winesburg,ohio-第4章

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athed　with　difficulty。　　The　air　whistled　through　her　teeth。　　As　she　hurried　forward　she　thought　how　foolish　she　was。　　〃He　is　concerned　with　boyish　af…　fairs；〃　she　told　herself。　　〃Perhaps　he　has　now　begun　to　walk　about　in　the　evening　with　girls。〃

Elizabeth　Willard　had　a　dread　of　being　seen　by　guests　in　the　hotel　that　had　once　belonged　to　her　father　and　the　ownership　of　which　still　stood　re…　corded　in　her　name　in　the　county　courthouse。　　The　hotel　was　continually　losing　patronage　because　of　its　shabbiness　and　she　thought　of　herself　as　also　shabby。　Her　own　room　was　in　an　obscure　corner　and　when　she　felt　able　to　work　she　voluntarily　worked　among　the　beds；　preferring　the　labor　that　could　be　done　when　the　guests　were　abroad　seeking　trade　among　the　merchants　of　Winesburg。

By　the　door　of　her　son's　room　the　mother　knelt　upon　the　floor　and　listened　for　some　sound　from　within。　　When　she　heard　the　boy　moving　about　and　talking　in　low　tones　a　smile　came　to　her　lips。　　George　Willard　had　a　habit　of　talking　aloud　to　himself　and　to　hear　him　doing　so　had　always　given　his　mother　a　peculiar　pleasure。　　The　habit　in　him；　she　felt；　strengthened　the　secret　bond　that　existed　between　them。　　A　thousand　times　she　had　whispered　to　her…　self　of　the　matter。　　〃He　is　groping　about；　trying　to　find　himself；〃　she　thought。　　〃He　is　not　a　dull　clod；　all　words　and　smartness。　　Within　him　there　is　a　secret　something　that　is　striving　to　grow。　　It　is　the　thing　I　let　be　killed　in　myself。〃

In　the　darkness　in　the　hallway　by　the　door　the　sick　woman　arose　and　started　again　toward　her　own　room。　　She　was　afraid　that　the　door　would　open　and　the　boy　come　upon　her。　　When　she　had　reached　a　safe　distance　and　was　about　to　turn　a　corner　into　a　second　hallway　she　stopped　and　bracing　herself　with　her　hands　waited；　thinking　to　shake　off　a　trembling　fit　of　weakness　that　had　come　upon　her。　The　presence　of　the　boy　in　the　room　had　made　her　happy。　　In　her　bed；　during　the　long　hours　alone；　the　little　fears　that　had　visited　her　had　become　giants。　Now　they　were　all　gone。　　〃When　I　get　back　to　my　room　I　shall　sleep；〃　she　murmured　gratefully。

But　Elizabeth　Willard　was　not　to　return　to　her　bed　and　to　sleep。　　As　she　stood　trembling　in　the　darkness　the　door　of　her　son's　room　opened　and　the　boy's　father；　Tom　Willard；　stepped　out。　　In　the　light　that　steamed　out　at　the　door　he　stood　with　the　knob　in　his　hand　and　talked。　　What　he　said　infuriated　the　woman。

Tom　Willard　was　ambitious　for　his　son。　　He　had　always　thought　of　himself　as　a　successful　man；　al…　though　nothing　he　had　ever　done　had　turned　out　successfully。　　However；　when　he　was　out　of　sight　of　the　New　Willard　House　and　had　no　fear　of　coming　upon　his　wife；　he　swaggered　and　began　to　drama…　tize　himself　as　one　of　the　chief　men　of　the　town。　　He　wanted　his　son　to　succeed。　　He　it　was　who　had　se…　cured　for　the　boy　the　position　on　the　Winesburg　Eagle。　　Now；　with　a　ring　of　earnestness　in　his　voice；　he　was　advising　concerning　some　course　of　conduct。　〃I　tell　you　what；　George；　you've　got　to　wake　up；〃　he　said　sharply。　　〃Will　Henderson　has　spoken　to　me　three　times　concerning　the　matter。　　He　says　you　go　along　for　hours　not　hearing　when　you　are　spoken　to　and　acting　like　a　gawky　girl。　　What　ails　you？〃　Tom　Willard　laughed　good…naturedly。　　〃Well；　I　guess　you'll　get　over　it；〃　he　said。　　〃I　told　Will　that。　　You're　not　a　fool　and　you're　not　a　woman。　　You're　Tom　Willard's　son　and　you'll　wake　up。　　I'm　not　afraid。　What　you　say　clears　things　up。　　If　being　a　newspaper　man　had　put　the　notion　of　becoming　a　writer　into　your　mind　that's　all　right。　　Only　I　guess　you'll　have　to　wake　up　to　do　that　too；　eh？〃

Tom　Willard　went　briskly　along　the　hallway　and　down　a　flight　of　stairs　to　the　office。　　The　woman　in　the　darkness　could　hear　him　laughing　and　talking　with　a　guest　who　was　striving　to　wear　away　a　dull　evening　by　dozing　in　a　chair　by　the　office　door。　　She　returned　to　the　door　of　her　son's　room。　　The　weak…　ness　had　passed　from　her　body　as　by　a　miracle　and　she　stepped　boldly　along。　　A　thousand　ideas　raced　through　her　head。　　When　she　heard　the　scraping　of　a　chair　and　the　sound　of　a　pen　scratching　upon　paper；　she　again　turned　and　went　back　along　the　hallway　to　her　own　room。

A　definite　determination　had　come　into　the　mind　of　the　defeated　wife　of　the　Winesburg　hotel　keeper。　The　determination　was　the　result　of　long　years　of　quiet　and　rather　ineffectual　thinking。　　〃Now；〃　she　told　herself；　〃I　will　act。　　There　is　something　threaten…　ing　my　boy　and　I　will　ward　it　off。〃　The　fact　that　the　conversation　between　Tom　Willard　and　his　son　had　been　rather　quiet　and　natural；　as　though　an　under…　standing　existed　between　them；　maddened　her。　　Al…　though　for　years　she　had　hated　her　husband；　her　hatred　had　always　before　been　a　quite　impersonal　thing。　　He　had　been　merely　a　part　of　something　else　that　she　hated。　　Now；　and　by　the　few　words　at　the　door；　he　had　become　the　thing　personified。　　In　the　darkness　of　her　own　room　she　clenched　her　fists　and　glared　about。　　Going　to　a　cloth　bag　that　hung　on　a　nail　by　the　wall　she　took　out　a　long　pair　of　sewing　scissors　and　held　them　in　her　hand　like　a　dagger。　　〃I　will　stab　him；〃　she　said　aloud。　　〃He　has　chosen　to　be　the　voice　of　evil　and　I　will　kill　him。　　When　I　have　killed　him　something　will　snap　within　myself　and　I　will　die　also。　　It　will　be　a　release　for　all　of　us。〃

In　her　girlhood　and　before　her　marriage　with　Tom　Willard；　Elizabeth　had　borne　a　somewhat　shaky　rep…　utation　in　Winesburg。　　For　years　she　had　been　what　is　called　〃stage…struck〃　and　had　paraded　through　the　streets　with　traveling　men　guests　at　her　father's　hotel；　wearing　loud　clothes　and　urging　them　to　tell　her　of　life　in　the　cities　out　of　which　they　had　come。　Once　she　startled　the　town　by　putting　on　men's　clothes　and　riding　a　bicycle　down　Main　Street。

In　her　own　mind　the　tall　dark　girl　had　been　in　those　days　much　confused。　　A　great　restlessness　was　in　her　and　it　expressed　itself　in　two　ways。　　First　there　was　an　uneasy　desire　for　change；　for　some　big　defi…　nite　movement　to　her　life。　　It　was　this　feeling　that　had　turned　her　mind　to　the　stage。　　She　dreamed　of　joining　some　company　and　wandering　over　the　world；　seeing　always　new　faces　and　giving　some…　thing　out　of　herself　to　all　people。　　Sometimes　at　night　she　was　quite　beside　herself　with　the　thought；　but　when　she　tried　to　talk　of　the　matter　to　the　members　of　the　theatrical　companies　that　came　to　Winesburg　and　stopped　at　her　father's　hotel；　she　got　nowhere。　They　did　not　seem　to　know　what　she　meant；　or　if　she　did　get　something　of　her　passion　expressed；　they　only　laughed。　　〃It's　not　like　that；〃　they　said。　〃It's　as　dull　and　uninteresting　as　this　here。　　Nothing　comes　of　it。〃

With　the　traveling　men　when　she　walked　about　with　them；　and　later　with　Tom　Willard；　it　was　quite　different。　　Always　they　seemed　to　understand　and　sympathize　with　her。　　On　the　side　streets　of　the　vil…　lage；　in　the　darkness　under　the　trees；　they　took　hold　of　her　hand　and　she　thought　that　something　unex…　pressed　in　herself　came　forth　and　became　a　part　of　an　unexpressed　something　in　them。

And　then　there　was　the　second　expression　of　her　restlessness。　　When　that　came　she　felt　for　a　time　re…　leased　and　happy。　　She　did　not　blame　the　men　who　walked　with　her　and　later　she　did　not　blame　Tom　Willard。　　It　was　always　the　same；　beginning　with　kisses　and　ending；　after　strange　wild　emotions；　with　peace　and　then　sobbing　repentance。　　When　she　sobbed　she　put　her　hand　upon　the　face　of　the　man　and　had　always　the　same　thought。　　Even　though　he　were　large　and　bearded　she　thought　he　had　become　suddenly　a　little　boy。　　She　wondered　why　he　did　not　sob　also。

In　her　room；　tucked　away　in　a　corner　of　the　old　Willard　House；　Elizabeth　Willard　lighted　a　lamp　and　put　it　on　a　dressing　table　that　stood　by　the　door。　　A　thought　had　come　into　her　mind　and　she　went　to　a　closet　and　brought　out　a　small　square　box　and　set　it　on　the　table。　　The　box　contained　material　for　make…　up　and　had　been　left　with　other　things　by　a　theatrical　company　that　had　once　been　stranded　in　Wines…　burg。　　Elizabeth　Willard　had　decided　that　she　would　be　beautiful。　　Her　hair　was　still　black　and　there　was　a　great　mass　of　it　braided　and　coiled　about　her　head。　The　scene　that　was　to　take　place　in　the　office　below　began　to　grow　in　her　mind。　　No　ghostly　worn…out　figure　should　confront　Tom　Willard；　but　something　quite　unexpected　and　startling。　　Tall　and　with　dusky　cheeks　and　hair　that　fell　in　a　mass　from　her　shoul…　ders；　a　figure　should　come　striding　down　the　stair…　way　before　the　startled　loungers　in　the　hotel　office。　The　figure　would　be　silentit　would　be　swift　and　terrible。　　As　a　tigress　whose　cub　had　been　threatened　would　she　appear；　coming　out　of　the　shadows；　steal…　ing　noiselessly　along　and　holding　the　long　wicked　scissors　in　her　hand。

With　a　little　broken　sob　in　her　throat；　Elizabeth　Willard　blew　out　the　light　that　stood　upon　the　table　and　stood　weak　and　trembling　in　the　darkness。　　The　strength　that　had　been　as　a　miracle　in　her　body　left　and　she　half　reeled　across　the　floor；　clutching　at　the　back　of　the　chair　in　which　she　had　spent　so　many　long　days　staring　out　over　the　tin　roofs　into　the　main　street　of　Winesburg。　　In　the　hallway　there　was　the　sound　of　footsteps　and　George　Willard　came　in　at　the　door。　　Sitting　in　a　chair　beside　his　mother　he　began　to　talk。　　〃I'm　going　to　get　out　of　here；〃　he　said。　　〃I　don't　know　where　I　shall　go　or　what　I　shall　do　but　I　am　going　away。〃

The　woman　in　the　chair　waited　and　trembled。　　An　impulse　came　to　her。　　〃I　suppose　you　had　better　wake　up；〃　she　said。　　〃You　think　that？　You　will　go　to　the　city　and　make　money；　eh？　It　will　be　better　for　you；　you　think；　to　be　a　business　man；　to　be　brisk　and　smart　and　alive？〃　She　waited　and　trembled。

The　son　shook　his　head。　　〃I　suppose　I　can't　make　you　understand；　but　oh；　I　wish　I　could；〃　he　said　earnestly。　　〃I　can't　even　talk　to　father　about　it。　　I　don't　try。　　There　isn't　any　use。　　I　don't　know　what　I　shall　do。　I　just　want　to　go　away　and　look　at　people　and　think。〃

Silence　fell　upon　the　room　where　the　boy　and　woman　sat　together。　　Again；　as　on　the　other　eve…　nings；　they　were　embarrassed。　　After　a　time　the　boy　tried　again　to　talk。　　〃I　suppose　it　won't　be　for　a　year　or　two　but　I've　been　thinking　about　it；〃　he　said；　rising　and　going　toward　the　door。　　〃Something　father　said　makes　it　sure　that　I　shall　have　to　go　away。〃　He　fumbled　with　the　doorknob。　　In　the　room　the　silence　became　unbearable　to　the　woman。　　She　wanted　to　cry　out　with　joy　because　of　the　words　that　had　come　from　the　lips　of　her　son；　but　the　expression　of　joy　had　become　impossible　to　her。　　〃I　think　you　had　bet…　ter　go　out　among　the　boys。　　You　are　too　much　in…　doors；〃　she　said。　　〃I　thought　I　would　go　for　a　little　walk；〃　replied　the　son　stepping　awkwardly　out　of　the　room　and　closing　the　door。




THE　PHILOSOPHER

DOCTOR　PARCIVAL　was　a　large　man　with　a　drooping　mouth　covered　by　a　yellow　mustache。　　He　always　wore　a　dirty　white　waistcoat　out　of　the　pockets　of　which　protruded　a　number　of　the　kind　of　black　ci…　gars　known　as　stogies。　　His　teeth　were　black　and　irregular　and　there　was　something　strange　about　his　eyes。　　The　lid　of　the　left　eye　twitched；　it　fell　down　and　snapped　up；　it　was　exactly　as　though　the　lid　of　the　eye　were　a　window　shade　and　someone　stood　inside　the　doctor's　head　playing　with　the　cord。

Doctor　Parcival　had