stories by english authors in london(英国作家在伦敦的故事)-第1章
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STORIES
STORIES
by English Authors in London
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STORIES
THE INCONSIDERATE WAITER
BY J。 M。 BARRIE
Frequently I have to ask myself in the street for the name of the man I
bowed to just now； and then； before I can answer； the wind of the first
corner blows him from my memory。 I have a theory； however； that those
puzzling faces； which pass before I can see who cut the coat； all belong to
club waiters。
Until William forced his affairs upon me that was all I did know of the
private life of waiters； though I have been in the club for twenty years。 I
was even unaware whether they slept downstairs or had their own homes；
nor had I the interest to inquire of other members； nor they the knowledge
to inform me。 I hold that this sort of people should be fed and clothed and
given airing and wives and children； and I subscribe yearly； I believe for
these purposes； but to come into closer relation with waiters is bad form；
they are club fittings； and William should have kept his distress to himself；
or taken it away and patched it up like a rent in one of the chairs。 His
inconsiderateness has been a pair of spectacles to me for months。
It is not correct taste to know the name of a club waiter； so I must
apologise for knowing William's； and still more for not forgetting it。 If；
again； to speak of a waiter is bad form； to speak bitterly is the comic
degree of it。 But William has disappointed me sorely。 There were years
when I would defer dining several minutes that he might wait on me。 His
pains to reserve the window…seat for me were perfectly satisfactory。 I
allowed him privileges； as to suggest dishes； and would give him
information； as that some one had startled me in the reading…room by
slamming a door。 I have shown him how I cut my finger with a piece of
string。 Obviously he was gratified by these attentions； usually
recommending a liqueur； and I fancy he must have understood my
sufferings； for he often looked ill himself。 Probably he was rheumatic； but
I cannot say for certain； as I never thought of asking； and he had the sense
to see that the knowledge would be offensive to me。
In the smoking…room we have a waiter so independent that once； when
he brought me a yellow chartreuse； and I said I had ordered green； he
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replied； 〃No； sir； you said yellow。〃 William could never have been guilty
of such effrontery。 In appearance； of course； he is mean； but I can no more
describe him than a milkmaid could draw cows。 I suppose we distinguish
one waiter from another much as we pick our hat from the rack。 We could
have plotted a murder safely before William。 He never presumed to have
any opinions of his own。 When such was my mood he remained silent； and
if I announced that something diverting had happened to me he laughed
before I told him what it was。 He turned the twinkle in his eye off or on at
my bidding as readily as if it was the gas。 To my 〃Sure to be wet to…
morrow；〃 he would reply； 〃Yes； sir；〃 and to Trelawney's 〃It doesn't look
like rain；〃 two minutes afterward； he would reply； 〃No； sir。〃 It was one
member who said Lightning Rod would win the Derby and another who
said Lightning Rod had no chance； but it was William who agreed with
both。 He was like a cheroot； which may be smoked from either end。 So
used was I to him that； had he died or got another situation （or whatever it
is such persons do when they disappear from the club）； I should probably
have told the head waiter to bring him back； as I disliked changes。
It would not become me to know precisely when I began to think
William an ingrate； but I date his lapse from the evening when he brought
me oysters。 I detest oysters； and no one knew it better than William。 He
has agreed with me that he could not understand any gentleman's liking
them。 Between me and a certain member who smacks his lips twelve times
to a dozen of them William knew I liked a screen to be placed until we had
reached the soup； and yet he gave me the oysters and the other man my
sardine。 Both the other member and I quickly called for brandy and the
head waiter。 To do William justice； he shook； but never can I forget his
audacious explanation： 〃Beg pardon； sir； but I was thinking of something
else。〃
In these words William had flung off the mask； and now I knew him
for what he was。
I must not be accused of bad form for looking at William on the
following evening。 What prompted me to do so was not personal interest
in him； but a desire to see whether I dare let him wait on me again。 So；
recalling that a caster was off a chair yesterday； one is entitled to make
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sure that it is on to…day before sitting down。 If the expression is not too
strong； I may say that I was taken aback by William's manner。 Even when
crossing the room to take my orders he let his one hand play nervously
with the other。 I had to repeat 〃Sardine on toast〃 twice； and instead of
answering 〃Yes； sir；〃 as if my selection of sardine on toast was a personal
gratification to him； which is the manner one expects of a waiter； he
glanced at the clock； then out at the window； and； starting； asked； 〃Did you
say sardine on toast； sir？〃
It was the height of summer； when London smells like a chemist's
shop； and he who has the dinner…table at the window needs no candles to
show him his knife and fork。 I lay back at intervals； now watching a
starved…looking woman sleep on a door…step； and again complaining of the
club bananas。 By…and…by I saw a girl of the commonest kind； ill… clad and
dirty； as all these Arabs are。 Their parents should be compelled to feed and
clothe them comfortably； or at least to keep them indoors； where they
cannot offend our eyes。 Such children are for pushing aside with one's
umbrella； but this girl I noticed because she was gazing at the club
windows。 She had stood thus for perhaps ten minutes when I became
aware that some one was leaning over me to look out at the window。 I
turned round。 Conceive my indignation on seeing that the rude person was
William。
〃How dare you； William？〃 I said； sternly。 He seemed not to hear me。
Let me tell； in the measured words of one describing a past incident； what
then took place。 To get nearer the window he pressed heavily on my
shoulder。
〃William； you forget yourself！〃 I said； meaningas I see nowthat he
had forgotten me。
I heard him gulp； but not to my reprimand。 He was scanning the street。
His hands chattered on my shoulder； and； pushing him from me； I saw that
his mouth was agape。
〃What are you looking for？〃 I asked。
He stared at me； and then； like one who had at last heard the echo of
my question； seemed to be brought back to the club。 He turned his face
from me for an instant； and answered shakily：
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〃I beg your pardon； sir！ II shouldn't have done it。 Are the bananas too
ripe； sir？〃
He recommended the nuts； and awaited my verdict so anxiously while
I ate one that I was about to speak graciously； when I again saw his eyes
drag him to the window。
〃William；〃 I said； my patience giving way at last； 〃I dislike being
waited on by a melancholy waiter。〃
〃Yes； sir；〃 he replied； trying to smile； and then broke out passionately；
〃For God's sake； sir； tell me； have you seen a little girl booking in at the
club windows？〃
He had been a good waiter once； and his distracted visage was spoiling
my dinner。
〃There；〃 I said； pointing to the girl； and no doubt would have added
that he must bring me coffee immediately； had he continued to listen。 But
already he was beckoning to the child。 I have not the least interest in her
（indeed； it had never struck me that waiters had private affairs； and I still
think it a pity that they should have）； but as I happened to be looking out
at the window I could not avoid seeing what occurred。 As soon as the girl
saw William she ran into the street； regardless of vehicles； and nodded
three times to him。 Then she disappeared。
I have said that she was quite a common child； without attraction of
any sort； and yet it was amazing the difference she made in William。 He
gasped relief； like one who had broken through the anxiety that checks
breathing； and into his face there came a silly laugh of happiness。 I had
dined well； on the whole； so I said：
〃I am glad to see you cheerful again； William。〃
I meant that I approved his cheerfulness because it helped my
digestion； but he must needs think I was sympathising with him。
〃Thank you； sir；〃 he answered。 〃Oh； sir！ when she nodded and I saw it
was all right I could have gone down on my knees to God。〃
I was as much horrified as if he had dropped a plate on my toes。 Even
William； disgracefully emotional as he was at the moment； flung out his
arms to recall the shameful words。
〃Coffee； William！〃 I said； sharply。
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I sipped my coffee indignantly； for it was plain to me that William had
something on his mind。
〃You are not vexed with me； sir？〃 he had the hardihood to whisper。
〃It was a liberty；〃 I said。
〃I know； sir； but I was beside myself。〃
〃That was a liberty also。〃
He hesitated； and then blurted out：
〃It is my wife； sir。 She〃
I stopped him with my hand。 Wil
