twelfth night; or what you will(第十二夜)-第2章
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sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has； but
I am great eater of beef； and I believe that does harm to my wit。 SIR
TOBY。 No question。 AGUECHEEK。 An I thought that； I'd forswear it。 I'll
ride home to…morrow； Sir Toby。 SIR TOBY。 Pourquoi； my dear knight？
AGUECHEEK。 What is 'pourquoi'… do or not do？ I would I had bestowed
that time in the tongues that I have in fencing； dancing； and bear…baiting。
Oh； had I but followed the arts！ SIR TOBY。 Then hadst thou had an
excellent head of hair。 AGUECHEEK。 Why； would that have mended my
hair？ SIR TOBY。 Past question； for thou seest it will not curl by nature。
AGUECHEEK。 But it becomes me well enough； does't not？ SIR TOBY。
Excellent； it hangs like flax on a distaff； and I hope to see a huswife take
thee between her legs and spin it off。 AGUECHEEK。 Faith； I'll home to…
morrow； Sir Toby。 Your niece will not be seen； or if she be； it's four to one
she'll none of me； the Count himself here hard by woos her。 SIR TOBY。
She'll none o' th' Count； she'll not match above her degree； neither in estate；
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
years； nor wit； I have heard her swear't。 Tut； there's life in't； man。
AGUECHEEK。 I'll stay a month longer。 I am a fellow o' th' strangest mind
i' th' world； I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether。 SIR
TOBY。 Art thou good at these kickshawses； knight？ AGUECHEEK。 As
any man in Illyria； whatsoever he be； under the degree of my betters； and
yet I will not compare with an old man。 SIR TOBY。 What is thy excellence
in a galliard； knight？ AGUECHEEK。 Faith； I can cut a caper。 SIR TOBY。
And I can cut the mutton to't。 AGUECHEEK。 And I think I have the back…
trick simply as strong as any man in Illyria。 SIR TOBY。 Wherefore are
these things hid？ Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before 'em？ Are they
like to take dust； like Mistress Mall's picture？ Why dost thou not go to
church in a galliard and come home in a coranto？ My very walk should be
a jig； I would not so much as make water but in a sink…a…pace。 What dost
thou mean？ Is it a world to hide virtues in？ I did think； by the excellent
constitution of thy leg； it was form'd under the star of a galliard。
AGUECHEEK。 Ay； 'tis strong； and it does indifferent well in flame…
colour'd stock。 Shall we set about some revels？ SIR TOBY。 What shall we
do else？ Were we not born under Taurus？ AGUECHEEK。 Taurus？ That's
sides and heart。 SIR TOBY。 No； sir； it is legs and thighs。 Let me see the
caper。 Ha； higher！ Ha； ha； excellent！ Exeunt
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
SCENE IV。 The DUKE'S palace
Enter VALENTINE； and VIOLA in man's attire
VALENTINE。 If the Duke continue these favours towards you；
Cesario； you are like to be much advanc'd； he hath known you but three
days； and already you are no stranger。 VIOLA。 You either fear his humour
or my negligence； that you call in question the continuance of his love。 Is
he inconstant； sir； in his favours？ VALENTINE。 No； believe me。
Enter DUKE； CURIO； and ATTENDANTS
VIOLA。 I thank you。 Here comes the Count。 DUKE。 Who saw
Cesario； ho？ VIOLA。 On your attendance； my lord； here。 DUKE。 Stand
you awhile aloof。 Cesario； Thou know'st no less but all； I have unclasp'd
To thee the book even of my secret soul。 Therefore； good youth； address
thy gait unto her； Be not denied access； stand at her doors； And tell them
there thy fixed foot shall grow Till thou have audience。 VIOLA。 Sure； my
noble lord； If she be so abandon'd to her sorrow As it is spoke； she never
will admit me。 DUKE。 Be clamorous and leap all civil bounds； Rather
than make unprofited return。 VIOLA。 Say I do speak with her； my lord；
what then？ DUKE。 O； then unfold the passion of my love； Surprise her
with discourse of my dear faith！ It shall become thee well to act my woes：
She will attend it better in thy youth Than in a nuncio's of more grave
aspect。 VIOLA。 I think not so； my lord。 DUKE。 Dear lad； believe it； For
they shall yet belie thy happy years That say thou art a man： Diana's lip Is
not more smooth and rubious； thy small pipe Is as the maiden's organ；
shrill and sound； And all is semblative a woman's part。 I know thy
constellation is right apt For this affair。 Some four or five attend him… All；
if you will； for I myself am best When least in company。 Prosper well in
this； And thou shalt live as freely as thy lord To call his fortunes thine。
VIOLA。 I'll do my best To woo your lady。 ＇Aside＇ Yet； a barful strife！
Whoe'er I woo； myself would be his wife。
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
SCENE V。 OLIVIA'S house
Enter MARIA and CLOWN
MARIA。 Nay； either tell me where thou hast been； or I will not open
my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse； my lady will
hang thee for thy absence。 CLOWN。 Let her hang me。 He that is well
hang'd in this world needs to fear no colours。 MARIA。 Make that good。
CLOWN。 He shall see none to fear。 MARIA。 A good lenten answer。 I can
tell thee where that saying was born； of 'I fear no colours。' CLOWN。
Where； good Mistress Mary？ MARIA。 In the wars； and that may you be
bold to say in your foolery。 CLOWN。 Well； God give them wisdom that
have it； and those that are fools； let them use their talents。 MARIA。 Yet
you will be hang'd for being so long absent； or to be turn'd away… is not
that as good as a hanging to you？ CLOWN。 Many a good hanging
prevents a bad marriage； and for turning away； let summer bear it out。
MARIA。 You are resolute； then？ CLOWN。 Not so； neither； but I am
resolv'd on two points。 MARIA。 That if one break； the other will hold； or
if both break； your gaskins fall。 CLOWN。 Apt； in good faith； very apt！
Well； go thy way； if Sir Toby would leave drinking； thou wert as witty a
piece of Eve's flesh as any in Illyria。 MARIA。 Peace； you rogue； no more
o' that。 Here comes my lady。 Make your excuse wisely； you were best。 Exit
Enter OLIVIA and MALVOLIO
CLOWN。 Wit； an't be thy will； put me into good fooling！ Those wits
that think they have thee do very oft prove fools； and I that am sure I lack
thee may pass for a wise man。 For what says Quinapalus？ 'Better a witty
fool than a foolish wit。' God bless thee； lady！ OLIVIA。 Take the fool away。
CLOWN。 Do you not hear； fellows？ Take away the lady。 OLIVIA。 Go to；
y'are a dry fool； I'll no more of you。 Besides； you grow dishonest。
CLOWN。 Two faults； madonna； that drink and good counsel will amend；
for give the dry fool drink； then is the fool not dry。 Bid the dishonest man
mend himself： if he mend； he is no longer dishonest； if he cannot； let the
botcher mend him。 Anything that's mended is but patch'd； virtue that
transgresses is but patch'd with sin； and sin that amends is but patch'd with
virtue。 If that this simple syllogism will serve； so； if it will not； what
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
remedy？ As there is no true cuckold but calamity； so beauty's a flower。 The
lady bade take away the fool； therefore； I say again； take her away。
OLIVIA。 Sir； I bade them take away you。 CLOWN。 Misprision in the
highest degree！ Lady； 'Cucullus non facit monachum'； that's as much to
say as I wear not motley in my brain。 Good madonna； give me leave to
prove you a fool。 OLIVIA。 Can you do it？ CLOWN。 Dexteriously； good
madonna。 OLIVIA。 Make your proof。 CLOWN。 I must catechize you for
it； madonna。 Good my mouse of virtue； answer me。 OLIVIA。 Well； sir； for
want of other idleness； I'll bide your proof。 CLOWN。 Good madonna； why
mourn'st thou？ OLIVIA。 Good fool； for my brother's death。 CLOWN。 I
think his soul is in hell； madonna。 OLIVIA。 I know his soul is in heaven；
fool。 CLOWN。 The more fool； madonna； to mourn for your brother's soul
being in heaven。 Take away the fool； gentlemen。 OLIVIA。 What think you
of this fool； Malvolio？ Doth he not mend？ MALVOLIO。 Yes； and shall do；
till the pangs of death shake him。 Infirmity； that decays the wise； doth ever
make the better fool。 CLOWN。 God send you； sir； a speedy infirmity； for
the better increasing your folly！ Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox；
but he will not pass his word for twopence that you are no fool。 OLIVIA。
How say you to that； Malvolio？ MALVOLIO。 I marvel your ladyship
takes delight in such a barren rascal； I saw him put down the other day
with an ordinary fool that has no more brain than a stone。 Look you now；
he's out of his guard already； unless you laugh and minister occasion to
him； he is gagg'd。 I protest I take these wise men that crow so at these set
kind of fools no better than the fools' zanies。 OLIVIA。 O； you are sick of
self…love； Malvolio； and taste with a distemper'd appetite。 To be generous；
guiltless； and of free disposition； is to take those things for bird…bolts that
you deem cannon bullets。 There is no slander in an allow'd fool； though he
do nothing but rail； nor no railing in known discreet man； though he do
nothing but reprove。 CLOWN。 Now Mercury endue thee with leasing； for
thou speak'st well of fools！
Re…enter MARIA
MARIA。 Madam； there is at the gate a young gentleman much
desires to speak with you。 OLIVIA。 From the Count Orsino； is it？ MARIA。
I know not； madam； 'tis a fair young man； and well attended。 OLIVIA。
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TWELFTH NIGHT； OR； WHAT YOU WILL
Who of my people hold him in delay？ MARIA。 Sir Toby； madam； your
kinsman。 OLIVIA。 Fetch him off； I pray you； he speaks nothing but
madman。 Fie on him！ ＇Exit MARIA＇ Go you； Malvolio： if it be
