resurrection(复活)-第11章

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＇coffee…pots　are　often　used　for　holding　holy　water　in　Russia＇　of
holy　water　in　his　hand；　and；　not　noticing　Katusha；　brushed　her
with　his　surplice。　Evidently　he　brushed　against　Katusha　through
wishing　to　pass　Nekhludoff　at　a　respectful　distance；　and
Nekhludoff　was　surprised　that　he；　the　clerk；　did　not　understand
that　everything　here；　yes；　and　in　all　the　world；　only　existed　for
Katusha；　and　that　everything　else　might　remain　unheeded；　only　not
she；　because　she　was　the　centre　of　all。　For　her　the　gold
glittered　round　the　icons；　for　her　all　these　candles　in
candelabra　and　candlesticks　were　alight；　for　her　were　sung　these
joyful　hymns；　〃Behold　the　Passover　of　the　Lord〃　〃Rejoice；　O　ye
people！〃　Allall　that　was　good　in　the　world　was　for　her。　And　it
seemed　to　him　that　Katusha　was　aware　that　it　was　all　for　her　when
he　looked　at　her　well…shaped　figure；　the　tucked　white　dress；　the
wrapt；　joyous　expression　of　her　face；　by　which　he　knew　that　just
exactly　the　same　that　was　singing　in　his　own　soul　was　also
singing　in　hers。

In　the　interval　between　the　early　and　the　late　mass　Nekhludoff
left　the　church。　The　people　stood　aside　to　let　him　pass；　and
bowed。　Some　knew　him；　others　asked　who　he　was。

He　stopped　on　the　steps。　The　beggars　standing　there　came
clamouring　round　him；　and　he　gave　them　all　the　change　he　had　in
his　purse　and　went　down。　It　was　dawning；　but　the　sun　had　not　yet
risen。　The　people　grouped　round　the　graves　in　the　churchyard。
Katusha　had　remained　inside。　Nekhludoff　stood　waiting　for　her。

The　people　continued　coming　out；　clattering　with　their　nailed
boots　on　the　stone　steps　and　dispersing　over　the　churchyard。　A
very　old　man　with　shaking　head；　his　aunts'　cook；　stopped
Nekhludoff　in　order　to　give　him　the　Easter　kiss；　his　old　wife
took　an　egg；　dyed　yellow；　out　of　her　handkerchief　and　gave　it　to
Nekhludoff；　and　a　smiling　young　peasant　in　a　new　coat　and　green
belt　also　came　up。

〃Christ　is　risen；〃　he　said；　with　laughing　eyes；　and　coming　close
to　Nekhludoff　he　enveloped　him　in　his　peculiar　but　pleasant
peasant　smell；　and；　tickling　him　with　his　curly　beard；　kissed　him
three　times　straight　on　the　mouth　with　his　firm；　fresh　lips。

While　the　peasant　was　kissing　Nekhludoff　and　giving　him　a　dark
brown　egg；　the　lilac　dress　of　Matrona　Pavlovna　and　the　dear　black
head　with　the　red　bow　appeared。

Katusha　caught　sight　of　him　over　the　heads　of　those　in　front　of
her；　and　he　saw　how　her　face　brightened　up。

She　had　come　out　with　Matrona　Pavlovna　on　to　the　porch；　and
stopped　there　distributing　alms　to　the　beggars。　A　beggar　with　a
red　scab　in　place　of　a　nose　came　up　to　Katusha。　She　gave　him
something；　drew　nearer　him；　and；　evincing　no　sign　of　disgust；　but
her　eyes　still　shining　with　joy；　kissed　him　three　times。　And
while　she　was　doing　this　her　eyes　met　Nekhludoff's　with　a　look　as
if　she　were　asking；　〃Is　this　that　I　am　doing　right？〃　〃Yes；　dear；
yes；　it　is　right；　everything　is　right；　everything　is　beautiful。　I
love！〃

They　came　down　the　steps　of　the　porch；　and　he　came　up　to　them。

He　did　not　mean　to　give　them　the　Easter　kiss；　but　only　to　be
nearer　to　her。　Matrona　Pavlovna　bowed　her　head；　and　said　with　a
smile；　〃Christ　is　risen！〃　and　her　tone　implied；　〃To…day　we　are
all　equal。〃　She　wiped　her　mouth　with　her　handkerchief　rolled　into
a　ball　and　stretched　her　lips　towards　him。

〃He　is；　indeed；〃　answered　Nekhludoff；　kissing　her。　Then　he　looked
at　Katusha；　she　blushed；　and　drew　nearer。　〃Christ　is　risen；
Dmitri　Ivanovitch。〃　〃He　is　risen；　indeed；〃　answered　Nekhludoff；
and　they　kissed　twice；　then　paused　as　if　considering　whether　a
third　kiss　were　necessary；　and；　having　decided　that　it　was；
kissed　a　third　time　and　smiled。

〃You　are　going　to　the　priests？〃　asked　Nekhludoff。

〃No；　we　shall　sit　out　here　a　bit；　Dmitri　Ivanovitch；〃　said
Katusha　with　effort；　as　if　she　had　accomplished　some　joyous　task；
and；　her　whole　chest　heaving　with　a　deep　sigh；　she　looked
straight　in　his　face　with　a　look　of　devotion；　virgin　purity；　and
love；　in　her　very　slightly　squinting　eyes。

In　the　love　between　a　man　and　a　woman　there　always　comes　a　moment
when　this　love　has　reached　its　zenitha　moment　when　it　is
unconscious；　unreasoning；　and　with　nothing　sensual　about　it。　Such
a　moment　had　come　for　Nekhludoff　on　that　Easter　eve。　When　he
brought　Katusha　back　to　his　mind；　now；　this　moment　veiled　all
else；　the　smooth　glossy　black　head；　the　white　tucked　dress
closely　fitting　her　graceful　maidenly　form；　her；　as　yet；
un…developed　bosom；　the　blushing　cheeks；　the　tender　shining　black
eyes　with　their　slight　squint　heightened　by　the　sleepless　night；
and　her　whole　being　stamped　with　those　two　marked　features；
purity　and　chaste　love；　love　not　only　for　him　（he　knew　that）；　but
for　everybody　and　everything；　not　for　the　good　alone；　but　for　all
that　is　in　the　world；　even　for　that　beggar　whom　she　had　kissed。

He　knew　she　had　that　love　in　her　because　on　that　night　and
morning　he　was　conscious　of　it　in　himself；　and　conscious　that　in
this　love　he　became　one　with　her。　Ah！　if　it　had　all　stopped
there；　at　the　point　it　had　reached　that　night。　〃Yes；　all　that
horrible　business　had　not　yet　happened　on　that　Easter　eve！〃　he
thought；　as　he　sat　by　the　window　of　the　jurymen's　room。


CHAPTER　XVI。

THE　FIRST　STEP。

When　he　returned　from　church　Nekhludoff　broke　the　fast　with　his
aunts　and　took　a　glass　of　spirits　and　some　wine；　having　got　into
that　habit　while　with　his　regiment；　and　when　he　reached　his　room
fell　asleep　at　once；　dressed　as　he　was。　He　was　awakened　by　a
knock　at　the　door。　He　knew　it　was　her　knock；　and　got　up；　rubbing
his　eyes　and　stretching　himself。

〃Katusha；　is　it　you？　Come　in；〃　said　he。

She　opened　the　door。

〃Dinner　is　ready；〃　she　said。　She　still　had　on　the　same　white
dress；　but　not　the　bow　in　her　hair。　She　looked　at　him　with　a
smile；　as　if　she　had　communicated　some　very　good　news　to　him。

〃I　am　coming；〃　he　answered；　as　he　rose；　taking　his　comb　to
arrange　his　hair。

She　stood　still　for　a　minute；　and　he；　noticing　it；　threw　down　his
comb　and　made　a　step　towards　her；　but　at　that　very　moment　she
turned　suddenly　and　went　with　quick　light　steps　along　the　strip
of　carpet　in　the　middle　of　the　passage。

〃Dear　me；　what　a　fool　I　am；〃　thought　Nekhludoff。　〃Why　did　I　not
stop　her？〃　What　he　wanted　her　for　he　did　not　know　himself；　but　he
felt　that　when　she　came　into　his　room　something　should　have　been
done；　something　that　is　generally　done　on　such　occasions；　and
that　he　had　left　it　undone。

〃Katusha；　wait；〃　he　said。

〃What　do　you　want？〃　she　said；　stopping。

〃Nothing；　only〃　and；　with　an　effort；　remembering　how　men　in　his
position　generally　behave；　he　put　his　arm　round　her　waist。

She　stood　still　and　looked　into　his　eyes。

〃Don't；　Dmitri　Ivanovitch；　you　must　not；〃　she　said；　blushing　to
tears　and　pushing　away　his　arm　with　her　strong　hard　hand。
Nekhludoff　let　her　go；　and　for　a　moment　he　felt　not　only　confused
and　ashamed　but　disgusted　with　himself。　He　should　now　have
believed　himself；　and　then　he　would　have　known　that　this
confusion　and　shame　were　caused　by　the　best　feelings　of　his　soul
demanding　to　be　set　free；　but　he　thought　it　was　only　his
stupidity　and　that　he　ought　to　behave　as　every　one　else　did。　He
caught　her　up　and　kissed　her　on　the　neck。

This　kiss　was　very　different　from　that　first　thoughtless　kiss
behind　the　lilac　bush；　and　very　different　to　the　kiss　this
morning　in　the　churchyard。　This　was　a　dreadful　kiss；　and　she　felt
it。

〃Oh；　what　are　you　doing？〃　she　cried；　in　a　tone　as　if　he　had
irreparably　broken　something　of　priceless　value；　and　ran　quickly
away。

He　came　into　the　dining…room。　His　aunts；　elegantly　dressed；　their
family　doctor；　and　a　neighbour　were　already　there。　Everything
seemed　so　very　ordinary；　but　in　Nekhludoff　a　storm　was　raging。　He
understood　nothing　of　what　was　being　said　and　gave　wrong　answers；
thinking　only　of　Katusha。　The　sound　of　her　steps　in　the　passage
brought　back　the　thrill　of　that　last　kiss　and　he　could　think　of
nothing　else。　When　she　came　into　the　room　he；　without　looking
round；　felt　her　presence　with　his　whole　being　and　had　to　force
himself　not　to　look　at　her。

After　dinner　he　at　once　went　into　his　bedroom　and　for　a　long　time
walked　up　and　down　in　great　excitement；　listening　to　every　sound
in　the　house　and　expecting　to　hear　her　steps。　The　animal　man
inside　him　had　now　not　only　lifted　its　head；　but　had　succeeded　in
trampling　under　foot　the　spiritual　man　of　the　days　of　his　first
visit；　and　even　of　that　every　morning。　That　dreadful　animal　man
alone　now　ruled　over　him。

Though　he　was　watching　for　her　all　day　he　could　not　manage　to
meet　her　alone。　She　was　probably　trying　to　evade　him。　In　the
evening；　however；　she　was　obliged　to　go　into　the　room　next　to
his。　The　doctor　had　been　asked　to　stay　the　night；　and　she　had　to
make　his　bed。　When　he　heard　her　go　in　Nekhludoff　followed　her；
treading　softly　and　holding　his　breath　as　if　he　were　going　to
commit　a　crime。

She　was　putting　a　clean　pillow…case　on　the　pillow；　holding　it　by
two　of　its　corners　with　her　arms　inside　the　pillow…case。　She
turned　round　and　smiled；　not　a　happy；　joyful　smile　as　before；　but
in　a　frightened；　piteous　way。　The　smile　seemed　to　tell　him　that
what　he　was　doing　was　wrong。　He　stopped　for　a　moment。　There　was
still　the　possibility　of　a　struggle。　The　voice　of　his　real　love
for　her；　though　feebly；　was　still　speaking　of　her；　her　feelings；
her　life。　Another　voice　was　saying；　〃Take　care　I　don't　let　the
opportunity　for　your　own　happiness；　your　own　enjoyment；　slip　by！〃
And　this　second　voice　completely　stifled　the　first。　He　went　up　to
her　with　determination　and　a　terrible；　ungovernable　animal
passion　took　possession　of　him。

With　his　arm　round　he　made　her　sit　down　on　the　bed；　and　feeling
that　there　was　something　more　to　be　done　he　sat　down　beside　her。

〃Dmitri　Ivanovitch；　dear！　please　let　me　go；〃　she　said；　with　a
piteous　voice。　〃Matrona　Pavlovna　is　coming；〃　she　cried；　tearing
herself　away。　Some　one　was　really　coming　to　the　door。

〃Well；　then；　I'll　come　to　you　in　the　night；〃　he　whispered。
〃You'll　be　alone？〃

〃What　are　you　thinking　of？　On　no　account。　No；　no！〃　she　said；　but
only　with　her　lips；　the　tremulous　confusion　of　her　whole　being
said　something　very　different。

It　was　Matrona　Pavlovna　who　had　come　to　the　door。　She　came　in
with　a。　blanket　over　her　arm；　looked　reproachfully　at　Nekhludoff；
and　began　scolding　Katusha　for　having　taken　the　wrong　blanket。

Nekhludoff　went　out　in　silence；　but　he　did　not　even　feel　ashamed。
He　could　see　by　Matrona　Pavlovna's　face　that　she　was　blaming　him；
he　knew　that　she　was　blaming　him　with　reason　and　felt　that　he　was
doing　wrong；　but　this　novel；　low　animal　excitement；　having　freed
itself　of　all　the　old　feelings　of　real　love　for　Katusha；　ruled
supreme；　leaving　room　for　nothing　else。　He　went　about　as　if
demented　all　the　evening；　now　into　his　aunts'；　then　back　into　his
own　room；　then　out　into　the　porch；　thinking　all　the　time　how　he
could　meet　her　alone；　but　she　avoided　him；　and　Matrona　Pavlovna
watched　her　closely。


CHAPTER　XVII。

NEKHLUDOFF　AND　KATUSHA。

AND　so　the　evening　passed　and　night　came。　The　doctor　went　to　bed。
Nekhludoff's　aunts　had　also　retired；　and　he　knew　that　Matrona
Pavlovna　was　now　with　them　in　the