mark twain, a biography, 1900-1907-第34章

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series　to　illustrate　what　he　called　〃The　Progress　of　a　Moral　Purpose。〃　
He　ordered　a　number　of　sets　of　this　series；　and　he　wrote　a　legend　on　each
photograph；　numbering　them　from　1　to　7；　laying　each　set　in　a　sheet　of　
letter…paper　which　formed　a　sort　of　wrapper；　on　which　was　written：

　　　　　This　series　of　q　photographs　registers　with　scientific　precision；
　　　　　stage　by　stage；　the　progress　of　a　moral　purpose　through　the
　　　　　mind　of　the　human　race's　Oldest　Friend。　　　　　　　　　　　　S。　L。　C。

He　added　a　personal　inscription；　and　sent　one　to　each　of　his　more
intimate　friends。　　One　of　the　pictures　amused　him　more　than　the　others；
because　during　the　exposure　a　little　kitten；　unnoticed；　had　walked　into
it；　and　paused　near　his　foot。　　He　had　never　outgrown　his　love　for　cats；
and　he　had　rented　this　kitten　and　two　others　for　the　summer　from　a
neighbor。　　He　didn't　wish　to　own　them；　he　said；　for　then　he　would　have　to
leave　them　behind　uncared　for；　so　he　preferred　to　rent　them　and　pay
sufficiently　to　insure　their　subsequent　care。　　These　kittens　he　called
Sackcloth　and　AshesAshes　being　the　joint　name　of　the　two　that　looked
exactly　alike；　and　so　did　not　need　distinctive　titles。　　Their　gambols
always　amused　him。　　He　would　stop　any　time　in　the　midst　of　dictation　to
enjoy　them。　　Once；　as　he　was　about　to　enter　the　screen…door　that　led　into
the　hall；　two　of　the　kittens　ran　up　in　front　of　him　and　stood　waiting。　
With　grave　politeness　he　opened　the　door；　made　a　low　bow；　and　stepped
back　and　said：　〃Walk　in；　gentlemen。　　I　always　give　precedence　to
royalty。〃　　And　the　kittens　marched　in；　tails　in　air。　　All　summer　long
they　played　up　and　down　the　wide　veranda；　or　chased　grasshoppers　and
butterflies　down　the　clover　slope。　　It　was　a　never…ending　amusement　to
him　to　see　them　jump　into　the　air　after　some　insect；　miss　it　and　tumble
back；　and　afterward　jump　up；　with　a　surprised　expression　and　a　look　of
disappointment　and　disgust。　　I　remember　once；　when　he　was　walking　up　and
down　discussing　some　very　serious　subjectand　one　of　the　kittens　was
lying　on　the　veranda　asleepa　butterfly　came　drifting　along　three　feet
or　so　above　the　floor。　　The　kitten　must　have　got　a　glimpse　of　the　insect
out　of　the　corner　of　its　eye；　and　perhaps　did　not　altogether　realize　its
action。　　At　all　events；　it　suddenly　shot　straight　up　into　the　air；
exactly　like　a　bounding　rubber　ball；　missed　the　butterfly；　fell　back　on
the　porch　floor　with　considerable　force　and　with　much　surprise。　　Then　it
sprang　to　its　feet；　and；　after　spitting　furiously　once　or　twice；　bounded
away。　　Clemens　had　seen　the　performance；　and　it　completely　took　his
subject　out　of　his　mind。　　He　laughed　extravagantly；　and　evidently　cared
more　for　that　moment's　entertainment　than　for　many　philosophies。

In　that　remote　solitude　there　was　one　important　advantagethere　was　no
procession　of　human　beings　with　axes　to　grind；　and　few　curious　callers。　
Occasionally　an　automobile　would　find　its　way　out　there　and　make　a
circuit　of　the　drive；　but　this　happened　too　seldom　to　annoy　him。　　Even
newspaper　men　rarely　made　the　long　trip　from　Boston　or　New　York　to　secure
his　opinions；　and　when　they　came　it　was　by　permission　and　appointment。　
Newspaper　telegrams　arrived　now　and　then；　asking　for　a　sentiment　on　some
public　condition　or　event；　and　these　he　generally　answered　willingly
enough。　　When　the　British　Premier；　Campbell…Bannerman；　celebrated　his
seventieth　birthday；　the　London　Tribune　and　the　New　York　Herald　requested
a　tribute。　　He　furnished　it；　for　Bannerman　was　a　very　old　friend。　　He　had
known　him　first　at　Marienbad　in　'91；　and　in　Vienna　in　'98；　in　daily
intercourse；　when　they　had　lived　at　the　same　hotel。　　His　tribute　ran：

To　HIS　EXCELLENCY　THE　BRITISH　PREMIER；Congratulations；　not　condolences。　
Before　seventy　we　are　merely　respected；　at　best；　and　we　have　to　behave
all　the　time；　or　we　lose　that　asset；　but　after　seventy　we　are　respected；
esteemed；　admired；　revered；　and　don't　have　to　behave　unless　we　want　to。　
When　I　first　knew　you；　Honored　Sir；　one　of　us　was　hardly　even　respected。
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　MARK　TWAIN。

He　had　some　misgivings　concerning　the　telegram　after　it　had　gone；　but　he
did　not　recall　it。

Clemens　became　the　victim　of　a　very　clever　hoax　that　summer。　　One　day　a
friend　gave　him　two　examples　of　the　most　deliciously　illiterate　letters；
supposed　to　have　been　written　by　a　woman　who　had　contributed　certain
articles　of　clothing　to　the　San　Francisco　sufferers；　and　later　wished　to
recall　them　because　of　the　protests　of　her　household。　　He　was　so　sure
that　the　letters　were　genuine　that　he　included　them　in　his　dictations；
after　reading　them　aloud　with　great　effect。　　To　tell　the　truth；　they　did
seem　the　least　bit　too　well　done；　too　literary　in　their　illiteracy；　but
his　natural　optimism　refused　to　admit　of　any　suspicion；　and　a　little
later　he　incorporated　one　of　the　Jennie　Allen　letters　in　a　speech　which
he　made　at　a　Press　Club　dinner　in　New　York　on　the　subject　of　simplified
spellingoffering　it　as　an　example　of　language　with　phonetic　brevity
exercising　its　supreme　function；　the　direct　conveyance　of　ideas。　　The
letters；　in　the　end；　proved　to　be　the　clever　work　of　Miss　Grace　Donworth；
who　has　since　published　them　serially　and　in　book　form。　　Clemens　was　not
at　all　offended　or　disturbed　by　the　exposure。　　He　even　agreed　to　aid　the
young　author　in　securing　a　publisher；　and　wrote　to　Miss　Stockbridge；
through　whom　he　had　originally　received　the　documents：

　　　　　DEAR　MISS　STOCKBRIDGE　（if　she　really　exists）；

　　　　　257　Benefit　Street　（if　there　is　any　such　place）：

　　　　　Yes；　I　should　like　a　copy　of　that　other　letter。　　This　whole　fake　is
　　　　　delightful；　&　I　tremble　with　fear　that　you　are　a　fake　yourself　&
　　　　　that　I　am　your　guileless　prey。　　（But　never　mind；　it　isn't　any
　　　　　matter。）

　　　　　Now　as　to　publication

He　set　forth　his　views　and　promised　his　assistance　when　enough　of　the
letters　should　be　completed。

Clemens　allowed　his　name　to　be　included　with　the　list　of　spelling
reformers；　but　he　never　employed　any　of　the　reforms　in　his　letters　or
writing。　　His　interest　was　mainly　theoretical；　and　when　he　wrote　or　spoke
on　the　subject　his　remarks　were　not　likely　to　be　testimonials　in　its
favor。　　His　own　theory　was　that　the　alphabet　needed　reform；　first　of　all；
so　that　each　letter　or　character　should　have　one　sound；　and　one　sound
only；　and　he　offered　as　a　solution　of　this　an　adaptation　of　shorthand。　
He　wrote　and　dictated　in　favor　of　this　idea　to　the　end　of　his　life。　　Once
he　said：

〃Our　alphabet　is　pure　insanity。　　It　can　hardly　spell　any　large　word　in
the　English　language　with　any　degree　of　certainty。　　Its　sillinesses　are
quite　beyond　enumeration。　　English　orthography　may　need　reforming　and
simplifying；　but　the　English　alphabet　needs　it　a　good　many　times　as
much。〃

He　would　naturally　favor　simplicity　in　anything。　　I　remember　him　reading；
as　an　example　of　beautiful　English；　The　Death　of　King　Arthur；　by　Sir
Thomas　Malory；　and　his　verdict：

〃That　is　one　of　the　most　beautiful　things　ever　written　in　English；　and
written　when　we　had　no　vocabulary。〃

〃A　vocabulary；　then；　is　sometimes　a　handicap？〃

〃It　is　indeed。〃

Still　I　think　it　was　never　a　handicap　with　him；　but　rather　the　plumage　of
flight。　　Sometimes；　when　just　the　right　word　did　not　come；　he　would　turn
his　head　a　little　at　different　angles；　as　if　looking　about　him　for　the
precise　term。　　He　would　find　it　directly；　and　it　was　invariably　the　word
needed。　　Most　writers　employ；　now　and　again；　phrases　that　do　not　sharply
present　the　ideathat　blur　the　picture　like　a　poor　opera…glass。　　Mark
Twain's　English　always　focused　exactly。




CCXLVIII

〃WHAT　IS　MAN？〃　AND　THE　AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Clemens　decided　to　publish　anonymously；　or；　rather；　to　print　privately；
the　Gospel；　which　he　had　written　in　Vienna　some　eight　years　before　and
added　to　from　time　to　time。　　He　arranged　with　Frank　Doubleday　to　take
charge　of　the　matter；　and　the　De　Vinne　Press　was　engaged　to　do　the　work。　
The　book　was　copyrighted　in　the　name　of　J。　W。　Bothwell；　the
superintendent　of　the　De　Vinne　company；　and　two　hundred　and　fifty
numbered　copies　were　printed　on　hand…made　paper；　to　be　gradually
distributed　to　intimate　friends。　＇In　an　introductory　word　（dated
February；　1905）　the　author　states　that　the　studies　for　these　papers　had
been　made　twenty…five　or　twenty…seven　years　before。　　He　probably　referred
to　the　Monday　Evening　Club　essay；　〃What　Is　Happiness？〃　（February；　1883）。　
See　chap。　　cxli。＇　A　number　of　the　books　were　sent　to　newspaper
reviewers；　and　so　effectually　had　he　concealed　the　personality　of　his
work　that　no　critic　seems　to　have　suspected　the　book's　authorship。　　It
was　not　over…favorably　received。　　It　was　generally　characterized　as　a
clever；　and　even　brilliant；　expose　of　philosophies　which　were　no　longer
startlingly　new。　　The　supremacy　of　self…interest　and　〃man　the
irresponsible　machine〃　are　the　main　features　of　'What　Is　Man'　and　both　of
these　and　all　the　rest　are　comprehended　in　his　wider　and　more　absolute
doctrine　of　that　inevitable　life…sequence　which　began　with　the　first
created　spark。　　There　can　be　no　training　of　the　ideals；　〃upward　and　still
upward；〃　no　selfishness　and　unselfishness；　no　atom　of　voluntary　effort
within　the　boundaries　of　that　conclusion。　　Once　admitting　the　postulate；
that　existence　is　merely　a　sequence　of　cause　and　effect　beginning　with
the　primal　atom；　and　we　have　a　theory　that　must　stand　or　fall　as　a　whole。　
We　cannot　say　that　man　is　a　creature　of　circumstance　and　then　leave　him
free　to　select　his　circumstance；　even　in　the　minutest　fractional　degree。　
It　was　selected　for　him　with　his　disposition；　in　that　first　instant　of
created　life。　　Clemens　himself　repeatedly　emphasized　this　doctrine；　and
once；　when　it　was　suggested　to　him　that　it　seemed　to　〃surround　every
thing；　like　the　sky；〃　he　answered：

〃Yes；　like　the　sky；　you　can't　break　through　anywhere。〃

Colonel　Harvey　came　to　Dublin　that　summer　and　persuaded　Clemens　to　let
him　print　some　selections　from　the　dictations　in　the　new　volume　of　the
North　American　Review；　which　he　proposed　to　issue　fortnightly。　　The
matter　was　discussed　a　good　deal；　and　it　was　believed　that　one　hundred
thousand　words　could　be　selected　which　would　be　usable　forthwith；　as　well
as　in　that　long…deferred　period　for　which　it　was　planned。　　Colonel　Harvey
agreed　to　take　a　copy　of　the　dictated　matter　and　make　the　selections
himself；　and　this　plan　was　carried　out。　　It　may　be　said　that　most　of　the
chapters　were　delightful　enough；　though；　had　it　been　possible　to　edit
them　with　the　more　positive　documents　as　a　guide；　certain　complications
might　have　been　avoided。　　It　does　not　matter　now；　and　it　was　not　a　matter
of　very　wide　import　then。

The　payment　of　these　chapters　netted　Clemens　thirty　thousand　dollarsa
comfortable　sum；　which　he　promptly　proposed　to　spend　in　building　on　the
property　at　Redding。　　He　engaged　John　Mead　Howells　to　prepare　some
preliminary　plans。

Clara　Clemens；　at　Norfolk；　was　written　to　of　the　matter。

A　little　later　I　joined　her　in　Redding；　and　she　was　the　first　of　the
family　to　see　that　beautiful　hilltop。　　She　was　well　pleased　with　the
situation；　and　that　day　selected　the　spot　where　the　house　should　stand。