stories by english authors in london(英国作家在伦敦的故事)-第17章
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appearance； or of his worn…out silk hat with a crack in the side； or of his
rag of a black tie； which； together with his overcoat； had 〃seen better
days。〃 Once she brought her needle and thread； and darned the torn sleeve
during her lunch…time； and； though he never knew it； it was a satisfaction
to her to have helped him。
To…day she noticed that he was painting badly； and that he seemed to
take no interest in his work； but she went on busily with her own picture；
and was so engrossed in it that she did not at first observe that he had
packed up his brushes and was preparing to go home。
〃Three more strokes；〃 he said； quietly； 〃and you will have finished
your picture。 I shall never finish mine； perhaps you will be good enough to
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set it right for me。 I am not coming here again。 I don't seem to have caught
the true expression； what do you think？ But I am not going to let it worry
me； for I am sure you will promise to do your best for me。 See； I will hand
over these colours and these brushes to you； and no doubt you will accept
the palette as well。 I have no further use for it。〃
Helen Stanley took the palette which he held out toward her； and
looked at him as though she would wish to question him。
〃It is very hot here；〃 he continued； 〃and I am going out。 I am tired of
work。〃
He hesitated； and then added； 〃I should like you to come with me； if
you can spare the time。〃
She packed up her things at once； and the two friends moved slowly
away； he gazing absently at the pictures； and she wondering in her mind as
to the meaning of his strange mood。
When they were on the steps inside the building； he turned to Helen
Stanley and said：
〃I should like to go back to the pictures once more。 I feel as if I must
stand among them just a little longer。 They have been my companions for
so long that they are almost part of myself。 I can close my eyes and recall
them faithfully。 But I want to take a last look at them； I want to feel once
more the presence of the great masters； and to refresh my mind with their
genius。 When I look at their work I think of their life； and can only wonder
at their death。 It was so strange that they should die。〃
They went back together； and he took her to his favourite pictures； but
remained speechless before them； and she did not disturb his thoughts。 At
last he said：
〃I am ready to go。 I have said farewell to them all。 I know nothing
more wonderful than being among a number of fine pictures。 It is almost
overwhelming。 Once expects nature to be grand； but one does not expect
man to be grand。〃
〃You know we don't agree there；〃 she answered。 〃/I/ expect everything
grand and great from man。〃
They went out of the gallery； and into Trafalgar Square。 It was a
scorching afternoon in August； but there was some cooling comfort in
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seeing the dancing water of the fountains sparkling so brightly in the
sunshine。
〃Do you mind stopping here a few minutes？〃 he said。 〃I should like to
sit down and watch。 There is so much to see。〃
She led the way to a seat； one end of which was occupied by a
workman； who was sleeping soundly； and snoring too； his arms folded
tightly together。 He had a little clay pipe in the corner of his mouth； it
seemed to be tucked in so snugly that there was not much danger of its
falling to the ground。 At last Helen spoke to her companion。
〃What do you mean by saying that you will not be able to finish your
picture？ Perhaps you are not well。 Indeed； you don't look well。 You make
me anxious； for I have a great regard for you。〃
〃I am ill and suffering；〃 he answered； quietly。 〃I thought I should have
died yesterday； but I made up my mind to live until I saw you again； and I
thought I would ask you to spend the afternoon with me； and go with me
to Westminster Abbey； and sit with me in the cloisters。 I do not feel able to
go by myself； and I know of no one to ask except you； and I believed you
would not refuse me； for you have been very kind to me。 I do not quite
understand why you have been kind to me； but I am wonderfully grateful
to you。 Today I heard some one in the gallery say that you were plain。 I
turned round and I said； 'I beg your pardon； /I/ think she is very beautiful。'
I think they laughed； and that puzzled me； for you have always seemed to
me a very beautiful person。〃
At that moment the little clay pipe fell from the workman's mouth and
was broken into bits。 He awoke with a start； gazed stupidly at the old man
and his companion； and at the broken clay pipe。
〃Curse my luck！〃 he said； yawning。 〃I was fond of that damned little
pipe。〃
The old man drew his own pipe and his own tobacco…pouch from his
pocket。
〃Take these； stranger；〃 he said。 〃I don't want them。 And good luck to
you。〃
The man's face brightened up as he took the pipe and pouch。
〃You're uncommon kind；〃 he said。 〃Can you spare them？〃 he added；
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holding them out half reluctantly。
〃Yes；〃 answered the old man； 〃I shall not smoke again。 You may as
well have these matches too。〃
The labourer put them in his pocket； smiled his thanks； and walked
some little distance off； and Helen watched him examine his new pipe；
and then fill it with tobacco and light it。
Mr。 Lindall proposed that they should be getting on their way to
Westminster； and they soon found themselves in the abbey。 They sat
together in the Poets' Corner； a smile of quiet happiness broke over the old
man's tired face as he looked around and took in all the solemn beauty and
grandeur of the resting…place of the great。
〃You know；〃 he said； half to himself； half to his companion； 〃I have no
belief of any kind； and no hopes and no fears； but all through my life it has
been a comfort to me to sit quietly in a church or a cathedral。 The graceful
arches； the sun shining through the stained windows； the vaulted roof； the
noble columns； have helped me to understand the mystery which all our
books of philosophy cannot make clear； though we bend over them year
after year； and grow old over them； old in age and in spirit。 Though I
myself have never been outwardly a worshipper； I have never sat in a
place of worship but that； for the time being； I have felt a better man。 But
directly the voice of doctrine or dogma was raised the spell was broken for
me； and that which I hoped was being made clear had no further meaning
for me。 There was only one voice which ever helped me； the voice of the
organ； arousing me； thrilling me； filling me with strange longing； with
welcome sadness； with solemn gladness。 I have always thought that music
can give an answer when everything else is of no avail。 I do not know
what you believe。〃
〃I am so young to have found out；〃 she said； almost pleadingly。
〃Don't worry yourself；〃 he answered； kindly。 〃Be brave and strong；
and let the rest go。 I should like to live long enough to see what you will
make of your life。 I believe you will never be false to yourself or to any
one。 That is rare。 I believe you will not let any lower ideal take the place
of your high ideal of what is beautiful and noble in art； in life。 I believe
that you will never let despair get the upper hand of you。 If it does you
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may as well die； yes； you may as well。 And I entreat you not to lose your
entire faith in humanity。 There is nothing like that for withering up the
very core of the heart。 I tell you； humanity and nature have so much in
common with each other that if you lose part of your pleasure in the latter；
you will see less beauty in the trees； the flowers； and the fields； less
grandeur in the mighty mountains and the sea。 The seasons will come and
go； and you will scarcely heed their coming and going： winter will settle
over your soul； just as it settled over mine。 And you see what I am。〃
They had now passed into the cloisters； and they sat down in one of
the recesses of the windows； and looked out upon the rich plot of grass
which the cloisters enclose。 There was not a soul there except themselves；
the cool and the quiet and the beauty of the spot refreshed these pilgrims；
and they rested in calm enjoyment。
Helen was the first to break the silence。
〃I am glad you have brought me here；〃 she said； 〃I shall never grumble
now at not being able to afford a fortnight in the country。 This is better
than anything else。〃
〃It has always been my summer holiday to come here；〃 he said。 〃When
I first came I was like you； young and hopeful； and I had wonderful
visions of what I intended to do and to be。 Here it was I made a vow that I
would become a great painter； and win for myself a resting place in this
very abbey。 There is humour in the situation； is there not？〃
〃I don't like to hear you say that；〃 she answered。 〃It is not always
possible for us to fulfil all our ambitions。 Still； it is better to have had them；
and failed of them； than not to have had them at all。〃
〃Possibly；〃 he replied； coldly。 Then he added； 〃I wish you would tell
me about yourself。 You have always interested me。〃
〃I have nothing to tell you about myself；〃 she answered； frankly。 〃I am
alone in the world； without friends and without relations。 The very name I
use is not a real name。 I was a foundling。 At times I am sorry I do not
belong to any one； and at other times I am glad。 You know I am fond of
books and of art； so my life is not altogether empty； and I find my pleasure
in hard work。 When I saw you at the gallery I wished to know you； and I
asked one of the students who you were。 He told me you were a
