cranford(克兰弗德)-第38章
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true state of the case。 I could only hope that he had heard an
exaggerated rumour for he said that her shares were worse than nothing；
and that the bank could not pay a shilling in the pound。 I was glad that
Miss Matty seemed still a little incredulous； but I could not tell how
much of this was real or assumed； with that self…control which seemed
habitual to ladies of Miss Matty's standing in Cranford； who would have
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thought their dignity compromised by the slightest expression of surprise；
dismay； or any similar feeling to an inferior in station； or in a public
shop。 However； we walked home very silently。 I am ashamed to say； I
believe I was rather vexed and annoyed at Miss Matty's conduct in
taking the note to herself so decidedly。 I had so set my heart upon her
having a new silk gown； which she wanted sadly； in general she was so
undecided anybody might turn her round； in this case I had felt that it
was no use attempting it； but I was not the less put out at the result。
Somehow； after twelve o'clock； we both acknowledged to a sated
curiosity about the fashions； and to a certain fatigue of body （which was；
in fact； depression of mind） that indisposed us to go out again。 But still
we never spoke of the note； till； all at once； something possessed me to
ask Miss Matty if she would think it her duty to offer sovereigns for all
the notes of the Town and County Bank she met with？ I could have
bitten my tongue out the minute I had said it。 She looked up rather
sadly； and as if I had thrown a new perplexity into her already distressed
mind； and for a minute or two she did not speak。 Then she said … my
own dear Miss Matty … without a shade of reproach in her voice …
〃My dear； I never feel as if my mind was what people call very
strong； and it's often hard enough work for me to settle what I ought to
do with the case right before me。 I was very thankful to … I was very
thankful； that I saw my duty this morning； with the poor man standing
by me； but its rather a strain upon me to keep thinking and thinking what
I should do if such and such a thing happened； and； I believe； I had
rather wait and see what really does come； and I don't doubt I shall be
helped then if I don't fidget myself； and get too anxious beforehand。
You know； love； I'm not like Deborah。 If Deborah had lived； I've no
doubt she would have seen after them； before they had got themselves
into this state。〃
We had neither of us much appetite for dinner； though we tried to
talk cheerfully about indifferent things。 When we returned into the
drawing…room； Miss Matty unlocked her desk and began to look over
her account…books。 I was so penitent for what I had said in the morning；
that I did not choose to take upon myself the presumption to suppose
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that I could assist her； I rather left her alone； as； with puzzled brow； her
eye followed her pen up and down the ruled page。 By…and…by she shut
the book； locked the desk； and came and drew a chair to mine； where I
sat in moody sorrow over the fire。 I stole my hand into hers； she
clasped it； but did not speak a word。 At last she said； with forced
composure in her voice； 〃If that bank goes wrong； I shall lose one
hundred and forty…nine pounds thirteen shillings and fourpence a year； I
shall only have thirteen pounds a year left。〃 I squeezed her hand hard
and tight。 I did not know what to say。 Presently （it was too dark to see
her face） I felt her fingers work convulsively in my grasp； and I knew
she was going to speak again。 I heard the sobs in her voice as she said；
〃I hope it's not wrong … not wicked … but； oh！ I am so glad poor
Deborah is spared this。 She could not have borne to come down in the
world … she had such a noble； lofty spirit。〃
This was all she said about the sister who had insisted upon investing
their little property in that unlucky bank。 We were later in lighting the
candle than usual that night； and until that light shamed us into speaking；
we sat together very silently and sadly。
However； we took to our work after tea with a kind of forced
cheerfulness （which soon became real as far as it went）； talking of that
never…ending wonder； Lady Glenmire's engagement。 Miss Matty was
almost coming round to think it a good thing。
〃I don't mean to deny that men are troublesome in a house。 I don't
judge from my own experience； for my father was neatness itself； and
wiped his shoes on coming in as carefully as any woman； but still a man
has a sort of knowledge of what should be done in difficulties； that it is
very pleasant to have one at hand ready to lean upon。 Now； Lady
Glenmire； instead of being tossed about； and wondering where she is to
settle； will be certain of a home among pleasant and kind people； such as
our good Miss Pole and Mrs Forrester。 And Mr Hoggins is really a
very personable man； and as for his manners； why； if they are not very
polished； I have known people with very good hearts and very clever
minds too； who were not what some people reckoned refined； but who
were both true and tender。〃
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She fell off into a soft reverie about Mr Holbrook； and I did not
interrupt her； I was so busy maturing a plan I had had in my mind for
some days； but which this threatened failure of the bank had brought to a
crisis。 That night； after Miss Matty went to bed； I treacherously lighted
the candle again； and sat down in the drawing…room to compose a letter
to the Aga Jenkyns； a letter which should affect him if he were Peter； and
yet seem a mere statement of dry facts if he were a stranger。 The
church clock pealed out two before I had done。
The next morning news came； both official and otherwise； that the
Town and County Bank had stopped payment。 Miss Matty was ruined。
She tried to speak quietly to me； but when she came to the actual fact
that she would have but about five shillings a week to live upon； she
could not restrain a few tears。
〃I am not crying for myself； dear；〃 said she； wiping them away； 〃I
believe I am crying for the very silly thought of how my mother would
grieve if she could know； she always cared for us so much more than for
herself。 But many a poor person has less； and I am not very
extravagant； and； thank God； when the neck of mutton； and Martha's
wages； and the rent are paid； I have not a farthing owing。 Poor Martha！
I think she'll be sorry to leave me。〃
Miss Matty smiled at me through her tears； and she would fain have
had me see only the smile； not the tears。
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CHAPTER XIV … FRIENDS IN
NEED
IT was an example to me； and I fancy it might be to many others； to
see how immediately Miss Matty set about the retrenchment which she
knew to be right under her altered circumstances。 While she went
down to speak to Martha； and break the intelligence to her； I stole out
with my letter to the Aga Jenkyns； and went to the signor's lodgings to
obtain the exact address。 I bound the signora to secrecy； and indeed
her military manners had a degree of shortness and reserve in them
which made her always say as little as possible； except when under the
pressure of strong excitement。 Moreover （which made my secret
doubly sure）； the signor was now so far recovered as to be looking
forward to travelling and conjuring again in the space of a few days；
when he； his wife； and little Phoebe would leave Cranford。 Indeed； I
found him looking over a great black and red placard； in which the
Signor Brunoni's accomplishments were set forth； and to which only the
name of the town where he would next display them was wanting。 He
and his wife were so much absorbed in deciding where the red letters
would come in with most effect （it might have been the Rubric for that
matter）； that it was some time before I could get my question asked
privately； and not before I had given several decisions； the which I
questioned afterwards with equal wisdom of sincerity as soon as the
signor threw in his doubts and reasons on the important subject。 At last
I got the address； spelt by sound； and very queer it looked。 I dropped it
in the post on my way home； and then for a minut
