memoirs of carwin the biloquist-第13章

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　more；　the　incidents　of　your　early　life；　previous　to　your　introduction　to　me；　and；　at　our　next　conference；　prepare　to　supply　all　those　deficiencies　occasioned　by　negligence；　forgetfulness；　or　design　on　our　first。　　There　must　be　some。　　There　must　be　many。　　The　whole　truth　can　only　be　disclosed　after　numerous　and　repeated　conversations。　　These　must　take　place　at　considerable　intervals；　and　when　~~all~~　is　told；　then　shall　you　be　ready　to　encounter　the　final　ordeal；　and　load　yourself　with　heavy　and　terrific　sanctions。

I　shall　be　the　proper　judge　of　the　completeness　of　your　confession。Knowing　previously；　and　by　unerring　means；　your　whole　history；　I　shall　be　able　to　detect　all　that　is　deficient；　as　well　as　all　that　is　redundant。　　Your　confessions　have　hitherto　adhered　to　the　truth；　but　deficient　they　are；　and　they　must　be；　for　who；　at　a　single　trial；　can　detail　the　secrets　of　his　life？　　whose　recollection　can　fully　serve　him　at　an　instant's　notice？　　who　can　free　himself；　by　a　single　effort；　from　the　dominion　of　fear　and　shame？　　We　expect　no　miracles　of　fortitude　and　purity　from　our　disciples。　　It　is　our　discipline；　our　wariness；　our　laborious　preparation　that　creates　the　excellence　we　have　among　us。　　We　find　it　not　ready　made。

I　counsel　you　to　join　Mrs。　Benington　without　delay。　　You　may　see　me　when　and　as　often　as　you　please。　　When　it　is　proper　to　renew　the　present　topic；　it　shall　be　renewed。　　Till　then　we　will　be　silent。Here　Ludloe　left　me　alone；　but　not　to　indifference　or　vacuity。　　Indeed　I　was　overwhelmed　with　the　reflections　that　arose　from　this　conversation。　　So；　said　I；　I　am　still　saved；　if　I　have　wisdom　enough　to　use　the　opportunity；　from　the　consequences　of　past　concealments。　　By　a　distinction　which　I　had　wholly　overlooked；　but　which　could　not　be　missed　by　the　sagacity　and　equity　of　Ludloe；　I　have　praise　for　telling　the　truth；　and　an　excuse　for　withholding　some　of　the　truth。　　It　was；　indeed；　a　praise　to　which　I　was　entitled；　for　I　have　made　no　~~additions~~　to　the　tale　of　my　early　adventures。　　I　had　no　motive　to　exaggerate　or　dress　out　in　false　colours。　　What　I　sought　to　conceal；　I　was　careful　to　exclude　entirely；　that　a　lame　or　defective　narrative　might　awaken　no　suspicions。

The　allusion　to　incidents　at　Toledo　confounded　and　bewildered　all　my　thoughts。　　I　still　held　the　paper　he　had　given　me。　　So　far　as　memory　could　be　trusted；　it　was　the　same　which；　an　hour　after　I　had　received　it；　I　burnt；　as　I　conceived；　with　my　own　hands。　　How　Ludloe　came　into　possession　of　this　paper；　how　he　was　apprised　of　incidents；　to　which　only　the　female　mentioned　and　myself　were　privy；　which　she　had　too　good　reason　to　hide　from　all　the　world；　and　which　I　had　taken　infinite　pains　to　bury　in　oblivion；　I　vainly　endeavoured　to　conjecture。




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