mark twain, a biography, 1900-1907-第40章
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turned into a meridian of longitude that threat would have meant just as
much as the other one。 The watery intellect that invented that notion
could be depended on to go on and decree that all of Adam's descendants
down to the latest day should be punished for that nursery trespass in
the beginning。
〃There is a curious poverty of invention in Bibles。 Most of the great
races each have one; and they all show this striking defect。 Each
pretends to originality; without possessing any。 Each of them borrows
from the other; confiscates old stage properties; puts them forth as
fresh and new inspirations from on high。 We borrowed the Golden Rule
from Confucius; after it had seen service for centuries; and copyrighted
it without a blush。 We went back to Babylon for the Deluge; and are as
proud of it and as satisfied with it as if it had been worth the trouble;
whereas we know now that Noah's flood never happened; and couldn't have
happenednot in that way。 The flood is a favorite with Bible…makers。
Another favorite with the founders of religions is the Immaculate
Conception。 It had been worn threadbare; but we adopted it as a new
idea。 It was old in Egypt several thousand years before Christ was born。
The Hindus prized it ages ago。 The Egyptians adopted it even for some of
their kings。 The Romans borrowed the idea from Greece。 We got it
straight from heaven by way of Rome。 We are still charmed with it。〃
He would continue in this strain; rising occasionally and walking about
the room。 Once; considering the character of Godthe Bible God…he said:
〃We haven't been satisfied with God's character as it is given in the Old
Testament; we have amended it。 We have called Him a God of mercy and
love and morals。 He didn't have a single one of those qualities in the
beginning。 He didn't hesitate to send the plagues on Egypt; the most
fiendish punishments that could be devisednot for the king; but for his
innocent subjects; the women and the little children; and then only to
exhibit His power just to show offand He kept hardening Pharaoh's heart
so that He could send some further ingenuity of torture; new rivers of
blood; and swarms of vermin and new pestilences; merely to exhibit
samples of His workmanship。 Now and then; during the forty years'
wandering; Moses persuaded Him to be a little more lenient with the
Israelites; which would show that Moses was the better character of the
two。 That Old Testament God never had an inspiration of His own。〃
He referred to the larger conception of God; that Infinite Mind which had
projected the universe。 He said:
〃In some details that Old Bible God is probably a more correct picture
than our conception of that Incomparable One that created the universe
and flung upon its horizonless ocean of space those giant suns; whose
signal…lights are so remote that we only catch their flash when it has
been a myriad of years on its way。 For that Supreme One is not a God of
pity or mercynot as we recognize these qualities。 Think of a God of
mercy who would create the typhus germ; or the house…fly; or the
centipede; or the rattlesnake; yet these are all His handiwork。 They are
a part of the Infinite plan。 The minister is careful to explain that all
these tribulations are sent for a good purpose; but he hires a doctor to
destroy the fever germ; and he kills the rattlesnake when he doesn't run
from it; and he sets paper with molasses on it for the house…fly。
〃Two things are quite certain: one is that God; the limitless God;
manufactured those things; for no man could have done it。 The man has
never lived who could create even the humblest of God's creatures。 The
other conclusion is that God has no special consideration for man's
welfare or comfort; or He wouldn't have created those things to disturb
and destroy him。 The human conception of pity and morality must be
entirely unknown to that Infinite God; as much unknown as the conceptions
of a microbe to man; or at least as little regarded。
〃If God ever contemplates those qualities in man He probably admires
them; as we always admire the thing which we do not possess ourselves;
probably a little grain of pity in a man or a little atom of mercy would
look as big to Him as a constellation。 He could create a constellation
with a thought; but He has been all the measureless ages; and He has
never acquired those qualities that we have namedpity and mercy and
morality。 He goes on destroying a whole island of people with an
earthquake; or a whole cityful with a plague; when we punish a man in the
electric chair for merely killing the poorest of our race。 The human
being needs to revise his ideas again about God。 Most of the scientists
have done it already; but most of them don't dare to say so。〃
He pointed out that the moral idea was undergoing constant change; that
what was considered justifiable in an earlier day was regarded as highly
immoral now。 He pointed out that even the Decalogue made no reference to
lying; except in the matter of bearing false witness against a neighbor。
Also; that there was a commandment against covetousness; though
covetousness to…day was the basis of all commerce: The general conclusion
being that the morals of the Lord had been the morals of the beginning;
the morals of the first…created man; the morals of the troglodyte; the
morals of necessity; and that the morals of mankind had kept pace with
necessity; whereas those of the Lord had remained unchanged。 It is
hardly necessary to say that no one ever undertook to contradict any
statements of this sort from him。 In the first place; there was no
desire to do so; and in the second place; any one attempting it would
have cut a puny figure with his less substantial arguments and his less
vigorous phrase。 It was the part of wisdom and immeasurably the part of
happiness to be silent and listen。
On another evening he began:
〃The mental evolution of the species proceeds apparently by regular
progress side by side with the physical development until it comes to
man; then there is a long; unexplained gulf。 Somewhere man acquired an
asset which sets him immeasurably apart from the other animalshis
imagination。 Out of it he created for himself a conscience; and clothes;
and immodesty; and a hereafter; and a soul。 I wonder where he got that
asset。 It almost makes one agree with Alfred Russel Wallace that the
world and the universe were created just for his benefit; that he is the
chief love and delight of God。 Wallace says that the whole universe was
made to take care of and to keep steady this little floating mote in the
center of it; which we call the world。 It looks like a good deal of
trouble for such a small result; but it's dangerous to dispute with a
learned astronomer like Wallace。 Still; I don't think we ought to decide
too soon about itnot until the returns are all in。 There is the
geological evidence; for instance。 Even after the universe was created;
it took a long time to prepare the world for man。 Some of the
scientists; ciphering out the evidence furnished by geology; have arrived
at the conviction that the world is prodigiously old。 Lord Kelvin
doesn't agree with them。 He says that it isn't more than a hundred
million years old; and he thinks the human race has inhabited it about
thirty thousand years of that time。 Even so; it was 99;970;000 years
getting ready; impatient as the Creator doubtless was to see man and
admire him。 That was because God first had to make the oyster。 You
can't make an oyster out of nothing; nor you can't do it in a day。
You've got to start with a vast variety of invertebrates; belemnites;
trilobites; jebusites; amalekites; and that sort of fry; and put them
into soak in a primary sea and observe and wait what will happen。 Some
of them will turn out a disappointment; the belemnites and the amalekites
and such will be failures; and they will die out and become extinct in
the course of the nineteen million years covered by the experiment; but
all is not lost; for the amalekites will develop gradually into
encrinites and stalactites and blatherskites; and one thing and another;
as the mighty ages creep on and the periods pile their lofty crags in the
primordial seas; and at last the first grand stage in the preparation of
the world for man stands completed; the oyster is done。 Now an oyster
has hardly any more reasoning power than a man has; so it is probable
this one jumped to the conclusion that the nineteen million years was a
preparation for him。 That would be just like an oyster; and; anyway;
this one could not know at that early date that he was only an incident
in a scheme; and that there was some more to the scheme yet。
〃The oyster being finished; the next step in the preparation of the world
for man was fish。 So the old Silurian seas were opened up to breed the
fish in。 It took twenty million years to make the fish and to fossilize
him so we'd have the evidence later。
〃Then; the Paleozoic limit having been reached; it was necessary to start
a new age to make the reptiles。 Man would have to have some reptiles
not to eat; but to develop himself from。 Thirty million years were
required for the reptiles; and out of such material as was left were made
those stupendous saurians that used to prowl about the steamy world in
remote ages; with their snaky heads forty feet in the air and their sixty
feet of body and tail racing and thrashing after them。 They are all gone
now; every one of them; just a few fossil remnants of them left on this
far…flung fringe of time。
〃It took all those years to get one of those creatures properly
constructed to proceed to the next step。 Then came the pterodactyl; who
thought all that preparation all those millions of years had been
intended to produce him; for there wasn't anything too foolish for a;
pterodactyl to imagine。 I suppose he did attract a good deal of
attention; for even the least observant could see that there was the
making of a bird in him; also the making of a mammal; in the course of
time。 You can't say too much for the picturesqueness of the pterodactyl
he was the triumph of his period。 He wore wings and had teeth; and was
a starchy…looking creature。 But the progression went right along。
〃During the next thirty million years the bird arrived; and the kangaroo;
and by and by the mastodon; and the giant sloth; and the Irish elk; and
the old Silurian ass; and some people thought that man was about due。
But that was a mistake; for the next thing they knew there came a great
ice…sheet; and those creatures all escaped across the Bering Strait and
wandered around in Asia and died; all except a few to carry on the
preparation with。 There were six of those glacial periods; with two
million years or so between each。 They chased those poor orphans up and
down the earth; from weather to weather; from tropic temperature to fifty
degrees below。 They never knew what kind of weather was going to turn up
next; and if they settled any place the whole continent suddenly sank
from under them; and they had to make a scramble for dry land。 Sometimes
a volcano would turn itself loose just as they got located。 They