生命不能承受之轻-第37章

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He　knew　that　his　father　was　a　nonbeliever；　but　in　the　similarity　of　the　two　phrases　he　saw　a　secret　sign：　his　father　agreed　with　the　path　he　had　taken。
During　approximately　his　third　year　in　the　country；　he　received　a　letter　from　Tomas　asking　him　to　come　and　visit。　Their　meeting　was　a　friendly　one。　Simon　felt　relaxed　and　did　not　stammer　a　bit。　He　probably　did　not　realize　that　they　did　not　understand　each　other　very　well。　About　four　months　later；　he　received　a　telegram　saying　that　Tomas　and　his　wife　had　been　crushed　to　death　under　a　truck。
At　about　that　time；　he　learned　about　a　woman　who　had　once　been　his　father's　mistress　and　was　living　in　France。　He　found　out　her　address。　Because　he　desperately　needed　an　imaginary　eye　to　follow　his　life；　he　would　occasionally　write　her　long　letters。
25
Sabina　continued　to　receive　letters　from　her　sad　village　correspondent　till　the　end　of　her　life。　Many　of　them　would　remain　unread；　because　she　took　less　and　less　interest　in　her　native　land。
The　old　man　died；　and　Sabina　moved　to　California。　Farther　west；　farther　away　from　the　country　where　she　had　been　born。
She　had　no　trouble　selling　her　paintings；　and　liked　America。　But　only　on　the　surface。　Everything　beneath　the　surface　was　alien　to　her。　Down　below；　there　was　no　grandpa　or　uncle。　She　was　afraid　of　shutting　herself　into　a　grave　and　sinking　into　American　earth。
And　so　one　day　she　composed　a　will　in　which　she　requested　that　her　dead　body　be　cremated　and　its　ashes　thrown　to　the　winds。　Tereza　and　Tomas　had　died　under　the　sign　of　weight。　She　wanted　to　die　under　the　sign　of　lightness。　She　would　be　lighter　than　air。　As　Parmenides　would　put　it；　the　negative　would　change　into　the　positive。
26
The　bus　stopped　in　front　of　the　Bangkok　hotel。　No　one　any　longer　felt　like　holding　meetings。　People　drifted　off　in　groups　to　sightsee；　some　set　off　for　temples；　others　for　brothels。　Franz's　friend　from　the　Sorbonne　suggested　they　spend　the　evening　together；　but　he　preferred　to　be　alone。
It　was　nearly　dark　when　he　went　out　into　the　streets。　He　kept　thinking　about　Sabina；　feeling　her　eyes　on　him。　Whenever　he　felt　her　long　stare；　he　began　to　doubt　himself：　he　had　never　known　quite　what　Sabina　thought。　It　made　him　uncomfortable　now　as　well。　Could　she　be　mocking　him？　Did　she　consider　the　cult　he　made　of　her　silly？　Could　she　be　trying　to　tell　him　it　was　time　for　him　to　grow　up　and　devote　himself　fully　to　the　mistress　she　herself　had　sent　to　him？
Picturing　the　face　with　big　round　glasses；　he　suddenly　realized　how　happy　he　was　with　his　student…mistress。　All　at　once；　the　Cambodia　venture　struck　him　as　meaningless；　laughable。　Why　had　he　come？　Only　now　did　he　know。　He　had　come　to　find　out　once　and　for　all　that　neither　parades　nor　Sabina　but　rather　the　girl　with　the　glasses　was　his　real　life；　his　only　real　life！　He　had　come　to　find　out　that　reality　was　more　than　a　dream；　much　more　than　a　dream！
Suddenly　a　figure　emerged　out　of　the　semi…darkness　and　said　something　to　him　in　a　language　he　did　not　know。　He　gave　the　intruder　a　look　that　was　startled　but　sympathetic。　The　man　bowed　and　smiled　and　muttered　something　with　great　urgency。　What　was　he　trying　to　say？　He　seemed　to　be　inviting　him　somewhere。　The　man　took　him　by　the　hand　and　started　leading　him　away。　Franz　decided　that　someone　needed　his　help。　Maybe　there　was　some　sense　in　his　coming　all　that　distance。　Wasn't　he　being　called　to　help　somebody？
Suddenly　there　were　two　other　men　next　to　the　first；　and　one　of　them　asked　him　in　English　for　his　money。
At　that　point；　the　girl　with　the　glasses　vanished　from　his　thoughts　and　Sabina　fixed　her　eyes　on　him；　unreal　Sabina　with　her　grand　fate；　Sabina　who　had　made　him　feel　so　small。　Her　wrathful　eyes　bored　into　him；　angry　and　dissatisfied：　Had　he　been　had　once　again？　Had　someone　else　abused　his　idiotic　goodness？
He　tore　his　arm　away　from　the　man；　who　was　now　holding　on　to　his　sleeve。　He　remembered　that　Sabina　had　always　admired　his　strength。　He　seized　the　arm　one　of　the　other　men　was　lifting　against　him；　and；　tightening　his　grip；　tossed　him　over　his　shoulder　in　a　perfect　judo　flip。
Now　he　was　satisfied　with　himself。　Sabina's　eyes　were　still　on　him。　She　would　never　see　him　humiliate　himself　again！　She　would　never　see　him　retreat！　Franz　was　through　with　being　soft　and　sentimental！
He　felt　what　was　almost　a　cheerful　hatred　for　these　men。　They　had　thought　to　have　a　good　laugh　at　him　and　his　naivete！　He　stood　there　with　his　shoulders　slightly　hunched　and　his　eyes　darting　back　and　forth　between　the　two　remaining　men。　Suddenly；　he　felt　a　heavy　blow　on　his　head；　and　he　crumpled　immediately。　He　vaguely　sensed　being　carried　somewhere。　Then　he　was　thrown　into　emptiness　and　felt　himself　falling。　A　violent　crack；　and　he　lost　consciousness。
He　woke　up　in　a　hospital　in　Geneva。　Marie…Claude　was　leaning　over　his　bed。　He　wanted　to　tell　her　she　had　no　right　to　be　there。　He　wanted　them　to　send　immediately　for　the　girl　with　the　glasses。　All　his　thoughts　were　with　her。　He　wanted　to　shout　that　he　couldn't　stand　having　anyone　but　her　at　his　side。　But　he　realized　with　horror　that　he　could　not　speak。　He　looked　up　at　Marie…Claude　with　infinite　hatred　and　tried　to　turn　away　from　her。　But　he　could　not　move　his　body。　His　head；　perhaps？　No；　he　could　not　even　move　his　head。　He　closed　his　eyes　so　as　not　to　see　her。
27
In　death；　Franz　at　last　belonged　to　his　wife。　He　belonged　to　her　as　he　had　never　belonged　to　her　before。　Marie…Claude　took　care　of　everything：　she　saw　to　the　funeral；　sent　out　the　announcements；　bought　the　wreaths；　and　had　a　black　dress　made—a　wedding　dress；　in　reality。　Yes；　a　husband's　funeral　is　a　wife's　true　wedding！　The　climax　of　her　life's　work！　The　reward　for　her　sufferings！
The　pastor　understood　this　very　well。　His　funeral　oration　was　about　a　true　conjugal　love　that　had　withstood　many　tests　to　remain　a　haven　of　peace　for　the　deceased；　a　haven　to　which　he　had　returned　at　the　end　of　his　days。　The　colleague　of　Franz's　whom　Marie…Claude　asked　to　speak　at　the　graveside　services　also　paid　homage　primarily　to　the　deceased's　brave　wife。
Somewhere　in　the　back；　supported　by　a　friend；　stood　the　girl　with　the　big　glasses。　The　combination　of　many　pills　and　suppressed　sobs　gave　her　an　attack　of　cramps　before　the　ceremony　came　to　an　end。　She　lurched　forward；　clutching　her　stomach；　and　her　friend　had　to　take　her　away　from　the　cemetery。
28
The　moment　he　received　the　telegram　from　the　chairman　of　the　collective　farm；　he　jumped　on　his　motorcycle。　He　arrived　in　time　to　arrange　for　the　funeral。　The　inscription　he　chose　to　go　under　his　father's　name　on　the　gravestone　read：　
HE　WANTED　THE　KINGDOM　OF　GOD　ON　EARTH。
He　was　well　aware　that　his　father　would　not　have　said　it　in　those　words；　but　he　was　certain　they　expressed　what　his　father　actually　thought。　The　kingdom　of　God　means　justice。　Tomas　had　longed　for　a　world　in　which　justice　would　reign。　Hadn't　Simon　the　right　to　express　his　father's　life　in　his　own　vocabulary？　Of　course　he　had：　haven't　all　heirs　had　that　right　from　time　immemorial？
A　RETURN　AFTER　LONG　WANDERINGS　was　the　inscription　adorning　the　stone　above　Franz's　grave。　It　can　be　interpreted　in　religious　terms：　the　wanderings　being　our　earthly　existence；　the　return　our　return　to　God's　embrace。　But　the　insiders　knew　that　it　had　a　perfectly　secular　meaning　as　well。　Indeed；　Marie…Claude　talked　about　it　every　day：
Franz；　dear；　sweet　Franz！　The　mid…life　crisis　was　just　too　much　for　him。　And　that　pitiful　little　girl　who　caught　him　in　her　net！　Why；　she　wasn't　even　pretty！　（Did　you　see　those　enormous　glasses　she　tried　to　hide　behind？）　But　when　they　start　pushing　fifty　（don't　we　know　it！）；　they'll　sell　their　souls　for　a　fresh　piece　of　flesh。　Only　his　wife　knows　how　it　made　him　suffer！　It　was　pure　moral　torture！　Because；　deep　down；　Franz　was　a　kind　and　decent　man。　How　else　can　you　explain　that　crazy；　desperate　trip　to　wherever　it　was　in　Asia？　He　went　there　to　find　death。　Yes；　Marie…Claude　knew　it　for　an　absolute　fact：
Franz　had　consciously　sought　out　death。　In　his　last　days；　when　he　was　dying　and　had　no　need　to　lie；　she　was　the　only　person　he　asked　for。　He　couldn't　talk；　but　how　he'd　thanked　her　with　his　eyes！　He'd　fixed　his　eyes　on　her　and　begged　to　be　forgiven。　And　she　forgave　him。
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What　remains　of　the　dying　population　of　Cambodia？
One　large　photograph　of　an　American　actress　holding　an　Asian　child　in　her　arms。
What　remains　of　Tomas？
An　inscription　reading　HE　WANTED　THE　KINGDOM　OF　GOD　ON　EARTH。
What　remains　of　Beethoven？
A　frown；　an　improbable　mane；　and　a　somber　voice　intoning　Es　muss　sein！　
What　remains　of　Franz？
An　inscription　reading　A　RETURN　AFTER　LONG　WANDERINGS。
And　so　on　and　so　forth。　Before　we　are　forgotten；　we　will　be　turned　into　kitsch。　Kitsch　is　the　stopover　between　being　and　oblivion。
PART　SEVEN
Karenin's　Smile

1
The　window　looked　out　on　a　slope　overgrown　with　the　crooked　bodies　of　apple　trees。　The　woods　cut　off　the　view　above　the　slope；　and　a　crooked　line　of　hills　stretched　into　the　distance。　When；　towards　evening；　a　white　moon　made　its　way　into　the　pale　sky；　Tereza　would　go　and　stand　on　the　threshold。　The　sphere　hanging　in　the　not　yet　darkened　sky　seemed　like　a　lamp　they　had　forgotten　to　turn　off　in　the　morning；　a　lamp　that　had　burned　all　day　in　the　room　of　the　dead。
None　of　the　crooked　apple　trees　growing　along　the　slope　could　ever　leave　the　spot　where　it　had　put　down　its　roots；　just　as　neither　Tereza　nor　Tomas　could　ever　leave　their　village。　They　had　sold　their　car；　their　television　set；　and　their　radio　to　buy　a　tiny　cottage　and　garden　from　a　farmer　who　was　moving　to　town。
Life　in　the　country　was　the　only　escape　open　to　them；　because　only　in　the　country　was　there　a　constant　deficit　of　people　and　a　surplus　of　living　accommodations。　No　one　bothered　to　look　into　the　political　past　of　people　willing　to　go　off　and　work　in　the　fields　or　woods；　no　one　envied　them。
Tereza　was　happy　to　abandon　the　city；　the　drunken　barflies　molesting　her；　and　the　anonymous　women　leaving　the　smell　of　their　groins　in　Tomas's　hair。　The　police　stopped　pestering　them；　and　the　incident　with　the　engineer　so　merged　with　the　scene　on　Petrin　Hill　that　she　was　hard　put　to　tell　which　was　a　dream　and　which　the　truth。　（Was　the　engineer　in　fact　employed　by　the　secret　police？　Perhaps　he　was；　perhaps　not。　Men　who　use　borrowed　flats　for　rendezvous　and　never　make　love　to　the　same　woman　twice　are　not　so　rare。）
In　any　case；　Tereza　was　happy　and　felt　that　she　had　at　last　reached　her　goal：　she　and　Tomas　were　together　and　alone。　Alone？　Let　me　be　more　precise：　living　alone　meant　breaking　with　all　their　former　friends　and　acquaintances；　cutting　their　life　in　two　like　a　ribbon；　however；　they　felt　perfectly　at　home　in　the　company　of　the　country　people　they　worked　with；　and　they　sometimes　exchanged　visits　with　them。
The　day　they　met　the　chairman　of　the　local　collective　farm　at　the　spa　that　had　Russian　street　names；　Tereza　discovered　in　herself　a　picture　of　country　life　originating　in　memories　of　books　she　had　read　or　in　her　ancestors。　It　was　a　harmonious　world；　everyone　came　together　in　one　big　happy　family　with　common　interests　and　routines：　church　services　on　Sundays；　a　tavern　where　the　men　could　get　away　from　their　womenfolk；　and　a　hall　in　the　tavern　where　a　band　played　on　Saturdays　and　the　villagers　danced。
Under　Communism；