said　my　host　as　his　servant　laid　the　pillows；　'and　well　I　hope。　

I　thought　I　had　better　go　to　my　own　lodgings。

'Too　late　…　too　late；'said　he；　and　I；　leg…weary　and　half…asleep；　accepted　his　proffer　of　hospitality。　Then；　having　eaten；　he　left　me　and　I　got　into　bed　after　turning　the　lights　out　Something　woke　me　in　the　dark　of　the　night。　There　was　a　rustling　sound　in　the　room。　I　raised　my　head　a　bit　and　listened。　It　was　the　black　curtain　that　hung　in　the　corner。　I　imagined　somebody　striking　it　violently。　I　saw　a　white　figure　standing　near　me　in　the　darkness。　It　moved　away　as　I　looked　at　it。　A　cold　wind　was　blowing　upon　my　face。　I　lay　a　long　time　listening　and　by　and　by　I　could　hear　the　deep　voice　of　Trumbull　as　if　he　were　groaning　and　muttering　in　his　sleep。　When　it　began　to　come　light　I　saw　the　breeze　from　an　open　window　was　stirring　the　curtain　of　silk　in　the　corner。　I　got　out　of　bed　and；　peering　behind　the　curtain；　saw　only　a　great　white　owl；　caged　and　staring　out　of　wide　eyes　that　gleamed　fiery　in　the　dim　light。　I　went　to　bed　again；　sleeping　until　my　host　woke　me　in　the　late　morning。

After　breakfasting　I　went　to　the　chalet。　The　postman　had　been　there　but　he　had　brought　no　letter　from　Hope。　I　waited　about　home；　expecting　to　hear　from　her；　all　that　day；　only　to　see　it　end　in　bitter　disappointment。

Chapter　33

That　very　night；　Ilooked　in　at　the　little　shop　beneath　us　and　met　Riggs。　It　was　no　small　blessing；　just　as　I　was　entering　upon　dark　and　unknown　ways　of　life；　to　meet　this　hoary　headed　man　with　all　his　lanterns。　He　would　sell　you　anchors　and　fathoms　of　chain　and　rope　enough　to　hang　you　to　the　moon　but　his　'lights'were　the　great　attraction　of　Riggs　s。　He　had　every　kind　of　lantern　that　had　ever　swung　on　land　or　sea。　After　dark；　when　light　was　streaming　out　of　its　open　door　and　broad　window　Riggs's　looked　like　the　side　of　an　old　lantern　itself。　It　was　a　door；　low　and　wide；　for　a　time　when　men　had　big　round　bellies　and　nothing　to　do　but　fill　them　and　heads　not　too　far　above　their　business。　It　was　a　window　gone　blind　with　dust　and　cobwebs　so　it　resembled　the　dim　eye　of　age。　If　the　door　were　closed　its　big　brass　knocker　and　massive　iron　latch　invited　the　passer。　An　old　ship's　anchor　and　a　coil　of　chain　lay　beside　it。　Blocks　and　heavy　bolts；　steering　wheels；　old　brass　compasses；　coils　of　rope　and　rusty　chain　lay　on　the　floor　and　benches；　inside　the　shop。　There　were　rows　of　lanterns；　hanging　on　the　bare　beams。　And　there　was　Riggs。　He　sat　by　a　dusty　desk　and　gave　orders　in　a　sleepy；　drawling　tone　to　the　lad　who　served　him。　An　old　Dutch　lantern；　its　light　softened　with　green　glass；　sent　a　silver　bean　across　the　gloomy　upper　air　of　the　shop　that　evening。　Riggs　held　an　old　un　lantern　with　little　streams　of　light　bursting　through　its　perforated　walls。　He　was　blind；　one　would　know　it　at　a　glance。　Blindness　is　so　easy　to　be　seen。　Riggs　was　showing　it　to　a　stranger。

'Turn　down　the　lights；'he　said　and　the　boy　got　his　step…ladder　and　obeyed　him。

Then　he　held　it　aloft　in　the　dusk　and　the　little　lantern　was　like　a　castle　tower　with　many　windows　lighted；　and；　when　he　set　it　down；　there　was　a　golden　sprinkle　on　the　floor　as　if　something　had　plashed　into　a　magic　pool　of　light　there　in　the　darkness。

Riggs　lifted　the　lantern；　presently；　and　stood　swinging　it　in　his　hand。　Then　its　rays　were　sown　upon　the　darkness　falling　silently　into　every　nook　and　corner　of　the　gloomy　shop　and　breaking　into　flowing　dapples　on　the　wall。

'See　how　quick　it　is！'said　he　as　the　rays　flashed　with　the　speed　of　lightning。　'That　is　the　only　traveller　from　Heaven　that　travels　fast　enough　to　ever　get　to　earth。　

Then　came　the　words　that　had　a　mighty　fitness　for　his　tongue。

'Hail；　holy　light！　Offspring　of　Heaven　first　born。　

His　voice　rose　and　fell；　riding　the　mighty　rhythm　of　inspired　song。　As　he　stood　swinging　the　lantern；　then；　he　reminded　me　of　a　chanting　priest　behind　the　censer。　In　a　moment　he　sat　down；　and；　holding　the　lantern　between　his　knees；　opened　its　door　and　felt　the　candle。　Then　as　the　light　streamed　out　upon　his　hands；　he　rubbed　them　a　time；　silently；　as　if　washing　them　in　the　bright　flood。

'One　dollar　for　this　little　box　of　daylight；'he　said。

'Blind？'said　the　stranger　as　he　paid　him　the　money。

'No；'said　Riggs；　'only　dreaming　as　you　are。　

I　wondered　what　he　meant　by　the　words　'dreaming　as　you　are　。

'Went　to　bed　on　my　way　home　to　marry；'he　continued；　stroking　his　long　white　beard；　'and　saw　the　lights　go　out　an'went　asleep　and　it　hasn　t　come　morning　yet　…　that's　what　I　believe。　I　went　into　a　dream。　Think　I　m　here　in　a　shop　talking　but　I　m　really　in　my　bunk　on　the　good　ship　Arid　coming　home。　Dreamed　everything　since　then　…　everything　a　man　could　think　of。　Dreamed　I　came　home　and　found　Annie　dead；　dreamed　of　blindness；　of　old　age；　of　poverty；　of　eating　and　drinking　and　sleeping　and　of　many　people　who　pass　like　dim　shadows　and　speak　to　me　…　you　are　one　of　them。　And　sometimes　I　forget　I　am　dreaming　and　am　miserable；　and　then　I　remember　and　am　happy。　I　know　when　the　morning　comes　I　shall　wake　and　laugh　at　all　these　phantoms。　And　I　shall　pack　my　things　and　go　up　on　deck；　for　we　shall　be　in　the　harbour　probably　…　ay！　maybe　Annie　and　mother　will　be　waving　their　hands　on　the　dock！　

The　old　face　had　a　merry　smile　as　he　spoke　of　the　morning　and　all　it　had　for　him。

'Seems　as　if　it　had　lasted　a　thousand　years；'he　continued；　yawning　and　rubbing　his　eyes。　'But　I've　dreamed　the　like　before；　and；　my　God！　how　glad　I　felt　when　I　woke　in　the　morning。　

It　gave　me　an　odd　feeling　…　this　remarkable　theory　of　the　old　man。　I　thought　then　it　would　be　better　for　most　of　us　if　we　could　think　all　our　miserya　dream　and　have　his　faithin　the　morning…thatitwould　bring　back　the　things　we　have　lost。　I　had　come　to　buy　a　lock　for　my　door；　but　I　forgot　my　errand　and　sat　down　by　Riggs　while　the　stranger　went　away　with　his　lantern。

'You　see　no　reality　in　anything　but　happiness；'I　said。

'It's　all　a　means　to　that　end；'he　answered。　'It　is　good　for　me；　this　dream。　I　shall　be　all　the　happier　when　I　do　wake；　and　I　shall　love　Annie　all　the　better；　I　suppose。　

'I　wish　I　could　take　my　ifi　luck　as　a　dream　and　have　faith　only　in　good　things；'I　said。

'All　that　is　good　shall　abide；'said　he；　stroking　his　white　beard；　'and　all　evil　shall　vanish　as　the　substance　of　a　dream。　In　the　end　the　only　realities　are　God　and　love　and　Heaven。　To　die　is　just　like　waking　up　in　the　morning。　

'But　I　know　I　m　awake；'I　said。

'You　think　you　are　…　that's　a　part　of　your　dream。　Sometimes　I　think　I　m　awake　…　it　all　seems　so　real　to　me。　But　I　have　thought　it　out；　and　I　am　the　only　man　I　meet　that　knows　he　is　dreaming。　When　you　do　wake；　in　the　morning；　you　may　remember　how　you　thought　you　came　to　a　certain　shop　and　made　some　words　with　a　man　as　to　whether　you　were　both　dreaming；　and　you　will　laugh　and　tell　your　friends　about　it。　Hold　on！　I　can　feel　the　ship　lurching。　I　believe　I　am　going　to　wake。　

He　sat　a　moment　leaning　back　in　his　chair　with　closed　eyes；　and　a　silence　fell　upon　us　in　the　which　I　could　hear　only　the　faint　ticking　of　a　tall　clock　that　lifted　its　face　out　of　the　gloom　beyond　me。

'You　there？'he　whispered　presently。

'I　am　here；'I　said。

'Odd！'he　muttered。　'I　know　how　it　will　be　…　I　know　how　it　has　been　before。　Generally　come　to　some　high　place　and　a　great　fear　seizes　me。　I　slip；　I　fall　…　fall　…　fall；　and　then　I　wake。　

After　a　little　silence　I　heard　him　snoring　heavily。　He　was　still　leaning　back　in　his　chair。　I　walked　on　tiptoe　to　the　door　where　the　boy　stood　looking　out。

'Crazy？'I　whispered。

'Dunno；'said　he；　smiling。

I　went　to　my　room　above　and　wrote　my　first　tale；　which　was　nothing　more　or　less　than　some　brief　account　of　what　I　had　heard　and　seen　down　at　the　little　shop　that　evening。　I　mailed　it　next　day　to　the　Knickerbocker；　with　stamps　for　return　if　unavailable。

Chapter　34

New　York　was　a　crowded　city；　even　then；　but　I　never　felt　so　lonely　anywhere　outside　a　camp　in　the　big　woods；　The　last　day　of　the　first　week　caine；　but　no　letter　from　Hope。　To　make　an　end　of　suspense　I　went　that　Saturday　morning　to　the　home　of　the　Fullers。　The　equation　of　my　value　had　dwindled　sadly　that　week。　Now　a　small　fraction　would　have　stood　for　it　…　nay；　even　the　square　of　it。

Hope　and　Mrs　Fuller　had　gone　to　Saratoga；　the　butler　told　me。　I　came　away　with　some　sense　of　injury。　I　must　try　to　be　done　with　Hope　'there　was　no　help　for　it。　I　must　go　to　work　at　something　and　cease　to　worry　and　lie　awake　of　nights。　But　I　had　nothing　to　do　but　read　and　walk　and　wait。　No　word　had　come　to　me　from　the　Tribune'　evidently　it　was　not　languishing　for　my　aid。　That　day　my　tale　was　returned　to　me　'with　thanks　with　nothing　but　thanks　printed　in　black　type　on　a　slip　of　paper　…　cold；　formal；　prompt；　ready…made　thanks。　And　I；　myself；　was　in　about　the　same　fix　…　rejected　with　thanks　…　politely；　firmly；　thankfully　rejected。　For　a　moment　I　felt　like　a　man　falling。　I　began　to　see　there　was　no　very　clamourous　demand　for　me　in　'the　great　emporium　；　as　Mr　Greeley　called　it。　I　began　to　see；　or　thought　I　did；　why　liope　had　shied　at　my　offer　and　was　now　shunning　me。　I　went　to　the　Tribune　office。　Mr　Greeley　had　gone　to　Washington；　Mr　Ottarson　was　too　busy　to　see　me。　I　concluded　that　I　would　be　willing　to　take　a　place　on　one　of　the　lesser　journals。　I　spent　the　day　going　from　one　office　to　another；　but　was　rejected　everywhere　with　thanks。　I　came　home　and　sat　down　to　take　account　of　stock。　First；　I　counted　my　money；　of　which　there　were　about　fifty　dollars　left。　As　to　my　talents；　there　were　none　left。　Like　the　pies　at　the　Hillsborough　tavern；　if　a　man　came　late　to　dinner　…　they　were　all　out。　I　had　some　fine　clothes；　but　no　more　use　for　them　than　a　goose　for　a　peacock's　feathers。　I　decided　to　take　anything　honourable　as　an　occupation；　even　though　it　were　not　in　one　of　the　learned　professions。　I　began　to　answer　advertisements　and　apply　at　business　offices　for　something　to　give　me　a　living；　but　with　no　success。　I　began　to　feel　the　selfishness　of　men。　God　pity　the　warm　and　tender　heart　of　youth　wh