eben holden-第37章

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f　it；　but　somehow；　it　was　tied　to　me　and　kept　hurting。　I　put　my　hand　over　my　hip　and　felt　it　there　behind　me　…　my　own　arm！　The　hand　was　like　that　of　a　dead　man　…　cold　and　senseless。　I　pulled　it　from　under　me　and　it　lay　helpless；　it　could　not　lift　itself。　I　knew　now　that　I；　too；　had　become　one　of　the　bloody　horrors　of　the　battle。

I　struggled　to　my　feet；　weak　and　trembling；　and　sick　with　nausea。　I　must　have　been　lying　there　a　long　time。　The　firing　was　now　at　a　distance：　the　sun　had　gone　half　down　the　sky。　They　were　picking　up　the　wounded　in　the　near　field。　A　man　stood　looking　at　me。　'Good　God！'he　shouted；　and　then　ran　away　like　one　afraid。　There　was　a　great　mass　of　our　men　back　of　me　some　twenty　rods。　I　staggered　toward　them；　my　knees　quivering。

'I　can　never　get　there；'I　heard　myself　whisper。

I　thought　of　my　little　flask　of　whiskey；　and；　pulling　the　cork　with　my　teeth；　drank　the　half　of　it。　That　steadied　me　and　I　made　better　headway。　I　could　hear　the　soldiers　talking　as　I　neared　them。

'Look　a　there！'I　heard　many　saying。　'See　'em　come！　My　God！　Look　at　'em　on　the　hill　there！　

The　words　went　quicidy　from　mouth　to　mouth。　In　a　moment　I　could　hear　the　murmur　of　thousands。　I　turned　to　see　what　they　were　looking　at。　Across　the　valley　there　was　a　long　ridge；　and　back　of　it　the　main　position　of　the　Southern　army。　A　grey　host　was　pouring　over　it　…　thousand　upon　thousand　…　in　close　order；　debouching　into　the　valley。

A　big　force　of　our　men　lay　between　us　and　them。　As　I　looked　I　could　see　a　mighty　stir　in　it。　Every　man　of　them　seemed　to　be　jumping　up　in　the　air。　From　afar　came　the　sound　of　bugles　calling　'retreat　；　the　shouting　of　men；　the　rumbling　of　wagons。　It　grew　louder。　An　officer　rode　by　me　hatless；　and　halted；　shading　his　eyes。　Then　he　rode　back　hurriedly。

'Hell　has　broke　loose！'he　shouted；　as　he　passed　me。

The　blue…coated　host　was　rushing　towards　us　like　a　flood'　artillery；　cavalry；　infantry；　wagon　train。　There　was　a　mighty　uproar　in　the　men　behind　me　…　a　quick　stir　of　feet。　Terror　spread　over　them　like　the　travelling　of　fire。　It　shook　their　tongues。　The　crowd　began　caving　at　the　edge　and　jamming　at　the　centre。　Then　it　spread　like　a　swarm　of　bees　shaken　off　a　bush。

'Run！　Run　for　your　lives！'was　a　cry　that　rose　to　heaven。

'Halt；　you　cowards！'an　officer　shouted。

It　was　now　past　three　o　clock。

The　raw　army　had　been　on　its　feet　since　midnight。　For　hours　it　had　been　fighting　hunger；　a　pain　in　the　legs；　a　quivering　sickness　at　the　stomach；　a　stubborn　foe。　It　had　turned　the　flank　of　Beauregard；　victory　was　in　sight。　But　lo！　a　new　enemy　was　coming　to　the　fray；　innumerable；　unwearied；　eager　for　battle。　The　long　slope　bristled　with　his　bayonets。　Our　army　looked　and　cursed　and　began　letting　go。　The　men　near　me　were　pausing　on　the　brink　of　awful　rout　In　a　moment　they　were　off；　pell…mell；　like　a　flock　of　sheep。　The　earth　shook　under　them。　Officers　rode　around　them；　cursing；　gesticulating；　threatening；　but　nothing　could　stop　them。　Half　a　dozen　trees　had　stood　in　the　centre　of　the　roaring　mass。　Now　a　few　men　clung　to　them　…　a　remnant　of　the　monster　that　had　torn　away。　But　the　greater　host　was　now　coming。　The　thunder　of　its　many　feet　was　near　me；　a　cloud　of　dust　hung　over　it。　A　squadron　of　cavalry　came　rushing　by　and　broke　into　the　fleeing　mass。　Heavy　horses；　cut　free　from　artillery；　came　galloping　after　them；　straps　flying　over　foamy　flanks。　Two　riders　clung　to　the　back　of　each；　lashing　with　whip　and　rein。　The　nick　of　wagons　came　after　them；　wheels　rattling；　horses　running；　voices　shrilling　in　a　wild　hoot　of　terror。　It　makes　me　tremble　even　now；　as　I　think　of　it；　though　it　is　muffled　under　the　cover　of　nearly　forty　years！　I　saw　they　would　go　over　me。　Reeling　as　if　drunk；　I　ran　to　save　myself。　Zigzagging　over　the　field　I　came　upon　a　grey…bearded　soldier　lying　in　the　grass　and　fell　headlong。　I　struggled　madly；　but　could　not　rise　to　my　feet。　I　lay；　my　face　upon　the　ground；　weeping　like　a　woman。　Save　I　be　lost　in　hell；　I　shall　never　know　again　the　bitter　pang　of　that　moment。　I　thought　of　my　country。　I　saw　its　splendid　capital　in　ruins；　its　people　surrendered　to　God's　enemies。

The　rout　of　wagons　had　gone　by　I　could　now　hear　the　heavy　tramp　of　thousands　passing　me；　the　shrill　voices　of　terror。　I　worked　to　a　sitting　posture　somehow　…　the　effort　nearly　smothered　me。　A　mass　of　cavalry　was　bearing　down　upon　me。　They　were　coming　so　thick　I　saw　they　would　trample　me　into　jelly。　In　a　flash　I　thought　of　what　Uncle　Eb　had　told　me　once。　I　took　my　hat　and　covered　my　face　quiddy；　and　then　uncovered　it　as　they　came　near。　They　sheared　away　as　I　felt　the　foam　of　their　nostrils。　I　had　split　them　as　a　rock　may　split　the　torrent。　The　last　of　them　went　over　me　…　their　tails　whipping　my　face。　I　shall　not　soon　forget　the　look　of　their　bellies　or　the　smell　of　their　wet　flanks。　They　had　no　sooner　passed　than　I　fell　back　and　rolled　half　over　like　a　log。　I　could　feel　a　warm　flow　of　blood　trickling　down　my　left　arm。　A　shell；　shot　at　the　retreating　army；　passed　high　above　me；　whining　as　it　flew。　Then　my　mind　went　free　of　its　trouble。　The　rain　brought　me　to　as　it　came　pelting　down　upon　the　side　of　my　face。　I　wondered　what　it　might　be；　for　I　knew　not　where　I　had　come。　I　lifted　my　head　and　looked　to　see　a　new　dawn　…　possibly　the　city　of　God　itself。　It　was　dark　…　so　dark　I　felt　as　if　I　had　no　eyes。　Away　in　the　distance　I　could　hear　the　beating　of　a　drum。　It　rang　in　a　great　silence　…　I　have　never　known　the　like　of　it。　I　could　hear　the　fall　and　trickle　of　the　rain；　but　it　seemed　only　to　deepen　the　silence。　I　felt　the　wet　grass　under　my　face　and　hands。　Then　I　knew　it　was　night　and　the　battlefield　where　I　had　fallen。　I　was　alive　and　might　see　another　day　…　thank　God！　I　felt　something　move　under　my　feet　I　heard　a　whisper　at　my　shoulder。

'Thought　you　were　dead　long　ago；'it　said。

'No；　no；'I　answered；　'I　m　alive　…　I　know　I　m　alive　…　this　is　the　battlefield。　

''Fraid　I　ain't　goin't'live；'he　said。　'Got　a　terrible　wound。　Wish　it　was　morning。　

'Dark　long？'I　asked。

'For　hours；'he　answered。　'Dunno　how　many。　

He　began　to　groan　and　utter　short　prayers。

'O；　my　soul　waiteth　for　the　Lord　more　than　they　that　watch　for　the　morning；'I　heard　him　cry　in　a　loud；　despairing　voice。

Then　there　was　a　bit　of　silence；　in　which　I　could　hear　him　whispering　of　his　home　and　people。

Presently　he　began　to　sing：

'Guide　me；　O　thou　great　Jehovah！　Pilgrim　through　this　barren　land

I　am　weak　but　thou　art　mighty'

Ills　voice　broke　and　trembled　and　sank　into　silence。

I　had　business　of　my　own　to　look　after　…　perhaps　I　had　no　time　to　lose　…　and　I　went　about　it　calmly。　I　had　no　strength　to　move　and　began　to　feel　the　nearing　of　my　time。　The　rain　was　falling　faster。　It　chilled　me　to　the　marrow　as　I　felt　it　trickling　over　my　back。　I　called　to　the　man　who　lay　beside　me　…　again　and　again　I　called　to　him　…　but　got　no　answer。　Then　I　knew　that　he　was　dead　and　I　alone。　Long　after　that　in　the　far　distance　I　heard　a　voice　calling。　It　rang　like　a　trumpet　in　the　still　air。　It　grew　plainer　as　I　listened。　My　own　name！　William　Brower？　It　was　certainly　calling　to　me；　and　I　answered　with　a　feeble　cry。　In　a　moment　I　could　hear　the　tramp　of　someone　coming。　He　was　sitting　beside　me　presently；　whoever　it　might　be。　I　could　not　see　him　for　the　dark。　His　tongue　went　clucking　as　if　he　pitied　me。

'Who　are　you？'I　remember　asking；　but　got　no　answer。

At　first　I　was　glad；　then　I　began　to　feel　a　mighty　horror　of　him。

In　a　moment　he　had　picked　me　up　and　was　making　off。　The　jolt　of　his　step　seemed　to　be　breaking　my　arms　at　the　shoulder。　As　I　groaned　he　ran。　I　could　see　nothing　in　the　darkness；　but　he　went　ahead；　never　stopping；　save　for　a　moment；　now　and　then；　to　rest　I　wondered　where　he　was　taking　me　and　what　it　all　meant。　I　called　again；　'Who　are　you？　

but　he　seemed　not　to　hear　me。　'My　God！'I　whispered　to　myself；　'this　is　no　man　…　this　is　Death　severing　the　soul　from　the　body。　The　voice　was　that　of　the　good　God。'Then　I　heard　a　man　hailing　near　by。

'Help；　Help！'I　shouted　faintly。

'Where　are　you？'caine　the　answer；　now　further　away。　'Can't　see　you。'My　mysterious　bearer　was　now　running。　My　heels　were　dragging　upon　the　ground；　my　hands　were　brushing　the　grass　tops。　I　groaned　with　pain。

'Halt！　Who　comes　there？'a　picket　called。　Then　I　could　hear　voices。

'Did　you　hear　that　noise？'said　one。　'Somebody　passed　me。　So　dark　can't　see　my　hand　before　me。　

'Darker　than　hell！'said　another　voice。

It　must　be　a　giant；　I　thought；　who　can　pick　me　up　and　carry　me　as　if　I　were　no　bigger　than　a　house　cat。　That　was　what　I　was　thinking　when　I　swooned。

From　then　till　I　came　to　myself　in　the　little　church　at　Centreville　I　remember　nothing。　Groaning　men　lay　all　about　me；　others　stood　between　them　with　lanterns。　A　woman　was　bending　over　me。　I　felt　the　gentle　touch　of　her　hand　upon　my　face　and　heard　her　speak　to　me　so　tenderly　I　cannot　think　of　it；　even　now；　without　thanking　God　for　good　women。　I　clung　to　her　hand；　clung　with　the　energy　of　one　drowning；　while　I　suffered　the　merciful　torture　of　the　probe；　the　knife　and　the　needle。　And　when　it　was　all　over　and　the　lantern　lights　grew　pale　in　the　dawn　I　fell　asleep。

But　enough　of　blood　and　horror。　War　is　no　holiday；　my　merry　people；　who　know　not　the　mighty　blessing　of　peace。　Counting　the　cost；　let　us　have　war；　if　necessary；　but　peace；　peace　if　possible。

Chapter　40

But　now　I　have　better　things　to　write　of'things　that　have　some　relish　of　good　in　them。　I　was　very　weak　and　low　from　loss　of　blood　for　days；　and；　suddenly；　the　tide　turned。　I　had　won　recognition　for　distinguished　gallantry　they　told　me　…　that　day　they　took　me　to　Washington。　I　lay　three　weeks　there　in　the　hospital。　As　soon　as　they　heard　of　my　misfortune　at　home　Uncle　Eb　wrote　he　was　coming　to　see　me。　I　stopped　him　by　a　telegram；　assuring　him　that　I　was　nearly　well　and　would　be　home　shortly。

My　term　of　enlistment　had　expired　when　they　let　me　out　a　fine　day　in　mid　August。　I　was　going　home　for　a　visit　as　sound　as　any　man　but；　in　the　horse　talk　of　Faraway；　I　had　a　little　'blemish'on　the　left　shoulder。　Uncle　Eb　was　to　meet　me　at　the　jersey　City　depot。　Before　going　I；　with　others　who　had　been　complimented　for　bravery；　went　to　see　the　president。　There　were　some　twenty　of　us　summoned　to　meet　him　that　day。　It　was　warm　and　the　great　Lincoln　sat　in　his　shirt…sleeves　at　a　desk　in　the　middle　of　his　big　office。　He　wore　a　pair　of　brown　carpet　slippers；　the　rolling　collar　and　black　stock　now　made　so　familiar　in　print。　His　hair　was　tumbled。　He　was　writing　hurriedly　when　we　came　in。　He　laid　his　pen　away　and　turned　to　us　without　speaking。　There　was　a　careworn　look　upon　his　solemn　face。

'Mr　President；'said　the　general；　who　had　come　with　us；　'here　are　some　of　the　brave　men　of　our　army；　whom　you　wished　to　see。　

He　came　and　shook　hands　with　each　and　thanked　us　in　the　name　of　the　republic；　for　the　example　of　courage　and　patriotism　we　and　many　others　had　given　to　the　army。　He　had　a　lean；　tall；　ungraceful　figure　and　he　spoke　his　mind　without　any　frill　or　flourish。　He　said　only　a　few　words　of　good　plain　talk　and　was　done　with　us。

'Which　is　Brower？'he　enquired　presently。

I　came　forward　more　scared　than　ever　I　had　been　before。

'My　son；'he　said；　taking　my　hand　in　his；　'why　didn　t　you　run？'

'Didn't　dare；