cranford(克兰弗德)-第39章
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I got the address； spelt by sound； and very queer it looked。 I dropped it
in the post on my way home； and then for a minute I stood looking at the
wooden pane with a gaping slit which divided me from the letter but a
moment ago in my hand。 It was gone from me like life； never to be
recalled。 It would get tossed about on the sea； and stained with sea…
waves perhaps； and be carried among palm…trees； and scented with all
tropical fragrance； the little piece of paper； but an hour ago so familiar
and commonplace； had set out on its race to the strange wild countries
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beyond the Ganges！ But I could not afford to lose much time on this
speculation。 I hastened home； that Miss Matty might not miss me。
Martha opened the door to me； her face swollen with crying。 As soon as
she saw me she burst out afresh； and taking hold of my arm she pulled
me in； and banged the door to； in order to ask me if indeed it was all true
that Miss Matty had been saying。
〃I'll never leave her！ No； I won't。 I telled her so； and said I could
not think how she could find in her heart to give me warning。 I could
not have had the face to do it； if I'd been her。 I might ha' been just as
good for nothing as Mrs Fitz…Adam's Rosy； who struck for wages after
living seven years and a half in one place。 I said I was not one to go
and serve Mammon at that rate； that I knew when I'd got a good missus；
if she didn't know when she'd got a good servant〃 …
〃But； Martha；〃 said I； cutting in while she wiped her eyes。
〃Don't； 'but Martha' me；〃 she replied to my deprecatory tone。
〃Listen to reason〃 …
〃I'll not listen to reason；〃 she said； now in full possession of her
voice； which had been rather choked with sobbing。 〃Reason always
means what someone else has got to say。 Now I think what I've got to
say is good enough reason； but reason or not； I'll say it； and I'll stick to it。
I've money in the Savings Bank； and I've a good stock of clothes； and
I'm not going to leave Miss Matty。 No； not if she gives me warning
every hour in the day！〃
She put her arms akimbo； as much as to say she defied me； and；
indeed； I could hardly tell how to begin to remonstrate with her； so much
did I feel that Miss Matty； in her increasing infirmity； needed the
attendance of this kind and faithful woman。
〃Well〃 … said I at last。
〃I'm thankful you begin with 'well！' If you'd have begun with 'but；'
as you did afore； I'd not ha' listened to you。 Now you may go on。〃
〃I know you would be a great loss to Miss Matty； Martha〃 …
〃I telled her so。 A loss she'd never cease to be sorry for；〃 broke in
Martha triumphantly。
〃Still； she will have so little … so very little … to live upon； that I don't
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see just now how she could find you food … she will even be pressed for
her own。 I tell you this； Martha； because I feel you are like a friend to
dear Miss Matty； but you know she might not like to have it spoken
about。〃
Apparently this was even a blacker view of the subject than Miss
Matty had presented to her； for Martha just sat down on the first chair
that came to hand； and cried out loud （we had been standing in the
kitchen）。
At last she put her apron down； and looking me earnestly in the face；
asked； 〃Was that the reason Miss Matty wouldn't order a pudding to…day？
She said she had no great fancy for sweet things； and you and she would
just have a mutton chop。 But I'll be up to her。 Never you tell； but I'll
make her a pudding； and a pudding she'll like； too； and I'll pay for it
myself； so mind you see she eats it。 Many a one has been comforted in
their sorrow by seeing a good dish come upon the table。〃
I was rather glad that Martha's energy had taken the immediate and
practical direction of pudding…making； for it staved off the quarrelsome
discussion as to whether she should or should not leave Miss Matty's
service。 She began to tie on a clean apron； and otherwise prepare
herself for going to the shop for the butter； eggs； and what else she might
require。 She would not use a scrap of the articles already in the house
for her cookery； but went to an old tea…pot in which her private store of
money was deposited； and took out what she wanted。
I found Miss Matty very quiet； and not a little sad； but by…and…by she
tried to smile for my sake。 It was settled that I was to write to my
father； and ask him to come over and hold a consultation； and as soon as
this letter was despatched we began to talk over future plans。 Miss
Matty's idea was to take a single room； and retain as much of her
furniture as would be necessary to fit up this； and sell the rest； and there
to quietly exist upon what would remain after paying the rent。 For my
part； I was more ambitious and less contented。 I thought of all the
things by which a woman； past middle age； and with the education
common to ladies fifty years ago； could earn or add to a living without
materially losing caste； but at length I put even this last clause on one
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side； and wondered what in the world Miss Matty could do。
Teaching was； of course； the first thing that suggested itself。 If
Miss Matty could teach children anything； it would throw her among the
little elves in whom her soul delighted。 I ran over her accomplishments。
Once upon a time I had heard her say she could play 〃Ah！ vous dirai…je；
maman？〃 on the piano； but that was long； long ago； that faint shadow of
musical acquirement had died out years before。 She had also once been
able to trace out patterns very nicely for muslin embroidery； by dint of
placing a piece of silver paper over the design to be copied； and holding
both against the window…pane while she marked the scollop and eyelet…
holes。 But that was her nearest approach to the accomplishment of
drawing； and I did not think it would go very far。 Then again； as to the
branches of a solid English education … fancy work and the use of the
globes … such as the mistress of the Ladies' Seminary； to which all the
tradespeople in Cranford sent their daughters； professed to teach。 Miss
Matty's eyes were failing her； and I doubted if she could discover the
number of threads in a worsted…work pattern； or rightly appreciate the
different shades required for Queen Adelaide's face in the loyal wool…
work now fashionable in Cranford。 As for the use of the globes； I had
never been able to find it out myself； so perhaps I was not a good judge
of Miss Matty's capability of instructing in this branch of education； but
it struck me that equators and tropics； and such mystical circles； were
very imaginary lines indeed to her； and that she looked upon the signs of
the Zodiac as so many remnants of the Black Art。
What she piqued herself upon； as arts in which she excelled； was
making candle…lighters； or 〃spills〃 （as she preferred calling them）； of
coloured paper； cut so as to resemble feathers； and knitting garters in a
variety of dainty stitches。 I had once said； on receiving a present of an
elaborate pair； that I should feel quite tempted to drop one of them in the
street； in order to have it admired； but I found this little joke （and it was
a very little one） was such a distress to her sense of propriety； and was
taken with such anxious； earnest alarm； lest the temptation might some
day prove too strong for me； that I quite regretted having ventured upon
it。 A present of these delicately…wrought garters； a bunch of gay
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〃spills；〃 or a set of cards on which sewing…silk was wound in a mystical
manner； were the well…known tokens of Miss Matty's favour。 But would
any one pay to have their children taught these arts？ or； indeed； would
Miss Matty sell； for filthy lucre； the knack and the skill with which she
made trifles of value to those who loved her？
I had to come down to reading； writing； and arithmetic； and； in
reading the chapter every morning； she always coughed before coming
to long words。 I doubted her power of getting through a genealogical
chapter； with any number of coughs。 Writing she did well and
delicately … but spelling！ She seemed to think that the more out…of…the…
way this was； and the more trouble it cost her； the greater the
compliment she paid to her correspondent； and words that she would
spell quite correctly in her letters to me became perfect enigmas when
she wrote to my father。
No！ there
