a fair penitent(由衷的忏悔)-第1章
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A FAIR PENITENT
A FAIR PENITENT
by WILKIE COLLINS
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A FAIR PENITENT
Charles Pineau Duclos was a French writer of biographies and novels；
who lived and worked during the first half of the eighteenth century。 He
prospered sufficiently well； as a literary man； to be made secretary to the
French Academy； and to be allowed to succeed Voltaire in the office of
historiographer of France。 He has left behind him； in his own country；
the reputation of a lively writer of the second class； who addressed the
public of his day with fair success； and who； since his death； has not
troubled posterity to take any particular notice of him。
Among the papers left by Duclos； two manuscripts were found； which
he probably intended to turn to some literary account。 The first was a
brief Memoir； written by himself； of a Frenchwoman； named
Mademoiselle Gautier； who began life as an actress and who ended it as a
Carmelite nun。 The second manuscript was the lady's own account of the
process of her conversion； and of the circumstances which attended her
moral passage from the state of a sinner to the state of a saint。 There are
certain national peculiarities in the character of Mademoiselle Gautier and
in the narrative of her conversion； which are perhaps interesting enough to
be reproduced with some chance of pleasing the present day。
It appears； from the account given of her by Duclos； that
Mademoiselle Gautier made her appearance on the stage of the Theatre
Francois in the year seventeen hundred and sixteen。 She is described as a
handsome woman； with a fine figure； a fresh complexion； a lively
disposition； and a violent temper。 Besides possessing capacity as an
actress； she could write very good verses； she was clever at painting in
miniature； and； most remarkable quality of all； she was possessed of
prodigious muscular strength。 It is recorded of Mademoiselle； that she
could roll up a silver plate with her hands； and that she covered herself
with distinction in a trial of strength with no less a person than the famous
soldier； Marshal Saxe。
Nobody who is at all acquainted with the social history of the
eighteenth century in France； need be told that Mademoiselle Gautier had
a long list of lovers；for the most part； persons of quality； marshals；
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A FAIR PENITENT
counts； and so forth。 The only man； however； who really attached her to
him； was an actor at the Theatre Francois； a famous player in his day；
named Quinault Dufresne。 Mademoiselle Gautier seems to have loved
him with all the ardour of her naturally passionate disposition。 At first；
he returned her affection； but； as soon as she ventured to test the sincerity
of his attachment by speaking of marriage； he cooled towards her
immediately； and the connection between them was broken off。 In all her
former love…affairs； she had been noted for the high tone which she
adopted towards her admirers； and for the despotic authority which she
exercised over them even in her gayest moments。 But the severance of
her connection with Quinault Dufresne wounded her to her heart。 She
had loved the man so dearly； had made so many sacrifices for him； had
counted so fondly on the devotion of her whole future life to him； that the
first discovery of his coldness towards her broke her spirit at once and for
ever。 She fell into a condition of hopeless melancholy； looked back with
remorse and horror at her past life； and abandoned the stage and the
society in which she had lived； to end her days repentantly in the character
of a Carmelite nun。
So far； her history is the history of hundreds of other women before
her time and after it。 The prominent interest of her life； for the student of
human nature； lies in the story of her conversion； as told by herself。 The
greater part of the narrativeevery page of which is more or less
characteristic of the Frenchwoman of the eighteenth centurymay be
given； with certain suppressions and abridgments； in her own words。 The
reader will observe； at the outset； one curious fact。 Mademoiselle
Gautier does not so much as hint at the influence which the loss of her
lover had in disposing her mind to reflect on serious subjects。 She
describes her conversion as if it had taken its rise in a sudden inspiration
from Heaven。 Even the name of Quinault Dufresne is not once
mentioned from one end of her narrative to the other。
On the twenty…fifth of April； seventeen hundred and twenty…two
（writes Mademoiselle Gautier）； while I was still leading a life of pleasure
according to the pernicious ideas of pleasure which pass current in the
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worldI happen to awake； contrary to my usual custom； between eight and
nine o'clock in the morning。 I remember that it is my birthday； I ring for
my people； and my maid answers the bell； alarmed by the idea that I am ill。
I tell her to dress me that I may go to mass。 I go to the Church of the
Cordeliers； followed by my footman； and taking with me a little orphan
whom I had adopted。 The first part of the mass is celebrated without
attracting my attention； but； at the second part the accusing voice of my
conscience suddenly begins to speak。 〃What brings you here？〃 it says。
〃Do you come to reward God for making you the attractive person that
you are； by mortally transgressing His laws every day of your life？〃 I
hear that question； and I am unspeakably overwhelmed by it。 I quit the
chair on which I have hitherto been leaning carelessly； and I prostrate
myself in an agony of remorse on the pavement of the church。
The mass over； I send home the footman and the orphan； remaining
behind myself； plunged in inconceivable perplexity。 At last I rouse
myself on a sudden； I go to the sacristy； I demand a mass for my own
proper advantage every day； I determine to attend it regularly； and； after
three hours of agitation； I return home； resolved to enter on the path that
leads to justification。
Six months passed。 Every morning I went to my mass： every evening
I spent in my customary dissipations。
Some of my friends indulged in considerable merriment at my expense
when they found out my constant attendance at mass。 Accordingly； I
disguised myself as a boy； when I went to church； to escape observation。
My disguise was found out； and the jokes against me were redoubled。
Upon this； I began to think of the words of the Gospel； which declare the
impossibility of serving two masters。 I determined to abandon the
service of Mammon。
The first vanity I gave up was the vanity of keeping a maid。 By way
of further accustoming myself to the retreat from the world which I now
began to meditate； I declined all invitations to parties under the pretext of
indisposition。 But the nearer the Easter time approached at which I had
settled in my own mind definitely to turn my back on worldly temptations
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and pleasures； the more violent became my internal struggles with myself。
My health suffered under them to such an extent that I was troubled with
perpetual attacks of retching and sickness； which； however； did not
prevent me from writing my general confession； addressed to the vicar of
Saint Sulpice； the parish in which I lived。
Just Heaven！ what did I not suffer some days afterwards； when I
united around me at dinner； for the last time； all the friends who had been
dearest to me in the days of my worldly life！ What words can describe
the tumult of my heart when one of my guests said to me； 〃You are giving
us too good a dinner for a Wednesday in Passion Week；〃 and when another
answered； jestingly； 〃You forget that this is her farewell dinner to her
friends！〃 I felt ready to faint while they were talking； and rose from table
pretexting as an excuse； that I had a payment to make that evening； which
I could not in honour defer any longer。 The company rose with me； and
saw me to the door。 I got into my carriage； and the company returned to
table。 My nerves were in such a state that I shrieked at the first crack of
the coachman's whip； and the company came running down again to know
what was the matter。 One of my servants cleverly stopped them from all
hurrying out to the carriage together； by declaring that the scream
proceeded from my adopted orphan。 Upon this they returned quietly
enough to their wine； and I drove off with my general confession to the
vicar of Saint Sulpice。
My interview with the vicar lasted three hours。 His joy at
discovering that I was in a state of grace was extreme。 My own emotions
were quite indescribable。 Late at night I returned to my own house； and
found my guests all gone。 I employed myself in writing farewell letters
to the manager and company of the theatre； and in making the nec
