over the teacups-第34章

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pounds；　and　am　well　put　together。　　Hiram　was　noted　in　his　village　as

a　'rahstler。'　　But　my　face　is　rather　pallid　and　peaked；　and　Hiram　had

something　of　the　greenhorn　look。　　The　two　men；　who　had　been　drinking；

hardly　knew　what　ground　to　take。　　They　rather　liked　the　sound　of　；Sir

Michael　and；　Sir　Hans。　　They　did　not　know　very　well　what　to　make　of

their　wives　as　'ladies。'　　They　looked　doubtful　whether　to　take　what

had　been　said　as　a　casus　belli　or　not；　but　they　wanted　a　pretext　of

some　kind　or　other。　　Presently　one　of　them　saw　a　label　on　the　scoop；

or　longhandled；　spoon…like　shovel；　with　which　Hiram　had　been　working。



〃'Arrah；　be　jabers！'　exclaimed　Mike　Fagan；　'but　has　n't　he　been

a…tradin'　wid　Brown；　the　hardware　fellah；　that　we　boycotted！　　Grab

it；　Hans；　and　we'll　carry　it　off　and　show　it　to　the　brotherhood。'



The　men　made　a　move　toward　the　implement。



〃'You　let　that　are　scoop…shovel　alone；'　said　Hiram。



〃I　stepped　to　his　side。　　The　Knights　were　combative；　as　their　noble

predecessors　with　the　same　title　always　were；　and　it　was　necessary　to

come　to　a　voie　de　fait。　　My　straight　blow　from　the　shoulder　did　for

Sir　Michael。　　Hiram　treated　Sir　Hans　to　what　is　technically　known　as

a　cross…buttock。



〃'Naow；　Dutchman；'　said　Hiram；　'if　you　don't　want　to　be　planted　in

that　are　post…hole；　y'd　better　take　y'rself　out　o'　this　here　piece　of

private　property。　　〃Dangerous　passin'；〃　as　the　sign…posts　say；　abaout

these　times。'



〃Sir　Michael　went　down　half　stunned　by　my　expressive　gesture；　Sir

Hans　did　not　know　whether　his　hip　was　out　of　joint　or　he　had　got　a

bad　sprain；　but　they　were　both　out　of　condition　for　further

hostilities。　　Perhaps　it　was　hardly　fair　to　take　advantage　of　their

misfortunes　to　inflict　a　discourse　upon　them；　but　they　had　brought　it

on　themselves；　and　we　each　of　us　gave　them　a　piece　of　our　mind。



〃'I　tell　you　what　it　is；'　said　Hiram；　'I'm　a　free　and　independent

American　citizen；　and　I　an't　a…gon'　to　hev　no　man　tyrannize　over　me；

if　he　doos　call　himself　by　one　o'　them　noblemen's　titles。　　Ef　I　can't

work　jes'　as　I　choose；　fur　folks　that　wants　me　to　work　fur　'em　and

that　I　want　to　work　fur；　I　might　jes'　as　well　go　to　Sibery　and　done

with　it。　　My　gran'f'ther　fit　in　Bunker　Hill　battle。　　I　guess　if　our

folks　in　them　days　did　n't　care　no　great　abaout　Lord　Percy　and　Sir

William　Haowe；　we　an't　a…gon'　to　be　scart　by　Sir　Michael　Fagan　and

Sir　Hans　What　's…his…name；　nor　no　other　fellahs　that　undertakes　to　be

noblemen；　and　tells　us　common　folks　what　we　shall　dew　an'　what　we

sha'n't。　　No；　sir！'



〃I　took　the　opportunity　to　explain　to　Sir　Michael　and　Sir　Hans　what

it　was　our　fathers　fought　for；　and　what　is　the　meaning　of　liberty。

If　these　noblemen　did　not　like　the　country；　they　could　go　elsewhere。

If　they　did　n't　like　the　laws；　they　had　the　ballot…box；　and　could

choose　new　legislators。　　But　as　long　as　the　laws　existed　they　must

obey　them。　　I　could　not　admit　that；　because　they　called　themselves　by

the　titles　the　Old　World　nobility　thought　so　much　of；　they　had　a

right　to　interfere　in　the　agreements　I　entered　into　with　my　neighbor。

I　told　Sir　Michael　that　if　he　would　go　home　and　help　Lady　Fagan　to

saw　and　split　the　wood　for　her　fire；　he　would　be　better　employed　than

in　meddling　with　my　domestic　arrangements。　　I　advised　Sir　Hans　to　ask

Lady　Schleimer　for　her　bottle　of　spirits　to　use　as　an　embrocation　for

his　lame　hip。　　And　so　my　two　visitors　with　the　aristocratic　titles

staggered　off；　and　left　us　plain；　untitled　citizens；　Hiram　and

myself；　to　set　our　posts；　and　consider　the　question　whether　we　lived

in　a　free　country　or　under　the　authority　of　a　self…constituted　order

of　quasi…nobility。〃



It　is　a　very　curious　fact　that；　with　all　our　boasted　〃free　and　equal〃

superiority　over　the　communities　of　the　Old　World；　our　people　have

the　most　enormous　appetite　for　Old　World　titles　of　distinction。　　Sir

Michael　and　Sir　Hans　belong　to　one　of　the　most　extended　of　the

aristocratic　orders。　　But　we　have　also　〃Knights　and　Ladies　of　Honor；〃

and；　what　is　still　grander；　〃Royal　Conclave　of　Knights　and　Ladies；〃

〃Royal　Arcanum；〃　and　〃Royal　Society　of　Good　Fellows；〃　　〃　Supreme

Council；〃　　〃Imperial　Court；〃　　〃Grand　Protector；〃　and　〃Grand

Dictator；〃　and　so　on。　　Nothing　less　than　〃Grand〃　and　11　Supreme〃　is

good　enough　for　the　dignitaries　of　our　associations　of　citizens。

Where　does　all　this　ambition　for　names　without　realities　come　from？

Because　a　Knight　of　the　Garter　wears　a　golden　star；　why　does　the

worthy　cordwainer；　who　mends　the　shoes　of　his　fellow…citizens；　want

to　wear　a　tin　star；　and　take　a　name　that　had　a　meaning　as　used　by　the

representatives　of　ancient　families；　or　the　men　who　had　made

themselves　illustrious　by　their　achievements？



It　appears　to　be　a　peculiarly　American　weakness。　　The　French

republicans　of　the　earlier　period　thought　the　term　citizen　was　good

enough　for　anybody。　　At　a　later　period；　〃Roi　Citoyen〃the　citizen

king　was　a　common　title　given　to　Louis　Philippe。　　But　nothing　is　too

grand　for　the　American；　in　the　way　of　titles。　　The　proudest　of　them

all　signify　absolutely　nothing。　　They　do　not　stand　for　ability；　for

public　service；　for　social　importance；　for　large　possessions；　but；　on

the　contrary；　are　oftenest　found　in　connection　with　personalities　to

which　they　are　supremely　inapplicable。　　We　can　hardly　afford　to

quarrel　with　a　national　habit　which；　if　lightly　handled；　may　involve

us　in　serious　domestic　difficulties。　　The　〃Right　Worshipful〃

functionary　whose　equipage　stops　at　my　back　gate；　and　whose　services

are　indispensable　to　the　health　and　comfort　of　my　household；　is　a

dignitary　whom　I　must　not　offend。　　I　must　speak　with　proper　deference

to　the　lady　who　is　scrubbing　my　floors；　when　I　remember　that　her

husband；　who　saws　my　wood；　carries　a　string　of　high…sounding　titles

which　would　satisfy　a　Spanish　nobleman。



After　all；　every　people　must　have　its　own　forms　of　ostentation；

pretence；　and　vulgarity。　　The　ancient　Romans　had　theirs；　the　English

and　the　French　have　theirs　as　well；why　should　not　we　Americans　have

ours？　　Educated　and　refined　persons　must　recognize　frequent　internal

conflicts　between　the　〃Homo　sum〃　of　Terence　and　the　〃Odi　profanum

vulgus〃　of　Horace。　　The　nobler　sentiment　should　be　that　of　every　true

American；　and　it　is　in　that　direction　that　our　best　civilization　is

constantly　tending。



We　were　waited　on　by　a　new　girl；　the　other　evening。　　Our　pretty

maiden　had　left　us　for　a　visit　to　some　relative；so　the　Mistress

said。　　I　do　sincerely　hope　she　will　soon　come　back；　for　we　all　like

to　see　her　flitting　round　the　table。



I　don't　know　what　to　make　of　it。　　I　had　it　all　laid　out　in　my　mind。

With　such　a　company　there　must　be　a　love…story。　　Perhaps　there　will

be；　but　there　may　be　new　combinations　of　the　elements　which　are　to

make　it　up；　and　here　is　a　bud　among　the　full…blown　flowers　to　which　I

must　devote　a　little　space。





　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　Delilah。



I　must　call　her　by　the　name　we　gave　her　after　she　had　trimmed　the

Samson　locks　of　our　Professor。　　Delilah　is　a　puzzle　to　most　of　us。

A　pretty　creature；　dangerously　pretty　to　be　in　a　station　not　guarded

by　all　the　protective　arrangements　which　surround　the　maidens　of　a

higher　social　order。　　It　takes　a　strong　cage　to　keep　in　a　tiger　or　a

grizzly　bear；　but　what　iron　bars；　what　barbed　wires；　can　keep　out　the

smooth　and　subtle　enemy　that　finds　out　the　cage　where　beauty　is

imprisoned？　　Our　young　Doctor　is　evidently　attracted　by　the　charming

maiden　who　serves　him　and　us　so　modestly　and　so　gracefully。

Fortunately；　the　Mistress　never　loses　sight　of　her。　　If　she　were　her

own　daughter；　she　could　not　be　more　watchful　of　all　her　movements。

And　yet　I　do　not　believe　that　Delilah　needs　all　this　overlooking。　　If

I　am　not　mistaken；　she　knows　how　to　take　care　of　herself；　and　could

be　trusted　anywhere；　in　any　company；　without　a　duenna。　　She　has　a

history；I　feel　sure　of　it。　　She　has　been　trained　and　taught　as

young　persons　of　higher　position　in　life　are　brought　up；　and　does　not

belong　in　the　humble　station　in　which　we　find　her。　　But　inasmuch　as

the　Mistress　says　nothing　about　her　antecedents；　we　do　not　like　to　be

too　inquisitive。　　The　two　Annexes　are；　it　is　plain；　very　curious

about　her。　　I　cannot　wonder。　　They　are　both　good…looking　girls；　but

Delilah　is　prettier　than　either　of　them。　　My　sight　is　not　so　good　as

it　was；　but　I　can　see　the　way　in　which　the　eyes　of　the　young　people

follow　each　other　about　plainly　enough　to　set　me　thinking　as　to　what

is　going　on　in　the　thinking　marrow　behind　them。　　The　young　Doctor's

follow　Delilah　as　she　glides　round　the　table；they　look　into　hers

whenever　they　get　a　chance；　but　the　girl's　never　betray　any

consciousness　of　it；　so　far　as　I　can　see。　　There　is　no　mistaking　the

interest　with　which　the　two；　Annexes　watch　all　this。　　Why　shouldn't

they；　I　should　like　to　know？　　The　Doctor　is　a　bright　young　fellow；

and　wants　nothing　but　a　bald　spot　and　a　wife　to　find　himself　in　a

comfortable　family　practice。　　One　of　the　Annexes；　as　I　have　said；。

has　had　thoughts　of　becoming　a　doctress。　　I　don't　think　the　Doctor

would　want　his　wife　to　practise　medicine；　for　reasons　which　I　will

not　stop　to　mention。　　Such　a　partnership　sometimes　works　wonderfully

well；　as　in　one　well…known　instance　where　husband　and　wife　are　both

eminent　in　the　profession；　but　our　young　Doctor　has　said　to　me　that

he　had　rather　see　his　wife；if　he　ever　should　have　one；at　the

piano　than　at　the　dissecting…table。　　Of　course　the　Annexes　know

nothing　about　this；　and　they　may　think；　as　he　professed　himself

willing　to　lecture　on　medicine　to　women；　he　might　like　to　take　one　of

his　pupils　as　a　helpmeet。



If　it　were　not　for　our　Delilah's　humble　position；　I　don't　see　why　she

would　not　be　a　good　match　for　any　young　man。　　But　then　it　is　so　hard

to　take　a　young　woman　from　so　very　lowly　a　condition　as　that　of　a

〃waitress〃　that　it　would　require　a　deal　of　courage　to　venture　on　such

a　step。　　If　we　could　only　find　out　that　she　is　a　princess　in

disguise；　so　to　speak；that　is；　a　young　person　of　presentable

connections　as　well　as　pleasing　looks　and　manners；　that　she　has　had

an　education　of　some　kind；　as　we　suspected　when　she　blushed　on

hearing　herself　spoken　of　as　a　〃gentille　petite；〃　why；　then

everything　would　be　all　right；　the　young　Doctor　would　have　plain

sailing；that　is；　if　be　is　in　love　with　her；　and　if　she　fancies

him；and　I　should　find　my　love…story；the　one　I　expected；　but　not

between　the　parties　I　had　thought　would　be　mating　with　each　other。



Dear　little　Delilah！　　Lily　of　the　valley；　growing　in　the　shade　now；

perhaps　better　there　until　her　petals　drop；　and　yet　if　she　is　all　I

often　fancy　she　is；　how　her　youthful　presence　would　illuminate　and

sweeten　a　household！　　There　is　not　one　of　us　who　does　not　feel

interested　in　her；not　one　of　us　who　would　not　be　delighted　at　some

Cinderella　transformation　which　would　show　her　in　the　setting　N