the patrician-第44章

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shimmer　of　summer；　and　of　Barbara　standing　at　her　gate　towering　above
this　little　figure；　which　now　sat　there　so　silent；　with　very　white
face。　　Those　carved　features；　those　keen；　yet　veiled　eyes；　had　too
often　haunted　her　thoughts；　they　were　like　a　bad　dream　come　true。

〃My　grandson　is　not　here；　is　he？〃

Audrey　shook　her　head。

〃We　have　heard　of　his　decision。　　I　will　not　beat　about　the　bush　with
you。　　It　is　a　disaster　for　me　a　calamity。　　I　have　known　and　loved　him
since　he　was　born；　and　I　have　been　foolish　enough　to　dream；　dreams
about　him。　　I　wondered　perhaps　whether　you　knew　how　much　we　counted
on　him。　　You　must　forgive　an　old　woman's　coming　here　like　this。　　At
my　age　there　are　few　things　that　matter；　but　they　matter　very　much。〃

And　Audrey　thought：　〃And　at　my　age　there　is　but　one　thing　that
matters；　and　that　matters　worse　than　death。〃　　But　she　did　not　speak。
To　whom；　to　what　should　she　speak？　　To　this　hard　old　woman；　who
personified　the　world？　　Of　what　use；　words？；；

〃I　can　say　to　you；〃　went　on　the　voice　of　the　little　figure；　that
seemed　so　to　fill　the　room　with　its　grey　presence；　〃what　I　could　not
bring　myself　to　say　to　others；　for　you　are　not　hard…hearted。〃

A　quiver　passed　up　from　the　heart　so　praised　to　the　still　lips。　　No；
she　was　not　hard…hearted！　　She　could　even　feel　for　this　old　woman
from　whose　voice　anxiety　had　stolen　its　despotism。

〃Eustace　cannot　live　without　his　career。　　His　career　is　himself；　he
must　be　doing；　and　leading；　and　spending　his　powers。　　What　he　has
given　you　is　not　his　true　self。　　I　don't　want　to　hurt　you；　but　the
truth　is　the　truth；　and　we　must　all　bow　before　it。　　I　may　be　hard；
but　I　can　respect　sorrow。〃

To　respect　sorrow！　　Yes；　this　grey　visitor　could　do　that；　as　the　wind
passing　over　the　sea　respects　its　surface；　as　the　air　respects　the
surface　of　a　rose；　but　to　penetrate　to　the　heart；　to　understand　her
sorrow；　that　old　age　could　not　do　for　youth！　　As　well　try　to　track
out　the　secret　of　the　twistings　in　the　flight　of　those　swallows　out
there　above　the　river；　or　to　follow　to　its　source　the　faint　scent　of
the　lilies　in　that　bowl！　　How　should　she　know　what　was　passing　in
herethis　little　old　woman　whose　blood　was　cold？　　And　Audrey　had　the
sensation　of　watching　someone　pelt　her　with　the　rind　and　husks　of
what　her　own　spirit　had　long　devoured。　　She　had　a　longing　to　get　up；
and　take　the　hand；　the　chill；　spidery　hand　of　age；　and　thrust　it　into
her　breast；　and　say：　〃Feel　that；　and　cease！〃

But；　withal；　she　never　lost　her　queer　dull　compassion　for　the　owner
of　that　white　carved　face。　　It　was　not　her　visitor's　fault　that　she
had　come！　　Again　Lady　Casterley　was　speaking。

〃It　is　early　days。　　If　you　do　not　end　it　now；　at　once；　it　will　only
come　harder　on　you　presently。　　You　know　how　determined　he　is。　　He
will　not　change　his　mind。　　If　you　cut　him　off　from　his　work　in　life；
it　will　but　recoil　on　you。　　I　can　only　expect　your　hatred；　for
talking　like　this；　but　believe　me；　it's　for　your　good；　as　well　as
his；　in　the　long　run。〃

A　tumultuous　heart…beating　of　ironical　rage　seized　on　the　listener　to
that　speech。　　Her　good！　　The　good　of　a　corse　that　the　breath　is　just
abandoning；　the　good　of　a　flower　beneath　a　heel；　the　good　of　an　old
dog　whose　master　leaves　it　for　the　last　time！　　Slowly　a　weight　like
lead　stopped　all　that　fluttering　of　her　heart。　　If　she　did　not　end　it
at　once！　　The　words　had　now　been　spoken　that　for　so　many　hours；　she
knew；　had　lain　unspoken　within　her　own　breast。　　Yes；　if　she　did　not；
she　could　never　know　a　moment's　peace；　feeling　that　she　was　forcing
him　to　a　death　in　life；　desecrating　her　own　love　and　pride！　　And　the
spur　had　been　given　by　another！　　The　thought　that　someonethis　hard
old　woman　of　the　hard　worldshould　have　shaped　in　words　the
hauntings　of　her　love　and　pride　through　all　those　ages　since　Miltoun
spoke　to　her　of　his　resolve；　that　someone　else　should　have　had　to
tell　her　what　her　heart　had　so　long　known　it　must　dothis　stabbed
her　like　a　knife！　　This；　at　all　events；　she　could　not　bear！

She　stood　up；　and　said：

〃Please　leave　me　now！　　I　have　a　great　many　things　to　do；　before　I
go。〃

With　a　sort　of　pleasure　she　saw　a　look　of　bewilderment　cover　that　old
face；　with　a　sort　of　pleasure　she　marked　the　trembling　of　the　hands
raising　their　owner　from　the　chair；　and　heard　the　stammering　in　the
voice：　〃You　are　going？　　Before…before　he　comes？　　You…you　won't　be
seeing　him　again？〃　　With　a　sort　of　pleasure　she　marked　the
hesitation；　which　did　not　know　whether　to　thank；　or　bless；　or　just
say　nothing　and　creep　away。　　With　a　sort　of　pleasure　she　watched　the
flush　mount　in　the　faded　cheeks；　the　faded　lips　pressed　together。
Then；　at　the　scarcely　whispered　words：　〃Thank　you；　my　dear！〃　she
turned；　unable　to　bear　further　sight　or　sound。　　She　went　to　the
window　and　pressed　her　forehead　against　the　glass；　trying　to　think　of
nothing。　　She　heard　the　sound　of　wheels…Lady　Casterley　had　gone。　　And
then；　of　all　the　awful　feelings　man　or　woman　can　know；　she
experienced　the　worst：　She　could　not　cry！

At　this　most　bitter　and　deserted　moment　of　her　life；　she　felt
strangely　calm；　foreseeing　clearly；　exactly；　what　she　must　do；　and
where　go。　　Quickly　it　must　be　done；　or　it　would　never　be　done！
Quickly！　　And　without　fuss！　　She　put　some　things　together；　sent　the
maid　out　for　a　cab；　and　sat　down　to　write。

She　must　do　and　say　nothing　that　could　excite　him；　and　bring　back　his
illness。　　Let　it　all　be　sober；　reasonable！　　It　would　be　easy　to　let
him　know　where　she　was　going；　to　write　a　letter　that　would　bring　him
flying　after　her。　　But　to　write　the　calm；　reasonable　words　that　would
keep　him　waiting　and　thinking；　till　he　never　again　came　to　her；　broke
her　heart。

When　she　had　finished　and　sealed　the　letter；　she　sat　motionless　with
a　numb　feeling　in　hands　and　brain；　trying　to　realize　what　she　had
next　to　do。　　To　go；　and　that　was　all！

Her　trunks　had　been　taken　down　already。　　She　chose　the　little　hat
that　he　liked　her　best　in；　and　over　it　fastened　her　thickest　veil。
Then；　putting　on　her　travelling　coat　and　gloves；　she　looked　in　the
long　mirror；　and　seeing　that　there　was　nothing　more　to　keep　her；
lifted　her　dressing　bag；　and　went　down。

Over　on　the　embankment　a　child　was　crying；　and　the　passionate
screaming　sound；　broken　by　the　gulping　of　tears；　made　her　cover　her
lips；　as　though　she　had　heard　her　own　escaped　soul　wailing　out　there。

She　leaned　out　of　the　cab　to　say　to　the　maid：

〃Go　and　comfort　that　crying；　Ella。〃

Only　when　she　was　alone　in　the　train；　secure　from　all　eyes；　did　she
give　way　to　desperate　weeping。　　The　white　smoke　rolling　past　the
windows　was　not　more　evanescent　than　her　joy　had　been。　　For　she　had
no　illusionsit　was　over！　　From　first　to　lastnot　quite　a　year！
But　even　at　this　moment；　not　for　all　the　world　would　she　have　been
without　her　love；　gone　to　its　grave；　like　a　dead　child　that　evermore
would　be　touching　her　breast　with　its　wistful　fingers。




CHAPTER　XXVII

Barbara　returning　from　her　visit　to　Courtier's　deserted　rooms；　was
met　at　Valleys　House　with　the　message：　Would　she　please　go　at　once　to
Lady　Casterley？

When；　in　obedience；　she　reached　Ravensham；　she　found　her　grandmother
and　Lord…Dennis　in　the　white　room。　　They　were　standing　by　one　of　the
tall　windows；　apparently　contemplating　the　view。　　They　turned　indeed
at　sound　of　Barbara's　approach；　but　neither　of　them　spoke　or　nodded。
Not　having　seen　her　grandfather　since　before　Miltoun's　illness；
Barbara　found　it　strange　to　be　so　treated；　she　too　took　her　stand
silently　before　the　window。　　A　very　large　wasp　was　crawling　up　the
pane；　then　slipping　down　with　a　faint　buzz。

Suddenly　Lady　Casterley　spoke。

〃Kill　that　thing！〃

Lord　Dennis　drew　forth　his　handkerchief。

〃Not　with　that；　Dennis。　　It　will　make　a　mess。　　〃Take　a　paper　knife。〃

〃I　was　going　to　put　it　out；〃　murmured　Lord　Dennis。

〃Let　Barbara　with　her　gloves。〃

Barbara　moved　towards　the　pane。

〃It's　a　hornet；　I　think；〃　she　said。

〃So　he　is！〃　said　Lord　Dennis；　dreamily：

〃Nonsense；〃　murmured　Lady　Casterley；　〃it's　a　common　wasp。〃

〃I　know　it's　a　hornet；　Granny。　　The　rings　are　darker。〃

Lady　Casterley　bent　down；　when　she　raised　herself　she　had　a　slipper
in　her　hand。

〃Don't　irritate　him！〃　cried　Barbara；　catching　her　wrist。　　But　Lady
Casterley　freed　her　hand。

〃I　will；〃　she　said；　and　brought　the　sole　of　the　slipper　down　on　the
insect；　so　that　it　dropped　on　the　floor；　dead。　　〃He　has　no　business
in　here。〃

And；　as　if　that　little　incident　had　happened　to　three　other　people；
they　again　stood　silently　looking　through　the　window。

Then　Lady　Casterley　turned　to　Barbara。

〃Well；　have　you　realized　the　mischief　that　you've　done？〃

〃Ann！〃　murmured　Lord　Dennis。

〃Yes；　yes；　she　is　your　favourite；　but　that　won't　save　her。　　This
womanto　her　great　creditI　say　to　her　great　credithas　gone　away；
so　as　to　put　herself　out　of　Eustace's　reach；　until　he　has　recovered
his　senses。〃

With　a　sharp…drawn　breath　Barbara　said：

〃Oh！　　poor　thing！〃

But　on　Lady　Casterley's　face　had　come　an　almost　cruel　look。

〃Ah！〃　she　said：　〃Exactly。　　But；　curiously　enough；　I　am　thinking　of
Eustace。〃　　Her　little　figure　was　quivering　from　head　to　foot：　〃This
will　be　a　lesson　to　you　not　to　play　with　fire！〃

〃Ann！〃　murmured　Lord　Dennis　again；　slipping　his　arm　through
Barbara's。

〃The　world；〃　went　on　Lady　Casterley；　〃is　a　place　of　facts；　not　of
romantic　fancies。　　You　have　done　more　harm　than　can　possibly　be
repaired。　　I　went　to　her　myself。　　I　was　very　much　moved。'　If　it
hadn't　been　for　your　foolish　conduct〃

〃Ann！〃　said　Lord　Dennis　once　more。

Lady　Casterley　paused；　tapping　the　floor　with　her　little　foot。
Barbara's　eyes　were　gleaming。

〃Is　there　anything　else　you　would　like　to　squash；　dear？〃

〃Babs！〃　murmured　Lord　Dennis；　but；　unconsciously　pressing　his　hand
against　her　heart；　the　girl　went　on。

〃You　are　lucky　to　be　abusing　me　to…dayif　it　had　been　yesterday〃

At　these　dark　words　Lady　Casterley　turned　away；　her　shoes　leaving
little　dull　stains　on　the　polished　floor。

Barbara　raised　to　her　cheek　the　fingers　which　she　had　been　so
convulsively　embracing。　　〃Don't　let　her　go　on；　uncle；〃　she　whispered；
〃not　just　now！〃

〃No；　no；　my　dear；〃　Lord　Dennis　murmured；　〃certainly　notit　is
enough。〃

〃It　has　been　your　sentimental　folly；〃　came　Lady　Casterley's　voice
from　a　far　corner；　〃which　has　brought　this　on　the　boy。〃

Responding　to　the　pressure　of　the　hand；　back　now　at　her　waist；
Barbara　did　not　answer；　and　the　sound　of　the　little　feet　retracing
their　steps　rose　in　the　stillness。　　Neither　of　those　two　at　the
window　turned　their　heads；　once　more　the　feet　receded；　and　again
began　coming　back。

Suddenly　Barbara；　pointing　to　the　floor；　cried：

〃Oh！　　Granny；　for　Heaven's　sake；　stand　still；　haven't　you　squashed
the　hornet　enough；　even　if　he　did　come　in　where　he　hadn't　any
business？〃

Lady　Casterley　looked　down　at　the　debris　of　the　insect。

〃Disgusting！〃　she　said；　but　when　she　next　spoke　it　was　in　a　less
hard；　more　querulous　voice。

〃That　manwhat　was　his　namehave　you　got　rid　of　him？〃

Barbara　went　crimson。

〃Abuse　my　friends；　and　I　will　go　straight　home　and　never　speak　to　you
again。〃

For　a　moment　Lady　Casterley　looked　almost　as　if　she　might　strike