the secret sharer-第7章

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Sitting　stolidly　at　the　head　of　the　table　I　became　terrified　at

the　sight　of　the　garment　on　his　arm。　　Of　course　he　made　for　my　door。

There　was　no　time　to　lose。



〃Steward；〃　I　thundered。　　My　nerves　were　so　shaken　that　I

could　not　govern　my　voice　and　conceal　my　agitation。

This　was　the　sort　of　thing　that　made　my　terrifically

whiskered　mate　tap　his　forehead　with　his　forefinger。

I　had　detected　him　using　that　gesture　while　talking　on　deck

with　a　confidential　air　to　the　carpenter。　　It　was　too　far

to　hear　a　word；　but　I　had　no　doubt　that　this　pantomime　could

only　refer　to　the　strange　new　captain。



〃Yes；　sir；〃　the　pale…faced　steward　turned　resignedly　to　me。

It　was　this　maddening　course　of　being　shouted　at；　checked　without

rhyme　or　reason；　arbitrarily　chased　out　of　my　cabin；　suddenly　called

into　it；　sent　flying　out　of　his　pantry　on　incomprehensible　errands；

that　accounted　for　the　growing　wretchedness　of　his　expression。



〃Where　are　you　going　with　that　coat？〃



〃To　your　room；　sir。〃



〃Is　there　another　shower　coming？〃



〃I'm　sure　I　don't　know；　sir。　　Shall　I　go　up　again　and　see；　sir？〃



〃No！　never　mind。〃



My　object　was　attained；　as　of　course　my　other　self　in　there　would　have　heard

everything　that　passed。　　During　this　interlude　my　two　officers　never　raised

their　eyes　off　their　respective　plates；　but　the　lip　of　that　confounded　cub；

the　second　mate；　quivered　visibly。



I　expected　the　steward　to　hook　my　coat　on　and　come　out　at　once。

He　was　very　slow　about　it；　but　I　dominated　my　nervousness

sufficiently　not　to　shout　after　him。　　Suddenly　I　became　aware

（it　could　be　heard　plainly　enough）　that　the　fellow　for　some　reason

or　other　was　opening　the　door　of　the　bathroom。　　It　was　the　end。

The　place　was　literally　not　big　enough　to　swing　a　cat　in。

My　voice　died　in　my　throat　and　I　went　stony　all　over。

I　expected　to　hear　a　yell　of　surprise　and　terror；　and　made

a　movement；　but　had　not　the　strength　to　get　on　my　legs。

Everything　remained　still。　　Had　my　second　self　taken　the　poor

wretch　by　the　throat？　　I　don't　know　what　I　could　have　done

next　moment　if　I　had　not　seen　the　steward　come　out　of　my　room；

close　the　door；　and　then　stand　quietly　by　the　sideboard。



〃Saved；〃　I　thought。　　〃But；　no！　　Lost！　　Gone！　　He　was　gone！〃



I　laid　my　knife　and　fork　down　and　leaned　back　in　my　chair。　　My　head　swam。

After　a　while；　when　sufficiently　recovered　to　speak　in　a　steady　voice；

I　instructed　my　mate　to　put　the　ship　round　at　eight　o'clock　himself。



〃I　won't　come　on　deck；〃　I　went　on。　　〃I　think　I'll　turn　in；　and　unless

the　wind　shifts　I　don't　want　to　be　disturbed　before　midnight。

I　feel　a　bit　seedy。〃



〃You　did　look　middling　bad　a　little　while　ago；〃　the　chief　mate　remarked

without　showing　any　great　concern。



They　both　went　out；　and　I　stared　at　the　steward　clearing　the　table。

There　was　nothing　to　be　read　on　that　wretched　man's　face。

But　why　did　he　avoid　my　eyes；　I　asked　myself。　　Then　I　thought　I

should　like　to　hear　the　sound　of　his　voice。



〃Steward！〃



〃Sir！〃　　Startled　as　usual。



〃Where　did　you　hang　up　that　coat？〃



〃In　the　bathroom；　sir。〃　　The　usual　anxious　tone。

〃It's　not　quite　dry　yet；　sir。〃



For　some　time　longer　I　sat　in　the　cuddy。　　Had　my　double　vanished

as　he　had　come？　　But　of　his　coming　there　was　an　explanation；

whereas　his　disappearance　would　be　inexplicable。　　。　。　。　I　went

slowly　into　my　dark　room；　shut　the　door；　lighted　the　lamp；

and　for　a　time　dared　not　turn　round。　　When　at　last　I　did　I

saw　him　standing　bolt…upright　in　the　narrow　recessed　part。

It　would　not　be　true　to　say　I　had　a　shock；　but　an　irresistible

doubt　of　his　bodily　existence　flitted　through　my　mind。

Can　it　be；　I　asked　myself；　that　he　is　not　visible　to　other　eyes

than　mine？　　It　was　like　being　haunted。　　Motionless；　with　a

grave　face；　he　raised　his　hands　slightly　at　me　in　a　gesture

which　meant　clearly；　〃Heavens！　what　a　narrow　escape！〃

Narrow　indeed。　　I　think　I　had　come　creeping　quietly　as　near

insanity　as　any　man　who　has　not　actually　gone　over　the　border。

That　gesture　restrained　me；　so　to　speak。



The　mate　with　the　terrific　whiskers　was　now　putting　the　ship

on　the　other　tack。　　In　the　moment　of　profound　silence

which　follows　upon　the　hands　going　to　their　stations　I　heard

on　the　poop　his　raised　voice：　　〃Hard　alee！〃　and　the　distant

shout　of　the　order　repeated　on　the　main…deck。　The　sails；

in　that　light　breeze；　made　but　a　faint　fluttering　noise。

It　ceased。　　The　ship　was　coming　round　slowly：　　I　held　my　breath

in　the　renewed　stillness　of　expectation；　one　wouldn't　have

thought　that　there　was　a　single　living　soul　on　her　decks。

A　sudden　brisk　shout；　〃Mainsail　haul！〃　broke　the　spell；

and　in　the　noisy　cries　and　rush　overhead　of　the　men　running　away

with　the　main　brace　we　two；　down　in　my　cabin；　came　together

in　our　usual　position　by　the　bed　place。



He　did　not　wait　for　my　question。　　〃I　heard　him　fumbling　here　and　just

managed　to　squat　myself　down　in　the　bath；〃　he　whispered　to　me。

〃The　fellow　only　opened　the　door　and　put　his　arm　in　to　hang　the　coat　up。

All　the　same〃



〃I　never　thought　of　that；〃　I　whispered　back；　even　more　appalled

than　before　at　the　closeness　of　the　shave；　and　marveling　at

that　something　unyielding　in　his　character　which　was　carrying

him　through　so　finely。　　There　was　no　agitation　in　his　whisper。

Whoever　was　being　driven　distracted；　it　was　not　he。　　He　was　sane。

And　the　proof　of　his　sanity　was　continued　when　he　took　up

the　whispering　again。



〃It　would　never　do　for　me　to　come　to　life　again。〃



It　was　something　that　a　ghost　might　have　said。　　But　what　he　was　alluding

to　was　his　old　captain's　reluctant　admission　of　the　theory　of　suicide。

It　would　obviously　serve　his　turnif　I　had　understood　at　all　the　view

which　seemed　to　govern　the　unalterable　purpose　of　his　action。



〃You　must　maroon　me　as　soon　as　ever　you　can　get　amongst　these　islands

off　the　Cambodge　shore；〃　he　went　on。



〃Maroon　you！　　We　are　not　living　in　a　boy's　adventure　tale；〃　I　protested。

His　scornful　whispering　took　me　up。



〃We　aren't　indeed！　　There's　nothing　of　a　boy's　tale　in　this。

But　there's　nothing　else　for　it。　　I　want　no　more。

You　don't　suppose　I　am　afraid　of　what　can　be　done　to　me？

Prison　or　gallows　or　whatever　they　may　please。

But　you　don't　see　me　coming　back　to　explain　such　things

to　an　old　fellow　in　a　wig　and　twelve　respectable　tradesmen；

do　you？　　What　can　they　know　whether　I　am　guilty　or　not

or　of　WHAT　I　am　guilty；　either？　　That's　my　affair。

What　does　the　Bible　say？　　‘Driven　off　the　face　of　the　earth。'

Very　well；　I　am　off　the　face　of　the　earth　now。　　As　I　came

at　night　so　I　shall　go。〃



〃Impossible！〃　　I　murmured。　　〃You　can't。〃



〃Can't？　。　。　。　Not　naked　like　a　soul　on　the　Day　of　Judgment。

I　shall　freeze　on　to　this　sleeping　suit。　　The　Last　Day　is　not　yet

and　。　。　。　you　have　understood　thoroughly。　　Didn't　you？〃



I　felt　suddenly　ashamed　of　myself。　　I　may　say　truly　that　I　understood

and　my　hesitation　in　letting　that　man　swim　away　from　my　ship's　side

had　been　a　mere　sham　sentiment；　a　sort　of　cowardice。



〃It　can't　be　done　now　till　next　night；〃　I　breathed　out。

〃The　ship　is　on　the　off…shore　tack　and　the　wind　may　fail　us。〃



〃As　long　as　I　know　that　you　understand；〃　he　whispered。

〃But　of　course　you　do。　　It's　a　great　satisfaction　to　have　got

somebody　to　understand。　　You　seem　to　have　been　there　on　purpose。〃

And　in　the　same　whisper；　as　if　we　two　whenever　we　talked　had　to　say

things　to　each　other　which　were　not　fit　for　the　world　to　hear；

he　added；　〃It's　very　wonderful。〃



We　remained　side　by　side　talking　in　our　secret　way

but　sometimes　silent　or　just　exchanging　a　whispered　word　or　two

at　long　intervals。　　And　as　usual　he　stared　through　the　port。

A　breath　of　wind　came　now　and　again　into　our　faces。

The　ship　might　have　been　moored　in　dock；　so　gently　and　on　an

even　keel　she　slipped　through　the　water；　that　did　not　murmur

even　at　our　passage；　shadowy　and　silent　like　a　phantom　sea。



At　midnight　I　went　on　deck；　and　to　my　mate's　great

surprise　put　the　ship　round　on　the　other　tack。

His　terrible　whiskers　flitted　round　me　in　silent　criticism。

I　certainly　should　not　have　done　it　if　it　had　been　only　a　question

of　getting　out　of　that　sleepy　gulf　as　quickly　as　possible。

I　believe　he　told　the　second　mate；　who　relieved　him；

that　it　was　a　great　want　of　judgment。　　The　other　only　yawned。

That　intolerable　cub　shuffled　about　so　sleepily　and　lolled

against　the　rails　in　such　a　slack；　improper　fashion　that　I

came　down　on　him　sharply。



〃Aren't　you　properly　awake　yet？〃



〃Yes；　sir！　　I　am　awake。〃



〃Well；　then；　be　good　enough　to　hold　yourself　as　if　you　were。

And　keep　a　lookout。　　If　there's　any　current　we'll　be　closing

with　some　islands　before　daylight。〃



The　east　side　of　the　gulf　is　fringed　with　islands；　some　solitary；

others　in　groups。　　One　the　blue　background　of　the　high　coast　they

seem　to　float　on　silvery　patches　of　calm　water；　arid　and　gray；

or　dark　green　and　rounded　like　clumps　of　evergreen　bushes；

with　the　larger　ones；　a　mile　or　two　long；　showing　the　outlines

of　ridges；　ribs　of　gray　rock　under　the　dark　mantle　of　matted　leafage。

Unknown　to　trade；　to　travel；　almost　to　geography；　the　manner

of　life　they　harbor　is　an　unsolved　secret。　　There　must　be　villages

settlements　of　fishermen　at　leaston　the　largest　of　them；　and　some

communication　with　the　world　is　probably　kept　up　by　native　craft。

But　all　that　forenoon；　as　we　headed　for　them；　fanned　along　by

the　faintest　of　breezes；　I　saw　no　sign　of　man　or　canoe　in　the　field

of　the　telescope　I　kept　on　pointing　at　the　scattered　group。



At　noon　I　have　no　orders　for　a　change　of　course；　and　the　mate's

whiskers　became　much　concerned　and　seemed　to　be　offering　themselves

unduly　to　my　notice。　　At　last　I　said：



〃I　am　going　to　stand　right　in。　　Quite　inas　far　as　I　can　take　her。〃



The　stare　of　extreme　surprise　imparted　an　air　of　ferocity　also　to　his　eyes；

and　he　looked　truly　terrific　for　a　moment。



〃We're　not　doing　well　in　the　middle　of　the　gulf；〃　I　continued；　casually。

〃I　am　going　to　look　for　the　land　breezes　tonight。〃



〃Bless　my　soul！　　Do　you　mean；　sir；　in　the　dark　amongst　the　lot　of　all　them

islands　and　reefs　and　shoals？〃



〃Wellif　there　are　any　regular　land　breezes　at　all　on　this　coast

one　must　get　close　inshore　to　find　them；　mustn't　one？〃



〃Bless　my　soul！〃　he　exclaimed　again　under　his　breath。

All　that　afternoon　he　wore　a　dreamy；　contemplative　appearance

which　in　him　was　a　mark　of　perplexity。　　After　dinner　I

went　into　my　stateroom　as　if　I　meant　to　take　some　rest。

There　we　two　bent　our　dark　heads　over　a　half…unrolled　chart

lying　on　my　bed。



〃There；〃　I　said。　　〃It's　got　to　be　Koh…ring。　I've　been　looking

at　it　ever　since　sunrise。　　It　has　got　two　hills　and　a　low　point。

It　must　be　inhabited。　　And　on　the　coast　opposite　there　is　what　looks

like　the　mouth　of　a　biggish　riverwith　some　towns；　no　doubt；　not　far　up。

It's　the　best　cha