over the teacups-第17章

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nothing　about。　　When　a　realistic　writer　like　Zola　surprises　his

reader　into　a　kind　of　knowledge　he　never　thought　of　wishing　for；　he

sometimes　harms　him　more　than　he　has　any　idea　of　doing。　　He　wants　to

produce　a　sensation；　and　he　leaves　a　permanent　disgust　not　to　he　got

rid　of。　　Who　does　not　remember　odious　images　that　can　never　be　washed

out　from　the　consciousness　which　they　have　stained？　　A　man's

vocabulary　is　terribly　retentive　of　evil　words；　and　the　images　they

present　cling　to　his　memory　and　will　not　loose　their　hold。　　One　who

has　had　the　mischance　to　soil　his　mind　by　reading　certain　poems　of

Swift　will　never　cleanse　it　to　its　original　whiteness。　　Expressions

and　thoughts　of　a　certain　character　stain　the　fibre　of　the　thinking

organ；　and　in　some　degree　affect　the　hue　of　every　idea　that　passes

through　the　discolored　tissues。



This　is　the　gravest　accusation　to　bring　against　realism；　old　or

recent；　whether　in　the　brutal　paintings　of　Spagnoletto　or　in　the

unclean　revelations　of　Zola。　　Leave　the　description　of　the　drains　and

cesspools　to　the　hygienic　specialist；　the　painful　facts　of　disease　to

the　physician；　the　details　of　the　laundry　to　the　washerwoman。　　If　we

are　to　have　realism　in　its　tedious　descriptions　of　unimportant

particulars；　let　it　be　of　particulars　which　do　not　excite　disgust。

Such　is　the　description　of　the　vegetables　in　Zola's　〃Ventre　de

Paris；〃　where；　if　one　wishes　to　see　the　apotheosis　of　turnips；　beets；

and　cabbages；　he　can　find　them　glorified　as　supremely　as　if　they　had

been　symbols　of　so　many　deities；　their　forms；　their　colors；　their

expression；　worked　upon　until　they　seem　as　if　they　were　made　to　be

looked　at　and　worshipped　rather　than　to　be　boiled　and　eaten。



I　am　pleased　to　find　a　French　critic　of　M。　Flaubert　expressing　ideas

with　which　many　of　my　own　entirely　coincide。　　〃The　great　mistake　of

the　realists；　〃　he　says；　〃is　that　they　profess　to　tell　the　truth

because　they　tell　everything。　　This　puerile　hunting　after　details；

this　cold　and　cynical　inventory　of　all　the　wretched　conditions　in　the

midst　of　which　poor　humanity　vegetates；　not　only　do　not　help　us　to

understand　it　better；　but；　on　the　contrary；　the　effect　on　the

spectators　is　a　kind　of　dazzled　confusion　mingled　with　fatigue　and

disgust。　　The　material　truthfulness　to　which　the　school　of　M。

Flaubert　more　especially　pretends　misses　its　aim　in　going　beyond　it。

Truth　is　lost　in　its　own　excess。〃



I　return　to　my　thoughts　on　the　relations　of　imaginative　art　in　all

its　forms　with　science。　　The　subject　which　in　the　hands　of　the

scientific　student　is　handled　decorously；reverently；　we　might

almost　say；becomes　repulsive；　shameful；　and　debasing　in　the

unscrupulous　manipulations　of　the　low…bred　man　of　letters。



I　confess　that　I　am　a　little　jealous　of　certain　tendencies　in　our　own

American　literature；　which　led　one　of　the　severest　and　most　outspoken

of　our　satirical　fellow…countrymen；　no　longer　living　to　be　called　to

account　for　it；　to　say；　in　a　moment　of　bitterness；　that　the　mission

of　America　was　to　vulgarize　mankind。　　I　myself　have　sometimes

wondered　at　the　pleasure　some　Old　World　critics　have　professed　to

find　in　the　most　lawless　freaks　of　New　World　literature。　　I　have

questioned　whether　their　delight　was　not　like　that　of　the　Spartans　in

the　drunken　antics　of　their　Helots。　　But　I　suppose　I　belong　to

another　age；　and　must　not　attempt　to　judge　the　present　by　my　old…

fashioned　standards。



The　company　listened　very　civilly　to　these　remarks；　whether　they

agreed　with　them　or　not。　　I　am　not　sure　that　I　want　all　the　young

people　to　think　just　as　I　do　in　matters　of　critical　judgment。　　New

wine　does　not　go　well　into　old　bottles；　but　if　an　old　cask　has　held

good　wine；　it　may　improve　a　crude　juice　to　stand　awhile　upon　the　lees

of　that　which　once　filled　it。



I　thought　the　company　had　had　about　enough　of　this　disquisition。

They　listened　very　decorously；　and　the　Professor；　who　agrees　very

well　with　me；　as　I　happen　to　know；　in　my　views　on　this　business　of

realism；　thanked　me　for　giving　them　the　benefit　of　my　opinion。



The　silence　that　followed　was　broken　by　Number　Seven's　suddenly

exclaiming；



〃I　should　like　to　boss　creation　for　a　week！〃



This　expression　was　an　outbreak　suggested　by　some　train　of　thought

which　Number　Seven　had　been　following　while　I　was　discoursing。　　I　do

not　think　one　of　the　company　looked　as　if　he　or　she　were　shocked　by

it　as　an　irreligious　or　even　profane　speech。　　It　is　a　better　way

always；　in　dealing　with　one　of　those　squinting　brains；　to　let　it

follow　out　its　own　thought。　　It　will　keep　to　it　for　a　while；　then　it

will　quit　the　rail；　so　to　speak；　and　run　to　any　side…track　which　may

present　itself。



〃What　is　the　first　thing　you　would　do？〃　asked　Number　Five　in　a

pleasant；　easy　way。



〃The　first　thing？　　Pick　out　a　few　thousand　of　the　best　specimens　of

the　best　races；　and　drown　the　rest　like　so　many　blind　puppies。〃



〃Why；〃　said　she；　〃that　was　tried　once；　and　does　not　seem　to　have

worked　very　well。〃



〃Very　likely。　　You　mean　Noah's　flood；　I　suppose。　　More　people

nowadays；　and　a　better　lot　to　pick　from　than　Noah　had。〃



〃Do　tell　us　whom　you　would　take　with　you；〃　said　Number　Five。



〃You；　if　you　would　go；〃　he　answered；　and　I　thought　I　saw　a　slight

flush　on　his　cheek。　　〃But　I　didn't　say　that　I　should　go　aboard　the

new　ark　myself。　　I　am　not　sure　that　I　should。　　No；　I　am　pretty　sure

that　I　shouldn't。　　I　don't　believe；　on　the　whole；　it　would　pay　me　to

save　myself。　　I　ain't　of　much　account。　　But　I　could　pick　out　some

that　were。〃



And　just　now　he　was　saying　that　he　should　like　to　boss　the　universe！

All　this　has　nothing　very　wonderful　about　it。　　Every　one　of　us　is

subject　to　alternations　of　overvaluation　and　undervaluation　of

ourselves。　　Do　you　not　remember　soliloquies　something　like　this？

〃Was　there　ever　such　a　senseless；　stupid　creature　as　I　am？　　How　have

I　managed　to　keep　so　long　out　of　the　idiot　asylum？　　Undertook　to

write　a　poem；　and　stuck　fast　at　the　first　verse。　　Had　a　call　from　a

friend　who　had　just　been　round　the　world。　　Did　n't　ask　him　one　word

about　what　he　had　seen　or　heard；　but　gave　him　full　details　of　my

private　history；　I　having　never　been　off　my　own　hearth…rug　for　more

than　an　hour　or　two　at　a　time；　while　he　was　circumnavigating　and

circumrailroading　the　globe。　　Yes；　if　anybody　can　claim　the　title；　I

am　certainly　the　prize　idiot。〃　　I　am　afraid　that　we　all　say　such

things　as　this　to　ourselves　at　times。　　Do　we　not　use　more　emphatic

words　than　these　in　our　self…depreciation？　　I　cannot　say　how　it　is

with　others；　but　my　vocabulary　of　self…reproach　and　humiliation　is　so

rich　in　energetic　expressions　that　I　should　be　sorry　to　have　an

interviewer　present　at　an　outburst　of　one　of　its　raging　geysers；　its

savage　soliloquies。　　A　man　is　a　kind　of　inverted　thermometer；　the

bulb　uppermost；　and　the　column　of　self…valuation　is　all　the　time

going　up　and　down。　　Number　Seven　is　very　much　like　other　people　in

this　respect；very　much　like　you　and　me。



This　train　of　reflections　must　not　carry　me　away　from　Number　Seven。



〃If　I　can't　get　a　chance　to　boss　this　planet　for　a　week　or　so；〃　he

began　again；　〃I　think　1　could　write　its　history；yes；　the　history　of

the　world；　in　less　compass　than　any　one　who　has　tried　it　so　far。〃



〃You　know　Sir　Walter　Raleigh's　'History　of　the　World；'　of　course？〃

said　the　Professor。



〃More　or　less；more　or　less；〃　said　Number　Seven　prudently。　　〃But　I

don't　care　who　has　written　it　before　me。　　I　will　agree　to　write　the

story　of　two　worlds；　this　and　the　next；　in　such　a　compact　way　that

you　can　commit　them　both　；to　memory　in　less　time　than　you　can　learn

the　answer　to　the　first　question　in　the　Catechism。〃



What　he　had　got　into　his　head　we　could　not　guess；　but　there　was　no

little　curiosity　to　discover　the　particular　bee　which　was　buzzing　in

his　bonnet。　　He　evidently　enjoyed　our　curiosity；　and　meant　to　keep　us

waiting　awhile　before　revealing　the　great　secret。



〃How　many　words　do　you　think　I　shall　want？〃



It　is　a　formula；　I　suppose；　I　said；　and　I　will　grant　you　a　hundred

words。



〃Twenty；〃　said　the　Professor。　　〃That　was　more　than　the　wise　men　of

Greece　wanted　for　their　grand　utterances。〃



The　two　Annexes　whispered　together；　and　the　American　Annex　gave　their

joint　result。　　One　thousand　was　the　number　they　had　fixed　on。　　They

were　used　to　hearing　lectures；　and　could　hardly　conceive　that　any

subject　could　be　treated　without　taking　up　a　good　part　of　an　hour。



〃Less　than　ten；〃　said　Number　Five。　　〃If　there　are　to　be　more　than

ten；　I　don't　believe　that　Number　Seven　would　think　the　surprise　would

be　up　to　our　expectations。〃



〃Guess　as　much　as　you　like；〃　said　Number　Seven。



〃The　answer　will　keep。　　I　don't　mean　to　say　what　it　is　until　we　are

ready　to　leave　the　table。〃　He　took　a　blank　card　from　his　pocket…book；

wrote　something　on　it；　or　appeared；　at　any　rate；　to　write；　and　handed

it；　face　down；　to　the　Mistress。　　What　was　on　the　card　will　be　found

near　the　end　of　this　paper。　　I　wonder　if　anybody　will　be　curious

enough　to　look　further　along　to　find　out　what　it　was　before　she　reads

the　next　paragraph？



In　the　mean　time　there　is　a　train　of　thought　suggested　by　Number

Seven　and　his　whims。　　If　you　want　to　know　how　to　account　for

yourself；　study　the　characters　of　your　relations。　　All　of　our　brains

squint　more　or　less。　　There　is　not　one　in　a　hundred；　certainly；　that

does　not　sometimes　see　things　distorted　by　double　refraction；　out　of

plumb　or　out　of　focus；　or　with　colors　which　do　not　belong　to　it；　or

in　some　way　betraying　that　the　two　halves　of　the　brain　are　not　acting

in　harmony　with　each　other。　　You　wonder　at　the　eccentricities　of　this

or　that　connection　of　your　own。　　Watch　yourself；　and　you　will　find

impulses　which；　but　for　the　restraints　you　put　upon　them；　would　make

you　do　the　same　foolish　things　which　you　laugh　at　in　that　cousin　of

yours。　　I　once　lived　in　the　same　house　with　the　near　relative　of　a

very　distinguished　person；　whose　name　is　still　honored　and　revered

among　us。　　His　brain　was　an　active　one；　like　that　of　his　famous

relative；　but　it　was　full　of　random　ideas；　unconnected　trains　of

thought；　whims；　crotchets；　erratic　suggestions。　　Knowing　him；　I　could

interpret　the　mental　characteristics　of　the　whole　family　connection

in　the　light　of　its　exaggerated　peculiarities　as　exhibited　in　my　odd

fellow…boarder。　　Squinting　brains　are　a　great　deal　more　common　than

we　should　at　first　sight　believe。　　Here　is　a　great　book；　a　solid

octavo　of　five　hundred　pages；　full　of　the　vagaries　of　this　class　of

organizations。　　I　hope　to　refer　to　this　work　hereafter；　but　just　now

I　will　only　say　that；　after　reading　till　one　is　tired　the　strange

fancies　of　the　squarers　of　the　circle；　the　inventors　of　perpetual

motion；　and　the　rest　of　the　moonstruck　dreamers；　most　persons　will

confess　to　themselves　that　they　have　had　notions　as　wild；　conception