thais(塞斯)-第12章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
of the public and the favour of the gods； and was so much loved that she
loved herself。
After she had several years enjoyed the admiration and affection of the
Antiochians； she was taken with a desire to revisit Alexandria； and show
her glory in that city in which； as a child； she had wandered in want and
shame； hungry and lean as a grasshopper in the middle of a dusty road。
The golden city joyfully welcomed her； and loaded her with fresh riches；
when she appeared in the games it was a triumph。 Countless admirers and
lovers came to her。 She received them with indifference； for she at last
despaired of meeting another Lollius。
Amongst many others； she met the philosopher Nicias； who desired to
possess her； although he professed to have no desires。 In spite of his riches；
he was intelligent and modest。 But his delicate wit and beautiful
sentiments failed to charm her。 She did not love him and sometimes his
refined irony even irritated her。 His perpetual doubts hurt her； for he
believed in nothing； and she believed in everything。 She believed in divine
providence； in the omnipotence of evil spirits； in spells； exorcisms； and
eternal justice； she believed in Jesus Christ； and in the goddess of good of
the Syrians； she believed also that bitches barked when black Hecate
passed through the streets； and that a woman could inspire love by pouring
a philtre into a cup wrapped in the bleeding skin of a sheep。 She thirsted
for the unknown； she called on nameless gods； and lived in perpetual
expectation。 The future frightened her； and yet she wished to know it。 She
surrounded herself with priests of Isis； Chaldean magi； pharmacopolists；
and professors of the black arts； who invariably deceived her； though she
48
… Page 49…
THAIS
never tired of being deceived。 She feared death； and she saw it everywhere。
When she yielded to pleasure； it seemed to her that an icy finger would
suddenly touch her on the bare shoulder； and she turned pale； and cried
with terror； in the arms which embraced her。
Nicias said to her
〃What does it matter； O my Thais； whether we descend to eternal night
with white locks and hollow cheeks； or； whether this very day； now
laughing to the vast sky； shall be our last？ Let us enjoy life； we shall have
greatly lived if we have greatly loved。 There is no knowledge except that
of the senses； to love is to understand。 That which we do not know does
not exist。 What good is it to worry ourselves about nothing？〃
She replied angrily
〃I despise men like you； who hope for nothing and fear nothing。 I wish
to know！ I wish to know！〃
In order to understand the secret of life； she set to work to read the
books of the philosophers； but she did not understand them。 The further
the years of her childhood receded from her； the more anxious she was to
recall them。 She loved to traverse at night； in disguise； the alleys； squares；
and places where she had grown up so miserably。 She was sorry she had
lost her parents； and especially that she had not been able to love them。
When she met any Christian priest； she thought of her baptism； and felt
troubled。 One night； when enveloped in a long cloak； and her fair hair
hidden under a black hood； she was wandering； according to custom；
about the suburbs of the city； she found herselfwithout knowing how she
came therebefore the poor little church of St。 John the Baptist。 They
were singing inside the church； and a bright light glimmered through the
chinks of the door。 There was nothing strange in that； as； for the past
twenty years； the Christians； protected by the conqueror of Maxentius； had
publicly solemnised their festivals。 But these hymns seemed more like an
ardent appeal to the soul。 As if she had been invited to the mysteries； she
pushed the door open with her arm； and entered the building。 She found a
numerous assembly of women； children； and old men； on their knees
before a tomb； which stood against the wall。 The tomb was nothing but a
stone coffer； roughly sculptured with vine tendrils and bunches of grapes；
49
… Page 50…
THAIS
yet it had received great honours； and was covered with green palms and
wreaths of red roses。 All round； innumerable lights gleamed out of the
heavy shadow； in which the smoke of Arabian gums seemed like the folds
of angels' robes； and the paintings on the walls visions of Paradise。 Priests；
clad in white； were prostrate at the foot of the sarcophagus。 The hymns
they sang with the people expressed the delight of suffering； and mingled；
in a triumphal mourning； so much joy with so much grief； that Thais； in
listening to them； felt the pleasures of life and the terrors of death flowing；
at the same time； through her re…awakened senses。
When they had finished singing； the believers rose； and walked in
single file to the tomb； the side of which they kissed。 They were common
men； accustomed to work with their hands。 They advanced with a heavy
step； the eyes fixed； the jaw dropped； but they had an air of sincerity。 They
knelt down； each in turn； before the sarcophagus； and put their lips to it。
The women lifted their little children in their arms； and gently placed their
cheek to the stone。
Thais； surprised and troubled； asked a deacon why they did so。
〃Do you not know； woman；〃 replied the deacon； 〃that we celebrate to…
day the blessed memory of St。 Theodore the Nubian； who suffered for the
faith in the days of the Emperor Diocletian？ He lived virtuously and died a
martyr； and that is why； robed in white； we bear red roses to his glorious
tomb。〃
On hearing these words； Thais fell on her knees； and burst into tears。
Half…forgotten recollections of Ahmes returned to her mind。 On the
memory of this obscure； gentle； and unfortunate man； the blaze of candles；
the perfume of roses； the clouds of incense； the music of hymns； the piety
of souls； threw all the charms of glory。 Thais thought in the dazzling glare…
…
〃He was good； and now he has become great and glorious。 Why is it
that he is elevated above other men？ What is this unknown thing which is
more than riches or pleasure？〃
She rose slowly； and turned towards the tomb of the saint who had
loved her； those violet eyes； now filled with tears which glittered in the
candle…light； then； with bowed head； humble； slow； and the last； with those
50
… Page 51…
THAIS
lips on which so many desires hung； she kissed the stone of the slave's
tomb。
When she returned to her house； she found Nicias； who； with his hair
perfumed； and his tunic thrown open； was reading a treatise on morals
whilst waiting for her。 He advanced with open arms。
〃Naughty Thais；〃 he said； in a laughing voice； 〃whilst I was waiting
for you to come； do you know what I saw in this manuscript； written by
the gravest of Stoics？ Precepts of virtue and noble maxims： No！ On the
staid papyrus； I saw dance thousands and thousands of little Thaises。 Each
was no bigger than my finger； and yet their grace was infinite； and all were
the only Thais。 There were some who flaunted in mantles of purple and
gold； others； like a white cloud； floated in the air in transparent drapery。
Others again； motionless and divinely nude； the better to inspire pleasure；
expressed no thought。 Lastly； there were two； hand in hand； two so alike
that it was impossible to distinguish one from the other。 Both smiled。 The
first said； 'I am love。' The other； 'I am death。' 〃
Thus speaking； he pressed Thais in his arms； and not noticing the
sullen look in her downcast eyes； he went on adding thought to thought；
heedless of the fact that they were all lost upon her。
〃Yes； when I had before my eyes the line in which it was written；
'Nothing should deter you from improving your mind；' I read； 'The kisses
of Thais are warmer than fire； and sweeter than honey。' That is how a
philosopher reads the books of other philosophersand that is your fault；
you naughty child。 It is true that； as long as we are what we are； we shall
never find anything but our own thoughts in the thoughts of others； and
that all of us are somewhat inclined to read books as I have read this one。〃
She did not hear him； her soul was still before the Nubian's tomb。 As
he heard her sigh； he kissed her on the neck； and said
〃Do not be sad； my child。 We are never happy in this world； except
when we forget the world。
〃Come； let us cheat lifeit is sure to take its revenge。 Come； let us
love！〃
But she pushed him away。
〃/We/ love！〃 she cried bitterly。 〃/You/ never loved any one。 And /I/ do
51
… Page 52…
THAIS
not love /you/！ No！ I do not love you！ I hate you！ Go！ I hate you！ I curse
and despise all who are happy； and all who are rich！ Go！ Go！ Goodness is
only found amongst the unfortunate。 When I was a child I knew a black
slave who died on the cross。 He was good； he was filled with love； and he
knew the secret of life。 You are not worthy to wash his feet。 Go！ I never
wish to see you again！〃
She threw herself on her face on the carpet； and passed the night
sobbing and weeping； and forming resolutions to live； in future； like Saint
Theodore； in poverty and humbleness。
The next day； she devoted herself again to those pleasures to which she
was addicted。 As she knew that her beauty； though still intact； would not
last very long； she hastened to derive all the enjoyment and all the fame
she could from it。 At the theatre； where she acted and studied more than
ever； she gave life to the imagination of sculptors； painters； and poets。
Recognising that there was in the attitudes； movements； and walk of the
actress； an idea of the divine harmony which rules
