cranford(克兰弗德)-第42章
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health concluded my interview with Miss Pole。
On coming downstairs I found Mrs Forrester waiting for me at the
entrance to the dining…parlour； she drew me in； and when the door was
shut； she tried two or three times to begin on some subject； which was so
unapproachable apparently； that I began to despair of our ever getting to
a clear understanding。 At last out it came； the poor old lady trembling
all the time as if it were a great crime which she was exposing to
daylight； in telling me how very； very little she had to live upon； a
confession which she was brought to make from a dread lest we should
think that the small contribution named in her paper bore any proportion
to her love and regard for Miss Matty。 And yet that sum which she so
eagerly relinquished was； in truth； more than a twentieth part of what she
had to live upon； and keep house； and a little serving…maid； all as
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became one born a Tyrrell。 And when the whole income does not
nearly amount to a hundred pounds； to give up a twentieth of it will
necessitate many careful economies； and many pieces of self… denial； small
and insignificant in the world's account； but bearing a different value in
another account…book that I have heard of。 She did so wish she was rich；
she said； and this wish she kept repeating； with no thought of herself in it；
only with a longing； yearning desire to be able to heap up Miss Matty's
measure of comforts。
It was some time before I could console her enough to leave her； and
then； on quitting the house； I was waylaid by Mrs Fitz…Adam； who had
also her confidence to make of pretty nearly the opposite description。
She had not liked to put down all that she could afford and was ready to
give。 She told me she thought she never could look Miss Matty in the
face again if she presumed to be giving her so much as she should like to
do。 〃Miss Matty！〃 continued she； 〃that I thought was such a fine young
lady when I was nothing but a country girl； coming to market with eggs
and butter and such like things。 For my father； though well…to…do；
would always make me go on as my mother had done before me； and I
had to come into Cranford every Saturday； and see after sales； and prices；
and what not。 And one day； I remember； I met Miss Matty in the lane
that leads to Combehurst； she was walking on the footpath； which； you
know； is raised a good way above the road； and a gentleman rode beside
her； and was talking to her； and she was looking down at some primroses
she had gathered； and pulling them all to pieces； and I do believe she
was crying。 But after she had passed； she turned round and ran after
me to ask … oh； so kindly … about my poor mother； who lay on her death…
bed； and when I cried she took hold of my hand to comfort me … and the
gentleman waiting for her all the time … and her poor heart very full of
something； I am sure； and I thought it such an honour to be spoken to in
that pretty way by the rector's daughter； who visited at Arley Hall。 I
have loved her ever since； though perhaps I'd no right to do it； but if you
can think of any way in which I might be allowed to give a little more
without any one knowing it； I should be so much obliged to you； my
dear。 And my brother would be delighted to doctor her for nothing …
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medicines； leeches； and all。 I know that he and her ladyship （my dear； I
little thought in the days I was telling you of that I should ever come to
be sister…in…law to a ladyship！） would do anything for her。 We all
would。〃
I told her I was quite sure of it； and promised all sorts of things in
my anxiety to get home to Miss Matty； who might well be wondering
what had become of me … absent from her two hours without being able
to account for it。 She had taken very little note of time； however； as she
had been occupied in numberless little arrangements preparatory to the
great step of giving up her house。 It was evidently a relief to her to be
doing something in the way of retrenchment； for； as she said； whenever
she paused to think； the recollection of the poor fellow with his bad five…
pound note came over her； and she felt quite dishonest； only if it made
her so uncomfortable； what must it not be doing to the directors of the
bank； who must know so much more of the misery consequent upon this
failure？ She almost made me angry by dividing her sympathy between
these directors （whom she imagined overwhelmed by self…reproach for
the mismanagement of other people's affairs） and those who were
suffering like her。 Indeed； of the two； she seemed to think poverty a
lighter burden than self…reproach； but I privately doubted if the directors
would agree with her。
Old hoards were taken out and examined as to their money value
which luckily was small； or else I don't know how Miss Matty would
have prevailed upon herself to part with such things as her mother's
wedding…ring； the strange； uncouth brooch with which her father had
disfigured his shirt…frill； &c。 However； we arranged things a little in
order as to their pecuniary estimation； and were all ready for my father
when he came the next morning。
I am not going to weary you with the details of all the business we
went through； and one reason for not telling about them is； that I did not
understand what we were doing at the time； and cannot recollect it now。
Miss Matty and I sat assenting to accounts； and schemes； and reports；
and documents； of which I do not believe we either of us understood a
word； for my father was clear…headed and decisive； and a capital man of
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business； and if we made the slightest inquiry； or expressed the slightest
want of comprehension； he had a sharp way of saying； 〃Eh？ eh？ it's as
dear as daylight。 What's your objection？〃 And as we had not
comprehended anything of what he had proposed； we found it rather
difficult to shape our objections； in fact； we never were sure if we had
any。 So presently Miss Matty got into a nervously acquiescent state；
and said 〃Yes；〃 and 〃Certainly；〃 at every pause； whether required or not；
but when I once joined in as chorus to a 〃Decidedly；〃 pronounced by
Miss Matty in a tremblingly dubious tone； my father fired round at me
and asked me 〃What there was to decide？〃 And I am sure to this day I
have never known。 But； in justice to him； I must say he had come over
from Drumble to help Miss Matty when he could ill spare the time； and
when his own affairs were in a very anxious state。
While Miss Matty was out of the room giving orders for luncheon …
and sadly perplexed between her desire of honouring my father by a
delicate； dainty meal； and her conviction that she had no right； now that
all her money was gone； to indulge this desire … I told him of the meeting
of the Cranford ladies at Miss Pole's the day before。 He kept brushing
his hand before his eyes as I spoke … and when I went back to Martha's
offer the evening before； of receiving Miss Matty as a lodger； he fairly
walked away from me to the window； and began drumming with his
fingers upon it。 Then he turned abruptly round； and said； 〃See； Mary；
how a good； innocent life makes friends all around。 Confound it！ I
could make a good lesson out of it if I were a parson； but； as it is； I can't
get a tail to my sentences … only I'm sure you feel what I want to say。
You and I will have a walk after lunch and talk a bit more about these
plans。〃
The lunch … a hot savoury mutton…chop； and a little of the cold loin
sliced and fried …was now brought in。 Every morsel of this last dish
was finished； to Martha's great gratification。 Then my father bluntly
told Miss Matty he wanted to talk to me alone； and that he would stroll
out and see some of the old places； and then I could tell her what plan
we thought desirable。 Just before we went out； she called me back and
said； 〃Remember； dear； I'm the only one left … I mean； there's no one to
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be hurt by what I do。 I'm willing to do anything that's right and honest；
and I don't think； if Deborah knows where she is； she'll care so very
much if I'm not genteel； because； you see； she'll know all； dear。 Only
let me see what I can do； and pay the poor people as far as I'm able。〃
I gave her a hearty kiss； and ran after my father。 The result of our
conversation was this。 If all parties were agreeable； Martha and Jem
were to be married with as little delay as possible； and they were to live
on in Miss Matty's present abode； the sum which the Cranford ladies had
agreed to contribute annually
