white lies-第27章

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el　form　of　her　they　love。　　Yet；　of　all　men；　they　should　pray　for　help　to　stand；　for　when　they　fall　they　still　retain　one　thing　that　divides　them　from　mean　sinners。

Remorse；　the　giant　that　rends　the　great　hearts　which　mock　at　fear。

The　day　came　in　which　the　doctor　had　promised　his　patient　he　should　come　down…stairs。　　First　his　comfortable　sofa　was　taken　down　into　the　saloon　for　his　use：　then　the　patient　himself　came　down　leaning　on　the　doctor's　arm；　and　his　heart　palpitating　at　the　thought　of　the　meeting。　　He　came　into　the　room；　the　baroness　was　alone。　　She　greeted　him　kindly；　and　welcomed　him。　　Rose　came　in　soon　after　and　did　the　same。　　But　no　Josephine。　　Camille　felt　sick　at　heart。　　At　last　dinner　was　announced；　〃She　will　surely　join　us　at　dinner；〃　thought　he。　　He　cast　his　eyes　anxiously　on　the　table；　the　napkins　were　laid　for　four　only。　　The　baroness　carelessly　explained　this　to　him　as　they　sat　down。　　〃Madame　Raynal　dines　in　her　own　room。　　I　am　sorry　to　say　she　is　indisposed。〃

Camille　muttered　polite　regrets：　the　rage　of　disappointment　drove　its　fangs　into　him；　and　then　came　the　heart…sickness　of　hope　deferred。　　The　next　day　he　saw　her；　but　could　not　get　a　word　with　her　alone。　　The　baroness　tortured　him　another　way。　　She　was　full　of　Raynal。　　She　loved　him。　　She　called　him　her　son；　was　never　weary　of　descanting　on　his　virtues　to　Camille。　　Not　a　day　passed　that　she　did　not　pester　Camille　to　make　a　calculation　as　to　the　probable　period　of　his　return；　and　he　was　obliged　to　answer　her。　　She　related　to　him　before　Josephine　and　Rose；　how　this　honest　soldier　had　come　to　them　like　a　guardian　angel　and　saved　the　whole　family。　　In　vain　he　muttered　that　Rose　had　told　him。

〃Let　me　have　the　pleasure　of　telling　it　you　my　way；〃　cried　she；　and　told　it　diffusely；　and　kept　him　writhing。

The　next　thing　was；　Josephine　had　received　no　letter　from　him　this　month；　the　first　month　he　had　missed。　　In　vain　did　Rose　represent　that　he　was　only　a　few　days　over　his　time。　　The　baroness　became　anxious；　communicated　her　anxieties　to　Camille　among　the　rest；　and；　by　a　torturing　interrogatory；　compelled　him　to　explain　to　her　before　Josephine　and　them　all；　that　ships　do　not　always　sail　to　a　day；　and　are　sometimes　delayed。　　But　oh！　he　winced　at　the　man's　name；　and　Rose　observed　that　he　never　mentioned　it；　nor　acknowledged　the　existence　of　such　a　person　as　Josephine's　husband；　except　when　others　compelled　him。　　Yet　they　were　acquainted；　and　Rose　sometimes　wondered　that　he　did　not　detract　or　sneer。

〃I　should；〃　said　she；　〃I　feel　I　should。〃

〃He　is　too　noble；〃　said　Josephine；　〃and　too　wise。　　For；　if　he　did；　I　should　respect　him　less；　and　my　husband　more　than　I　doif　possible。〃

Certainly　Camille　was　not　the　sort　of　nature　that　detracts；　but　the　reason　he　avoided　Raynal's　name　was　simply　that　his　whole　internal　battle　was　to　forget　such　a　man　existed。　　From　this　dream　he　was　rudely　awakened　every　hour　since　he　joined　the　family；　and　the　wound　his　self…deceiving　heart　would　fain　have　skinned　over；　was　torn　open。　　But　worse　than　this　was　the　torture　of　being　tantalized。　　He　was　in　company　with　Josephine；　but　never　alone。　　Even　if　she　left　the　room　for　an　instant；　Rose　accompanied　her　and　returned　with　her。　Camille　at　last　began　to　comprehend　that　Josephine　had　decided　there　should　be　no　private　interviews　between　her　and　him。　　Thus；　not　only　the　shadow　of　the　absent　Raynal　stood　between　them；　but　her　mother　and　sister　in　person；　and　worst　of　all；　her　own　will。　　He　called　her　a　cold…blooded　fiend　in　his　rage。　　Then　the　thought　of　all　her　tenderness　and　goodness　came　to　rebuke　him。　　But　even　in　rebuking　it　maddened　him。　　〃Yes；　it　is　her　very　nature　to　love；　but　since　she　can　make　her　heart　turn　whichever　way　her　honor　bids；　she　will　love　her　husband；　she　does　not　now；　but　sooner　or　later　she　will。　　Then　she　will　have　children（he　writhed　with　anguish　and　fury　at　this　thought）loving　ties　between　him　and　her。　　He　has　everything　on　his　side。　　I；　nothing　but　memories　she　will　efface　from　her　heart。　　Will　efface？　　She　must　have　effaced　them；　or　she　could　not　have　married　him。〃　　I　know　no　more　pitiable　state　of　mind　than　to　love　and　hate　the　same　creature。　　But　when　the　two　feelings　are　both　intense；　and　meet　in　an　ardent　bosom；　such　a　man　would　do　well　to　spend　a　day　or　two　upon　his　knees；　praying　for　grace　divine。　　For　he　who　with　all　his　soul　loves　and　hates　one　woman　is　next　door　to　a　maniac；　and　is　scarcely　safe　an　hour　together　from　suicide　or　even　from　homicide；　this　truth　the　newspapers　tell　us；　by　examples；　every　month；　but　are　wonderfully　little　heeded；　because　newspapers　do　not；　nor　is　it　their　business　to；　analyze　and　dwell　upon　the　internal　feelings　of　the　despairing　lover；　whose　mad　and　bloody　act　they　record。　　With　such　a　tempest　in　his　heart　did　Camille　one　day　wander　into　the　park。　　And　soon　an　irresistible　attraction　drew　him　to　the　side　of　the　stream　that　flowed　along　one　side　of　it。　　He　eyed　it　gloomily；　and　wherever　the　stagnant　water　indicated　a　deeper　pool　than　usual　he　stopped；　and　looked；　and　thought；　〃How　calm　and　peaceful　you　are！〃

He　sat　down　at　last　by　the　water…side；　his　eyes　bent　on　a　calm；　green　pool。

It　looked　very　peaceful；　and　it　could　give　peace。　　He　thought；　oh！　what　a　blessing；　to　be　quit　of　rage；　jealousy；　despair；　and　life；　all　in　a　minute！

Yet　that　was　a　sordid　death　for　a　soldier　to　die；　who　had　seen　great　battles。　　Could　he　not　die　more　nobly　than　that？　　With　this　he　suddenly　felt　in　his　pocket；　and　there　sure　enough　fate　had　placed　his　pistols。　　He　had　put　them　into　this　coat；　and　he　had　not　worn　this　coat　until　to…day。　　He　had　armed　himself　unconsciously。　　〃Ah！〃　said　he；　〃it　is　to　be；　all　these　things　are　preordained。〃　　（This　notion　of　fate　has　strengthened　many　a　fatal　resolution。）　　Then　he　had　a　cruel　regret。　　To　die　without　a　word；　a　parting　word。　　Then　he　thought　to　himself；　it　was　best　so；　for　perhaps　he　should　have　taken　her　with　him。

〃Sir！　colonel！〃　uttered　a　solemn　voice　behind　him。

Absorbed　and　strung　up　to　desperation　as　he　was；　this　voice　seemed　unnaturally　loud；　and　discordant　with　Camille's　mood；　a　sudden　trumpet　from　the　world　of　small　things。

It　was　Picard；　the　notary。

〃Can　you　tell　me　where　Madame　Raynal　is？〃

〃No。　　At　the　chateau；　I　suppose。〃

〃She　is　not　there；　I　inquired　of　the　servant。　　She　was　out。　　You　have　not　seen　her；　colonel？〃

〃Not　I；　I　never　see　her。〃

〃Then　perhaps　I　had　better　go　back　to　the　chateau　and　wait　for　her：　stay；　are　you　a　friend　of　the　family？　　Colonel；　suppose　I　were　to　tell　you；　and　ask　you　to　break　it　to　Madame　Raynal；　or；　better　still；　to　the　baroness；　or　Mademoiselle　Rose。〃

〃Monsieur；〃　said　Camille　coldly；　〃charge　me　with　no　messages；　for　I　cannot　deliver　them。　　I　AM　GOING　ANOTHER　WAY。〃

〃In　that　case；　I　will　go　to　the　chateau　once　more；　for　what　I　have　to　say　must　be　heard。〃

Picard　returned　to　the　chateau　wondering　at　the　colonel's　strange　manner。

Camille；　for　his　part；　wondered　that　any　one　could　be　so　mad　as　to　talk　to　him　about　trifles；　to　him；　a　man　standing　on　the　brink　of　eternity。　　Poor　soul；　it　was　he　who　was　mad　and　unlucky。　　He　should　have　heard　what　Picard　had　to　say。　　The　very　gentleness　and　solemnity　of　manner　ought　to　have　excited　his　curiosity。

He　watched　Picard's　retiring　form。　　When　he　was　out　of　sight；　then　he　turned　round　and　resumed　his　thoughts　as　if　Picard　had　been　no　more　than　a　fly　that　had　buzzed　and　then　gone。

〃Yes；　I　should　have　taken　her　with　me；〃　he　said。　　He　sat　gloomy　and　dogged　like　a　dangerous　maniac　in　his　cell；　never　moved；　scarce　thought　for　more　than　half　an　hour；　but　his　deadly　purpose　grew　in　him。　　Suddenly　he　started。　　A　lady　was　at　the　style；　about　a　hundred　yards　distant。　　He　trembled。　　It　was　Josephine。

She　came　towards　him　slowly；　her　eyes　bent　on　the　ground　in　a　deep　reverie。　　She　stopped　about　a　stone's　throw　from　him；　and　looked　at　the　river　long　and　thoughtfully；　then　casting　her　eye　around；　she　caught　sight　of　Camille。　　He　watched　her　grimly。　　He　saw　her　give　a　little　start；　and　half　turn　round；　but　if　this　was　an　impulse　to　retreat；　it　was　instantly　suppressed；　for　the　next　moment　she　pursued　her　way。

Camille　stood　gloomy　and　bitter；　awaiting　her　in　silence。　　He　planted　himself　in　the　middle　of　the　path；　and　said　not　a　word。

She　looked　him　all　over；　and　her　color　came　and　went。

〃Out　so　far　as　this；〃　she　said　kindly；　〃and　without　your　cap。〃

He　put　his　hand　to　his　head；　and　discovered　that　he　was　bareheaded。

〃You　will　catch　your　death　of　cold。　　Come；　let　us　go　in　and　get　your　cap。〃

She　made　as　if　she　would　pass　him。　　He　planted　himself　right　before　her。

〃No。〃

〃Camille！〃

〃Why　do　you　shun　me　as　if　I　was　a　viper？〃

〃I　do　not　shun　you。　　I　but　avoid　conferences　that　can　lead　to　no　good；　it　is　my　duty。〃

〃You　are　very　wise；　cold…hearted　people　can　be　wise。〃

〃Am　I　cold…hearted；　Camille？〃

〃As　marble。〃

She　looked　him　in　the　face；　the　water　came　into　her　eyes；　after　awhile　she　whispered；　sorrowfully；　〃Well；　Camille；　I　am。〃

〃But　with　all　your　wisdom　and　all　your　coldness；〃　he　went　on　to　say；　〃you　have　made　a　mistake；　you　have　driven　me　to　madness　and　despair。〃

〃Heaven　forbid！〃　said　she。

〃Your　prayer　comes　too　late；　you　have　done　it。〃

〃Camille；　let　me　go　to　the　oratory；　and　pray　for　you。　　You　terrify　me。〃

〃It　is　no　use。　　Heaven　has　no　mercy　for　me。　　Take　my　advice；　stay　where　you　are；　don't　hurry；　for　what　remains　of　your　life　you　gave　to　pass　with　me；　do　you　understand　that？〃

〃Ah！〃　　And　she　turned　pale。

〃Can　you　read　my　riddle？〃

She　looked　him　in　the　face。　　〃I　can　read　your　eyes；　and　I　know　you　love　me。　　I　think　you　mean　to　kill　me。　　I　have　heard　men　kill　the　thing　they　love。〃

〃Of　course　they　do；　sooner　than　another　should　have　it；　they　kill　itthey　kill　it。〃

〃God　has　not　made　them　patient　like　us　women。　　Poor　Camille！〃

〃Patience　dies　when　hope　dies。　　Come；　Madame　Raynal；　say　a　prayer；　for　you　are　going　to　die。〃

〃God　bless　you；　Camille！〃　said　the　poor　girl；　putting　her　hands　together　in　her　last　prayer。　　At　this　sweet　touch　of　affection；　Camille　hung　his　head；　and　sobbed。　　Then　suddenly　lashing　himself　into　fury；　he　cried；

〃You　are　my　betrothed！　you　talk　of　duty；　but　you　forget　your　duty　to　me。　　Are　you　not　my　betrothed　this　four　years？　　Answer　me　that。〃

〃Yes；　Camille；　I　was。〃

〃Did　I　not　suffer　death　a　hundred　times　for　you；　to　keep　faith　with　you；　you　cold…blooded　traitress　with　an　angel's　face？〃

〃Ah；　Camille！　can　you　speak　so　bitterly　to　me？　　Have　I　denied　your　right　to　kill　me？　　You　shall　never　dishonor　me；　but　you　shall　kill　me；　if　it　is　your　pleasure。　　I　do　not　resist。　　Why；　then；　speak　to　me　like　that；　must　the　last　words　I　hear　from　your　mouth　be　words　of　anger；　cruel　Camille？〃

〃I　was　wrong。　　But　it　is　so　hard　to　kill　her　I　love　in　cold　blood。　I　want　anger　as　well　as　despair　to　keep　me　to　it。　　Come；　turn　your　head　away　from　me；　and　all　our　troubles　shall　end。〃

〃No；　Camille；　let　me　look　at　you。　　Then　you　will　be　the　last　thing　I　shall　see　on　earth。〃

At　this　he　hesitated　a　moment；　then；　with　a　fierce　stamp　at　what　he　thought　was　weakness；　he　levelled　a　pistol　at　her。

She　put　up　her　hands　with　a　piteous　cry；　〃Oh！　not　my　face；　Camille！　pray　do　not　disfigure　my　face。　　Herekill　me　herein　my　bosommy　heart