white lies-第18章

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　no　one　at　all　to　write　to。〃

Josephine　sighed。

〃So　you　see　I　am　not　so　mighty　disinterested。　　Now；　mademoiselle；　you　speak　so　charmingly；　I　can't　tell　what　you　mean：　can't　tell　whether　you　say　'no'　because　you　could　never　like　me；　or　whether　it　is　out　of　delicacy；　and　you　only　want　pressing。　　So　I　say　no　more　at　present：　it　is　a　standing　offer。　　Take　a　day　to　consider。　　Take　two　if　you　like。　　I　must　go　to　the　barracks；　good…day。〃

〃Oh！　this　must　be　put　an　end　to　at　once；〃　said　Rose。

〃With　all　my　heart；〃　replied　Josephine；　〃but　how？〃

〃Come　to　our　mother；　and　settle　that；〃　said　the　impetuous　sister；　and　nearly　dragged　the　languid　one　into　the　drawing…room。

To　their　surprise　they　found　the　baroness　walking　up　and　down　the　room　with　unusual　alacrity　for　a　person　of　her　years。　　She　no　sooner　caught　sight　of　Josephine　than　she　threw　her　arms　open　to　her　with　joyful　vivacity；　and　kissed　her　warmly。　　〃My　love；　you　have　saved　us。　　I　am　a　happy　old　woman。　　If　I　had　all　France　to　pick　from　I　could　not　have　found　a　man　so　worthy　of　my　Josephine。　　He　is　brave；　he　is　handsome；　he　is　young；　he　is　a　rising　man；　he　is　a　good　son；　and　good　sons　make　good　husbandsandI　shall　die　at　Beaurepaire；　shall　I　not；　Madame　the　Commandante？〃

Josephine　held　her　mother　round　the　neck；　but　never　spoke。　　After　a　silence　she　held　her　tighter；　and　cried　a　little。

〃What　is　it？〃　asked　the　baroness　confidentially　of　Rose；　but　without　showing　any　very　profound　concern。

〃Mamma！　mamma！　she　does　not　love　him。〃

〃Love　him？　　She　would　be　no　daughter　of　mine　if　she　loved　a　man　at　sight。　　A　modest　woman　loves　her　husband　only。〃

〃But　she　scarcely　knows　Monsieur　Raynal。〃

〃She　knows　more　of　him　than　I　knew　of　your　father　when　I　married　him。　　She　knows　his　virtues　and　appreciates　them。　　I　have　heard　her；　have　I　not；　love？　　Esteem　soon　ripens　into　love　when　they　are　once　fairly　married。〃

〃Mother；　does　her　silence　then　tell　you　nothing？　　Her　tearsare　they　nothing　to　you？〃

〃Silly　child！　　These　are　tears　that　do　not　scald。　　The　sweet　soul　weeps　because　she　now　for　the　first　time　sees　she　will　have　to　leave　her　mother。　　Alas！　my　eldest；　it　is　inevitable。　　Mothers　are　not　immortal。　　While　they　are　here　it　is　their　duty　to　choose　good　husbands　for　their　daughters。　　My　youngest；　I　believe；　has　chosen　for　herselflike　the　nation。　　But　for　my　eldest　I　choose。　　We　shall　see　which　chooses　the　best。　　Meantime　we　stay　at　Beaurepaire；　thanks　to　my　treasure　here。〃

〃Josephine！　　Josephine！　you　don't　say　one　word；〃　cried　Rose　in　dismay。

〃What　CAN　I　say？　　I　love　my　mother　and　I　love　you。　　You　draw　me　different　ways。　　I　want　you　to　be　both　happy。〃

〃Then　if　you　will　not　speak　out　I　must。　　Mother；　do　not　deceive　yourself：　it　is　duty　alone　that　keeps　her　silent：　this　match　is　odious　to　her。〃

〃Then　we　are　ruined。　　Josephine；　is　this　match　odious　to　you？〃

〃Not　exactly　odious：　but　I　am　very；　very　indifferent。〃

〃There！〃　cried　Rose　triumphantly。

〃There！〃　cried　the　baroness　in　the　same　breath；　triumphantly。　　〃She　esteems　his　character；　but　his　person　is　indifferent　to　her：　in　other　words；　she　is　a　modest　girl；　and　my　daughter；　and　let　me　tell　you；　Rose；　that　but　for　the　misfortunes　of　our　house；　both　my　daughters　would　be　married　as　I　was；　without　knowing　half　as　much　of　their　husbands　as　Josephine　knows　of　this　brave；　honest；　generous；　filial　gentleman。〃

〃Well；　then；　since　she　will　not　speak　out；　I　will。　　Pity　me：　I　love　her　so。　　If　this　stranger；　whom　she　does　not　love；　takes　her　away　from　us；　he　will　kill　me。　　I　shall　die；　oh！〃

Josephine　left　her　mother　and　went　to　console　Rose。

The　baroness　lost　her　temper　at　this　last　stroke　of　opposition。　〃Now　the　truth　comes　out；　Rose；　this　is　selfishness。　　Do　not　deceive　YOURselfselfishness！〃

〃Mamma！〃

〃You　are　only　waiting　to　leave　me　yourself。　　Yet　your　eldest　sister；　forsooth；　must　be　kept　here　for　you；till　then。〃　　She　added　more　gently；　〃Let　me　advise　you　to　retire　to　your　own　room；　and　examine　your　heart　fairly。　　You　will　find　there　is　a　strong　dash　of　egoism　in　all　this。〃

〃If　I　do〃

〃You　will　retract　your　opposition。〃

〃My　heart　won't　let　me；　but　I　will　despise　myself；　and　be　silent。〃

And　the　young　lady；　who　had　dried　her　eyes　the　moment　she　was　accused　of　selfishness；　walked；　head　erect；　from　the　room。　Josephine　cast　a　deprecating　glance　at　her　mother。　　〃Yes；　my　angel！〃　said　the　latter；　〃I　was　harsh。　　But　we　are　no　longer　of　one　mind；　and　I　suppose　never　shall　be　again。〃

〃Oh；　yes；　we　shall。　　Be　patient！　　Motheryou　shall　not　leave　Beaurepaire。〃

The　baroness　colored　faintly　at　these　four　last　words　of　her　daughter；　and　hung　her　head。

Josephine　saw　that；　and　darted　to　her　and　covered　her　with　kisses。

That　day　the　doctor　scolded　them　both。　　〃You　have　put　your　mother　into　a　high　fever；〃　said　he；　〃here's　a　pulse；　I　do　wish　you　would　be　more　considerate。〃

The　commandant　did　not　come　to　dinner　as　usual。　　The　evening　passed　heavily；　their　hearts　were　full　of　uncertainty。

〃We　miss　our　merry；　spirited　companion；〃　said　the　baroness　with　a　grim　look　at　Rose。　　Both　young　ladies　assented　with　ludicrous　eagerness。

That　night　Rose　came　and　slept　with　Josephine；　and　more　than　once　she　awoke　with　a　start　and　seized　Josephine　convulsively　and　held　her　tight。

Accused　of　egoism！　at　first　her　whole　nature　rose　in　arms　against　the　charge：　but；　after　a　while；　coming　as　it　did　from　so　revered　a　person；　it　forced　her　to　serious　self…examination。　　The　poor　girl　said　to　herself；　〃Mamma　is　a　shrewd　woman。　　Am　I　after　all　deceiving　myself？　　Would　she　be　happy；　and　am　I　standing　in　the　way？〃　　In　the　morning　she　begged　her　sister　to　walk　with　her　in　the　park；　so　that　they　might　be　safe　from　interruption。

There；　she　said　sadly；　she　could　not　understand　her　own　sister。　〃Why　are　you　so　calm　and　cold；　while　am　I　in　tortures　of　anxiety？　Have　you　made　some　resolve　and　not　confided　it　to　your　Rose？〃

〃No；　love；〃　was　the　reply；　〃I　am　scarce　capable　of　a　resolution；　I　am　a　mere　thing　that　drifts。〃

〃Let　me　put　it　in　other　words；　then。　　How　will　this　end？〃

〃I　hardly　know。〃

〃Do　you　mean　to　marry　Monsieur　Raynal；　then？　answer　me　that。〃

〃No；　but　I　should　not　wonder　if　he　were　to　marry　ME。〃

〃But　you　said　'no。'〃

〃Yes；　I　said　'no'　once。〃

〃And　don't　you　mean　to　say　it　again；　and　again；　and　again；　till　kingdom　come？〃

〃What　is　the　use？　you　heard　him　say　he　would　not　desist　any　the　more；　and　I　care　too　little　about　the　matter　to　go　on　persisting；　and　persisting；　and　persisting。〃

〃Why　not；　if　he　goes　on　pestering；　and　pestering；　and　pestering？〃

〃Ah；　he　is　like　you；　all　energy；　at　all　hours；　but　I　have　so　little　where　my　heart　is　unconcerned：　he　seems；　too；　to　have　a　wish！　　I　have　none　either　way；　and　my　conscience　says　'marry　him！'〃

〃Your　conscience　say　marry　one　man　when　you　love　another？〃

〃Heaven　forbid！　　Rose；　I　love　no　one：　I　HAVE　loved；　but　now　my　heart　is　dead　and　silent；　only　my　conscience　says；　'You　are　the　cause　of　all　your　mother's　trouble；　you　are　the　cause　that　Beaurepaire　was　sold。　　Now　you　can　repair　that　mischief；　and　at　the　same　time　make　a　brave　man　happy；　our　benefactor　happy。'　　It　is　a　great　temptation：　I　hardly　know　why　I　said　'no'　at　all；　surprise；　perhapsor　to　please　you；　pretty　one。〃

Rose　groaned：　〃Are　you　then　worth　so　little　that　you　would　throw　yourself　away　on　a　man　who　does　not　love　you；　nor　want　you；　and　is　quite　as　happy　single？〃

〃No；　not　happy；　he　is　only　stout…hearted　and　good；　and　therefore　content；　and　he　is　a　character　that　it　would　be　easyin　short；　I　feel　my　power　here：　I　could　make　that　man　happy；　he　has　nobody　to　write　to　even；　when　he　is　awaypoor　fellow！〃

〃I　shall　lose　all　patience；〃　cried　Rose；　〃you　are　at　your　old　trick；　thinking　of　everybody　but　yourself：　I　let　you　do　it　in　trifles；　but　I　love　you　too　well　to　permit　it　when　the　happiness　of　your　whole　life　is　at　stake。　　I　must　be　satisfied　on　one　point；　or　else　this　marriage　shall　never　take　place：　just　answer　me　this；　if　Camille　Dujardin　stood　on　one　side；　and　Monsieur　Raynal　on　the　other；　and　both　asked　your　hand；　which　would　you　take？〃

〃That　will　never　be。　　Whose？　　Not　his　whom　I　despise。　　Esteem　might　ripen　into　love；　but　what　must　contempt　end　in？〃

This　reply　gave　Rose　great　satisfaction。　　To　exhaust　all　awkward　contingencies；　she　said；　〃One　question　more；　and　I　have　done。　Suppose　Camille　should　turn　outbe　not　quitewhat　shall　I　say　inexcusable？〃

At　this　unlucky　gush；　Josephine　turned　pale；　then　red；　then　pale　again；　and　cried　eagerly；　〃Then　all　the　world　should　not　part　us。　Why　torture　me　with　such　a　question？　　Ah！　you　have　heard　something。〃　And　in　a　moment　the　lava　of　passion　burst　wildly　through　its　thin　sheet　of　ice。　　〃I　was　blind。　　This　is　why　you　would　save　me　from　this　unnatural　marriage。　　You　are　breaking　the　good　news　to　me　by　degrees。　　There　is　no　need。　　Quickquicklet　me　have　it。　　I　have　waited　three　years；　I　am　sick　of　waiting。　　Why　don't　you　speak？　　Why　don't　you　tell　me？　　Then　I　will　tell　YOU。　　He　is　alivehe　is　well　he　is　coming。　　It　was　not　he　those　soldiers　saw；　they　were　so　far　off。　　How　could　they　tell？　　They　saw　a　uniform　but　not　a　face。　Perhaps　he　has　been　a　prisoner；　and　so　could　not　write；　could　not　come：　but　he　is　coming　now。　　Why　do　you　groan？　why　do　you　turn　pale？　ah！　I　see；　I　have　once　more　deceived　myself。　　I　was　mad。　　He　I　love　is　still　a　traitor　to　France　and　me；　and　I　am　wretched　forever。　　Oh！　that　I　were　dead！　oh！　that　I　were　dead！　　No；　don't　speak　to　me：　never　mind　me；　this　madness　will　pass　as　it　has　before；　and　leave　me　a　dead　thing　among　the　living。　　Ah！　sister；　why　did　you　wake　me　from　my　dream？　　I　was　drifting　so　calmly；　so　peacefully；　so　dead；　and　painless；　drifting　over　the　dead　sea　of　the　heart　towards　the　living　waters　of　gratitude　and　duty。　　I　was　going　to　make　more　than　one　worthy　soul　happy；　and　seeing　them　happy；　I　should　have　been　content　and　usefulwhat　am　I　now？and　comforted　other　hearts；　and　died　joyfuland　young。　　For　God　is　good；　he　releases　the　meek　and　patient　from　their　burdens。〃

With　this　came　a　flood　of　tears；　and　she　leaned　against　a　bough　with　her　forehead　on　her　arm；　bowed　like　a　wounded　lily。

〃Accursed　be　that　man's　name；　and　MY　tongue　if　ever　I　utter　it　again　in　your　hearing！〃　cried　Rose；　weeping　bitterly。　　〃You　are　wiser　than　I；　and　every　way　better。　　O　my　darling；　dry　your　tears！　　Here　he　comes：　look！　riding　across　the　park。〃

〃Rose；〃　cried　Josephine；　hastily；　〃I　leave　all　to　you。　　Receive　Monsieur　Raynal；　and　decline　his　offer　if　you　think　proper。　　It　is　you　who　love　me　best。　　My　mother　would　give　me　up　for　a　house；　for　an　estate；　poor　dear。〃

〃I　would　not　give　you　for　all　the　world。〃

〃I　know　it。　　I　trust　all　to　you。〃

〃Well；　but　don't　go；　stay　and　hear　what　I　shall　say。〃

〃Oh；　no；　that　poor　man　is　intolerable　to　me　NOW。　　Let　me　avoid　his　sight；　and　think　of　his　virtues。〃

Rose　was　left　alone；　mistress　of　her　sister's　fate。　　She　put　her　head　into　her　hands　and　filled　with　anxiety　and　sudden　doubt。

Like　a　good　many　more　of　us；　she　had　been　positive　so　long　as　the　decision　did　not　rest　with　her。　　But　with　power　comes　responsibility；　with　responsibility　comes　doubt。　　Easy　to　be　an　advocate　in　re　incerta；　hard　to　be　the　judge。　　And　she　had　but　a　few　seconds　to　think　in；　for　Raynal　was　at　hand。