memoirs of carwin the biloquist-第8章

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nary　colony。　　But　what　was　to　be　done？　　I　was　willing　to　abide　by　these　conditions。　　My　understanding　might　not　approve　of　all　the　ends　proposed　by　this　fraternity；　and　I　had　liberty　to　withdraw　from　it；　or　to　refuse　to　ally　myself　with　them。　　That　the　obligation　of　secrecy　should　still　remain；　was　unquestionably　reasonable。

It　appeared　to　be　the　plan　of　Ludloe　rather　to　damp　than　to　stimulate　my　zeal。　　He　discouraged　all　attempts　to　renew　the　subject　in　conversation。　　He　dwelt　upon　the　arduousness　of　the　office　to　which　I　aspired；　the　temptations　to　violate　my　duty　with　which　I　should　be　continually　beset；　the　inevitable　death　with　which　the　slightest　breach　of　my　engagements　would　be　followed；　and　the　long　apprenticeship　which　it　would　be　necessary　for　me　to　serve；　before　I　should　be　fitted　to　enter　into　this　conclave。

Sometimes　my　courage　was　depressed　by　these　representations。　。　。　。　。　。　　My　zeal；　however；　was　sure　to　revive；　and　at　length　Ludloe　declared　himself　willing　to　assist　me　in　the　accomplishment　of　my　wishes。　　For　this　end；　it　was　necessary；　he　said；　that　I　should　be　informed　of　a　second　obligation；　which　every　candidate　must　assume。　　Before　any　one　could　be　deemed　qualified；　he　must　be　thoroughly　known　to　his　associates。　　For　this　end；　he　must　determine　to　disclose　every　fact　in　his　history；　and　every　secret　of　his　heart。　　I　must　begin　with　making　these　confessions　with　regard　to　my　past　life；　to　Ludloe；　and　must　continue　to　communicate；　at　stated　seasons；　every　new　thought；　and　every　new　occurrence；　to　him。　　This　confidence　was　to　be　absolutely　limitless：　　no　exceptions　were　to　be　admitted；　and　no　reserves　to　be　practised；　and　the　same　penalty　attended　the　infraction　of　this　rule　as　of　the　former。　　Means　would　be　employed；　by　which　the　slightest　deviation；　in　either　case；　would　be　detected；　and　the　deathful　consequence　would　follow　with　instant　and　inevitable　expedition。　　If　secrecy　were　difficult　to　practise；　sincerity；　in　that　degree　in　which　it　was　here　demanded；　was　a　task　infinitely　more　arduous；　and　a　period　of　new　deliberation　was　necessary　before　I　should　decide。　　I　was　at　liberty　to　pause：　　nay；　the　longer　was　the　period　of　deliberation　which　I　took；　the　better；　but；　when　I　had　once　entered　this　path；　it　was　not　in　my　power　to　recede。　After　having　solemnly　avowed　my　resolution　to　be　thus　sincere　in　my　confession；　any　particle　of　reserve　or　duplicity　would　cost　me　my　life。

This　indeed　was　a　subject　to　be　deeply　thought　upon。　　Hitherto　I　had　been　guilty　of　concealment　with　regard　to　my　friend。　　I　had　entered　into　no　formal　compact；　but　had　been　conscious　to　a　kind　of　tacit　obligation　to　hide　no　important　transaction　of　my　life　from　him。　　This　consciousness　was　the　source　of　continual　anxiety。　　I　had　exerted；　on　numerous　occasions；　my　bivocal　faculty；　but；　in　my　intercourse　with　Ludloe；　had　suffered　not　the　slightest　intimation　to　escape　me　with　regard　to　it。　　This　reserve　was　not　easily　explained。　　It　was；　in　a　great　degree；　the　product　of　habit；　but　I　likewise　considered　that　the　efficacy　of　this　instrument　depended　upon　its　existence　being　unknown。　　To　confide　the　secret　to　one；　was　to　put　an　end　to　my　privilege：　　how　widely　the　knowledge　would　thenceforth　be　diffused；　I　had　no　power　to　foresee。

Each　day　multiplied　the　impediments　to　confidence。　　Shame　hindered　me　from　acknowledging　my　past　reserves。　　Ludloe；　from　the　nature　of　our　intercourse；　would　certainly　account　my　reserve；　in　this　respect；　unjustifiable；　and　to　excite　his　indignation　or　contempt　was　an　unpleasing　undertaking。　　Now；　if　I　should　resolve　to　persist　in　my　new　path；　this　reserve　must　be　dismissed：　　I　must　make　him　master　of　a　secret　which　was　precious　to　me　beyond　all　others；　by　acquainting　him　with　past　concealments；　I　must　risk　incurring　his　suspicion　and　his　anger。　　These　reflections　were　productive　of　considerable　embarrassment。

There　was；　indeed；　an　avenue　by　which　to　escape　these　difficulties；　if　it　did　not；　at　the　same　time；　plunge　me　into　greater。　　My　confessions　might；　in　other　respects；　be　unbounded；　but　my　reserves；　in　this　particular；　might　be　continued。　　Yet　should　I　not　expose　myself　to　formidable　perils？　　Would　my　secret　be　for　ever　unsuspected　and　undiscovered？

When　I　considered　the　nature　of　this　faculty；　the　impossibility　of　going　farther　than　suspicion；　since　the　agent　could　be　known　only　by　his　own　confession；　and　even　this　confession　would　not　be　believed　by　the　greater　part　of　mankind；　I　was　tempted　to　conceal　it。

In　most　cases；　if　I　had　asserted　the　possession　of　this　power；　I　should　be　treated　as　a　liar；　it　would　be　considered　as　an　absurd　and　audacious　expedient　to　free　myself　from　the　suspicion　of　having　entered　into　compact　with　a　daemon；　or　of　being　myself　an　emissary　of　the　grand　foe。　　Here；　however；　there　was　no　reason　to　dread　a　similar　imputation；　since　Ludloe　had　denied　the　preternatural　pretensions　of　these　airy　sounds。

My　conduct　on　this　occasion　was　nowise　influenced　by　the　belief　of　any　inherent　sanctity　in　truth。　　Ludloe　had　taught　me　to　model　myself　in　this　respect　entirely　with　a　view　to　immediate　consequences。　　If　my　genuine　interest；　on　the　whole；　was　promoted　by　veracity；　it　was　proper　to　adhere　to　it；　but；　if　the　result　of　my　investigation　were　opposite；　truth　was　to　be　sacrificed　without　scruple。


*Paraguay。



Chapter　VII。


Meanwhile；　in　a　point　of　so　much　moment；　I　was　not　hasty　to　determine。　　My　delay　seemed　to　be；　by　no　means；　unacceptable　to　Ludloe；　who　applauded　my　discretion；　and　warned　me　to　be　circumspect。　　My　attention　was　chiefly　absorbed　by　considerations　connected　with　this　subject；　and　little　regard　was　paid　to　any　foreign　occupation　or　amusement。

One　evening；　after　a　day　spent　in　my　closet；　I　sought　recreation　by　walking　forth。　　My　mind　was　chiefly　occupied　by　the　review　of　incidents　which　happened　in　Spain。　　I　turned　my　face　towards　the　fields；　and　recovered　not　from　my　reverie；　till　I　had　proceeded　some　miles　on　the　road　to　Meath。　　The　night　had　considerably　advanced；　and　the　darkness　was　rendered　intense；　by　the　setting　of　the　moon。　　Being　somewhat　weary；　as　well　as　undetermined　in　what　manner　next　to　proceed；　I　seated　myself　on　a　grassy　bank　beside　the　road。　　The　spot　which　I　had　chosen　was　aloof　from　passengers；　and　shrowded　in　the　deepest　obscurity。

Some　time　elapsed；　when　my　attention　was　excited　by　the　slow　approach　of　an　equipage。　　I　presently　discovered　a　coach　and　six　horses；　but　unattended；　except　by　coachman　and　postillion；　and　with　no　light　to　guide　them　on　their　way。　　Scarcely　had　they　passed　the　spot　where　I　rested；　when　some　one　leaped　from　beneath　the　hedge；　and　seized　the　head　of　the　fore…horses。　　Another　called　upon　the　coachman　to　stop；　and　threatened　him　with　instant　death　if　he　disobeyed。　　A　third　drew　open　the　coach…door；　and　ordered　those　within　to　deliver　their　purses。　　A　shriek　of　terror　showed　me　that　a　lady　was　within；　who　eagerly　consented　to　preserve　her　life　by　the　loss　of　her　money。

To　walk　unarmed　in　the　neighbourhood　of　Dublin；　especially　at　night；　has　always　been　accounted　dangerous。　　I　had　about　me　the　usual　instruments　of　defence。　　I　was　desirous　of　rescuing　this　person　from　the　danger　which　surrounded　her；　but　was　somewhat　at　a　loss　how　to　effect　my　purpose。　　My　single　strength　was　insufficient　to　contend　with　three　ruffians。　　After　a　moment's　debate；　an　expedient　was　suggested；　which　I　hastened　to　execute。

Time　had　not　been　allowed　for　the　ruffian　who　stood　beside　the　carriage　to　receive　the　plunder；　when　several　voices；　loud；　clamorous；　and　eager；　were　heard　in　the　quarter　whence　the　traveller　had　come。　　By　trampling　with　quickness；　it　was　easy　to　imitate　the　sound　of　many　feet。　　The　robbers　were　alarmed；　and　one　called　upon　another　to　attend。　　The　sounds　increased；　and；　at　the　next　moment；　they　betook　themselves　to　flight；　but　not　till　a　pistol　was　discharged。　　Whether　it　was　aimed　at　the　lady　in　the　carriage；　or　at　the　coachman；　I　was　not　permitted　to　discover；　for　the　report　affrighted　the　horses；　and　they　set　off　at　full　speed。

I　could　not　hope　to　overtake　them：　　I　knew　not　whither　the　robbers　had　fled；　and　whether；　by　proceeding；　I　might　not　fall　into　their　hands。　。　。　。　。　　These　considerations　induced　me　to　resume　my　feet；　and　retire　from　the　scene　as　expeditiously　as　possible。　　I　regained　my　own　habitation　without　injury。

I　have　said　that　I　occupied　separate　apartments　from　those　of　Ludloe。　　To　these　there　were　means　of　access　without　disturbing　the　family。　　I　hasted　to　my　chamber；　but　was　considerably　surprized　to　find；　on　entering　my　apartment；　Ludloe　seated　at　a　table；　with　a　lamp　before　him。

My　momentary　confusion　was　greater　than　his。　　On　discovering　who　it　was；　he　assumed　his　accustomed　looks；　and　explained　appearances；　by　saying；　that　he　wished　to　converse　with　me　on　a　subject　of　importance；　and　had　therefore　sought　me　at　this　secret　hour；　in　my　own　chamber。　　Contrary　to　his　expectation；　I　was　absent。　　Conceiving　it　possible　that　I　might　shortly　return；　he　had　waited　till　now。　　He　took　no　further　notice　of　my　absence；　nor　manifested　any　desire　to　know　the　cause　of　it；　but　proceeded　to　mention　the　subject　which　had　brought　him　hither。　　These　were　his　words。

You　have　nothing　which　the　laws　permit　you　to　call　your　own。　Justice　entitles　you　to　the　supply　of　your　physical　wants；　from　those　who　are　able　to　supply　them；　but　there　are　few　who　will　acknowledge　your　claim；　or　spare　an　atom　of　their　superfluity　to　appease　your　cravings。　　That　which　they　will　not　spontaneously　give；　it　is　not　right　to　wrest　from　them　by　violence。　　What　then　is　to　be　done？

Property　is　necessary　to　your　own　subsistence。　　It　is　useful；　by　enabling　you　to　supply　the　wants　of　others。　　To　give　food；　and　clothing；　and　shelter；　is　to　give　life；　to　annihilate　temptation；　to　unshackle　virtue；　and　propagate　felicity。　　How　shall　property　be　gained？

You　may　set　your　understanding　or　your　hands　at　work。　　You　may　weave　stockings；　or　write　poems；　and　exchange　them　for　money；　but　these　are　tardy　and　meagre　schemes。　　The　means　are　disproportioned　to　the　end；　and　I　will　not　suffer　you　to　pursue　them。　　My　justice　will　supply　your　wants。

But　dependance　on　the　justice　of　others　is　a　precarious　condition。　　To　be　the　object　is　a　less　ennobling　state　than　to　be　the　bestower　of　benefit。　　Doubtless　you　desire　to　be　vested　with　competence　and　riches；　and　to　hold　them　by　virtue　of　the　law；　and　not　at　the　will　of　a　benefactor。　。　。　。　。　。　　He　paused　as　if　waiting　for　my　assent　to　his　positions。　　I　readily　expressed　my　concurrence；　and　my　desire　to　pursue　any　means　compatible　with　honesty。　　He　resumed。

There　are　various　means；　besides　labour；　violence；　or　fraud。　It　is　right　to　select　the　easiest　within　your　reach。　　It　happens　that　the　easiest　is　at　hand。　　A　revenue　of　some　thousands　a　year；　a　stately　mansion　in　the　city；　and　another　in　Kildare；　old　and　faithful　domestics；　and　magnificent　furniture；　are　good　things。　Will　you　have　them？

A　gift　like　that；　replied　I；　will　be　attended　by　momentous　conditions。　　I　cannot　decide　upon　its　value；　until　I　know　these　conditions。

The　sole　condition　is　your　consent　to　receive　them。　　Not　even　the　airy　obligation　of　gratitude　will　be　created　by　acceptance。　　On　the　contrary；　by　accepting　them；